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ThrashingMad
Skanky

Joined: Sun Sep 30, 2007 3:47 pm
Posts: 2353
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 6:38 pm 
 

Muloc7253 wrote:
ThrashingMad wrote:
DrOctavia wrote:
ThrashingMad wrote:
The_Boss wrote:
Jesus Christ, chaxter submitted like 40 reviews, half of them are 50% lol.

He does a fairly good job, but I find myself disagreeing with him a lot.


Didn't UltraBoris write something like 37 or some other insane number of reviews one day?

When you look at the size and quality of some of his reviews, it becomes quite a bit less insane.


Well yeah but 37 or whatever it was is still a pretty big number. It would probably take me 10-15 minutes to even write a short review. So 15x37/60= 9.25 hours. That's a lot of time.


Digitwise, that's probably the equivalent of about 5 or 6 average reviews.

That's nothing compared to The_Ghost_of_Room237 of course. For instance, http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=14967#483


I think UB still holds the record http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=3426. Now that is short.

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The_Boss
Set Abominae

Joined: Sun Feb 11, 2007 10:45 am
Posts: 3186
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 6:59 pm 
 

Now I've noticed all chaxter's reviews are gone, was he Dursted for some reason? :lol:
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OlympicSharpshooter
The Universal Magnetic

Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2003 3:24 pm
Posts: 1991
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 8:14 pm 
 

The_Boss wrote:
OlympicSharpshooter wrote:
The_Boss wrote:
Jesus Christ, chaxter submitted like 40 reviews, half of them are 50% lol.

He does a fairly good job, but I find myself disagreeing with him a lot.


They're from his pre-existing website, he's not that prolific.


Aye, I had just read maybe 4 of his reviews from the newer load of reviews, and noticed they were decent. I also just noticed that a shit ton of his reviews just got purged :lol:


At a guess, a mod accepted a bunch without reading the mod board and noting that we were leaving them in the queue until we could determine which reviews he'd written personally - some he submitted were written by other contributors to his site.
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His [OSS] reviewing style sucks in my opinion, [...] and his humor is vapid at best and outright buffoonish at worst.

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Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
Posts: 1419
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 8:19 pm 
 

I didn't see him mentioned in the normal spots for reviews/ers and I checked a few with that other site and they seemed on the level, though I must admit I didn't check all of them to see if they were all his. Hmmm.
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OlympicSharpshooter
The Universal Magnetic

Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2003 3:24 pm
Posts: 1991
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 8:25 pm 
 

Nightgaunt's decided to nuke 'em all and leave the remaining one in the queue until we figure out what's going on, so no harm done either way. *shrug*
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His [OSS] reviewing style sucks in my opinion, [...] and his humor is vapid at best and outright buffoonish at worst.

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Napero
GedankenPanzer

Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2005 4:16 pm
Posts: 8437
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 5:37 pm 
 

chaxter's reviews (those verifiably written by him) have been re-approved, and some of the stuff submitted by him has been submitted by the original author under the username olo.

Rejoice!
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Bloodstone
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Mar 11, 2004 11:48 am
Posts: 424
Location: Sweden
PostPosted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 9:54 am 
 

For Machine Head's The More Things Change...:

markendust wrote:
"Bay of Pigs" is the most intense in terms of speed. Unrelentless riffs, guitar squals, double bass, and growls come at you non-stop during the verses.
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Gothus
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Jul 02, 2007 10:39 am
Posts: 323
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 9:50 pm 
 

http://metal-archives.com/review.php?id=152980#98009

What the fuck?

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UnserHeiligeTod
Lagompräst

Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2004 7:45 pm
Posts: 1057
Location: Colombia
PostPosted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 10:45 pm 
 

That's hilarious. I wonder what mod allowed it.
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Xeogred
Thunderbolt from Hell

Joined: Tue Jul 25, 2006 11:28 pm
Posts: 6188
Location: Valhalla
PostPosted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 10:46 pm 
 

I'm speechless.

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MushroomStamp
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Feb 25, 2006 11:07 pm
Posts: 681
Location: Helsinki, Finland
PostPosted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 11:04 pm 
 

Cheeses_Priced quality from a young lad, hooray.
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DrOctavia
Do Dark Horses Dream of Nightmares?

