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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
PostPosted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 2:14 pm 
 

I think you could make it sound more drudgerous but be a more entertaining read if you use the litiginous, droning run on sentence better with a little more crafting ("and the band did convene to record their new blasphemies, and lo, the band did suck. Yea, verily, they were terrible" or some such).

I can see what you're going for, and definitely approve, but at present it reads as though it has one foot in soporiphic scripture and one foot in the dismal apathy the music made you feel. I think the album's depleting crapiness might be taking your imagination with it. Try to shake that off and take the piss out of the album without letting how much the thing sucked suck the wit out of you in the process.
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oneyoudontknow
Cum insantientibus furere necesse est.

Joined: Sun May 21, 2006 6:25 pm
Posts: 5343
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Sat Nov 01, 2014 3:18 pm 
 

Ah ... a good idea ... thanks for the input. This will certainly add some interesting nuances to the writing.
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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 01, 2014 4:23 pm 
 

Good luck!
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TadakatsuH0nda
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Jun 23, 2010 3:37 am
Posts: 402
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sun Nov 02, 2014 6:41 pm 
 

Just thought I'd run this by some of you who post reviews more frequently than I, what improvements can I make to my reviews? I've gotten to the point where I know when I've written a review that will be accepted, and here's my two latest, which are in my opinion my best to date, but my reviews always feel short, and feel like they're missing something, any tips? I intend to get into the habit of writing reviews on a much more regular basis than I have thus far.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... nda/231540
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... nda/231540
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Metantoine
Slave to Santa

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 12030
Location: Montréal
PostPosted: Sun Nov 02, 2014 7:01 pm 
 

The Alkaloid review would be better if it had more musical description and you've spent too much time speaking of the awful singer who plagued the band, I know he's the reason you gave it a 5% rating but it doesn't seem that fair in my mind. Also, the introduction while good is perhaps too long for the sake of the review, if the review had 200 more words, the intro would had been adequate though.

For Blaze (love the band), I liked that there's no wasted time in the introduction compared to many newbies who like to appear knowledgeable but fail at it. I liked the musical description and I know right away what made this review better than the one for Alkaloid, it's quite easier for most people (including me) to write about things you like. We can feel your love for Japanese 'evy metulh with this one. It's a well done review, I would suggest trying to add a bit more meat (just for the sake of it or for fun) to your next one though, I think you could benefit from that. You should review The Rock Dinosaur by the way, very cool EP!
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TadakatsuH0nda
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Jun 23, 2010 3:37 am
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Location: Canada
PostPosted: Mon Nov 03, 2014 1:54 am 
 

Alright, I'll attempt to apply these tips to my review of The Rock Dinosaur, as it's on my list of albums to review anyways haha. Thanks again.
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Funeral Frog
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu May 30, 2013 9:04 pm
Posts: 228
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Wed Nov 19, 2014 11:23 am 
 

Hey I've got a review for Kamijo's Heart over here. I wrote it this morning, so it might have some mistakes. I don't know why, but it doesn't feel like it's quite complete... Can someone help me out? Obviously, ignore the "<i>" formatting.

EDIT: Maybe the intro is a little short? idek...

In case you want to listen, too:



Kamijo - Heart; 93%

With an epic, resounding "Vive le roi", Kamijo has shown us that he was never really gone. After dissolving Versailles and releasing a promising EP, Kamijo's first full album is a great piece of work.

The album is filled to the brim with a great mixture of song-types. After the epic intro, songs like <i>Yamiyo No Lion [闇夜のライオン]</i> and <i>Louis ~艶血のラヴィアンローズ~【Symphonic Metal Version】</i> do a great job of bringing in some heavy guitar parts. The guitars aren't exactly revolutionary, but they don't need to be. It seems as though the guitarists are there to play more rhythm than lead, and often follow patterns similar to the keyboards/strings. Of course in Hizaki's appearance, there is no waiting; the melodic riffs start immediately and only settle during the chorus. There isn't much to complain about with the rhythm section. They do their job effectively. Between the three bassists and two drummers, there is a lot of impressive cooperation, however, and the bass does creep into the near periphery quite often with its great melodies lying just beneath the surface. In the few parts of the album that breakdowns appear (e.g. <i>Rose Croix</i>), the drummers did well in not keeping it exactly the same as every other breakdown on earth (did you know that your arms can still play during a breakdown!?).

