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HouseSpiders
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2011 7:05 am
Posts: 396
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sat Nov 16, 2013 12:12 pm 
 

Short review and also full of grammar mistakes. I doubt it really belongs on MA.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... rom_Beyond
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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8961
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Sat Nov 16, 2013 12:18 pm 
 

Nuked.
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Obscurum
Emperor of the Shadows

Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2012 2:23 am
Posts: 378
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Nov 16, 2013 5:57 pm 
 

Very little musical description:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/C ... 9/ABHORRED
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Azmodes
Ultranaut

Joined: Fri Nov 02, 2007 10:44 am
Posts: 6094
Location: Gradec, Austria
PostPosted: Sun Nov 17, 2013 9:11 am 
 

Target destroyed.
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Obscurum
Emperor of the Shadows

Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2012 2:23 am
Posts: 378
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Nov 17, 2013 2:04 pm 
 

Here, have a couple more victims.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/W ... /anacrusis
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/K ... urningrise
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VariedTastes
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Sep 22, 2013 2:24 pm
Posts: 140
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 10:49 pm 
 

And another.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... oderndeath

Actually, all of his reviews are like this.
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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 9879
Location: Seattle, United States
PostPosted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 11:49 pm 
 

VariedTastes wrote:
And another.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... oderndeath

Actually, all of his reviews are like this.

This guy's reviews are so bad (the grammar on one of his, now deleted, was horrifying) that I have him bookmarked.
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Subrick
Metal freak

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
Posts: 5855
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 11:56 pm 
 

No matter how many times I read reviews like that, I'm still baffled and bewildered at how low the standards for acceptable reviews were for the first 3 or 4 years that this site was around.
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VariedTastes
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Sep 22, 2013 2:24 pm
Posts: 140
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Nov 19, 2013 12:30 am 
 

OzzyApu wrote:
VariedTastes wrote:
And another.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... oderndeath

Actually, all of his reviews are like this.

This guy's reviews are so bad (the grammar on one of his, now deleted, was horrifying) that I have him bookmarked.


Do bookmarks survive nukes?
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Azmodes
Ultranaut

Joined: Fri Nov 02, 2007 10:44 am
Posts: 6094
Location: Gradec, Austria
PostPosted: Tue Nov 19, 2013 10:34 am 
 

Cleaned up to here.
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VariedTastes
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Sep 22, 2013 2:24 pm
Posts: 140
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Nov 19, 2013 4:06 pm 
 

And more...

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... oderndeath
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... 014/Shovel
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... oderndeath
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/C ... oderndeath
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... oderndeath
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/D ... oderndeath
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... oderndeath
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... oderndeath
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NoKnownName
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Nov 02, 2013 7:39 pm
Posts: 171
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Nov 19, 2013 6:22 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/D ... 6/ihateyou

Short and it doesn't describe the actual music.
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theunrelentingattack
Not yet ready for a custom title

Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 5:18 pm
Posts: 748
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Nov 22, 2013 6:33 am 
 

Last two posts cleaned up
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thefacilitator
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2011 1:59 pm
Posts: 9
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Nov 23, 2013 2:08 pm 
 

BastardHead wrote:
Do your absolute best to avoid track-by-track reviews like that. They're really dull to read and end up seeming more like just stream of consciousness rambling than any real description/analysis/insight. You basically just go through the album listing songs and saying "This one sounds like this, and this one has a cool solo, and the next one isn't as good but has a really cool riff in the bridge, and this and that and that this..." Try to give a more "big picture" perspective on the album at hand.

Also, not rejectable or anything, but as a personal pet peeve, titles that are just Band Name - Album Name are so goddamn boring. Be creative with the title as well!


Haha definitely true...

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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 3514
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Nov 23, 2013 6:15 pm 
 

Why are you quoting something Bastard said from May?
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thefacilitator
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2011 1:59 pm
Posts: 9
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Nov 23, 2013 8:45 pm 
 

Wilytank wrote:
Why are you quoting something Bastard said from May?


Because it's a forum and I can. I related to the post. enough said...

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Emerald_Sword
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Oct 30, 2005 7:37 pm
Posts: 44
Location: Sweden
PostPosted: Wed Nov 27, 2013 3:58 pm 
 

Tortyr666's Beaten to Death and Fen reviews are plagiarized from metalreviews.com

http://www.metal-archives.com/user-reviews/tortyr666

http://www.metalreviews.com/reviews/album/8452
http://www.metalreviews.com/reviews/album/8456

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Azmodes
Ultranaut

Joined: Fri Nov 02, 2007 10:44 am
Posts: 6094
Location: Gradec, Austria
PostPosted: Wed Nov 27, 2013 4:08 pm 
 

Deleted and user banned.
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Xenokrist
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2012 1:03 am
Posts: 56
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Dec 02, 2013 7:08 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/K ... rdPJosephC

I seriously cannot see why this was accepted at all. Almost no musical description (at least not specific).

