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Panflute
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2009 11:11 am
Posts: 467
PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2014 12:47 pm 
 

Erosion of Humanity wrote:
I feel like this needs to be asked in light of the last two reviews posted: when you go into your translation mechanism does it give you a option for proper English and common English? Both of these seem to be marred not only by common translation issues (the words aren't the same or don't hold the same meaning/value in both languages) but also by the fact that it's way over the top in regards to word choice and sentence structure.

All I can really say is that it feels "off" and flows almost completely improperly.


As someone who used to translate many of his reviews from Dutch into English, I can say that one of the hardest parts is to capture the same sentiment in both languages. Some people take a very literal approach to translation and the result tends to be that mechanisms such as irony, emphasis and ambivalence are lost in the process. When I translated my stuff, I often found myself replacing sentences and even entire paragraphs because it allowed me to make the same point as in the original text better than would have been the case with a literal translation.

Techniques I applied were typing phrases into Google to see if the phrasing in question appeared in native English publications, and going to websites such as dictionary.com and wordreference.com, where you do not only get the translation of a word, but also examplary phrases that show you how to use certain words in a sentence and for which context they are appropriate.
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Last edited by Panflute on Sun Dec 28, 2014 3:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
PostPosted: Sun Dec 28, 2014 1:53 pm 
 

Panflute wrote:
Techniques I applied were typing phrases into Google to see if the phrasing in question appeared in native English publications, and going to websites such as dictionary.com and wordreference.com, where you do not only get the translation of a word, but also examplary phrases that show you how to use certain words in a sentence and for which context they were appropriate.

Good advice, Panflute. Thank you.
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Neurosphere
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Nov 22, 2014 4:28 pm
Posts: 58
Location: Britland
PostPosted: Sun Dec 28, 2014 5:44 pm 
 

New review. I found a relatively obscure modern thrash metal band which surprised me (this same band released their debut the same year that Reign of Fury did and that was a fucking disappointment). I can't believe I missed it. Nucleator - Home is Where War is. Percentage wise - 83%
Spoiler: show
"Home is Where War is" is the debut album by death/thrash metal band Nucleator hailing from one of thrash metal's greatest country's; Germany. For a debut album it certainly isn't bad. The band manage to cobble together an album similar in style to Sodom's "Tapping the Vein" and anyone familiar with that album whom is currently reading this probably has knows what I am talking about (or maybe it's just me). Deep, harsh vocals, heavy guitar tone, blistering double bass in some parts as well as some good solos.

The album's theme revolves around the subject of war as illustrated by the cover, although I have a hard time trying to decipher the vocals but they fit the instrumentation which is the main thing for me. The bass doesn't seem that audible except in the odd place (the title track for instance and even that is in a small part) which is a shame. The overall production does feel a little too clean to my ears and I feel that it could've benefited with a little more grit aside from this, it doesn't interfere with the album's overall sound and is not too glossy which appears to be the problem for many bands nowadays.

So then, what about the songs? This album contains ten songs. Starting off with "Hours of War" which delivers the listener a fresh slice of a melodic introduction helping to set a depressive, war-like atmosphere and within very little time it quickly slams on the intensity. The riffs are relatively simple but they are quite catchy and it doesn't take long before we're quickly given a masterpiece of a guitar solo and this album has plenty of good ones, my personal favourites being "Hours of War", "Napalm" and the absolutely unforgettable "Toxic Breath" the latter being an absolute masterpiece crafted with some emotionally driven thought behind it. In actual fact, I would say that this song is the very pinnacle of greatness in this album. Another great thing about this album is that the intensity and speed is kept intact throughout the majority of the album although many songs are forgettable as the riffs aren't exactly the best and I do feel that the title track is a little weak in the beginning compared to the others. However, this does not hinder the overall enjoyment much. I also feel that this album has a very good length to it, not to short and not to long.

Overall, this is a pretty solid debut album. The riffs could have been a little more complex but the overall instrumentation is fine. I recommend this to any fan who likes death/thrash metal. It's a real shame though that this band has since split up as they are one of the very few modern thrash bands (in my opinion) who released one hell of a good album and this album is enough for me to consider listening to some of the new up and coming thrash bands. Favourite songs: "Hours of War", "Napalm", "Treblinka" and "Toxic Breath".

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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
PostPosted: Tue Dec 30, 2014 2:56 am 
 

Reading it is not compelling, unfortunately. Treat this as an outline (or notes), not a draft. Develop the communication and embellish musical description. Oddly, the intro to the review was more intriguing than the review itself. Dry with too many meandering/run-on sentences.

"So then, what about the songs?" needs to go. Conversational tone too often reads like one is filling dead air.
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LefterisK
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Jan 27, 2013 1:43 pm
Posts: 426
Location: Greece
PostPosted: Tue Dec 30, 2014 10:54 am 
 

Hello and happy holidays to everyone here!

I submitted two reviews of mine but they got rejected, so I figured out I may use some help as English is not my first language. Here are the reviews:

Acherontas - Vamachara (I was told that the second paragraph is flawed).
Spoiler: show
2011 finds Acherontas with new line up changes, a new label and an unquenchable thirst to prove and re-invent themsleves once more in the black metal scene while celebrating 15 years of their black art with a masterpiece of occult black metal blended with 70s rock and ritual influences that take shape and form in Vamachara.

The record commences with ‘Opening the Eye of the Storm’ quite an ambient track and a perfect fit for an intro, as its haunting and mysterious choir-like melody combined with the whispered and spoken lyrics give a ritual feel, a thilling aura. From that point, Acherontas blast on full time, revealing the new, more mature direction that the band has embraced. Don’t get me wrong, this is as black metal as it can get but these guys are seriously deep into the music, taking you on a big journey through complicated musical passages; the riffing is traditional black metalish mixed with long instrumental sections that add to the atmosphere of the record even more! Vamachara is full of great guitar work, precise and technical enough, the transitions come naturally and the riffs are heavy and dark just like the whole feel of the album. The melodic sections couldn’t have been left of in an album like this, where atmosphere and ambience is of high importance; listen to the clean guitar interlude at the end of ‘Abraxas’ for example. ‘ Ohm Krim Kali’ also calms the storm for a while as its an istrumental song with some folk influences mixed nicely with an atmospheric chant as if it’s dedicated to goddess Kali, just like the title reveals. With this release, Acherontas have returned more glorious and destructive than ever before.

Generally, the album is so imposing and of epic proportions just like it should be, as the band draws influence from the buried past when the female archetype was worshipped through the Cult of Vama. Vamachara is the most professional and complete release of the band thought it’s career of 15 years. Are you ready to accept this different form of darkness? You should definately be!


And, Smohalla - Resilience
Spoiler: show
There is definitely something in the water of France because there is no other way to explain the quantity and the quality of the bands that jump out of the country one after the other, offering such gems in extreme music. Smohalla is no different, as Résilience is one of those albums that can haunt you for a long time. The band’s music definately drifts in the air around you, dispensing a bittersweet taste of pleasant and unfavourable memories combined. Smohalla, which actually means ‘dreamer’, was the name of a dreamer-prophet amongst the Native North American Indians, quite the appropriate name to define not only the band but the whole record as well.

Résilience consists of eight mysterious and grandiose compositions which run through the dark corridors of your mind until it’s fiercely torn apart by the sudden paroxysm of ‘Au Sol les Toges Vides’, ‘L’ Homme et la Brume’ or the Arcturus influenced ‘Oracle Rouge’ which can easily transform that dreamy essence into a nightmare.The programmed, electronic parts are constantly present and whether you like them or not in your black metal; Smohalla’s music and sound wouldn’t be the same without them as they are deemed essential for the ambiance of this record. The variety of the album is another positive apect featuring calming and soothing interludes of bluesy guitar work, spoken word sections or instrumental passages filled with electronic beats until the storm breaks out again. Additionally, the medievalism that comes out in after the first minute of ‘Les Repos du Lezard’ is something that I really adrmire.