Of course, Heart should be put into perspective with Versailles and Jupiter's releases. Masashi and Hizaki are guest musicians for a few songs, adding some of Versailles' flavour. In fact, the entire album sounds somewhat like a normal Versailles album (so it isn't quite as heavy as Jupiter's only album to-date, for better or worse). It is also worth mentioning that Heart has a lot of symphonics... probably more than any of Versailles' albums. They are especially well-done, too. <i>Death Parade</i> is a good example of this, and probably their most symphony-driven song.

Production on Heart is splendid, as to be expected from an accomplished Symphonic Metal/Visual Kei musician and company. There are absolutely no parts that sound poorly-mixed, <b>except</b> for the first twenty seconds of Rose Croix, where Kamijo's voice sounds a little bit buried.. Even the album art is nice to look at (no, not just because Kamijo is on it... the colour scheme and balance is quite effective).

Although there are plenty of parts where the keyboards/strings are doing the melodies, it would have been nice to hear the guitars a bit more dominant in some parts. Also unfortunate is the fact that like in Versailles, Kamijo put most of the better songs right in the beginning. <i>Death Parade</i> is the beginning of a four-song lull. There just isn't much substance within those four songs; they don't have many terribly interesting parts, besides the overall feel of each one. <i>Sanctuary</i> pulls the album back together in a great way, but perhaps it could have come in the middle of said four songs? Still, it's good that Kamijo gave a lot in his first solo effort (a whole hour!).

Highlights: <i>Yamiyo No Lion, Vive le Roi</i> + <i>Rose Croix, Heart</i>[/size]
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Last edited by Funeral Frog on Thu Nov 20, 2014 8:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Erosion of Humanity
Destroyer of the Gods

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 19, 2014 9:41 pm 
 

Oh thank God it isn't as long as it looks. I dunno why but the review is there twice. As far as content goes it feels very check listy to me and while you do describe the music, very in depth too, it's just boring. Maybe throw some flair in it or something? It's very clinical so if that's your thing great job, if not then it needs some fine tuning.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 20, 2014 2:45 am 
 

The progression makes little sense. As EoH elucidated in his response, it feels like two separate reviews haphazardly affixed together courtesy of a complete absence of coherent narrative flow. Grammatically sound otherwise, but lacking in memorable descriptive merits. I suggest dropping the "Best tracks; prime cuts; highlights" addendum(s) as well. A well-written review precludes the need to spell such obvious fare out to the reader.
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Funeral Frog
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu May 30, 2013 9:04 pm
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 20, 2014 8:17 am 
 

Oh shit idk how it got there twice! Thanks for the feedback so far, guys.

I've just had a problem whenever I try to have humour in my reviews (I don't seem to be great at in writing, without forcing it). When I try it, I get distracted from the review and just end up sounding odd. For now, I might keep things safe and a little bit boring. Hopefully entertainment will come later!
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 20, 2014 8:52 am 
 

Yeah well, don't force anything if you aren't comfortable. Just bang a few out and you'll find your voice sooner rather than later. Plus just like any other endeavor: "practice makes perfect."
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soul_schizm
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Jun 01, 2011 8:55 am
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 20, 2014 10:51 am 
 

Damn D, you are a tough audience these days :)

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 20, 2014 1:16 pm 
 

Ah that was you, yeah I accepted it but it still wasn't up to par so I fixed some of the errors myself. Your profile location says USA but you write like English isn't your native language. Take a look at it and feel free to resubmit it if you want to make any further edits, as it at least meets the standards now.

