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robotniq
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2007 6:08 am
Posts: 374
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sun Dec 10, 2023 5:59 am 
 

Maybe these ones (all only one paragraph):

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... deX/232519
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... deX/232519
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... deX/232519
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... deX/232519

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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 7648
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Sun Dec 10, 2023 12:51 pm 
 

Another hardly-descriptive review.

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... pian/23414
_________________
Metal_On_The_Ascendant about Virgin Steele's The Passion of Dionysus:
Metal_On_The_Ascendant wrote:

I'd advise you to hold off on what is likely to be a negative review and give this album the perspective it deserves.

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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 7648
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Tue Dec 19, 2023 4:19 pm 
 

And another one.

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ique/21147
_________________
Metal_On_The_Ascendant about Virgin Steele's The Passion of Dionysus:
Metal_On_The_Ascendant wrote:

I'd advise you to hold off on what is likely to be a negative review and give this album the perspective it deserves.

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Auselesspileofflesh
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 11:41 pm
Posts: 704
Location: Redland Bay, Queensland, Australia
PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2023 1:34 am 
 

This review really doesn't go much into the music or riffing itself. Pretty ambiguous


https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ath/146600

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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 7648
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Sat Dec 23, 2023 12:05 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... cat/223660
_________________
Metal_On_The_Ascendant about Virgin Steele's The Passion of Dionysus:
Metal_On_The_Ascendant wrote:

I'd advise you to hold off on what is likely to be a negative review and give this album the perspective it deserves.

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King_of_Arnor
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Oct 10, 2020 12:35 pm
Posts: 799
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sat Dec 30, 2023 7:40 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ght/333724

If this wasn't written by an AI, it doesn't really go beyond the level of detail an AI is capable of, for an album with almost 40 reviews.
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Of_This_Night36
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Jul 22, 2009 6:16 pm
Posts: 328
PostPosted: Sun Dec 31, 2023 12:42 am 
 

Of_This_Night36 wrote:
I reported this to 2 separate mods in 2021 and 2022, and ALL the reviews are still there.
Image:
Spoiler: show
Image

The user I'm talking about - here
The report where the relation to the label/bands is confirmed - here
"Brother" thing - here
I hate to even bring it up as I kind of know the guy and it was a long time ago, but continuing to have these misleading, self-promoting reviews on the site is ridiculous.
If you need a list of all the bands they're in, just see here in their lineup.

Edit: I may also suggest looking at these two reviews ([here] and [here]). Knowing the intent here was to promote his own label, I find it not-very-coincidental the only two negative reviews he ever wrote were for bands not on his label. ........... And if I may say, I find O Majestic Winter (which he called "defiling the name of black metal") and Ichabod (a release on his label which he called a "masterpiece") to both sound pretty similar to each other......

..............?
Posted this back in August and, again, reports go back to 2021.
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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 1646
Location: China
PostPosted: Sun Dec 31, 2023 2:27 am 
 

Of_This_Night36 wrote:
Of_This_Night36 wrote:
I reported this to 2 separate mods in 2021 and 2022, and ALL the reviews are still there.
Image:
Spoiler: show
Image

The user I'm talking about - here
The report where the relation to the label/bands is confirmed - here
"Brother" thing - here
I hate to even bring it up as I kind of know the guy and it was a long time ago, but continuing to have these misleading, self-promoting reviews on the site is ridiculous.
If you need a list of all the bands they're in, just see here in their lineup.

Edit: I may also suggest looking at these two reviews ([here] and [here]). Knowing the intent here was to promote his own label, I find it not-very-coincidental the only two negative reviews he ever wrote were for bands not on his label. ........... And if I may say, I find O Majestic Winter (which he called "defiling the name of black metal") and Ichabod (a release on his label which he called a "masterpiece") to both sound pretty similar to each other......

..............?
Posted this back in August and, again, reports go back to 2021.

This is a really complicated issue and I remember looking into it when you posted back in August. The reviews themselves definitely meet the site standard, obviously the tricky thing to work out is which ones are written in good faith and which are not. I'd encourage other review mods to take a look at the situation too, because it certainly has self-promotive elements to the reviewing, just as it stands the body of reviews as a whole sit across a grey area where some may cross the line and others may not.
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VictimOfScience
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Mar 07, 2021 9:22 pm
Posts: 40
Location: Hungary
PostPosted: Sun Jan 14, 2024 1:54 pm 
 

I'm not sure about the below review. All I learned is that this album's got loud, deep bass, groove, and thrashes "my fucking ass off".

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... id66/61990
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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 7648
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Sun Jan 21, 2024 7:42 am 
 

Why the hell did this negative review for Necrophobic's The Nocturnal Silence get accepted?
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... rd/1061580

Reviewer compares Necrophobic to plenty of other bands...but doesn't describe the why their influences work better than the band in question does. Even when the reviewer attempts to describe the band's musicianship, you end up with these superficial descriptions that basically mean nothing.