Although Résilience is a very experimental record, Smohalla actually differs from Blut Aus Nord, Ulver and such bands, due to the fact that the instruments here, are quite distinguishable as a (dissonant) whole and they’re not buried under the heavy electronic parts. Smohalla respects its influences, but as far as the completeness of the opus is concerned, those influences may be the ones that keep them from originality. In a time that most of the bands like to bear the ‘exprerimental’ tag, it’s quite difficult to unravel the true meaning of it. To quote the band itself: ‘’ The genre of post-black metal has often been mislabeled. This is the case where it can be used appropriatly. Incredibly composed music with an intelligent progression’’. Résilience is only a step away from this.


Any kind of criticism is very welcome, and thanks a lot in advance!
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Erosion of Humanity
Destroyer of the Gods

Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 5:12 pm
Posts: 5898
Location: over yon hill
PostPosted: Tue Dec 30, 2014 2:10 pm 
 

Yeah ok, that first one has some terrible grammar issues. At the very beginning your phrasing is kinda poor and unclear, that second paragraph is chock full of run on sentences and about 20 commas too many; there needs to be more semi colons or periods to separate your thoughts. Also the second sentence in your last paragraph is all sorts of wrong, you said:
"____ is the most professional and complete release of the band thought it's career of 15 years."

That should be worded something like "___ is the most professional and complete release the band has created in their career of 15 years."

The second one is more of the same. You need to learn the proper use of punctuation. Way too many commas where they aren't needed, some places you need them but don't have them, you use the (;) improperly about half the time, and sometimes you shoul just end your sentence but don't and keep it going, hence the run on nature of your writing.
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Panflute
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2009 11:11 am
Posts: 467
PostPosted: Tue Dec 30, 2014 5:56 pm 
 

Neurosphere wrote:
"Home is Where War is" is the debut album by death/thrash metal band Nucleator hailing from one of thrash metal's greatest country's; countries Germany. For a debut album it certainly isn't bad. The band manage to cobble together an album similar in style to Sodom's "Tapping the Vein" and anyone familiar with that album whom who is currently reading this probably has knows what I am talking about (or maybe it's just me). Deep, harsh vocals, heavy guitar tone, blistering double bass in some parts as well as some good solos.

The album's theme revolves around the subject of war as illustrated by the cover, although I have a hard time trying to decipher the vocalsbut, they fit the instrumentation, which is the main thing for me. The bass doesn't seem that audible except in the odd place (the title track for instance and even that is in a small part), which is a shame. The overall production does feel a little too clean to my ears and while I feel that it could've benefited with from a little more grit aside from this, it doesn't interfere with the album's overall sound and it is not too glossy, which appears to be the problem for many bands nowadays.

So then, what about the songs? This album contains ten songs. Starting off with "Hours of War", which delivers the listener a fresh slice of a melodic introduction, helping which helps set a depressive, war-like atmosphere and within very little time it quickly slams on the intensity (I don't know what this phrase is supposed to mean). The riffs are relatively simple but they are quite catchy and it doesn't take long before we're quickly given a masterpiece of a guitar solo (here would be a good time to start a new sentence) and this album has plenty of good ones, my personal favourites being "Hours of War", "Napalm" and the absolutely unforgettable "Toxic Breath", the latter being an absolute masterpiece crafted with some emotionally driven thought behind it. In actual fact, I would say that this song is the very pinnacle of greatness in of this album. Another great thing about this album is that the intensity and speed is kept intact throughout the majority of the album although many songs are forgettable as the riffs aren't exactly the best and I do feel that the title track is a little weak in the beginning compared to the others (you say 3 entirely different things in a sentence; typically use sentences to formulate one thought, or it all becomes convoluted and hard to understand). However, this does not hinder the overall enjoyment much. I also feel that this album has a very good length to it, not to too short and not to too long.

Overall, this is a pretty solid debut album. The riffs could have been a little more complex but the overall instrumentation is fine. I recommend this to any fan who likes death/thrash metal. It's a real shame though that this band has since split up as they are one of the very few modern thrash bands (in my opinion) who released one hell of a good album and this album is enough for me to consider listening to some of the new up and coming thrash bands. Favourite songs: "Hours of War", "Napalm", "Treblinka" and "Toxic Breath".


Apart from some mistakes (I corrected them for you in the quoted section), the entire review is a bit of a mess in terms of structure. As Grave_Wyrm already noted, a lot of sentences just keep meandering on. Use one sentence to formulate one thought, and make sure every sentence within one paragraph relates back to the overall theme or thought of that paragraph.

Another thing you must really learn not to do is adding phrases such as "I think", "in my opinion", etc. It is your review, so it is obvious that it's your opinion. You should also be wary of using words such as 'seem' or 'maybe', because while they can occasionally contribute a sense of objectivity, they also weaken the point you are trying to make.

Also, under no circumstance say things like "or maybe it's just me". They give the impression you don't know what you're talking about, which is lethal for your credibility as a reviewer.

But, the most important improvement you need to make here is to expand your vocabulary. Be more specific. F.e. "They fit the instrumentation which is the main thing for me". Thing? What thing? Main thing of what? This sentence does not mean anything in itself. Instead, say something like "which is one of the most important qualities of an album for me".

Also use better vocabulary to explain yourself, to provide evidence for what you are saying. "The latter being an absolute masterpiece crafted with some emotionally driven thought behind it." This is very nebulous. I still don't know what makes it a masterpiece, or even what makes it stand out among the other songs. "Emotionally driven thought"? What emotion? How does it manifest itself in the music? This is not an amateuristic mistake, by the way. In their enthusiasm, even professional reviewers give in to the temptation of talking in superlatives without providing concrete examples of what they're talking about.

So a general advice I lift from George Orwell that I think will make you improve a lot: with every sentence you write, analyse each word and ask yourself if that word is necessary, and how it relates to the overall thought you are trying to convey. Also ask yourself if there is not a simpler, shorter way of formulating it. While I am not terribly favour of implementing this technique everywhere, taking a more basic approach can help you structure your reviews better. Once you have a firm foundation, you can try bending the rules, play around with words, etc. Because the impression I am getting now is that you want to make your sentences complex, but due to the structure being shakey, it all becomes quite difficult to understand.

Hope that helps you.
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FuckHumanity
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2014 2:09 pm
Posts: 5
PostPosted: Sat Jan 03, 2015 3:43 pm 
 

As far as I am concerned there is some major issues for us whose native language is not English. We have several issues when speaking or writing in English, for me it must be grammar, and here they are very strict about it that they always suggest the use of grammar/spell checkers... Here is where the next issue arrives, even though I have used a grammar checker, then again I am told that my grammar is shit, so I ask you fellas, what in the world am I supposed to do?

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sat Jan 03, 2015 10:21 pm 
 

Find a native English speaker to proofread the review for you. Or just find somewhere else to post your work.
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FuckHumanity
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2014 2:09 pm
Posts: 5
PostPosted: Sun Jan 04, 2015 7:33 pm 
 

I really like your attitude, you either can write excellent in a completely different language than your native or just gtfo... And of course I must give full credit to the helpfulness of some of the admins that just suggest things that will later completely ignore or use them in order to discredit your effort, you really do help new people be a part/member of this community!

Thank you!

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Metantoine
Slave to Santa

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 12030
Location: Montréal
PostPosted: Sun Jan 04, 2015 7:55 pm 
 

FuckHumanity wrote:
I really like your attitude, you either can write excellent in a completely different language than your native or just gtfo...



I don't really understand your problem, we're an international community and English is the appropriate language for us. We have many dedicated non native speakers who write reviews in English and there's absolutely no problems because they follow the quality standards established by the moderators. So, approving your reviews (which apparently were below our standards, I don't know, I haven't read them) would be helping you be part of the community? It would be the total opposite, in my opinion, like for the bands we approve, we have standards and guidelines to follow. This would be counterproductive.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sun Jan 04, 2015 7:56 pm 
 

FuckHumanity wrote:
I really like your attitude, you either can write excellent in a completely different language than your native or just gtfo...