Anyway, I just don't understand this habit of using double-hyphen (--) to indicate partial thought deviation instead of the semi-colon. It looks and reads very choppy and unnatural if it is overused.
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soul_schizm
Metalhead

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 20, 2014 3:34 pm 
 

Nah, it's fine.

There are probably a few of my other reviews that have hyphens all over the place, though. I'll try to limit them in the future.

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Funeral Frog
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu May 30, 2013 9:04 pm
Posts: 228
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat Nov 22, 2014 7:30 pm 
 

Question: Does it make more sense to use both 1st and 3rd person in reviews, or does it usually seem to lose its objectivity when someone expresses something about themselves? Sample sentence:

The guitars are very good in this album.
I think the guitars are very good in this album.

The top is less personal, and says it like it is a fact, but the second feels amateur and uninformed...

Also, what about tense? Do you guys normally write as if the music is happening or happened before? Another example:

Yuki's drums sound tinny and uninteresting, and he seems to struggle to make himself heard over the other instruments.
Yuki's drums sounded tinny and uninteresting, and he seems to have struggled to make himself heard over the other instruments.
Yuki's drums sounded tinny and uninteresting, and he seemed to struggle to make himself heard over the other instruments.
Yuki's drums sounded tinny and uninteresting, and he seemed to have struggled to make himself heard over the other instruments.

I'm certain that there will be no consensus on this one. I think I naturally write like the fourth one, but it sounds weird and gives me the sense that "I didn't like it" automatically, regardless of the actual message. Thoughts?
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MutantClannfear
Blank Czech

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 22, 2014 7:52 pm 
 

1) My two cents: Stick to third person unless you have something legitimately significant to contribute to the review with your own experiences. Describe the music objectively in third person (saying "I think that...", with no indication that it's something that you actually *thought* of, can come across as very flimsy and unsure of oneself), unless you want to introduce a personal hypothesis to the review that exists beyond the scope of the music.
2) When I read a review with the exposition in any past tense, it makes me think that the reviewer listened to it once and is trying to recall how it sounded from memory. To me, at least, that really weakens the strength of their opinion. The music continues to exist even once you stop listening to it, so use the simple present tense.
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~Guest 82538
Metal freak

Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:34 am
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 22, 2014 9:06 pm 
 

Funeral Frog wrote:
Question: Does it make more sense to use both 1st and 3rd person in reviews, or does it usually seem to lose its objectivity when someone expresses something about themselves? Sample sentence:

The guitars are very good in this album.
I think the guitars are very good in this album.

The top is less personal, and says it like it is a fact, but the second feels amateur and uninformed...

Try using a less specific form of saying things that makes the reader understand you're giving an opinion that's your own take on it. Like for instance "the guitars sound great on this album". It states your opinion vividly and doesn't leave room for interpretation nor comes over to the reader as factual. It's just your take on it.

And following the same reasoning:
Quote:
Yuki's drums sound tinny and uninteresting, and he seems to struggle to make himself heard over the other instruments.

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Erosion of Humanity
Destroyer of the Gods

Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 5:12 pm
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 22, 2014 10:28 pm 
 

Agreed with these two, reading reviews that have "I" or "to me" every other sentence are really annoying. My feeling is that we know it's your review and therefore your opinion so we don't need you to remind us of that all the time. And yeah past tense in a review should avoided unless you're linking a specific point in time to the album. For instance saying when it was recorded, came out, when you bought it, etc. are all acceptable times to use past tense whereas describing itas you listening to it in the past should generally be avoided.
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Funeral Frog
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu May 30, 2013 9:04 pm
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Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat Nov 22, 2014 10:41 pm 
 

All great advice, guys. Thanks!
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CardsOfWar
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2014 6:33 am
Posts: 856
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Mon Nov 24, 2014 10:26 am 
 

I've cooked up a new review. This time for The Gathering Wilderness by Primordial. I haven't submitted it to the site yet, as I'm hoping to get some feedback first.