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Azmodes
Ultranaut

Joined: Fri Nov 02, 2007 10:44 am
Posts: 6094
Location: Gradec, Austria
PostPosted: Mon Dec 02, 2013 7:25 pm 
 

Deleted.
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Obscurum
Emperor of the Shadows

Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2012 2:23 am
Posts: 378
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Dec 03, 2013 10:48 am 
 

A bit lacking on details:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/D ... 1791/Snxke
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Goodly Hah
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Oct 05, 2013 4:46 am
Posts: 68
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Tue Dec 03, 2013 6:06 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/I ... alValhalla

Mentions two previous reviewers, short, not much musical description (what I got from it is that Incantation is a death/doom band and that they have "an instantly recognizable style"... what if I'd never heard of Incantation before?), and some nasty grammar mistakes ("this albumw as for the real fans"?).
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NoKnownName
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Nov 02, 2013 7:39 pm
Posts: 171
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Dec 05, 2013 5:49 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/O ... overkill67

A track-by-track review of a ten song album. The descriptions provide little insight into how the music actually sounds and it's poorly formatted.
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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 5463
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Thu Dec 05, 2013 5:51 pm 
 

NoKnownName wrote:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Overkill/Coverkill/1964/overkill67

A track-by-track review of a ten song album. The descriptions provide little insight into how the music actually sounds and it's poorly formatted.


OH CHRIST MY EYES

Gone.
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Goodly Hah
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Oct 05, 2013 4:46 am
Posts: 68
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Thu Dec 05, 2013 8:46 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... 75/abraxus

OK, first off, Battlelore is nothing like "melodic Swedish death metal". Also, the grammar is butchered to hell, it's far too short, and no justification is given for why he chose to rate it a 66%, or even whether he thinks it's good or bad, just plain and generic musical description (yeah, good that he has it and all, but come on, make a judgement).
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if they are to much "deathcore"....then WHY THE FUCK u had the "DEATHCORE" label?!!

BE A MAN AND EXPLAIN THAT SHIT!

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androdion
Metal freak

Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:34 am
Posts: 5146
Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 12:15 pm 
 

Goodly Hah wrote:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Battlelore/...Where_the_Shadows_Lie/1875/abraxus

OK, first off, Battlelore is nothing like "melodic Swedish death metal". Also, the grammar is butchered to hell, it's far too short, and no justification is given for why he chose to rate it a 66%, or even whether he thinks it's good or bad, just plain and generic musical description (yeah, good that he has it and all, but come on, make a judgement).

He calls it "a melodic death album"?! I highly doubt that it is. :scratch:
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Goodly Hah
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Oct 05, 2013 4:46 am
Posts: 68
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sat Dec 07, 2013 7:24 am 
 

More for the grinder from abraxus. Some of them are just about acceptable for early-years short reviews, despite the butchered grammar and the fact that they're all called "band name review" (capitalization his), but quite a few of them... aren't.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/H ... 26/abraxus - Really really short, hardly any musical description (basically amounts to "it's lo-fi raw black metal"), forgets the judgement again.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/O ... 79/abraxus - Same problems. Really short, bland musical description (little more than the Hidden Horns review though), no actual judgement, focuses mostly on how it has a crappy production and this is good/bad (?). Also, "Odium's chagrined sound"... GAH, Twilight flashbacks.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... 91/abraxus - A little longer, but the musical description is still rudimentary (amounting to "it's old-school BM that sounds like Darkthrone"), and it spends a lot of its time bitching about modern black metal not sounding evil enough. Also, "Under a Funeral Moom". Heh.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/D ... 53/abraxus - Spends about half the review discussing the British death metal scene in general and the history of Desecration. And the thing is, for all the bad similes and metaphors, I still have no clue what this sounds like beyond that it's old school death metal.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/O ... 77/abraxus - A review with only one point, that most of the songs are midtempo. Also, he can't make up his mind on whether this is a good or bad thing. Also, "deathly Ballard's" - worst musical Engrish ever. Yes, worse than "trash metal".

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... 49/abraxus - Spends half the review talking about what black metal is, rather pretentiously I might add, and then barely describing the music. Mostly just a load of bad similes and metaphors that barely gives any actual musical description (although it is a bit better here). No, I don't want to take a trip into the fermented bowels of purgatory, thanks.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Saltus/Słowiańska_Duma/93396/abraxus - Nothing but praise apparently, and yet he gives it a 56%. Again, barely any musical description, other than that it is black metal with some slower sections.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/G ... 29/abraxus - Again, positive review, and he gives it a 50%, with no reasoning given as to why, although the musical description is a little better here. In his words, the whole experience is so well managed it brings blood to my eyes.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/E ... 62/abraxus - Ending a review with a comma?! Yet again, barely any musical description aside from Emperor comparisons, but at least it has a judgement.

