After all the hype and somewhat disappointing results of the first review challenge, I've decided to do another, without any prior consultation.

Rules are simple:

We are all reviewing Bolt Thrower's debut, 'In Battle there is no law'.

You all have until the end of May to write a review for it. There are reviews up already, but they're not done by regular contributors so I don't see the problem, no one's going to miss out.

I know some of you haven't heard it. Well, that's why you've got 5 weeks to hear it and review it. Quit your bitching.

I will be judging the winner. Hint: Unless if you write as well as failsafeman or Nightgaunt, I'm going to struggle with reading a 3000 word review.

Nominate yourself by posting in this thread.

You can win in three categories:

1. Best review.
2. Best gimmick review.
3. Worst review.

I should add that you're not nominating yourself for a particular category. And if you deliberately do a terrible review, well, it probably won't get accepted by the mods in the first place.

Best review wins:
A framed photo of Scarlett Johannson, signed by me.



And a free Bolt Thrower CD and a Manowar CD, sent to you. CDs will be your choice, unless if you want something super rare.

Best gimmick review, i.e Napero's one, wins a Nightgaunt plush toy.



Note: Is it possible to take out both of these reviews if you write one that's good enough.

Worst review will receive a turd in a box:



Get listening/writing! You have until the end of May. Have fun!

I really want that Gaunt plush toy.

However, if Napero enters I'm fucked (as Caspian indicated).

I'm up for this. Need some motivation to improve reviews, need an excuse to finally check out Bolt Thrower and I like free cds.

I'm in. I'm in with BLOOD!

that is one badass plush toy.

Yeh right, caspian doing a "challenge" !!!
Most probably this challenge's results ( if worked out) will end up in some haunted Australian attic where no one would ever see them.

I warned you guys.

haha, yes, well, this is going to be a lot easier to judge then a survey with about 300 entries.

I'll nominate myself for worst review - this'll be easy.

I should add that you're not nominating yourself for a particular category. And if you deliberately do a terrible review, well, it probably won't get accepted.

Ah, I understand. Still, I atleast hope I don't get knocked out of a category by someone else.

I love how people are ignoring the picture of Scarlett and focusing on the toy.

and going for the turd in the box. Are you entering, perplexed?

No dude I'm focusing on the turd - I've always got shit, but never earned shit. Also I can find Scarlet posters anywhere.

I get turds in a box all the time, do I wouldn't want to actively win another.

Scarlett isn't really my type. Don't like blondes.

I might enter, but I'm paranoid I'd LOSE.

Is it your turd? If so, will you accept dietary requests?

it's an imitation turd, but if you want I could eat something scented and do a real one for you.

Alright, but weren't we supposed to deflower some virgins in may?

this is only one review.

If my review doesn't get accepted in one of the categories, will it still be accepted for the album page? If not, then it's a waste of time for me.

what? of course it will. I'm not a mod, all I can do is judge the ones that get added onto the page. I thought that was obvious...

Wait, I'm kinda confused. Do we submit the reviews and then come in here and say "hey I reviewed it"? Or do we just post them in here?

From what I understand, we review the album. When it is submitted, it ends up on the album page. Caspian reads them over and decides which is best for each category and thus we have our winners. Do we have 5 weeks total time to review it, or 5 weeks and then we review it?

Ahhh, simple enough. Thanks for clarifying.

I don't know what's wrong with everyone else on this board, but Scarlett Johannson's unbelievable body is my sole motivation in this challenge. I will work night and day to procure myself her lovely visage. If I lose, it will only be because I have been rendered utterly incoherent by lust.

Satisfy that lust here

Oh God, she was in Black Dahlia? Even that dynamite body can't save that shitpile of a movie.

Oh well, I'll probably do this contest.

Not worth trying to win best review anymore now

Be careful not to look at the picture for motivation - you'll just end up wanking and crying her unattainable body.

C'mon guys, Nightgaunt's not that fit...

Are you all trying to ask as many stupid questions as possible? Seriously. You have until the end of May to do it. Do it on the 1st, do it on the 29th, I don't care. Submit it the normal way. Say you've done it so I can tell you're in the competition (this is in case of the unlikely event that someone who hasn't heard about the comp does a review).

I'll do it if I decide to buy the album, I guess.

How did you choose the album?

You do realize he's not offering the actual Scarlett Johannson as a prize, right?

Well, I figured everyone loves Bolt Thrower, and this album could use a few more reviews. It certainly wasn't a very thorough selection process.

Right, pretty easy to obtain as well.

I figured it wasn't a particularly diligent task though, I was just kind of curious. Nice that you're doing this by the way; it's great to encourage this kind of stuff.

Yes, I do, to my great chagrin.

So if we bash the album I assume there's no chance of winning.

you might stand a chance to win. Although why you'd want to bash Bolt Thrower is beyond me.

There is not only no chance of winning, there is a 100% chance of dying.

I'm up for this one, I volunteered to review this album, along with "Realm Of Chaos" for the Metal Observer site anyway. I already have both of the albums and seeing as I have yet to hear anything bad by this band, I'll likely be going for "best reviewer", especially given that I'm elbows deep in dog shit every morning and don't really hold a box of shit as being pretty high on the valued list.

Good luck everyone, I think this challenge will have some really good competition.

You, me, Empyreal, ThrashingMad - yeah its bound to be the last supper.