Quote:
It should have been a simple love story. An atmospheric black/death metal album from the early nineties of Sweden on one side and my easy to impress boyish nature on the other. The scene praises this record with one big voice in unison, the band itself never sold out and the essence of the style itself is hard to mess up. Let's give this a high score and move on, shall we?

No, we absolutely shall the fuck not. Holy christ on a dildo swing, I tried so hard. But after many spins and countless evaluations, this album still pisses me off in a huge way. When compared to other records of the time, it falls short and flat on its face. Can you imagine that Pure Holocaust was released around the same time and unleashed a viscious blizzard of brutality upon the world while this stupid little thing by Necrophobic was bouncing around like a toddler without teeth or brains? I know that it is not always fair to compare one band to another, but in this case I just have to do it. Every threshold of urgent cinematic violence that Necrophobic wanted to cross with this record has already been conquered by Bathory, Morbid Angel and even Slayer long before.

Late to the game and not even aware of it. "The Nocturnal Silence" was hopelessly behind everything and it bores me to death with its thin and slow ways of imitated rebellion. This sounds to me like a second rate cover band without a real vision, only praised because it is old and around long enough for some sort of unearned cult laurels. The riffs are not very brutal or engaging and represent the mediocre standard of the time, the drums with their weak plastic sound and mid range speed do not offer real barbaric beatings and the screams are many steps below the real performances of better wolves and harpies in the neighborhood.

I am sorry, but for a record that rode out to talk about death, darkness and morbid satanic evaluations, this shit just sounds incredibly LAME to me. I could not find a real single moment of compository greatness or biting fury on this album. It just passes me by like a train in the distance. You don't have to be technical as a death/black metal band but it's always obvious when you keep things simple out of necessity, not because you want to but because you can't do it any other way. Darkthrone offered sharp minimalism because it was their will and their pleasure and their passion, Necrophobic on the other hand kept things simple because they lacked options. And I can smell it on them. I can fucking smell it.

In the end, it has to be my fault. Maybe I overlooked something profound and weighty that others found long ago, but I have never discovered the magic and the passion that this record is famed for. I don't like it, I am not moved by it and I don't want to own it. I even hate that lazy cover artwork. Simple minded pricks. Pass.
_________________
Metal_On_The_Ascendant about Virgin Steele's The Passion of Dionysus:
Metal_On_The_Ascendant wrote:

I'd advise you to hold off on what is likely to be a negative review and give this album the perspective it deserves.

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Lane
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Nov 09, 2002 11:54 am
Posts: 1124
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Tue Jan 23, 2024 10:16 am 
 

One from almost 2 decades ago... Not descriptive at all, except that there's keyboards! 3 chapters of which 2 babble about how boring the album is.
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... Age/27804/
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Antioch
Metalhead

Joined: Sun May 01, 2011 4:08 am
Posts: 1759
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Tue Jan 30, 2024 1:30 pm 
 

Short, has grammar/spelling mistakes, and dwells on a similarity with another band.
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... onVonK/280
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Slater922
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2020 6:24 pm
Posts: 2362
PostPosted: Wed Jan 31, 2024 3:04 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ilent/7882

Old school review from 2004. Very short at just two paragraphs, and the first one feels more like a YouTube comment rather than an actual review. Even the second paragraph just barely describes the music.
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TheBurningOfSodom
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 609
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Wed Jan 31, 2024 5:45 pm 
 

Slater922 wrote:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Brodequin/Festival_of_Death/994/Pestilent/7882

Brodequin is indeed on my 'bands to purge' list, the ones that their bulk of reviews being made up of very old write-ups. Will take a gander through their reviews once I come back from holidays. :roll:
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Funeralinversion wrote:
Big, juicy, veiny, throbbing hard riffs. Big heavy knuckle dragging, cock swaddling compositions for those in fear of soap/bathing. Listen at your own risk. No signs of intelligent life.

lonerider wrote:
Think I'm gonna go take a whiz through my fretboard now

It's the dawn of descending...

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marc1978
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Aug 22, 2021 4:41 am
Posts: 58
Location: Belgium
PostPosted: Fri Feb 02, 2024 5:05 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Dead_Head/The_Feast_Begins_at_Dawn/17294/MakeMySandwich/270140

What a turd of a review.
He actually mentions Pantera when most of the songs on Feast were written before post-Power Metal Pantera even became a thing.
The whole review reads as if the writer was drunk or in a very emotional state and not in a sound state of mind.

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Lane
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Nov 09, 2002 11:54 am
Posts: 1124
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Fri Feb 02, 2024 10:25 am 
 

^ Probably written under the influence of 30 bucks of beer...
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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 7648
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Sun Feb 04, 2024 2:34 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... rio/266200

Reviewer claims that plenty of things of the re-recording are better, but doesn't describe why. Overall, the review reads way too superficial for my taste.
_________________
Metal_On_The_Ascendant about Virgin Steele's The Passion of Dionysus:
Metal_On_The_Ascendant wrote:

I'd advise you to hold off on what is likely to be a negative review and give this album the perspective it deserves.