Not excellent, satisfactory. Take a look at guys like Felix 1666, Hellish_Torture and dismember_marcin. All have loose grasps of the language, but manage to crank out acceptable reviews and get their points across just fine.

What do you want us to do? We have standards to adhere to, and after all, it is a privilege to have your work posted here, not a given by any means.

And yeah whatever else Metantoine said.
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Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

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LefterisK
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Jan 27, 2013 1:43 pm
Posts: 426
Location: Greece
PostPosted: Wed Jan 07, 2015 2:45 pm 
 

Erosion of Humanity wrote:
Yeah ok, that first one has some terrible grammar issues. At the very beginning your phrasing is kinda poor and unclear, that second paragraph is chock full of run on sentences and about 20 commas too many; there needs to be more semi colons or periods to separate your thoughts. Also the second sentence in your last paragraph is all sorts of wrong, you said:
"____ is the most professional and complete release of the band thought it's career of 15 years."

That should be worded something like "___ is the most professional and complete release the band has created in their career of 15 years."

The second one is more of the same. You need to learn the proper use of punctuation. Way too many commas where they aren't needed, some places you need them but don't have them, you use the (;) improperly about half the time, and sometimes you shoul just end your sentence but don't and keep it going, hence the run on nature of your writing.


Thank you very much for your time, I really appreciate it, thank you!
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CardsOfWar
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2014 6:33 am
Posts: 856
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 8:22 am 
 

I just finished a review for Ungoliant - No More the World of man, and I'd very much appreciate feedback from any who would care to give it.

Spoiler: show
I’ve always been confused at the general use of the word crushing as a descriptor of doom metal. Ultimately, consuming music is something that one does for pleasure, and being crushed is not an experience usually associated with enjoyment. Yet, when the time comes for me to articulate my thoughts on Ungoliant’s No More the World of Man, the only single word that suitably quantifies its singular, monolithic heaviness is ‘crushing.’ Yeah. Crushing, like being driven over by a bus. Every singe riff powerfully stomps down on the listener, just the right pace for each of its individual parts to sink in, and the loud, thick guitar tones used to deliver said riffs couldn’t be more fitting.

Ungoliant are part of a long tradition of bands to record only a relatively brief discography before disbanding; a categorisation they share with such greats as Demilich, Neutral Milk Hotel, and Dissection. While they may never achieve the notoriety or influence of those groups, a lot of indirect themes certainly carry over: Throughout No More the World of Man, it constantly feels like Ungoliant were eminently content with their work, ready to leave their work behind and leave their legacy intact, rather than risk tarnishing it with further albums.

Each track clocks in at between six and twelve minutes, and every moment is put to good use; not a single second feels dull, unnecessary, or uninspired. The looming, catchy riff from the start of the opening track (and highlight of the album) Wretched Mind, the violent, punishing vocal yells on Order of the Black Root, the subtly interspersed lead guitar on Unlight of Ungoliant; all moments that keep you on the edge of your seat. In fact, No More the World of Man does something that much of doom metal is worlds away from: Where most doom (Particularly so-called ‘stoner doom’) merely aims to entice, drowning the listener in a vile and powerful atmosphere, No More the World of Man inadvertently excites as well, and paradoxically doesn’t lose any of its quintessential doom metal essence in the process. Sure, you’ll be driven over by a bus, but you’ll love every minute of it.

Despite its powerful, exciting songwriting, an obvious complaint that comes to mind when listening to No More the World of Man is that, other than its aforementioned tendency to get the listener’s blood pumping as well as crushing said listener under a mountain of riffs, it doesn’t really do anything markedly new. While this is a somewhat reasonable complaint when dealing with the music from a historical standpoint, in terms of the actual listening experience, its relative unoriginality doesn’t change a thing. While the concepts and themes found in No More the World of Man are largely redundant, it’s still a strikingly powerful album, and one that deserves to be heard by any who would call themselves a fan of doom metal.

The dirgey introduction to Wretched Mind evokes images of some kind of ruinous industrial machinery repeatedly attempting to splutter into life, and that couldn’t be a more useful analogy for the context of the album. Despite the fact that it doesn’t really cover any new ground, on No More the World of Man, Ungoliant show real promise. They would break up soon after its release, but had they not, they could have very easily become the next Electric Wizard or Candlemass – building on the few things that set them apart from the rest of their genre to create a unique niche for themselves. It’s just a shame they had to quit right as they were getting started.
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Erosion of Humanity
Destroyer of the Gods

Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 5:12 pm
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Location: over yon hill
PostPosted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 2:54 pm 
 

Much better than last time CoW. My only real complaint is that you over and misuse punctuation a lot especially the comma. There are quite a few points where none was needed but you added them in anyway, it just makes your sentences look choppy and messes with the flow. Otherwise not bad at all.
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CardsOfWar
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2014 6:33 am
Posts: 856
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 11:06 pm 
 

Erosion of Humanity wrote:
Much better than last time CoW. My only real complaint is that you over and misuse punctuation a lot especially the comma. There are quite a few points where none was needed but you added them in anyway, it just makes your sentences look choppy and messes with the flow. Otherwise not bad at all.


Many thanks! I've gotten rid of all the extraneous commas I could find, and have now submitted it to the main site.
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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2015 6:29 pm 
 

Also, Cards, don't forget to italicize album titles and to put song titles in quotes. Erosion is right about your punctuation. Check out Purdue OWL for clarifications: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/section/1/6/
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mrdeadhead91
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2015 5:33 pm
Posts: 20
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 5:28 am 
 

Hi guys, this is the first time I post on the forum even though I've been using the metal archives since god knows how long. I wanted to get your feedback on my first review. Know that I'm not a native speaker, and that I'm reviewing this only because I wanted my first review to be about an album to which I feel attached, an album I've been listening to for ages, even though I know how you all feel about people writing on releases by very famous bands that already have a ton of reviews. I am willing to improve, so don't spare any criticism as long as it's constructive. Well, here it goes.

CoB - Something Wild - 85%
This album, released in 1997, is the first full length effort from a band that went on to achieve amazing success worldwide. The band is obvioulsy Children of Bodom, the record Something Wild.


As a fifteen year old who was just getting into the more extreme areas of metal, I have to say that the discovery of this record and this band was very, very important for the development of my taste in music. After almost ten years since I first listened to it, I still love it.


I was first introduced to this album by a friend of mine. He described it as a mixture of power metal, death metal and black metal. All topped with a bunch of Malmsteen-inspired guitar solos. The description seemed a little bit odd to me at first. Back then I had never thought there could be a mix of so many different genres in one single album, but I was intrigued nonetheless so I bought it.


And, man, was my friend right!!!


After a brief introduction, the music kicks in with the excellent "Deadnight Warrior". This song manages to sum up pretty much everything about Children of Bodom: harsh vocals, powerful drumming, fast guitar riffs and great melodies. By the third track, I was already marvelling at the amazing musicianship of the band. I was pretty shocked to find out that when the music for this album was recorded most of the players featured in it were no older than seventeen. As a matter of fact, they were all minors except Alexander Kuoppala.


Even though I think this record is excellent, it is far from flawless. I have never really liked its production, for a start. Children of Bodom definitely benefits the most from a well polished, refined production, while this album is somewhat rough compared to the ones they released afterwards. The lyrics aren't the best either. But in the end I really think that the positives outweigh the shortcomings of the album, and Something Wild can be considered a pretty solid release.


Moreover, I consider this to be the most unique of Children of Bodom's albums. The black metal influences here are a lot more prominent than they would be in the next releases. The second track "In the Shadows" stands out as a clear example.
The music is quite unrelenting, and the album provides a 35 minute long slab of metal, which is long enough to enjoy and short enough to keep it interesting. Would it have been longer, it could've sounded a little bit repetitive.


All in all I recommend this album, especially to the young metalheads out there who are still struggling to get into extreme metal. Don't get me wrong, Children of Bodom are far from extreme themselves, but they could well be a first step into appreciating genres like black and death metal, and this goes especially for Something Wild, which is influenced by both.