Spoiler: show
80% - 'It speaks to me in tongues' (lyric quote)

Primordial are a band that have always had something to say. From the nostalgic national romanticism of their earlier releases, to the nihilistic rejection of those very same ideals in 2007’s masterpiece To the Nameless Dead, Primordial have always wanted their music to have emotional and political meaning beyond its mere compositional structures and forms.

In spite, however of all the innate focus on politics and history found in The Gathering Wilderness, it still manages to avoid the prototypical problem with overtly political/didactic music of an overwhelming emphasis on message over good songcraft and musicianship. The songs on The Gathering Wilderness dynamically rise and fall like the olden empires Primordial is so fond of; tied together by the burning guitar lines the band are known for and carried along by frontman Alan Averill’s impassioned vocal cries. The vocals are and always will be a highlight of Primordial’s work, but never so much as on The Gathering Wilderness; Averill ranges from his standard bellowing cleans, to harsh screams, to sinister whispers, to feeble, triumphant background humming. “Who casts the shadow upon our age?” he asks at one point; a resounding open question that seems to encompass the shining past, the bleak future, and everything in between, made only more powerful by the devastating vocal style used to deliver it.

With all that said, The Gathering Wilderness is not without its fair share of problems. In terms of the realisation of overall musical aims, The Gathering Wilderness is largely lacking. Individual verses and riffs stand as recurrent, self-contained events, rather than contributing to a broader musical narrative. The occasional poorly placed lyrical passage certainly doesn’t help in this regard. “Sometimes I get to thinking about the past, when I’ve had more than a drink or two,” sings Averill on the largely pointless final track; A line that, given the clean, easily understandable vocal style with which it is delivered, and the unusually misplaced confidence Averill has in the verse is enough to pull even the most entranced listener out of their reverie.
Through this review, the impression may have been given that The Gathering Wilderness is at its core a flawed or unenjoyable album, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s full of downright inspired moments and ideas. Compositionally, The Gathering Wilderness leaves very little to be desired, it’s just that conceptually, it’s emblematic of a band that knew exactly what they wanted to say, but were still searching for the perfect way of saying it.
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Last edited by CardsOfWar on Mon Nov 24, 2014 1:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Neurosphere
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Nov 22, 2014 4:28 pm
Posts: 58
Location: Britland
PostPosted: Mon Nov 24, 2014 11:57 am 
 

Here's a review I recently submitted. I just noticed that upon reading it thoroughly, I seem to be missing a lot of punctuation amongst a couple of other things. I just wanted to know what you guys think of it. I stupidly forgot to copy and save the original I tried to submit after an hour so I wrote this submission. It's within that cheeky little minx of a spoiler.

Cheers.

Spoiler: show
Carcass are a band which certainly need no introduction, a band which upped the ante in the realms of the extreme metal world and quickly made a name for themselves (thanks to John Peel) in the death metal scene. This is their debut taking a theme of gore seasoned with medical jargon taken from medical dictionaries. Song names such as "Microwaved Uterogestation", "Carbonized Eyesockets" and "Vomited Anal Tract" (and the lyrics) would make the likes of Ed Gein's stomach turn. I have personally never been a fan of these kinds of lyrics and vocals (as long as they fit, I don't care), and never will be but I mostly judge music by the instrumentation anyway, the Carcass guys certainly know what to do in this theme and they are bloody good at it.

The album opens up with a masterpiece of an instrumental "Genital Grinder" with a dark, atmospheric beginning and one heck of a bloody good riff which then dives into "Regurgitation of Giblets" a very strong opening but there's one thing dragging this down from the let go and that is the production. Never have I heard of such piss poor production in my life, it sounds like it has been submerged in mud and thus affects the whole album. At many different points in the album some instruments are more punctuated above others examples include "Maggot Colony" where the snare seems to appear in random places thus giving the appearance of bad timing, the timing issue appears on other songs too for instance the intro to "Burnt to a Crisp" I can't think what but something doesn't seem quite right to me in that. The solos are very bad in places, too it's very noticeable on the likes of "Vomited Anal Tract" which is nothing but a high pitched squeal which would make you want to book an appointment with Mr. Blonde. The solo in Pungent Excruciation also appears to drown out the other instruments. The bass is highly inaudible with the exception of the intro to "Malignant Defecation" and "Oxidized Razor Masticator" which are both some of my favourites.