Joined: Thu May 19, 2005 9:02 pm
Posts: 1344
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 11:42 pm 
 

MushroomStamp wrote:
Cheeses_Priced quality from a young lad, hooray.

:lol: Indeed. Looks like he's got some competition now.
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RedMisanthrope
Poet Laureate of the Old Ones

Joined: Sat May 19, 2007 1:53 pm
Posts: 1939
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 4:35 am 
 

Noktorn's review for Fall of the Leafe's "Aerolithe" is unbelievebly hilarious at times. Saying that keyboards linger "like a great faggy vulture in the sky" is genius.

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Usefulidiot42
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Jun 21, 2005 7:46 pm
Posts: 125
PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 3:36 am 
 

The new review for Napalm Death - Scum could not have possibly missed the point of that album to a further extent.

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Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
Posts: 1419
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 10:28 am 
 

In case Cody_likes_the_kvlt is reading this, read the novel Moby Dick to see why his recently reviewed Ahab has an oceanic fetish.
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MushroomStamp
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Feb 25, 2006 11:07 pm
Posts: 681
Location: Helsinki, Finland
PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 12:16 pm 
 

Usefulidiot42 wrote:
The new review for Napalm Death - Scum could not have possibly missed the point of that album to a further extent.


Yeah, everyone should like random noise and call it art.
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Bash
Talking Meat

Joined: Sat Mar 26, 2005 6:06 am
Posts: 1054
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 1:00 pm 
 

MushroomStamp wrote:
Usefulidiot42 wrote:
The new review for Napalm Death - Scum could not have possibly missed the point of that album to a further extent.


Yeah, everyone should like random noise and call it art.


Scum is about as far from random noise as the genre gets. Besides, judging by some of his other reviews he is a fan of grindcore, and as such the disrespect he shows to the roots of the genre make him look like a fickle trendster.

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Noktorn
Veteran

Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2005 5:31 pm
Posts: 2880
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 2:14 pm 
 

'Scum' is genius, I don't think that's even a question.
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OlympicSharpshooter
The Universal Magnetic

Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2003 3:24 pm
Posts: 1991
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 6:31 pm 
 

MushroomStamp wrote:
Usefulidiot42 wrote:
The new review for Napalm Death - Scum could not have possibly missed the point of that album to a further extent.


Yeah, everyone should like random noise and call it art.


I have no problem with decapitating the album, but I'm almost tempted to delete the review for how awful and trite the reasoning he gives is.
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MushroomStamp
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Feb 25, 2006 11:07 pm
Posts: 681
Location: Helsinki, Finland
PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 6:58 pm 
 

OlympicSharpshooter wrote:
MushroomStamp wrote:
Usefulidiot42 wrote:
The new review for Napalm Death - Scum could not have possibly missed the point of that album to a further extent.


Yeah, everyone should like random noise and call it art.


I have no problem with decapitating the album, but I'm almost tempted to delete the review for how awful and trite the reasoning he gives is.


That would also leave the crappy 80% review above it homeless, since its main paragraph is based on addressing the guy who gave it 5% (while I don't care about yet another positive review for a boring album, it's really annoying to turn the review section into a chat).
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Usefulidiot42
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Jun 21, 2005 7:46 pm
Posts: 125
PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 10:54 pm 
 

OlympicSharpshooter wrote:
MushroomStamp wrote:
Usefulidiot42 wrote:
The new review for Napalm Death - Scum could not have possibly missed the point of that album to a further extent.


Yeah, everyone should like random noise and call it art.


I have no problem with decapitating the album, but I'm almost tempted to delete the review for how awful and trite the reasoning he gives is.


Exactly... I don't worship Scum the way a lot of people do, if I reviewed it I'd probably rate it somewhere in the 70 range, but giving the album that invented grindcore 5% because the vocals are incomprehensible, the riffs are fairly simple, the bass is distorted and there are no solos shows a complete lack of even the most remote understanding of grindcore as a genre (not to mention complete ignorance towards the styles and bands that influenced ND).