My personal favourite tracks: "Deadnight Warrior", "Lake Bodom" and "Touch Like an Angel of Death".
- mrdeadhead91, January 21st, 2015

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 6:52 am 
 

Needs more description. You spend nearly half of the review talking about your first impression with the band. This on its own is OK, but you need to go into better detail concerning the descriptions. You mention pretty much all of the basic points, but it would benefit from more descriptive specificity.

The formatting is bad as well. You need fewer, larger, better structured paragraphs instead of fleeting thoughts. You are also separating your paragraphs too widely. I also suggest removing the "standout track(s)" addendum tacked onto the end. Find a way to mention a couple of the better tunes in detail in the review body itself. A well-written review honestly rarely (if ever) needs one of these "best tracks" addendums.
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Erosion of Humanity
Destroyer of the Gods

Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 5:12 pm
Posts: 5898
Location: over yon hill
PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 8:08 am 
 

I'll add that you don't need to introduce the band and the album at the beginning of the review. It's pretty obvious what's what if you're already to the point of starting reading it.
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CardsOfWar
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2014 6:33 am
Posts: 856
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 9:09 am 
 

Grave_Wyrm wrote:
Also, Cards, don't forget to italicize album titles and to put song titles in quotes. Erosion is right about your punctuation. Check out Purdue OWL for clarifications: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/section/1/6/


Many thanks! I wasn't sure whether to italicize album titles, but I will do so from now on.

I have written a review of Ur Draugr - The Wretched Ascetic. As usual, feedback is much appreciated

Spoiler: show
Ur Draugr’s website describes their music as ‘blackened death metal,’ and while that musical paradigm clearly informs them (The band’s members have all played on black metal and death metal releases in the past) an irresistible sense of adventure and experimentalism permeates their music, completely lost on many other bands who would categorise themselves In the same way. Of The Wretched Ascetic’s twenty minute runtime, a quarter is entirely devoted to music that is distinctly not metal; it’s safe to say that despite their relative newness as a band Ur Draugr are certainly not content with imitating anyone. Sure, they still have tremolo-picking, harsh vocals, and fast drumming, but there’s something more than that present as well.

The Wretched Ascetic is absolutely full of interesting ideas -- In the opening track alone, we have an acoustic introduction that quickly gives way to completely expressive and un-atmospheric tremolo riffs, which themselves meander and transform into a violent and broken rhythm guitar section. The guttural roars of vocalist Drew Griffiths and the utterly precise, furious work from drummer Maelstrom toil away through all of this, turning the music into a cohesive and complete sonic assault.

At the end of the day, there is only so much one can say about a release as short as this one, but there really are no shortage of good things to say about The Wretched Ascetic. It showcases the best kind of innovation in music; it innovates without building its entire musical identity around said innovation. It looks to the future while leaving its feet firmly planted in the past, quietly content in its victories.

It’s impossible to be sure what will come of Ur Draugr: Maybe they’ll build on the triumphs of The Wretched Ascetic and become a well-respected force in the metal community; equally likely is that an extended stint of bad luck will see them added to the limitless piles of bands releasing only a single demo before disbanding. The future we can merely guess at, but here in the present, The Wretched Ascetic is twenty unforgettable minutes of powerful, intense, and fiercely original music.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
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Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 10:00 am 
 

Quite a few punctuation/syntax issues. Needs to be proofread more carefully.

And yes, italicize album titles and quote songs. This isn't a requirement but is the most appealing way to handle it. Some reviewers like Metal_Thrsher90 and Conorfynes like to bold-face all band names. Looks ugly an is more distracting than helpful, IMO.
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mrdeadhead91
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2015 5:33 pm
Posts: 20
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 10:09 am 
 

Much thanks for your feedback guys. I'll ask for further advice when I'll be back with a second draft.

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ChipCaronte
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Fri Dec 12, 2014 1:47 am
Posts: 2
Location: Nicaragua
PostPosted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 4:01 pm 
 

Hi guys,

I would like some feedback for this review. What do you guys think?

It was a long time since I stopped listening to Mago de Oz, it was around the time of Gaia II, not because I didn't like it but because I had little time for listening to music (Work... mostly).

So now that I am able to listen to music I got across with Ilussia, I was listening to this album and there were two things that struck me... I was listening to the first songs and I realized that I was set up to listen to some folk instruments, and well, they are there, but in parallel, there was also a feeling of an orchestral sound in the songs, and then we have some heavy guitar riffs and a nice bass distortion. All very different to what I was waiting for. My brain was hardwired for the old sound of Mago de Oz, but as surprising as this got, I still enjoyed the album.

I was listening to the album for the second time when I realized that we have a different vocalist in this album and the more I was digging into this, the more surprises I got. I was thinking: "not only José Andrëa wasn't here but three more musicians" and I found myself gazing at the album cover again and I lost my mind for some 20 minutes, the cover is so nice, so immersive, this evil freaking clown having two kids as puppets, it so represents what you get to hear in this album.

Strangely, I noticed the change in the instruments but not in the lead vocals, the new guy, Zeta, who was Leo Jimenez singing teacher, sings almost exactly as José Andrëa. So I'm thinking this when "Pasen y Beban”, which is blasting in the background, gets to the end and a psychedelic-circus-kind-of-music passage starts to play... and I found myself again surprised with this album.

So if you like Mago de Oz, I think you should go for this album, there´s a change indeed, more heavier tones, more heavy metal riffs, but you'll get tons of folk and of course... bold lyrics. So I do recommend this one

Production wise it sounds well mixed, all instruments are present and distinguishable from the beginning to the end.

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Zodijackyl
63 Axe Handles High

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 7601
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 9:35 pm 
 

Try to avoid spending so much time talking about the fact that you are listening to this album. The reader knows that you are reading the review, have heard the band, seen the cover artwork. Just write about it - present an idea, then elaborate on it.

First step of revisions: Get rid of all the self-reference:

Quote:
It was a long time since I stopped listening to Mago de Oz, it was around the time of Gaia II, not because I didn't like it but because I had little time for listening to music (Work... mostly).

So now that I am able to listen to music I got across with Ilussia, I was listening to this album and there were two things that struck me... I was listening to the first songs and I realized that I was set up to listen to
some folk instruments, and well, they are there, but in parallel, there was also a feeling of an orchestral sound in the songs, and then we have some heavy guitar riffs and a nice bass distortion. All very different to what I was waiting for. My brain was hardwired for the old sound of Mago de Oz, but as surprising as this got, I still enjoyed the album.

I was listening to the album for the second time when I realized that we have a different vocalist in this album and the more I was digging into this, the more surprises I got. I was thinking: "not only José Andrëa wasn't here but three more musicians" and I found myself gazing at the album cover again and I lost my mind for some 20 minutes, the cover is so nice, so immersive, this evil freaking clown having two kids as puppets, it so represents what you get to hear in this album.

Strangely, I noticed the change in the instruments but not in the lead vocals, the new guy, Zeta, who was Leo Jimenez singing teacher, sings almost exactly as José Andrëa. So I'm thinking this when "Pasen y Beban”, which is blasting in the background,gets to the end and a psychedelic-circus-kind-of-music passage starts to play... and I found myself again surprised with this album.

So if you like Mago de Oz, I think you should go for this album, there´s a change indeed, more heavier tones, more heavy metal riffs, but you'll get tons of folk and of course... bold lyrics. So I do recommend this one

Production wise it sounds well mixed, all instruments are present and distinguishable from the beginning to the end.


Next step, move the section about the production to an earlier part of the review, rather than tacking it on to the end. I would also move the commentary on noticing differences and personal before the breakdown of the music. Basically, just rearrange the parts to flow a bit better. You digress into a comment on the artwork, then get back to the point about the personnel/music.

Quote:
We have a different vocalist in this album and the more I was digging into this, the more surprises I got. I was thinking: "not only José Andrëa wasn't here but three more musicians." I noticed the change in the instruments but not in the lead vocals, the new guy, Zeta, who was Leo Jimenez singing teacher, sings almost exactly as José Andrëa. When "Pasen y Beban” gets to the end, a psychedelic-circus-kind-of-music passage starts to play... I found myself again surprised with this album.