The riffs are pretty good overall I feel that they had some great creativity on this album but much of it appears to be indecipherable and jumpy at times ("Fermenting Innards" is an example). I especially liked the riff in "Oxidized Razor Masticator" which I am certain was modified slightly for use on the Necroticism album (might have been Incarnated Solvent Abuse or Corporal Jigsore Quandary or just my imagination) from which I can decipher of it. The riff in "Burnt to a Crisp" is another catchy, upbeat, head bang worthy mention that comes to mind although the solo yet again, sounds muffled. I also enjoyed the riff in "Fermenting Innards", despite starting off poorly. In places they slow down adding a very nice variation and break from the fast parts. The middle part of the album was a bit of a chore to get through in places (well, in quite a lot of parts) and I do feel that the production really dampens the overall enjoyment and really does drain the overall creativity and composition in a vast majority of it which is a real shame. All I can say is, this really needs a remaster I do believe that they have remastered this so I may track that down. The bad production though is probably what gave this album the iconic status it had/has in death metal but nowadays, I notice that it really gets in the way at several critical points.

This is certainly an album which has potential but as I have got older I start to really notice the poor production more and the changes of master volume changes amongst other little things.

Favourite songs: "Genital Grinder", "Oxidized Razor Masticator", "Burnt to a Crisp", "Maggot Colony" (the latter two: despite some parts sounding iffy, they are good) and "Malignant Defecation".

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Erosion of Humanity
Destroyer of the Gods

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 24, 2014 2:15 pm 
 

CoW: there's some minor punctuation errors and it feels like it could use about another paragraph in there towards the end. Otherwise not bad.


Neuro: yeah man spelling and grammar are pretty horrid in there. It felt almost like a track by track just minus all the detail that usually gets put into them. I think some restructuring would do you wonders. Also try to elaborate on your thoughts a bit more, I know sometimes it can be difficult because all you really have to say is one or two sentences but still, give it a go.
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Spiner202
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 26, 2014 2:25 pm 
 

More of a general comment than something directed at Neuro, but something I see a lot in reviews is "Carcass are a band". It should be "Carcass is a band". A band is a collective entity, so it's singular instead of plural.

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MutantClannfear
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 26, 2014 2:42 pm 
 

Spiner202 wrote:
More of a general comment than something directed at Neuro, but something I see a lot in reviews is "Carcass are a band". It should be "Carcass is a band". A band is a collective entity, so it's singular instead of plural.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison ... _agreement
Quote:
In British English (BrE), collective nouns can take either singular (formal agreement) or plural (notional agreement) verb forms, according to whether the emphasis is on the body as a whole or on the individual members respectively; compare a committee was appointed with the committee were unable to agree. The term the Government always takes a plural verb in British civil service convention, perhaps to emphasise the principle of cabinet collective responsibility. Compare also the following lines of Elvis Costello's song "Oliver's Army": Oliver's Army is here to stay / Oliver's Army are on their way. Some of these nouns, for example staff, actually combine with plural verbs most of the time.[...]

The difference occurs for all nouns of multitude, both general terms such as team and company and proper nouns (for example where a place name is used to refer to a sports team). For instance,

BrE: SuperHeavy is a band that shouldn't work or First Aid Kit are a band full of contradictions; AmE: The Clash is a well-known band.
BrE: Spain are the champions; AmE: Spain is the champion.
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LeMiserable
Milhouse van Houten

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 26, 2014 2:50 pm 
 

LanguageMan to the rescue!
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Spiner202
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 26, 2014 3:02 pm 
 

Strange, as I've grown up with British English and never come across that before. I think it's because most of the time, the former situation (referring to the body rather than the members) is more applicable. I also think it makes more sense to say "the members of Carcass are...".