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Mungo
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Jan 16, 2006 7:41 pm
Posts: 1196
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2007 1:51 am 
 

Usefulidiot42 wrote:
OlympicSharpshooter wrote:
MushroomStamp wrote:
Usefulidiot42 wrote:
The new review for Napalm Death - Scum could not have possibly missed the point of that album to a further extent.


Yeah, everyone should like random noise and call it art.


I have no problem with decapitating the album, but I'm almost tempted to delete the review for how awful and trite the reasoning he gives is.


Exactly... I don't worship Scum the way a lot of people do, if I reviewed it I'd probably rate it somewhere in the 70 range, but giving the album that invented grindcore 5% because the vocals are incomprehensible, the riffs are fairly simple, the bass is distorted and there are no solos shows a complete lack of even the most remote understanding of grindcore as a genre (not to mention complete ignorance towards the styles and bands that influenced ND).


I agree with this. It sounds like someone who doesn't like or has just heard grindcore for the first time. I'm not the biggest fan of Scum, but he misses the whole bloody point of it.

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Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
Posts: 1419
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2007 3:12 pm 
 

Opening paragraph of Irishdeathgrip's new Type O Negative - Origin of the Feces review.

Okay, maybe not the whole family... your grandpa will only enjoy the part during I Know You're Fucking Someone Else when Peter stops the song and breaks out into "I'm In the Mood for Love," a song from the 30's by someone who's dead now. But surely the rest of the family will love it...
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 18765
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 1:03 pm 
 

The new Sonata Arctica review:

Quote:
I'd certainly rather listen to this band than listen to a band like Blind Guardian with their cheesy dungeons and dragons lyrics. That's not how power metal is suppose to sound. Now THIS is a power metal album.


Well, ok then. :???:

He also apparently misinterpreted the lyrics to Letter of Dana.
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Emerald_Sword
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Oct 30, 2005 7:37 pm
Posts: 44
Location: Sweden
PostPosted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 4:11 pm 
 

This one is pretty WTF-inducing, especially when it's coming from a very "serious" reviewer such as hells_unicorn :lol:

Quote:
Everything Dies, and you think it’s funny?! What is the matter with you, you sick person?! I don’t care if Peter Steele has created an unusually happy radio single talking about all the people that he admires and why, and then how they either died or are going to and how he thinks he will soon too. I don’t care if the crowd applauding just before the verses is placed there as if it were a Live-Aid concert strikes you as hilarious, as if Peter is suggesting that it’s great that we feed the people of Africa because someday they will die. Maybe you think that cute little piano line that sounds like it’s from the Beatles’ “Let it Be” is funny, as if he is suggesting that the Virgin Mary, who tells us to let it be, was such a pious and holy woman, but then she died and it was all for nothing so we should simply laugh like we do when the clown gets a bowling ball dropped on his head.

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Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
Posts: 1419
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 1:58 pm 
 

Whaddaya think of this review for As I Lay Dying's Shadows Are Security? Just for the hell of it I accepted it. It does describe the music, but grammar issues ensue.

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?!? - 0%
Written by Fates_Descent on December 16th, 2007

As I Lay Crying really fucked up any chance they had as being a credible metalcore band with this release. I'm sure hot topic kiddies are praising the hell out of this album with itz Br00T4LITY and cr00sh41 Breakdowns. If that sounds appealing to you then, by all means hop on the bandwagon and join the angst-ridden adolescents in this atrocity of an album.

This "album" opens with fucking 3 fret metalcore single note "riffs" followed by a retarded ass high note that resembles a bird dying. What the fuck, is that supposed to be a fucking solo??? It is followed by complete shitfest riffing piled on top of pillow puncher sounding triggered double bass. The song goes on to a couple of metal mosha JUMPDAFUKKUP open chord drop c chugga chugga riffs know as breakdowns. Perfect to imagine emo kids crying in the middle of a pit to.

The song Confined is easily the lowest point on this album and probably in the history of music. Full of 50BPM "blast beats" and repetitive Epileptic guitar riffs all piled on the most god awful "vocals" in history. Imagine a deep voiced retard being punched in the stomach. Oh dont worry, the bass isnt plugged in, so at least managed not to fuck that up.