[There are] some folk instruments, and well, they are there, but in parallel, there was also a feeling of an orchestral sound in the songs, and then we have some heavy guitar riffs and a nice bass distortion. Production wise it sounds well mixed, all instruments are present and distinguishable from the beginning to the end.

I found myself gazing at the album cover again and I lost my mind for some 20 minutes, the cover is so nice, so immersive, this evil freaking clown having two kids as puppets, it so represents what you get to hear in this album.

So if you like Mago de Oz, go for this album, there´s a change indeed, more heavier tones, more heavy metal riffs, but you'll get tons of folk and of course... bold lyrics.


Finally, write an brief introduction which introduces your basic thoughts on the album.

Aside from the structuring, there are numerous grammatical/editing issues. I can tell that English is not your native language from certain phrasing such as "I found myself again surprised" - that would usually be written as "I again found myself surprised." What you are saying can be understood, but I would advise you to try to keep one thought to each sentence and avoid digression, because it becomes hard to understand what you are saying when multiple structural elements are mixed up. Write simple sentences, be certain that each one makes sense in the context of the sentences before and after it, and keep separate thoughts to separate paragraphs.

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ChipCaronte
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Fri Dec 12, 2014 1:47 am
Posts: 2
Location: Nicaragua
PostPosted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 9:45 pm 
 

Wow... That really helps. I used the self reference so often because I was trying to imply it was my opinion and not a fact. But then again, I guess this is a review and the readers already know this.

Ok. I'll check on it and be back with you guys.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 9:48 pm 
 

Yeah, just let me know when you are ready to resubmit (you can PM me here on the forums or IRC) and we'll go from there.
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Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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mrdeadhead91
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2015 5:33 pm
Posts: 20
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 5:43 am 
 

hey I'm back with a second draft. Actually, it's more like a new first draft, since I restarted from scratch. Let me know what you think.

I was about 15 years old when a friend of mine told me to check this album out. He described it as a tasteful mix of Malmsteen-influenced guitar work, black, death and power metal. So basically my favorite guitar player at the time and three genres I had recently discovered and just begun getting into. Well, I could never thank that buddy of mine enough, because he got me into a band that has since been among the ones I love the most. A band that back then helped me a lot in taking the first steps into the more extreme areas of metal.

Nevertheless, I don't really consider either this record or Children of Bodom to be extreme. To be fair, I actually think quite the opposite: this one's truly a catchy, easy listening album. True, it has harsh vocals. True, it has pounding drums. True, the riffs are aggressive, violent and fast. But it's the way all those things blend together, the way everything is so skillfully played and put alongside remarkable neoclassical melodies, that makes the listening of Something Wild such a refreshing, delightful experience.

Songwriting in this album follows pretty much the same formula for each of the songs, with significant variations being few and far in between. The basic elements of Children of Bodom's (by now) well established style are all there: a lot of solos and technically impressive guitar work, great drum fills and some melodic intermezzos masterfully created by keyboard virtuoso Janne "Warman". The amazing thing, however, is that it all manages to be interesting all record long, luckily failing to become dull, repetitive and boring. This relies in great part on the captivating and intriguing melodies, all extremely catchy, but on the album's duration as well, which is of about 35 minutes: long enough to feel like a proper full length, but short enough to keep it interesting. Another thing I retrospectively noted about this record, after having listened to the other Children of Bodom's releases, is that it features the most black metal-oriented songwriting of their entire discography. Of course not enough to consider it a black metal album, but the influence is pretty evident, especially in some of the tracks, like "In the Shadows", for instance. The first melody of the first riff of that song has always reminded me a little of Darkthrone's "En Vind av Sorg".

I can't deny, however, that this record isn't perfect. Its production, for a start, I never really loved, even if it's not the worst I've ever heard. At times the guitars sound almost muddy. I definitely think that Children of Bodom benefits the most from a clean, polished and refined sound. I'll further add that Something Wild doesn't reach the majestical compositive peaks of Hatebreeder and Follow the Reaper, which remain the real masterpieces of the band. But all this is quite understandable, when you realize how this record was written and recorded by a band where almost all of the members were minors, and all the more impressive considering that these kids even back then used to play like weathered professionals.

All in all I feel like recommending this record to just about anyone, but especially to those young metalheads still struggling to get acquainted with the more extreme fringes of metal, such as black and death metal. It might be enough to encourage them to make the final plunge!

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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 9:32 pm 
 

CardsOfWar wrote:
Grave_Wyrm wrote:
Also, Cards, don't forget to italicize album titles and to put song titles in quotes. Erosion is right about your punctuation. Check out Purdue OWL for clarifications: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/section/1/6/


Many thanks! I wasn't sure whether to italicize album titles, but I will do so from now on.

I have written a review of Ur Draugr - The Wretched Ascetic. As usual, feedback is much appreciated

Spoiler: show
Ur Draugr’s website describes their music as ‘blackened death metal,’ and while that musical paradigm clearly informs them (The band’s members have all played on black metal and death metal releases in the past) an irresistible sense of adventure and experimentalism permeates their music, completely lost on many other bands who would categorise themselves In the same way. Of The Wretched Ascetic’s twenty minute runtime, a quarter is entirely devoted to music that is distinctly not metal; it’s safe to say that despite their relative newness as a band Ur Draugr are certainly not content with imitating anyone. Sure, they still have tremolo-picking, harsh vocals, and fast drumming, but there’s something more than that present as well.

The Wretched Ascetic is absolutely full of interesting ideas -- In the opening track alone, we have an acoustic introduction that quickly gives way to completely expressive and un-atmospheric tremolo riffs, which themselves meander and transform into a violent and broken rhythm guitar section. The guttural roars of vocalist Drew Griffiths and the utterly precise, furious work from drummer Maelstrom toil away through all of this, turning the music into a cohesive and complete sonic assault.

At the end of the day, there is only so much one can say about a release as short as this one, but there really are no shortage of good things to say about The Wretched Ascetic. It showcases the best kind of innovation in music; it innovates without building its entire musical identity around said innovation. It looks to the future while leaving its feet firmly planted in the past, quietly content in its victories.

It’s impossible to be sure what will come of Ur Draugr: Maybe they’ll build on the triumphs of The Wretched Ascetic and become a well-respected force in the metal community; equally likely is that an extended stint of bad luck will see them added to the limitless piles of bands releasing only a single demo before disbanding. The future we can merely guess at, but here in the present, The Wretched Ascetic is twenty unforgettable minutes of powerful, intense, and fiercely original music.


You're welcome! Purdue OWL is very useful. Remember it when you have to write things for school.

Notes within:

Spoiler: show
It's on the right track with a fair bit to go.


Basics:
Stick to periods and commas unless you have a legitimate reason. Some writers thrive on parentheticals or tangents, but don't feel obliged to. Errors in grammar are more annoying than errors in spelling, or capitalization, in your case (*glowers*). A misused semicolon is a tragic loss, and, worse, puts good colons out of work.

Forego phrases like, "I don't know what to say about it," or "there's not much more/anything much to say," etc.. Unless you're a conclusion magician, they're a waste of eyeball hours.


Structural:
I think the opening sentence is too long. Don't be afraid of simple, direct writing.

I encourage more musical description. The first paragraph gives a general sense of what the music probably sounds like, but thereafter the trail goes cold. Saying it's "blackened death" means something to those with experience. Good reviews transcend the in-group.

You mention that the members all played in preceding bands that influenced this current effort. Interpret the influences.
The second paragraph needs elaboration. Without supporting statements, your identity/innovation point is vague.

I'm not a fan of the speculative conclusion. I want to hear more about what makes it a "fiercely original" piece of art. A Fiercy Original Work would be a more interesting thesis. It needn't be a long review to give us some context and a few good examples of how so.
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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 10:04 pm 
 

mrdeadhead91 wrote:
hey I'm back with a second draft. Actually, it's more like a new first draft, since I restarted from scratch. Let me know what you think.

