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Rykov
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Jun 03, 2013 11:52 pm
Posts: 454
PostPosted: Sat Dec 20, 2014 4:20 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... Kill/6949/

Basically no musical description whatsoever for anybody but Aborted beyond that they're death metal and the reviewer despises them (and to call the bits about Aborted's songs musical description would be generous, too).
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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 10857
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Sat Dec 20, 2014 8:10 pm 
 

foop
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Gypaetus
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Jan 16, 2013 1:03 pm
Posts: 508
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Thu Dec 25, 2014 10:55 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/F ... oom/338391

Half of this review is about the reviewer's first foray into grindcore, and the main things he seems to criticise are what would be inherent to literally any grindcore release. This in particular was a gem:

"The very first thing I noticed was how many songs were packed into the space of twenty-six and a half minutes... Another flaw that seems to have occurred either because of the short timing of the songs or as the cause of the short lengths is that everything seems to be about speed."
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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 10857
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Fri Dec 26, 2014 3:08 am 
 

We've talked about this in the Discussion thread and basically the general consensus was the reviewer is a clueless dork who never improves because he doesn't read the forums to get feedback and while it's retarded to review things you know jack all about and criticize archetypical tropes of the genre, he isn't breaking any rules since it's descriptive and not necessarily inaccurate. Basically PoD isn't really one of our shining gems and it's naive and misguided reviews like that that reinforce the stereotype.
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The Outer RIM - Uatism: The dogs bark in street slang
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Gypaetus
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Jan 16, 2013 1:03 pm
Posts: 508
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Fri Dec 26, 2014 7:14 am 
 

Gotcha, that's fair enough.
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AcidWorm
Veteran

Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 11:37 pm
Posts: 3277
PostPosted: Thu Jan 01, 2015 11:29 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Legendary song turned into metalcore crap - 20%
PorcupineOfDoom, September 27th, 2014
What even? How could they do this? Killswitch Engage have just decided to take one of metal's all-time classic songs and turn it into metalcore, then act as if they're the shit. Well, if you're reading this, you're not. You're far from it.

The opening is pretty shit and immediately you know that things are going to be bad. You know that way when something just gives the impression of stereotypical metalcore crap? Yeah, this reeks of it. There is a brief bit afterwards when the vocals are clean and the song sounds a little better than it otherwise would, but then the typical kind of screamo vocals kick in and it just goes to shit. You can't have those vocals in this song. I'm sorry, no. You just can't.

In all fairness, the song merits more than a big fat 0%, but it's just... They've taken an absolute classic and made it into shitty mallcore song with boring chugs that aren't as heavy as the band obviously thinks they are, topped off with repetitive hooks that might fit in on other tracks, but don't here. If I wanted to listen to that done right, I would go find some death metal band that fits the bill. Then the vocals just sound damn out of place. I don't like clean and unclean vocals being mixed unless they're done exceptionally well, which they most certainly aren't here. I mean, no one can top Dio for clean vocals, but there was no need to go and add some poor attempts at death growls (which are commonly found in metalcore because the bands think that makes them metal) to the mix. The drums are also extremely inconsistent and seem to change every half a minute.

The main thing I don't get is why you'd change a classic track like 'Holy Diver'. It's considered a classic for a reason after all. Maybe they wanted to put their own spin on it, but it doesn't work too well. It just sounds like a generic metalcore song, which is not something you want to say about that track. That's how I'll remember Killswitch Engage from now on: the band that turned Ronnie James Dio's 'Holy Diver' into a piece of metalcore crap.

Look, I'm not an absolutely massive fan of Dio. Killswitch Engage obviously aren't either. The difference? I respect Dio and decide not to make horrible covers of his songs. There are points when it sounds okay, but I just can't like this. If I wanted to listen to metalcore, I'd kindly take my ass somewhere else. The fact is that I don't, so how did I end up listening to it? Oh, that's right, because this band covered a legendary song and somehow turned into a generic metalcore song. Well done Killswitch, that's a real talent you have there.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/K ... oom/338391

I would think that review from PoD warrants a removal though. All he says in many words is that Killswitch Engage took a classic song and made it metalcore and has generic death growls. Never heard hardcore shouting called generic death growls before...
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MonumentalBlackArt
Magic Mike Jr.