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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 7648
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Thu Feb 08, 2024 6:39 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... nary/43515

Extremely brief.
_________________
Metal_On_The_Ascendant about Virgin Steele's The Passion of Dionysus:
Metal_On_The_Ascendant wrote:

I'd advise you to hold off on what is likely to be a negative review and give this album the perspective it deserves.

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Opus
Metal freak

Joined: Sun Sep 22, 2002 11:06 am
Posts: 4295
Location: Sweden
PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2024 10:06 pm 
 

Reading this damn near gave me an aneurysm. Or if the writer had an aneurysm when he wrote it, not sure.

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... nchor41648
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TheBurningOfSodom
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 609
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Fri Feb 23, 2024 2:12 pm 
 

Ah, the good ol' 'shoehorn famous song/album titles into the writing' shenanigans everyone and their dog found so cool twenty-something years ago :lol:

(Wait, what do you mean all his reviews are like this...?)
_________________
Funeralinversion wrote:
Big, juicy, veiny, throbbing hard riffs. Big heavy knuckle dragging, cock swaddling compositions for those in fear of soap/bathing. Listen at your own risk. No signs of intelligent life.

lonerider wrote:
Think I'm gonna go take a whiz through my fretboard now

It's the dawn of descending...

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Auselesspileofflesh
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 11:41 pm
Posts: 704
Location: Redland Bay, Queensland, Australia
PostPosted: Wed Feb 28, 2024 1:55 am 
 

Yeah this is a pretty ambiguous review.

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ick/14019/
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Auselesspileofflesh
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 11:41 pm
Posts: 704
Location: Redland Bay, Queensland, Australia
PostPosted: Thu Mar 21, 2024 9:37 pm 
 

Another weak review. a very weak desciption on the music which incorrectly likens a technical deathcore band with Suicide Silence & Carnifex; the most well known and meat'n'potatoes deathcore (carnifex at the time of the review)


https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... nce/233335
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Karma expired in the season of the leech - Iconic Vivisect "Flesh Puppet"

Everyone starts out being an atheist. No one is born with belief in anything. Infants are atheists until they are indoctrinated.

https://linktr.ee/awfulnoisegrind

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morbert
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2007 2:36 am
Posts: 1281
PostPosted: Mon Mar 25, 2024 1:41 am 
 

What a turd
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Blood/Impulse_to_Destroy/9724/AxlFuckingRose/1355496
Quote:
Following the template that American grindcore pioneers Napalm Death put forward

Excuse me? American?

Apart from being a review bashing a subgenre classic for coolness points and not understanding the basics of the subgenre at all, she/he got their info wrong in the very first sentence already
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Magna res est vocis et silentii temperamentum.

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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 7648
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Wed Mar 27, 2024 6:40 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ero_/12700

Brief!
_________________
Metal_On_The_Ascendant about Virgin Steele's The Passion of Dionysus:
Metal_On_The_Ascendant wrote:

I'd advise you to hold off on what is likely to be a negative review and give this album the perspective it deserves.

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Lane
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Nov 09, 2002 11:54 am
Posts: 1124
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2024 3:20 pm 
 

One paragraph shortie, that doesn't tell much about the music itself. There's quite a lot of other kind of drumming than merely blast beats on the album, like the writer thought and repeated it several times.

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... Gate/7518/
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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 7648
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Mon Apr 22, 2024 11:17 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... adek/92991

Brief!
_________________
Metal_On_The_Ascendant about Virgin Steele's The Passion of Dionysus:
Metal_On_The_Ascendant wrote:

I'd advise you to hold off on what is likely to be a negative review and give this album the perspective it deserves.

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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 7648
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Thu Apr 25, 2024 9:54 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... kyl/113957

Another brief one.
_________________
Metal_On_The_Ascendant about Virgin Steele's The Passion of Dionysus:
Metal_On_The_Ascendant wrote:

I'd advise you to hold off on what is likely to be a negative review and give this album the perspective it deserves.

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Sweetie
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Dec 16, 2014 1:19 am
Posts: 1093
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Apr 25, 2024 11:13 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... rm/1887246

How the hell did this get through? Had to be AI.
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DoomMetalAlchemist
Veteran

Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2010 6:10 am
Posts: 2872
PostPosted: Thu Apr 25, 2024 11:34 am 
 

Sweetie wrote:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Ghost_Bath/Self_Loather/970834/EvigSnostorm/1887246

How the hell did this get through? Had to be AI.


The title of that review should be "In This Album".

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TheBurningOfSodom
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 609
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Fri Apr 26, 2024 4:07 am 
 

Sweetie wrote:
How the hell did this get through? Had to be AI.

Believe it or not, it isn't. I guess the instrument-by-instrument description is still typically human...

DoomMetalAlchemist wrote:
The title of that review should be "In This Album".

Good God, that appears... quite a lot of times.
_________________
Funeralinversion wrote:
Big, juicy, veiny, throbbing hard riffs. Big heavy knuckle dragging, cock swaddling compositions for those in fear of soap/bathing. Listen at your own risk. No signs of intelligent life.

lonerider wrote:
Think I'm gonna go take a whiz through my fretboard now

It's the dawn of descending...

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