Spoiler: show
I was about 15 years old when a friend of mine told me to check this album out. He described it as a tasteful mix of Malmsteen-influenced guitar work, black, death and power metal. So basically my favorite guitar player at the time and three genres I had recently discovered and just begun getting into. Well, I could never thank that buddy of mine enough, because he got me into a band that has since been among the ones I love the most. A band that back then helped me a lot in taking the first steps into the more extreme areas of metal.

Nevertheless, I don't really consider either this record or Children of Bodom to be extreme. To be fair, I actually think quite the opposite: this one's truly a catchy, easy listening album. True, it has harsh vocals. True, it has pounding drums. True, the riffs are aggressive, violent and fast. But it's the way all those things blend together, the way everything is so skillfully played and put alongside remarkable neoclassical melodies, that makes the listening of Something Wild such a refreshing, delightful experience.

Songwriting in this album follows pretty much the same formula for each of the songs, with significant variations being few and far in between. The basic elements of Children of Bodom's (by now) well established style are all there: a lot of solos and technically impressive guitar work, great drum fills and some melodic intermezzos masterfully created by keyboard virtuoso Janne "Warman". The amazing thing, however, is that it all manages to be interesting all record long, luckily failing to become dull, repetitive and boring. This relies in great part on the captivating and intriguing melodies, all extremely catchy, but on the album's duration as well, which is of about 35 minutes: long enough to feel like a proper full length, but short enough to keep it interesting. Another thing I retrospectively noted about this record, after having listened to the other Children of Bodom's releases, is that it features the most black metal-oriented songwriting of their entire discography. Of course not enough to consider it a black metal album, but the influence is pretty evident, especially in some of the tracks, like "In the Shadows", for instance. The first melody of the first riff of that song has always reminded me a little of Darkthrone's "En Vind av Sorg".

I can't deny, however, that this record isn't perfect. Its production, for a start, I never really loved, even if it's not the worst I've ever heard. At times the guitars sound almost muddy. I definitely think that Children of Bodom benefits the most from a clean, polished and refined sound. I'll further add that Something Wild doesn't reach the majestical compositive peaks of Hatebreeder and Follow the Reaper, which remain the real masterpieces of the band. But all this is quite understandable, when you realize how this record was written and recorded by a band where almost all of the members were minors, and all the more impressive considering that these kids even back then used to play like weathered professionals.

All in all I feel like recommending this record to just about anyone, but especially to those young metalheads still struggling to get acquainted with the more extreme fringes of metal, such as black and death metal. It might be enough to encourage them to make the final plunge!


I agree it's more like a new first draft. The basics are covered, I think. The otherwise superficial aspects will improve with more focused wording.

Consolidate your ideas. The flow of the piece is a little choppy and subjects are scattered making its reading border on meandering.

I doubt the need for the first paragraph. The personal touch isn't bad, but I don't see how it contributes to, so much as pads, the review.

Don't neglect the differences in title formatting. The current lack of these is confusing, particularly for an unfamiliar reader.
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CardsOfWar
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2014 6:33 am
Posts: 856
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Sun Jan 25, 2015 5:21 am 
 

Grave_Wyrm: Thank you kindly for all that advice. Sadly I already submitted my review to the site, but I'll certainly remember all of that for the future.
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eternal1349
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Sun Feb 27, 2011 8:23 am
Posts: 2
Location: Russia
PostPosted: Sun Jan 25, 2015 5:25 pm 
 

This is my first review and I try to submit it for the 10th time..Please, comment it. (Basarab - The Pride Of Old Times)
The first time I heard this album, it made a great impression on me. This two-man band created a middle-aged, soft atmospheric black metal, which was full of melancholy and autumnal sorrow. The album can tell you a lot of things about old times, gallant forests and charming medieval cities. To feel deeply this creation it is better for you to receive a basic knowledge of medieval history.

Undoubtedly, the important instrument that forms a mysterious aura is keyboards. Charming melodic pieces penetrate every theme, create nostalgic images and mystical remembrances of past. Soft guitars add ethereal sounds and muted tones. Most of the melodies are supported by slow drums and carry you away into dark vast abyss. Lyrics draw old-time visions, trying to dip in a unique ambiance.

The album starts with a distant echo bells and transforms into middle-tempo black metal with ravenous voice. Every song has its special atmosphere. The wonderful synths make a delicious color to every theme. The song I really enjoyed during my first listening was "Forest Of The Tortured". I think it extremely deep shows charming and obscure mood of this creation. Besides, all tracks from this album have their own original style - such specific style you can rarely encounter in metal (not only in black). I highly recommend you to listen to these melodies, several times - that's for understanding its mystic sides and somber ideas.

The music of Basarab is a perfect combination of old Barocco and extreme metal. It is a pity that there is only one album of this amazing project. This kind of music is the best example how atmospheric black metal should be played. A great masterpiece of German black metal scene!

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Erosion of Humanity
Destroyer of the Gods

Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 5:12 pm
Posts: 5898
Location: over yon hill
PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2015 12:55 am 
 

Well to put it bluntly; your review sucks, it's no wonder it keeps getting rejected. It's rife with spelling and grammatical errors and lacks almost any real description of the music. I'll break it down into thoughts on your paragraphs below:

1) it lacks flow and proper wording (based on your lacking knowledge of English, not a fault just an observation) to start with, it really feels like a Google translator review (something that repeats throughout). You say the album feels "middle aged" which is just a terrible way to describe something you want people to listen to. Also at the end of the paragraph you tell people they need a history lesson to better understand the album. I'm reading your review, I'm not about to bone up on my history too before I listen to this album.

2) you really need to elaborate on your thoughts here. Four random sentences about an album don't equal quale content. Maybe if you had written two or three good quality sentences for every one you did write it would be a different story, no, it actually would be a different story.

3) you start desc the music and immediately stop to tell us about your favorite song then end the paragraph with one line about how magical the melodies are. You need to elaborate, like a lot.

4) this is probably the best thing you wrote here. Still needs a bit more to it but it's a good start to closing out your thoughts.
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mrdeadhead91
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2015 5:33 pm
Posts: 20
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2015 1:44 am 
 

Grave_Wyrm wrote:
mrdeadhead91 wrote:
hey I'm back with a second draft. Actually, it's more like a new first draft, since I restarted from scratch. Let me know what you think.

Spoiler: show
I was about 15 years old when a friend of mine told me to check this album out. He described it as a tasteful mix of Malmsteen-influenced guitar work, black, death and power metal. So basically my favorite guitar player at the time and three genres I had recently discovered and just begun getting into. Well, I could never thank that buddy of mine enough, because he got me into a band that has since been among the ones I love the most. A band that back then helped me a lot in taking the first steps into the more extreme areas of metal.

Nevertheless, I don't really consider either this record or Children of Bodom to be extreme. To be fair, I actually think quite the opposite: this one's truly a catchy, easy listening album. True, it has harsh vocals. True, it has pounding drums. True, the riffs are aggressive, violent and fast. But it's the way all those things blend together, the way everything is so skillfully played and put alongside remarkable neoclassical melodies, that makes the listening of Something Wild such a refreshing, delightful experience.

Songwriting in this album follows pretty much the same formula for each of the songs, with significant variations being few and far in between. The basic elements of Children of Bodom's (by now) well established style are all there: a lot of solos and technically impressive guitar work, great drum fills and some melodic intermezzos masterfully created by keyboard virtuoso Janne "Warman". The amazing thing, however, is that it all manages to be interesting all record long, luckily failing to become dull, repetitive and boring. This relies in great part on the captivating and intriguing melodies, all extremely catchy, but on the album's duration as well, which is of about 35 minutes: long enough to feel like a proper full length, but short enough to keep it interesting. Another thing I retrospectively noted about this record, after having listened to the other Children of Bodom's releases, is that it features the most black metal-oriented songwriting of their entire discography. Of course not enough to consider it a black metal album, but the influence is pretty evident, especially in some of the tracks, like "In the Shadows", for instance. The first melody of the first riff of that song has always reminded me a little of Darkthrone's "En Vind av Sorg".