I guess to be fair, the site allows both British and American spelling (colour vs color), so this should work either way. It just seems strange to me.

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MutantClannfear
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 26, 2014 3:08 pm 
 

I pretty consistently say "the band are..." even though I'm American and speak definitively American English in most other regards. For one-man projects, I usually go back and forth interchangeably. "Burzum are a cool band" sounds like something I'd say, though I guess I might also be likely to say "Burzum is a cool project" in that case. *shrug* I say just use whatever you're most comfortable with. It's hardly the most pressing issue as far as "correctly spoken" English goes.
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GuntherTheUndying
Crimson King, Eater of Worlds

Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:36 pm
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Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Dec 05, 2014 1:29 pm 
 

Reposting this classic. I stumped on it in the catacombs of my saved pictures.
Spoiler: show
Image
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Erosion of Humanity
Destroyer of the Gods

Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 5:12 pm
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 05, 2014 1:54 pm 
 

I think you missed the right thread man...
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GuntherTheUndying
Crimson King, Eater of Worlds

Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:36 pm
Posts: 2833
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Dec 05, 2014 2:01 pm 
 

Whoa, I suck. What the hell?
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Maggot death head
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Wed Jul 31, 2013 9:00 am
Posts: 1
Location: Belgium
PostPosted: Fri Dec 12, 2014 4:35 am 
 

Dear metallers around here,

I've wrote a review for Evig Hat's release called ''Taakedahl''. But unfortunately it was rejected because of the grammar. English is my second language and far from perfect. So can you please halp me with filtering all mistakes, I reallt appreciate it!

Here it it:

This is the only Evig Hat recording in its primal line-up. Almost all members left the band, maybe because of the tragic death of the bassist Taakedahl (R.I.P.) (I have a feeling that says that this release is dedicated to him). The only member left in the band is ‘Satan’. During the last few months he’s been busy with making new releases for Evig Hat. And this is where it all begun!

But there is a big difference on this record and all other releases, apart from the line-up. This release is way more under-produced, while all other Evig Hat releases are very well produced, accept for ‘Lemlestet’. ‘Lemlestet’ is also a bit under produced. But its way better in comparison with ‘Taakedahl’. As stated by Satan it’s recorded with a macbook. The only word that’s left to say about this is off course: Primitive. The sound that has been created this way reminds me to the old black metal demos. And that’s what I love to hear. Definitely from recently founded black metal bands. The one thing that’s a kind of missing are the vocals. Satan sure does the best he can, but he isn’t loud enough to conquer all the other instruments.

As for the song itself, you won’t find a song like this on every other of Evig Hat's releases. Although there are some riffs similar to the newer Evig Hat riffs. But you’ll notice the difference if you are familiar with the latest albums. One thing that keeps on coming back is the grim and dark atmosphere. This has been the main ingredient in all of Evig Hats albums. But ‘Taakedahl’ contains that grimness in the most pure way, so raw and so obscure. Unfortunately lots of other bands seems to have problems with making their music 'grim'. Evig Hat has proven itself more true the roots of black metal by adding this grimness into his music.

I highly recommend this release to everyone who prefers raw black metal in a rehearsal kind of sound. I discomment you 'Taakedahl' if you're not into old-school black metal.

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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
PostPosted: Sun Dec 21, 2014 7:39 pm 
 

^ Try writing it in your first language first, run it through a translator, clean up what you can on your own, and get back to us. This request is a little too "flea combing" for my taste. I'm helpful, but patience is limited.
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FuckHumanity
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2014 2:09 pm
Posts: 5
PostPosted: Mon Dec 22, 2014 9:55 am 
 

I posted a review some months ago for some feedback and I followed the suggestions that were offered by those who chose to help me(one of them was the admin who rejected it) and even though I tried my best to meet the standards and having in mind the fact that English is not my native language I came up with the final result:

"Human Serpent - The Gradual Immersion In Nihilism

Homage For Misanthropy - 92%

Human Serpent is definitely a smart band that respects all the offered dignity in their creative personality. Their debut album '' The Gradual Immersion In Nihilism'' is violent and it genuinely wants to make you feel ''Nothing'', there is no sense of peace anywhere to be found. Human Serpent kick it off with 8 Master-crafted pieces of pure black metal with devotion to the new era of Misanthropy.