Some of his others might be worth deleting, but those are the worst offenders I found.
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theunrelentingattack
Not yet ready for a custom title

Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 5:18 pm
Posts: 748
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Dec 07, 2013 9:45 pm 
 

Rough for sure. They are gone
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Subrick
Metal freak

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
Posts: 5855
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Dec 08, 2013 1:30 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/T ... gsminister

Barely describes the music, and even then he uses generalized, vague terms, and he spends more time shitting on the band members than actually reviewing the album.
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DarthVenom
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Sep 28, 2003 10:56 am
Posts: 611
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sun Dec 08, 2013 1:40 pm 
 

Wow, 2002; there's an MA artifact for you. Unfortunately as archaeology goes, it's a little like digging up a chamber pot that they forgot to empty.

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Subrick
Metal freak

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
Posts: 5855
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Dec 08, 2013 2:12 pm 
 

I was barely 9 years old when that review was published. Doesn't really seem that long ago, to be honest.
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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 5011
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Dec 08, 2013 2:55 pm 
 

That's actually a pretty accurate review of the album, even if it's a narrow picture. :lol: I'll opt to leave this artifact untouched.

We actually have a few reviews republished from LARM, but I guess you're not old enough to remember that. :P

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Ohrwurm
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Apr 15, 2013 1:47 am
Posts: 416
Location: Amsterdam, The Netherlands
PostPosted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 3:32 am 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... en_cyanide

Short and gives little reason to give it a 15%.
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Xenokrist
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2012 1:03 am
Posts: 56
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Dec 12, 2013 9:03 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/C ... 388/Bathym

Too little description. All that's really talked about is vocals and production, no other musical elements really described at all.

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MutantClannfear
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 2363
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Dec 12, 2013 11:24 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... 1/Mirkwood

I've posted this here like three times, but seriously, it needs to go. This is the entire review:

Quote:
It’s past and gone when the Nordic wind used to blow from Norway, and it’s rather all kinds of rotten stenches that you can get from there now. All these innumerable projects of talented virtuoso musicians arouse only firm disgust. Apart from DARKTHRONE and TSJUDER there’s nothing to recall, no matter what band I would try to trace. And here I got a promo-CD of a band unknown to me named MARERITT. Well, it is unknown not only to me though. Browsing through the Internet didn’t give any result, so let’s pass to the music straight away. Damn, I didn’t hear such Black Metal for long time. There’s an impression that this mini-album was recorded somewhat in the beginning of the 90-es – for so raw it sounds. But this impression is false as this project is a very young one. But the way the musicians could reproduce the atmosphere of complete underground is very respectable and it’s a big plus for them. Musically, it is primitive, very raw and slow BM, quite depressive and atmospheric. It’s not on the level of ABYSSIC HATE or NORTT (which is quite natural), but the band definitely has the potential. MARERITT will find its listener, just 17 minutes is a bit not too serious.

It's short, it's got like three sentences of vague musical description and the Engrish is a bit much. There's another review for this now, can we please nuke this one?
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Obscurum
Emperor of the Shadows

Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2012 2:23 am
Posts: 378
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Dec 13, 2013 6:41 am 
 

Obscurum wrote:

Don't forget this one, it's prime for deletion.
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severzhavnost
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2008 10:16 pm
Posts: 764
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat Dec 14, 2013 1:24 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/N ... nalAcrobat

This review is very well-written, and has all the musical description it needs. I just think this passage here is inappropriate: "because as far as I’m aware Ukrainian culture - despite my knowledge of its history starting and ending with that time there wasn’t much cabbage on the table because Uncle Joe holds minor grudges".

What happened to Ukraine in the '30s was not 'a few less cabbages on the table'. It was deliberate starvation of 10 million Ukrainians, one of the worst crimes against humanity. It shouldn't be talked about in such a dismissive joking manner.

Could the review be kept, but that line edited out?

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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 5463
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Sat Dec 14, 2013 1:44 pm 
 

One tasteless joke isn't grounds for a deletion. We're not here to censor anything. If it offends you, feel free to message the author, but good luck trying to appeal to sensitivity within the shriveled black stalactite that was once known as ANationalAcrobat's heart :p
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Acrobat
Eric Olthwaite

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:53 am
Posts: 6702
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sat Dec 14, 2013 3:15 pm 
 

severzhavnost wrote:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Nokturnal_Mortum/Lunar_Poetry/2946/ANationalAcrobat

What happened to Ukraine in the '30s was not 'a few less cabbages on the table'. It was deliberate starvation of 10 million Ukrainians, one of the worst crimes against humanity. It shouldn't be talked about in such a dismissive joking manner.


Really? I'm quite aware of that, I know that Joseph Stalin held more than 'minor grudges', too. Therein could lie my terrible sense of humour. I don't ask Nokky M to censor their Nazi-boy, Jew-hate so I won't tone down my awful, black humour. If they want to actively encourage the suffering of one people, I'll makes jokes about Stalin's atrocities. It's not productive, nor is it mature, I know, but I'm fighting fire with fire.
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NoKnownName
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Nov 02, 2013 7:39 pm
Posts: 171
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Dec 15, 2013 12:09 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... ift/13832/

It only tells the reader the contents of the VHS and doesn't really describe them.
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