I can't deny, however, that this record isn't perfect. Its production, for a start, I never really loved, even if it's not the worst I've ever heard. At times the guitars sound almost muddy. I definitely think that Children of Bodom benefits the most from a clean, polished and refined sound. I'll further add that Something Wild doesn't reach the majestical compositive peaks of Hatebreeder and Follow the Reaper, which remain the real masterpieces of the band. But all this is quite understandable, when you realize how this record was written and recorded by a band where almost all of the members were minors, and all the more impressive considering that these kids even back then used to play like weathered professionals.

All in all I feel like recommending this record to just about anyone, but especially to those young metalheads still struggling to get acquainted with the more extreme fringes of metal, such as black and death metal. It might be enough to encourage them to make the final plunge!


I agree it's more like a new first draft. The basics are covered, I think. The otherwise superficial aspects will improve with more focused wording.

Consolidate your ideas. The flow of the piece is a little choppy and subjects are scattered making its reading border on meandering.

I doubt the need for the first paragraph. The personal touch isn't bad, but I don't see how it contributes to, so much as pads, the review.

Don't neglect the differences in title formatting. The current lack of these is confusing, particularly for an unfamiliar reader.

Thank you a lot for your input. Would you care to explain more into detail your last sentence?

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eternal1349
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Sun Feb 27, 2011 8:23 am
Posts: 2
Location: Russia
PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2015 4:19 pm 
 

Erosion of Humanity wrote:
Well to put it bluntly; your review sucks, it's no wonder it keeps getting rejected. It's rife with spelling and grammatical errors and lacks almost any real description of the music. I'll break it down into thoughts on your paragraphs below:

1) it lacks flow and proper wording (based on your lacking knowledge of English, not a fault just an observation) to start with, it really feels like a Google translator review (something that repeats throughout). You say the album feels "middle aged" which is just a terrible way to describe something you want people to listen to. Also at the end of the paragraph you tell people they need a history lesson to better understand the album. I'm reading your review, I'm not about to bone up on my history too before I listen to this album.

2) you really need to elaborate on your thoughts here. Four random sentences about an album don't equal quale content. Maybe if you had written two or three good quality sentences for every one you did write it would be a different story, no, it actually would be a different story.

3) you start desc the music and immediately stop to tell us about your favorite song then end the paragraph with one line about how magical the melodies are. You need to elaborate, like a lot.

4) this is probably the best thing you wrote here. Still needs a bit more to it but it's a good start to closing out your thoughts.

Thank you for your answer. I''ll work at it.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2015 4:20 pm 
 

mrdeadhead91 wrote:
Thank you a lot for your input. Would you care to explain more into detail your last sentence?


He means you should differentiate how you present song and album titles. This isn't a requirement, and the only hard-lined rule that seems to stand is that you shouldn't bold-face song titles, but the generally accepted method is to "Use quotes" for songs, and italicize album titles. This makes it easier to follow and tell them apart.
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Tengan
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue May 21, 2013 6:09 am
Posts: 80
Location: Sweden
PostPosted: Mon Feb 02, 2015 6:39 pm 
 

I got my review for the latest Archgoat rejected for "Some grammar/punctuation issues. Reads very strangely...". Proof-reading it again I think I might have found the (or one of the) sections in question, now put in bold. As English is my second laguage, I would however like some help to verify this along with any other grammatical/punctuation errors. Grateful for any advice:


As sure as the sun rarely rises in mid-winter Sweden, as sure can you be that Archgoat are back with another slab of audial attacks to spite the deity in the sky in honor of the Southern Lord! Following the same style of raw death/black as Black Witchery, Morbosidad, Blasphemy and their fellow Finns Beherit, Archgoat has changed little since the ‘Angelcunt’ EP of ’93. Fans of the band will recognize Sinisterror’s battering blastbeats in The Apocalyptic Triumphator’s up-tempo moments along with the awesome drum comps in the mid- and doomy sections. The primitive and simple, yet incredibly effective, riffs and Slayer-solos of Ritual Butcherer are typical for the genre in general and the band in particular and will surprise no one. Neither will the deep, guttural grunts from Lord Angelslayer in his ever so persevering praises of the Horned One. Said Angelslayer’s down-tuned bass work however is hidden deep within and ever really breaks free in the middle of ‘Funeral Pyre of Trinity’ from the messy, unpolished production. Simply put, if you heard a single Archgoat song before you know what to expect.

The entire raw death/black (or whatever you want to call it) genre balances on the thin edge of monotony, but despite being true to their sound Archgoat always managed to stray well on the edge, never falling into the pits of uninspiring repetitiveness, a trend that continues on The Apocalyptic Triumphator. The bands recipe contains a good variation in tempo within the songs (with a typical Archgoat song beginning in ferocious up-tempo, mellowing down into mid-tempo and returning to breakneck speed at the end, ‘Sado-Magical Portal’ even takes it a step further) or between songs, killer riffs and monstrous vocals with church bells and chanting choirs as the seasoning, but that still does not fully explain the skilled act of balance. The main difference between Archgoat and their less memorable brethren lies in the primal blasphemic atmosphere which feels honest and obvious without being overworked. When Lord Angelslayer chants “Hail Satan! Hail Lucifer!” in ‘Grand Luciferian Theopahny’ it is a juvenile cliché in theory, but becomes material for true worship in practice. Many a virgin will be sacrificed at full moon to said tune!

The album is clearly structured to be played as an LP, with each side beginning with an intro and ending in a mellowing section. Overall, compared to Whore of Bethlehem and The Light-Devouring Darkness the song structuring feels more focused and less aggressively evil on this one. Where the earlier two full-lengths expressed a primal contempt for god, The Apocalyptic Triumphator feels more like a carefully orchestrated sermon, without becoming calculatingly orchestrated like Watain. Archgoat accomplishes this using the exact same building blocks as on their previous works displaying an impressive dynamic in a narrow sound.

Still, when it comes down to it, the riffs and arrangements in the songs determine the quality between Archgoat’s albums. Although the title track, ‘Grans Luciferian Theophany’, ‘Light of Phosphorus’, 'Those Below’ and ‘Funeral Pyre of Trinity’ are among the top tunes ever produced by the band in those aspects, The Apocalyptic Triumphator does not quite reach the summit of The Light-Devouring Darkness, but it certainly is close. You know well what to get from this so dust of the pentagram, robe and black candles and worship the Nether Lord. Archgoat, once again, helps you set the mood.

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Erosion of Humanity
Destroyer of the Gods

Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 5:12 pm
Posts: 5898
Location: over yon hill
PostPosted: Tue Feb 03, 2015 10:09 am 
 

Tengan wrote:
I got my review for the latest Archgoat rejected for "Some grammar/punctuation issues. Reads very strangely...". Proof-reading it again I think I might have found the (or one of the) sections in question, now put in bold. As English is my second laguage, I would however like some help to verify this along with any other grammatical/punctuation errors. Grateful for any advice:


Spoiler: show
As sure as the sun rarely rises in mid-winter Sweden, as sure can you be that Archgoat are back with another slab of audial attacks to spite the deity in the sky in honor of the Southern Lord! Following the same style of raw death/black as Black Witchery, Morbosidad, Blasphemy and their fellow Finns Beherit, Archgoat has changed little since the ‘Angelcunt’ EP of ’93. Fans of the band will recognize Sinisterror’s battering blastbeats in The Apocalyptic Triumphator’s up-tempo moments along with the awesome drum comps in the mid- and doomy sections. The primitive and simple, yet incredibly effective, riffs and Slayer-solos of Ritual Butcherer are typical for the genre in general and the band in particular and will surprise no one. Neither will the deep, guttural grunts from Lord Angelslayer in his ever so persevering praises of the Horned One. Said Angelslayer’s down-tuned bass work however is hidden deep within and ever really breaks free in the middle of ‘Funeral Pyre of Trinity’ from the messy, unpolished production. Simply put, if you heard a single Archgoat song before you know what to expect.

