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DivineSpirit33
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Apr 10, 2014 8:23 pm
Posts: 83
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 11:15 am 
 

Not the worst ever, but still short and shallow.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/C ... om/6551/KK
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 3960
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 11:34 am 
 

Nuked...

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DivineSpirit33
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Apr 10, 2014 8:23 pm
Posts: 83
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 11:41 am 
 

Honestly I'd recommend nuking all of KK's reviews. They're all pretty terrible.

http://www.metal-archives.com/users/KK
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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 5463
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 12:27 pm 
 

Remember not to go recommending nukes for reviews that're just kinda bad. We have 3 pointers for a reason.
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Lair of the Bastard: LATEST REVIEW: Job for a Cowboy - Sun Eater

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kluseba
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2010 2:36 am
Posts: 123
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2014 11:54 am 
 

Very short rant with wrong description of the music (there are no industrial influences at all on this album) and irritating comparisons (he mentions Tool and Opeth and still calls this album industrial mallcore): http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/T ... /SnowVixen

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androdion
Metal freak

Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:34 am
Posts: 5145
Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2014 5:32 pm 
 

Yeah, that review doesn't really add up... And I've heard that album!
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kluseba
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2010 2:36 am
Posts: 123
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 4:07 pm 
 

Thsi review basically only describes the track list: http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... g_Adam/830

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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 5463
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 6:58 pm 
 

Last one is toast, the Old Dead Tree one seems fine in terms of description, somebody else who's actually familiar with the album will have to check out the claims of factual inaccuracy, since I've never heard the band.
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androdion
Metal freak

Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:34 am
Posts: 5145
Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 7:17 pm 
 

BastardHead wrote:
Last one is toast, the Old Dead Tree one seems fine in terms of description, somebody else who's actually familiar with the album will have to check out the claims of factual inaccuracy, since I've never heard the band.

androdion wrote:
Yeah, that review doesn't really add up... And I've heard that album!

:p
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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 5463
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 7:24 pm 
 

GET BACK TO ME WHEN YOU'VE GOT POWER, BOY! *cracks whip*

I'll check it after the Kings sweep.
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Lair of the Bastard: LATEST REVIEW: Job for a Cowboy - Sun Eater

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androdion
Metal freak

Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:34 am
Posts: 5145
Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 7:49 pm 
 

Sure thing boss! ;)
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Grave_Wyrm
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 2217
Location: At the bottom of the lake
PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 2:50 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... ardian/612

Would this one be an example of a 3 pointer, or is it lame enough to dust bin? Written in 2003, it's at the bottom of a pile of far superior reviews. Just trying to get a sense of where the minimum effort standard is.
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Strange whistling vocals in human monster? Color me intrigued.

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theunrelentingattack
Not yet ready for a custom title

Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 5:18 pm
Posts: 747
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 3:40 pm 
 

^I'd reject that.
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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 5463
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 6:35 pm 
 

Yeah I got rid of that one too.

Keep in mind that like 98% of reviews brought up in this thread are indeed terrible and nukeworthy, just sometimes people get a little overzealous and start recommending kinda weak or not very good reviews instead of awful ones. Hell, when I first started working the queue, I probably spent the first week rejecting way more than I should have because my own personal standards were way higher than the site's and I basically just treated every 3 point review like oven fodder. It's an easy mistake to make, and it wasn't directed towards anybody in particular. Just a general PSA that I feel needs addressing whenever this thread starts getting more active.
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Lair of the Bastard: LATEST REVIEW: Job for a Cowboy - Sun Eater

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Grave_Wyrm
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 2217
Location: At the bottom of the lake
PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 9:51 pm 
 

It's definitely good to throw that reminder out now and again. I was glad you said something, since I was a little foggy on where the line was. Thanks, and good riddance to sub standard efforts! :)
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TheStormIRide wrote:
Strange whistling vocals in human monster? Color me intrigued.

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Goatfangs
Wicker Mantis

Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2008 5:02 pm
Posts: 2217
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2014 1:15 am 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/T ... man/321549

Doesn't seem to describe the album at all, when he does it's half-assed. Seems more like a troll attempt. User has nothing but 0 percent reviews. Pretty bitter of a man I guess.
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iamntbatman
Chaos Breed

Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 5:55 am
Posts: 7934
Location: Innsmouth
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2014 8:56 am 
 

That review is something like 85% musical description. Not gonna get nuked, sorry.
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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 3512
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2014 11:12 am 
 

Goatfangs wrote:
User has nothing but 0 percent reviews. Pretty bitter of a man I guess.

Late to the party much?
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a whole planet, made out of satan


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ksevile
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Apr 28, 2009 11:12 pm
Posts: 1392
PostPosted: Fri Jun 20, 2014 3:27 pm 
 

Is this track-by-track review necessarily appropriate?

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... tor/33497/
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CardOfDoom
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Tue Dec 03, 2013 1:39 am
Posts: 7
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Jun 20, 2014 6:55 pm 
 

This guy describes the music somewhat, but he's quite obviously a troll, and is totally wrong about the "groove metal" in the music.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/T ... man/321549

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Thiestru
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Oct 09, 2008 9:18 am
Posts: 1185
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Jun 21, 2014 12:49 am 
 

This review doesn't make any sense and leaves you with no clue how the album sounds. It's not quite Mad-Libs-level of incoherence, but it's close.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/O ... nzel/69018
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Zodijackyl wrote:
Anything but undying, eternal praise for Awaken the Guardian is completely wrong and a disgrace to you, your band, family, and Facebook friends list.


If you're interested in hearing my music, it can be found here: http://thiestru.bandcamp.com. Wassail.