One song actually stands out on this album due to the emoriffic whineXcore talk singing in the darkest nights. it sounds way to overproduced and full of bitchy lyrics talking about GOD knows what. The song continues with an annoying ass 1 finger tapping riff that your average down syndrome sufferer could conjure up.

Im gonna skip the next couple of songs because the formula is the same, so we move on to an "interlude" full of strummed powerchords continued with the retard stomach puncher vocals. This guy cannot enunciate worth a SHIT. I love extreme music, but this literally sounds like BRUH BRUH BLAH BLAAAAH.

The assault continues with more Cry-myself-to-sleep singing and Cr00sh4l chugga chug shit to make even your most timid scenester go ballistic. I dont see anyway this album could get any worse.

Finally after more agony the album comes to the greatest part....

Yes the album DOES end. I have to admit, this was the biggest relief of my life. If listening to this album does not make you consider suicide, then go ahead and kill yourself. Do NOT support this band in any way. I think if this album gained more fucking popularity then it already has, yes ladies and gentlemen it could probably destroy metal. Each and every member deserves to have a rusty fork shoved up their ass for this Shitfest of an album.

All i have to say for the band is good news, they can only go up from this garbage.
Enough is said, dont buy this album, dont even steal it, as a matter of fact if you see a mallcore faggot wearing an AILD, go ahead and brutally beat them.

What the fuck is all i have to say....
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The_Saberfool
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Nov 24, 2007 8:54 pm
Posts: 182
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 4:15 pm 
 

Quote:
The song Confined is easily the lowest point on this album and probably in the history of music. Full of 50BPM "blast beats" and repetitive Epileptic guitar riffs all piled on the most god awful "vocals" in history. Imagine a deep voiced retard being punched in the stomach. Oh dont worry, the bass isnt plugged in, so at least managed not to fuck that up.

Image
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The_Boss
Set Abominae

Joined: Sun Feb 11, 2007 10:45 am
Posts: 3186
PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2007 12:32 am 
 

Not sure where it should go exactly, but it's definitly 'bad'. The first sentence of the most recent Six Feet Under review has "weather" when it should have been "whether". I stopped reading it after that.
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PunishMyHeaven
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Thu Dec 20, 2007 4:31 am
Posts: 4
PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2007 8:06 am 
 

caspian wrote:
stickyshooZ wrote:
Emperor_Of_Ice, talking about the song Framing Armageddon, from Iced Earth's latest album wrote:
I’ve heard this song all the way through about 30 times, but I’ve heard the last 40 secs about 100 times. The first time I heard it, I literally quit masturbating and started rocking the fuck out. Owens repeatedly screaming “FRAAAAAAMIIING ARMAAAGEEDDDOOOOOOOOOOOONNN!!!!” is… destructive.


This is awesome.


This is...delayed orgasm tecnique or what? I should start the "what do you listen while masturbating?" thread.

Laptop on the legs and headphone's cable...always gettin in the way :)
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Mutalitia
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Nov 11, 2003 10:59 pm
Posts: 1190
PostPosted: Fri Jan 04, 2008 5:04 am 
 

From Basilisk's Nekrogoblikon review:

Quote:
Yeah everyone knows California for its great metal…. not.


Is this guy serious? No, of course there have never been any great metal bands from California...
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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 9663
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Jan 04, 2008 8:01 am 
 

Mutalitia wrote:
From Basilisk's Nekrogoblikon review:

Quote:
Yeah everyone knows California for its great metal…. not.


Is this guy serious? No, of course there have never been any great metal bands from California...

Did he happen to be writing with the intention of giving off a... Borat... vibe?