Joined: Tue Feb 18, 2014 12:04 am
Posts: 1906
PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 1:41 pm 
 

I came across this review today. Kinda shitty. http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/I ... Strid/3237

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 3:24 pm 
 

poof

EDIT: The PoD review is poor, but he squeezes by with enough accidental description for a single.
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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2015 12:43 pm 
 

haha.. accidental description. Oops! Content.
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omnishadow
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat May 18, 2013 12:19 am
Posts: 240
Location: Brazil
PostPosted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 2:46 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/F ... cin/217143

Very poor review from one of my favorite reviewers. It basically says that the band have now another record label and that they play US death metal.

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Cry_In_The_Night
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue May 07, 2013 12:38 pm
Posts: 142
Location: Sweden
PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 11:36 am 
 

Ok. So I know this review is from 2003. I also know the album has no other reviews. That doesn't change the fact that it sucks, and that it in fact sucks more than most 2003 reviews (what's a "fool length novel" anyway?). I could see this going in the crappy diem thread if it was submitted nowadays.

I've been meaning to review Hellion's The Black Book myself. It's an excellent album. Maybe I should do that so nothing is lost by throwing this in the garbage bin.

The only review, by user dallas:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/H ... Book/4009/

Spoiler: show
Quote:
Both Hellion and their album "The Black Book" are among the most under-rated in the music business. I have never understood why this band was not much bigger. They are definately on the level of Iron Maiden or Priest---with a girl singer that I understand was coached by Ronnie James Dio! (That's waht a friend of mine said, and he is an "expert" on Ronnie James Dio.)

This album is a concept album and I'd compare it in some ways to Operation Mindcrime---if Priest had written it. A fool length novel was also written by the singer and it has the same name.

I really can not think of a flaw on this CD---other than Restless Records' shitful artwork---and the total lack of promotion of this band. (I recently picked up a version of this CD on Music For Nations---and the artwork is really excellent on that. Also, the LP is a gatefold ---like a book and that opens and folds out and it is nice as well.)

The guitar work is metal at it's best. The vocals prove to me that Ann Boleyn is ONE OF METAL'S MOST UNIQUE SINGERS---(this includes the males too).

I really can not say enough about this band. However it does make me angry occasionally to hear people tell me---oh Hellion sounds like they were copying bands who came LATER!

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
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Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 12:15 pm 
 

poof

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heavymetalbanger1989
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Apr 22, 2012 11:37 am
Posts: 79
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 3:13 am 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Immolation/Providence/318548/redless/255544

This review for Immolation's Providence by redless is mostly drivel. There's 10 other reviews that are actually helpful.

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hakarl
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 8817
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 3:30 am 
 

Yeah, it's a headscratcher. He's not Immolation's biggest fan, but even their worst is amazing? Dawn of Possession is "early American death metal"? Does he even

Ironically, the few descriptive sentences he managed are misleading or false. Providence is rhythmically very rigid and march-like, martial even - not what I consider groovy in the slightest.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 3:33 am 
 

The fact that there are ten superior reviews holds no bearing on whether we accept/reject anymore. This review is by no means good, but I can't nuke this... there is no valid reason to.
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Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

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Cry_In_The_Night
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue May 07, 2013 12:38 pm
Posts: 142
Location: Sweden
PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 12:48 pm 
 

Ok. So I just checked the review for the other Hellion full length and it's written by the same guy during the same period. This review is marginally better than the other one. It's like a semi-well-written review on iTunes or Youtube is like. There's still some strangeness with it though. Formatting is strange and bad (lots of "------" kind of stuff and use of [] instead of parantheses comes to mind). I'll leave it here and let you mod people decide if it has any staying power based on it being the only review of the album.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/H ... ight/4625/

Spoiler: show
Quote:
I still remember watching the video for "Bad Attitude" on MTV's Headbanger's ball. Back in the day, Hellion had the repuation as being the only metal band with a decent female singer. While fans of Bitch or Wendy O' Williams might take issue, there really has been no female who has been more important to the metal scene than Ann Boleyn. However, she does have a unique voice in the same was as singeres like Halford, King Diamond or Bon Scott. Once you hear her voice, you will never forget it and you will love it or hate it.

I gave this record a 90% because of two things: (1.) the drum solo, which I felt was kind of silly on a studio album, and (2.) "Easy Action" which should have been on a Van Halen album, but not a Hellion album---(it is just too happy).

Other than for those two factors, however, this CD is really an excellent example of metal at it's best. I compare this CD to the 80s stuff by Ozzy and Dio. The guitarist, Chet Thompson, came in to replace Ray Schenck and Alan Barlam, who had played on two earlier albums. I remember people thinking that Ann Boleyn had gone crazy when she decided to replace two guitarists with one----until they heard Chet Thompson! [There have been rumors that Chet was taught by Randy Rhoads and that he was the first pick to fill Randy's shoes, but that Chet did not get along with Sharron. I don't know if that was true, but I believe it if it was!]