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severzhavnost
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2008 10:16 pm
Posts: 761
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sun Jun 22, 2014 9:54 am 
 

Thiestru, that review should be kept for laughs:
Quote:
Demon alcohol starts the rumpus
:lol: :lol:
Quote:
the speed modern metal naysauces of Z. Wylde.
:scratch: I can't begin to speculate what a naysauce is!
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theunrelentingattack
Not yet ready for a custom title

Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 5:18 pm
Posts: 747
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Jun 22, 2014 12:44 pm 
 

Hahaha. I've never heard of a naysauce before. Sounds messy though.
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NoKnownName
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Nov 02, 2013 7:39 pm
Posts: 171
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Jun 22, 2014 4:28 pm 
 

Quote:
the last of Osbournes concept albums

[citation needed]
Quote:
schorch some glory moments

Huh? :scratch:
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Napero
GedankenPanzer

Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2005 4:16 pm
Posts: 8558
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Sun Jun 22, 2014 4:30 pm 
 

Gone now. One of my bad moments, it seems.
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Thiestru
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Oct 09, 2008 9:18 am
Posts: 1185
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Jun 22, 2014 10:26 pm 
 

Haha, now that that review's gone, I kind of regret calling it out. It was pretty damn funny.
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Zodijackyl wrote:
Anything but undying, eternal praise for Awaken the Guardian is completely wrong and a disgrace to you, your band, family, and Facebook friends list.


If you're interested in hearing my music, it can be found here: http://thiestru.bandcamp.com. Wassail.

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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 3512
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Jun 22, 2014 10:54 pm 
 

I must solve the mystery of naysauce! I WILL NOT LET THIS GO!
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Oddeye wrote:
bug_man wrote:
a whole planet, made out of satan


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Thiestru
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Oct 09, 2008 9:18 am
Posts: 1185
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Jun 23, 2014 6:00 pm 
 

Maybe he meant to say 'nuances'.
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Zodijackyl wrote:
Anything but undying, eternal praise for Awaken the Guardian is completely wrong and a disgrace to you, your band, family, and Facebook friends list.


If you're interested in hearing my music, it can be found here: http://thiestru.bandcamp.com. Wassail.

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theunrelentingattack
Not yet ready for a custom title

Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 5:18 pm
Posts: 747
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Jun 23, 2014 7:44 pm 
 

You might be right. But it's still a fact he said "naysauce" which, as I can tell, doesn't exist but needs to. It should be part of one of those review challenges. Work in the word "naysauce" and use it like you know what it means.
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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 3512
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 12:30 am 
 

In that case, Thiestru needs to be drowned in naysauce because he is a naysayer!
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Oddeye wrote:
bug_man wrote:
a whole planet, made out of satan


That. Is. METAL!

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Thiestru
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Oct 09, 2008 9:18 am
Posts: 1185
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 1:35 pm 
 

It probably tastes like Sriracha mixed with buffalo sauce and chocolate syrup.
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Zodijackyl wrote:
Anything but undying, eternal praise for Awaken the Guardian is completely wrong and a disgrace to you, your band, family, and Facebook friends list.


If you're interested in hearing my music, it can be found here: http://thiestru.bandcamp.com. Wassail.

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Jophelerx
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:22 pm
Posts: 740
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Jun 25, 2014 1:03 pm 
 

Came across this review while looking at Brocas Helm:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... /Cedric/90
Not really any specific musical description, felt it like it should probably be nuked considering there are two other reviews for the album which do have musical description.
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severzhavnost
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2008 10:16 pm
Posts: 761
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Thu Jun 26, 2014 6:13 pm 
 

^ Yeah... So this Brocas Helm album is fast and short but not grindcore. Hmmm that's valuable info we couldn't have gotten off Wikipedia.
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bassistneededlolnot wrote:
I tried to think of another good pun on the topic, but I'm stumped.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 3960
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu Jun 26, 2014 6:16 pm 
 

Nuked...nasty.

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Ilwhyan
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 6556
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Mon Jun 30, 2014 5:44 am 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... vion/43924

It's not really bad, but it's a shameless track-by-track. It's descriptive, but not at all analytical, and mostly reiterates idiomatic descriptions of Anathema that hold much less truth with that particular album than the ones Anathema really made a name for themselves with.

There are minor factual errors as well. Eg., Closer vocals are not actually "very distorted" (a vocoder was used), and they're not Danny's. Pulled Under At... certainly doesn't make a return to the band's roots unlike the reviewer claims. Descriptions like (paraphrasing) Pink Floyd styled ambience are borderline factually false as well, really, but I digress.
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Xenokrist
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2012 1:03 am
Posts: 56
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Jul 02, 2014 3:39 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... nister/125

Spends over half the review talking about how experimentalism divides fans and the rest is just a half-assed comparison.

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severzhavnost
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2008 10:16 pm
Posts: 761
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Fri Jul 04, 2014 11:17 am 
 

Yeah that review's bullshitty. Way too much time on his who-cares opinions about the metal community, then a ~descriptive~ paragraph that tells you practically nothing useful.
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bassistneededlolnot wrote:
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 3960
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Fri Jul 04, 2014 11:31 am 
 

Returned to sender..

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ksevile
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Apr 28, 2009 11:12 pm
Posts: 1392
PostPosted: Mon Jul 07, 2014 2:37 pm 
 

It's the only review, but come on. Not much musical description aside from "brilliant speed, fantastic piggy squealed plus rasped vocals, unreal pinch harmonics and who can forget that great double breakdown in "The Lament Configuration"" which is pretty much it. It would have been nice if the reviewer could have incorporated the feeling behind the title somewhere into the "content" of the review. Does it deserve to stay?

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... sion/1220/
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 3960
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Mon Jul 07, 2014 4:16 pm 
 

Not the worst, but nah. I rejected it.

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