"I can do "Not" joke too. Evry won know Califownia for great metal... NOT!"
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Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 04, 2008 3:12 pm 
 

I accepted that review scratching my head a bit. It's like saying Germany or Norway had nothing going for them.
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Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
Posts: 1419
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 9:42 am 
 

From the latest Pleasure to Kill review:

"Also, it sounds too much like a precursor to death metal, I have trouble liking anything that sounds like it influenced the development of that particular genre (it's also worth noting that, as in a lot of cases, this albums seems to be reviewed by many as a death metal album without them realising it. How you see something influences it. In short, as thrash this is lacking, as death it was something special at the time)."
------------
I get where he's coming from, but I don't think I'd dislike an album because it was influential, or am I missing the point?
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Abominatrix
Harbinger of Metal

Joined: Fri Oct 24, 2003 12:15 pm
Posts: 10169
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 12:29 pm 
 

Gutterscream wrote:
From the latest Pleasure to Kill review:

"Also, it sounds too much like a precursor to death metal, I have trouble liking anything that sounds like it influenced the development of that particular genre (it's also worth noting that, as in a lot of cases, this albums seems to be reviewed by many as a death metal album without them realising it. How you see something influences it. In short, as thrash this is lacking, as death it was something special at the time)."
------------
I get where he's coming from, but I don't think I'd dislike an album because it was influential, or am I missing the point?


I think his point is that he doesn't like death metal. *shrug*..for some reason negative reviews of this album always make me want to punch the writer. not sure why, I usually don't take anybody's slagging of one of my favourites personally. Must be that I'm itchingg for the pleasure of killing!

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The_Saberfool
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Nov 24, 2007 8:54 pm
Posts: 182
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 2:27 pm 
 

Gutterscream wrote:
From the latest Pleasure to Kill review:

"Also, it sounds too much like a precursor to death metal, I have trouble liking anything that sounds like it influenced the development of that particular genre (it's also worth noting that, as in a lot of cases, this albums seems to be reviewed by many as a death metal album without them realising it. How you see something influences it. In short, as thrash this is lacking, as death it was something special at the time)."
------------
I get where he's coming from, but I don't think I'd dislike an album because it was influential, or am I missing the point?

I got the feeling that he just doesn't like the early death/thrash sound.

EDIT: After examining his profile, he apparently hates all death metal with a passion... hmmm.
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doom_monkey
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2007 6:30 am
Posts: 10
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 3:56 pm 
 

Yeah I brought that review up in the Oven Fodder thread (dunno if its the right place to post it). Annoyes me when people review an album in a genre they hate/dislike with a passion, just seems kind of pointless, like giving a Prog fan a Punk album to review.

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Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
Posts: 1419
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Jan 11, 2008 1:44 pm 
 

From drengskap's latest Mandrake review:

Listen – I would never dream of listening to this kind of dry-ice pumpin’, lighter-wavin’, would-be arena-fillin’ soft rock if it didn’t get sent to me for review. This is not my idea of a pleasurable listen. Every song conjures up horrible visions of a slow-motion video montage of Mandrake playing in front of a large audience, intercut with shots of the singer sashaying around a shadowy mansion in a long velvet gown, carrying a big candelabra. Having said that, I can see that Mandrake are pretty good at what they do, and I wish them well, and if you like this kind of thing, then good luck to you too. Hey Mandrake, you must have caught me in a good mood. I've been snorting crystals of forgiveness. Now get out of my stereo!
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blackblood666
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Oct 31, 2007 10:42 am
Posts: 152
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2008 1:15 am 
 

Gutterscream wrote:
WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?!? - 0%
Written by Fates_Descent on December 16th, 2007

As I Lay Crying really fucked up any chance they had as being a credible metalcore band with this release. I'm sure hot topic kiddies are praising the hell out of this album with itz Br00T4LITY and cr00sh41 Breakdowns. If that sounds appealing to you then, by all means hop on the bandwagon and join the angst-ridden adolescents in this atrocity of an album.


Am I the only one who finds stupid puns like As I Lay Crying annoying and not funny? Poeple use them all the time in negative reviews and they just piss me off.
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 18765
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2008 1:21 am 
 

The review comes off as immature and whiny, and the pun is one of the biggest reasons why. In addition to the use of such terms as "Br00T4LITY and cr00sh41" and how he put the title of the review in all caps with all that exclamation after it. That's not how you do a good negative review.
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saintinhell
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Oct 15, 2006 8:19 am
Posts: 1426
PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2008 2:03 am 
 

I think the bloke reviewing PTK was trying to say you can't talk up an album just because it is influential and I agree with that, particularly in the case of PTK though I wouldn't be so harsh on that album. Doesn't matter though; review appears to have been deleted.:(

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