My favorite song has got to be one that never received any airplay: "The Tower of Air." This song has a feel that reminds me of Rainbow's "Gates Of Babylon." "The Hand" also could be compared to Dio-era Black Sabbath.

This CD is almost impossible to find--but well worth it if you do.

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AcidWorm
Veteran

Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 11:37 pm
Posts: 3277
PostPosted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 9:42 pm 
 

W.A.S.P. - The Headless Children
Quote:
Marks a big change for Wasp - 90%
Sinner, January 7th, 2003
PrevNextFirstLast
"Headless Children" is probably the first album which marked a more or less "new" direction for Wasp - while managing to keep the power and energy of previous releases, but this time around coupling it with more thoughtfull lyrics (although there are a couple of exceptions to the rule still to be found on here as well).

Basically everything about the album fits right into place - the songwriting - the production - the lyrics - everything shows a band which has matured with time - without losing any of it's essence (or fun for that matter) and establishes Lawless as an excellent songwriter / musician.

The highlights for me are without a doubt the titletrack, the energetic rocker "Mean Man" (love this one !! Great Chorus), the "Who" Cover "The Real Me" and the ballad "Forever Free" (one of the best Wasp will ever do).

Another jewel in Wasps crown as far as i'm concerned - and a preparation of what was to come with "The Crimson Idol" (which is the ultimate wasp album as far as i'm concerned) - must-have...


http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/W ... Sinner/479

For an album with 9 reviews this is pretty short on musical description. Could be a black metal album for all I know. I haven't checked his other reviews to see how they stack up though.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 9:49 pm 
 

Poof.
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nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

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Acrobat
Eric Olthwaite

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:53 am
Posts: 8854
Location: Yorkshire
PostPosted: Sun Feb 15, 2015 1:46 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... inus/16759 - One paragraph wonder.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... hunder/748 - BAND NAMES in CAPS!!! Is there anything more annoying in a review?

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... grise/2520 - and another!
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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 10857
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Sun Feb 15, 2015 3:35 pm 
 

Indiscriminately obliterated. Also the ALBUM NAMES were in CAPS! Lay off the Irn Bru!
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thrashmaniac87
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 747
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2015 5:07 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/R ... r90/125312

"The vocals are great, the solos just rock and every track on the album is awesome."

"The sound form the two first albums evolutioned to a more intense metal, and I don't think anyone could discuss the relevance of this album."

He gave the album a perfect score and yet this is as deep as he gets.
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mjollnir
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jul 17, 2004 4:14 pm
Posts: 2056
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2015 8:57 pm 
 

thrashmaniac87 wrote:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Raven/All_for_One/3042/Metal_Thrasher90/125312

"The vocals are great, the solos just rock and every track on the album is awesome."

"The sound form the two first albums evolutioned to a more intense metal, and I don't think anyone could discuss the relevance of this album."

He gave the album a perfect score and yet this is as deep as he gets.


Dude, you are preaching to the choir about that guy. Just get a load of his latest Artillery review.
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thrashmaniac87
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 747
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2015 9:33 pm 
 

Oh I know how despised his reviews are but I believe this one is especially worthy of nuking. His recent Whiplash review gave me a serious headache.
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tomcat_ha
Minister of Boiling Water

Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 8:05 am
Posts: 5570
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2015 6:51 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/C ... Fate/8762/

This isnt exactly the best of reviews...

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~Guest 82538
Metal freak

Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:34 am
Posts: 6400
PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2015 9:39 pm 
 

tomcat_ha wrote:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Caducity/Whirler_of_Fate/8762/

This isnt exactly the best of reviews...

Nor the worse. :P

Vague description is vague, and it feels more like a RYM short "review" so it could go either way really. I'm surprised that album doesn't have more reviews though.

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thrashmaniac87
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 747
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 1:09 pm 
 

This one is pretty terrible.
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/C ... esus/32674

He gives the album a near perfect score and then goes on to say that he skips a few of the songs while listening.

Quote:
But if you're gonna appreciate Crossover, realize it's a mix of punk/metal.


I think everyone knows what crossover is. What's your point?

Quote:
Buy/download this if you're NOT a whining bitch when it comes to production.


Classy.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 1:12 pm 
 

poof to yours, thrashmaniac87.