The entire raw death/black (or whatever you want to call it) genre balances on the thin edge of monotony, but despite being true to their sound Archgoat always managed to stray well on the edge, never falling into the pits of uninspiring repetitiveness, a trend that continues on The Apocalyptic Triumphator. The bands recipe contains a good variation in tempo within the songs (with a typical Archgoat song beginning in ferocious up-tempo, mellowing down into mid-tempo and returning to breakneck speed at the end, ‘Sado-Magical Portal’ even takes it a step further) or between songs, killer riffs and monstrous vocals with church bells and chanting choirs as the seasoning, but that still does not fully explain the skilled act of balance. The main difference between Archgoat and their less memorable brethren lies in the primal blasphemic atmosphere which feels honest and obvious without being overworked. When Lord Angelslayer chants “Hail Satan! Hail Lucifer!” in ‘Grand Luciferian Theopahny’ it is a juvenile cliché in theory, but becomes material for true worship in practice. Many a virgin will be sacrificed at full moon to said tune!

The album is clearly structured to be played as an LP, with each side beginning with an intro and ending in a mellowing section. Overall, compared to Whore of Bethlehem and The Light-Devouring Darkness the song structuring feels more focused and less aggressively evil on this one. Where the earlier two full-lengths expressed a primal contempt for god, The Apocalyptic Triumphator feels more like a carefully orchestrated sermon, without becoming calculatingly orchestrated like Watain. Archgoat accomplishes this using the exact same building blocks as on their previous works displaying an impressive dynamic in a narrow sound.

Still, when it comes down to it, the riffs and arrangements in the songs determine the quality between Archgoat’s albums. Although the title track, ‘Grans Luciferian Theophany’, ‘Light of Phosphorus’, 'Those Below’ and ‘Funeral Pyre of Trinity’ are among the top tunes ever produced by the band in those aspects, The Apocalyptic Triumphator does not quite reach the summit of The Light-Devouring Darkness, but it certainly is close. You know well what to get from this so dust of the pentagram, robe and black candles and worship the Nether Lord. Archgoat, once again, helps you set the mood.



As sure as the sun rarely rises in mid-winter Sweden, as sure can you be that Archgoat are back*1 with another slab of audial attacks to spite the deity in the sky in honor of the Southern Lord! Following the same style of raw death/black as Black Witchery, Morbosidad, Blasphemy and their fellow Finns Beherit, Archgoat has changed little since the ‘Angelcunt’ EP of ’93. Fans of the band will recognize Sinisterror’s battering blastbeats in The Apocalyptic Triumphator’s up-tempo moments along with the awesome drum comps in the mid- and doomy sections. The primitive and simple, yet incredibly effective, riffs and Slayer-solos of Ritual Butcherer are typical for the genre in general and the band in particular and will surprise no one. Neither will the deep, guttural grunts from Lord Angelslayer in his ever so persevering praises of the Horned One. Said Angelslayer’s down-tuned bass work however is hidden deep within and ever really breaks free in the middle of ‘Funeral Pyre of Trinity’ from the messy, unpolished production. Simply put, if you heard a single Archgoat song before you know what to expect.*2

The entire raw death/black (or whatever you want to call it) genre balances on the thin edge of monotony, but despite being true to their sound Archgoat always managed to stray well on the edge, never falling into the pits of uninspiring repetitiveness, a trend that continues on The Apocalyptic Triumphator. The bands recipe contains a good variation in tempo within the songs (with a typical Archgoat song beginning in ferocious up-tempo, mellowing down into mid-tempo and returning to breakneck speed at the end, ‘Sado-Magical Portal’ even takes it a step further) or between songs, killer riffs and monstrous vocals with church bells and chanting choirs as the seasoning, but that still does not fully explain the skilled act of balance. The main difference between Archgoat and their less memorable brethren lies in the primal blasphemic atmosphere which feels honest and obvious without being overworked. When Lord Angelslayer chants “Hail Satan! Hail Lucifer!” in ‘Grand Luciferian Theopahny’ it is a juvenile cliché in theory, but becomes material for true worship in practice. Many a virgin will be sacrificed at full moon to said tune!*8

The album is clearly structured to be played as an LP, with each side beginning with an intro and ending in a mellowing section. Overall, compared to Whore of Bethlehem and The Light-Devouring Darkness the song structuring feels more focused and less aggressively evil on this one. Where the earlier two full-lengths expressed a primal contempt for god, The Apocalyptic Triumphator feels more like a carefully orchestrated sermon, without becoming calculatingly orchestrated like Watain. Archgoat accomplishes this using the exact same building blocks as on their previous works displaying an impressive dynamic in a narrow sound.

Still, when it comes down to it, the riffs and arrangements in the songs determine the quality between Archgoat’s albums. Although the title track, ‘Grans Luciferian Theophany’, ‘Light of Phosphorus’, 'Those Below’ and ‘Funeral Pyre of Trinity’ are among the top tunes ever produced by the band in those aspects, The Apocalyptic Triumphator does not quite reach the summit of The Light-Devouring Darkness, but it certainly is close. You know well what to get from this so dust of the pentagram, robe and black candles and worship the Nether Lord. Archgoat, once again, helps you set the mood.

I put you original review in spoiler tag and then underlined some of the mistakes that were obvious to me, they are numbered as well to make finding my comments easier. Plus I made a bunch of other comments below.

1) This part of your sentence doesn't is confusing, it takes waaaay to much thought to understand. You should revise it.
2) Yeah this doesn't make much sense
3) In fact the whole second paragraph review is rife with spelling and grammar issues.
4) You fall into a bit of track-by-tracking, which is generally frowned upon.
5) I can't tell what you think about the album in question. It feels like you're merely stating facts about the music. In short it's boring and I don't want to read it again, nor do I really get a feel for the album.
6) You over use the -
7) Yes that bold part is indeed weird and needs rephrasing.
8) Ditch the word "tune", just call it a song man.
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Tengan
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue May 21, 2013 6:09 am
Posts: 80
Location: Sweden
PostPosted: Tue Feb 03, 2015 10:32 am 
 

Thanks for taking your time Erosion of Humanity. I have a few questions regarding your feedback if you would be so kind:

1. Will change that.
2. Rephrasing as well.
3. This is more difficult to do something proper about without specific examples, but I will look through it once more.
4. The idea was to back some claims up with examples, but I see how that might have gone a bit wrong.
5. Noted. The first reviews I had rejected were on the grounds on not enough musical description. Might have taken that a bit too far.
6. Are phrases/words like up-tempo and down-tuned correctly written as uptempo/downtuned or up tempo/down tuned?
7. Definitely changing.
8. A case of variation-in-language gone bad I suppose.

Thank you for your time.

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Erosion of Humanity
Destroyer of the Gods

Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 5:12 pm
Posts: 5898
Location: over yon hill
PostPosted: Tue Feb 03, 2015 2:31 pm 
 

Regarding the -'s, I was talking about in your first paragraph when you wrote things like "Slayer-solos" and "mid-doomy". The dashes don't belong there and make it look really funky. I know hearing "spelling and grammar" issues is definitely hard for you non native English speakers and you've probably gotta be thinking something like what the fuck man? But it's the best I can give you really. A lot of the time it's just words in the wrong order or extra/missing words that one just recognises when reading.

One thing for sure is you wrote "Archgoat are back with another slab of audial attacks" in your opening paragraph. The correct word is actually aural or you could also use the word auditory, I know it doesn't look right but it is. But even then the phrasing is still off. When referring to the band like this you are referring to the band as a whole instead of individual members so you should have use the word 'is' instead of 'are'.

Personally I would wrote it "Archgoat have returned with another ripping aural assault" or something akin to that because it just sounds better to the ear.

If you plan on writting a lot of reviews I would suggest trying to download an English spelling and grammar check program, if that's possible, as it would point out a lot of your easy mistakes and offer you the correct word/phrase to substitute with.
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