I'll let BH handle tomcat's though. I mean... the reviewer doesn't really waste any time, the entire erm...paragraph is more or less description. We can't just reject every pre-2008 review just because it is too short by today's standards, IMO.
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Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

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thrashmaniac87
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 747
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 1:31 pm 
 

These may be nuke worthy as well.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/D ... esus/32674

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/C ... esus/32674
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 1:36 pm 
 

poof

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lord_ghengis
Still Standing After 38 Beers... hic

Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2006 8:31 pm
Posts: 5953
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2015 6:32 am 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/C ... itet/52241

Literally reviews one disk out of three.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2015 8:05 am 
 

poof
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nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 10857
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2015 1:46 pm 
 

Diamhea wrote:
I'll let BH handle tomcat's though.


Length is something we should put zero stock into as long as the description is good (like we should never reject a review for purely being too short. It's like how you shouldn't be arrested for only "resisting arrest", it has to complement some other problem). I'm well aware that the guidelines say not to write in a single paragraph, but at the same time exceptions do happen and I know exactly what this album sounds like now and I'd never heard of the band before right now. In fact, that's one of the most effective reviews I've read in eons, because I'm really interested to check it out now.

So basically I vote to keep it. It's short but oh well, it's descriptive enough to not just be vague superlatives that tell me the genre and nothing else.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2015 3:31 pm 
 

Okay great, that's just what I was thinking.
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nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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Acrobat
Eric Olthwaite

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:53 am
Posts: 8854
Location: Yorkshire
PostPosted: Sun Mar 01, 2015 3:44 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... Strike/246 - Not needed with the 16 other reviews. No proper paragraphs and there's some clunky grammar ("there roots") and spelling.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... rawler/326 - Also this 'un for formatting issues and track-by-track structure.
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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 10857
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Sun Mar 01, 2015 5:32 pm 
 

Nightcrawler has to hate Dia and I by now.
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The Outer RIM - Uatism: The dogs bark in street slang
niix wrote:
the reason your grandmother has all those plastic sheets on her furniture is because she is probably a squirter

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Acrobat
Eric Olthwaite

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:53 am
Posts: 8854
Location: Yorkshire
PostPosted: Tue Mar 03, 2015 7:01 am 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/T ... n666/68424 - a well-known crappy reviewer, but the English on this one is just a little too broken (especially his use of articles "the Norwegian black metal" "they have a great melodic riffs"). It also lost points because he doesn't understand Norwegian.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/T ... rsk/130849 - This one is also terrible; poor spelling and just overall amazon-level quality.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Tue Mar 03, 2015 10:06 am 
 

poof

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Sick6Six
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2012 12:01 pm
Posts: 1988
Location: Woodstock, IL
PostPosted: Fri Mar 06, 2015 5:31 pm 
 

Not long time ago me was caveman, had to wrote review. It very bad.
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Grabak/Encyclopaedia_Infernalis/15790/Julian_Zhbanchik/50680
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MonumentalBlackArt
Magic Mike Jr.

Joined: Tue Feb 18, 2014 12:04 am
Posts: 1906
PostPosted: Fri Mar 06, 2015 5:51 pm 
 

"I only may to mark not so bad basic vocal – typical “toad”."
:lol: Love it.

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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 10857
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Fri Mar 06, 2015 6:29 pm 
 

So I killed that review but I saved it for posterity's sake. Just so I can share with the class.

Quote:
Not long time ago I had to listen Grabak’s CD “Serpent Within Paradise” (2003), this album gave me pleasant impressions in general, and I, naturaly, wanted to listen early works of this band. “Encyclopaedia Infernalis”, unfortunately, don’t excuse my expectations. This is a very BORING not very fast black metal such as Marduk, Dark Funeral etc. This album starts to exert the listener beginning from third song, closer to the end of this shitty album I want to turn off my CD-player. There is no interesting guitar riffs (practically) on this album, the melodies oppress unhappy listener, but material played quite professional. There are no hits. Only “Im Angesicht Des Drachen (outro)” can be single out from other tracks. I only may to mark not so bad basic vocal – typical “toad”. I listened this album two times (for the fullness of feelings), but result was unchanging – CD is bad, but not horrible (there is much worthy works in black metal), simply bad.
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Lair of the Bastard: LATEST REVIEW: In Flames - Foregone
The Outer RIM - Uatism: The dogs bark in street slang
niix wrote:
the reason your grandmother has all those plastic sheets on her furniture is because she is probably a squirter

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