Guitars range from slow to mid-paced and fast black metal riffs that are very aggressive sounding with some dark sounding melodies and depressive feel, with "Human Serpent", "The Gradual Immersion In Nihilism" and "Grief" being the primest of examples, there are also leads present in this recording. The growls are primitively and destructively raw, the drums are mostly fast paced and quite dynamic compared to most black metal sound, and are almost in consistency with the guitars. Bass lines are jugular-pumping and constantly audible, though they are a bit safe in the notation and really just follow the structure of the rhythm guitars, unable to add another level of depth or atmosphere when you listen at a distance. At this point, I would like to mention that the bass melody in the last minutes of the closing track "Chapel Of Bones" is truly marvelous. The combination of the guitar with the vocals, the drums and the bass creates an atmosphere that surrounded me with the feelings of aggression and hatred, as well as, depression and sadness. This is black metal in the vein of the very old tradition of Scandinavian and Greek sound, but I really like the way they built a solid personality.

As far as the production is concerned, it has a very dark, raw and primitive sound to it. It is very good, as a matter of fact, it is a production that even though it creates the atmosphere of the oldschool black metal sound you can easily hear all the instruments, not only as a whole but also each one individually. The artwork is a nihilistic portrait and it is like the last piece of the puzzle that connects the band. I was also positively surprised by the fact that the band chose not to include the lyrics in the booklet of the CD but rather a 4-chapter story that strengthens the feelings and the atmosphere that the music creates for you. The final artistic outcome is truly fantastic.

I really recommend this band if you are looking for new names coming from Greece, it is a must-listen for anyone who likes the oldschool Underground Sound. Overall, this is a nihilistic album, not boring, raw, and quite different than the average nowadays black metal albums."

I would greatly appreciate any help once more. The admin told me that the use of the grammar and language is hideous and that if I resubmit it I will be banned, so I am in need of some help...

Thank you!

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Erosion of Humanity
Destroyer of the Gods

Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 5:12 pm
Posts: 5898
Location: over yon hill
PostPosted: Mon Dec 22, 2014 10:22 am 
 

Well for starters there's some punctuation issues, you have a lot of words capitalized that shouldn't be (I.e. a bunch of adjectives); secondly the review just reads oddly. It sounds like you wrote it in your native language and then Google translate mucked it all up because it's not so good at things like this, unfortunately I think you need a better understanding of the language before you write in it (I don't mean this as derogatory just as a fact). Lastly I still don't know anything about the album other than it sounds like black metal and apparently sounds "nihilistic" whatever that is supposed to mean.
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Man is truly a wretched thing, and the forest is committed to expunging him from existence.

Azmodes wrote:
It combines two of my favourite things: penis innuendo and derigin.

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FuckHumanity
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2014 2:09 pm
Posts: 5
PostPosted: Mon Dec 22, 2014 3:39 pm 
 

Here is the thing that bothers me the most here, if I post a review that I think that is detailed (reviewing and discussing about each track individually and the release as a whole) I am told that this is not being accepted, when I try to be somewhat more generic then as you mentioned there aren't much to be understood...

Anyways, thanks for the feedback and the help in general!

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Mon Dec 22, 2014 3:50 pm 
 

Track by track reviews are no good, and generally considered an amateurish loophole many newbie writers try to exploit. Chances are I was the moderator that rejected it, and I still would. Describing the music in broader terms, citing specific song examples when necessary to prove a point, etc. does not mean the quality of the content should suffer. The funny thing is, this one is OK as far as description is concerned, but the grammar still kills it.
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MDL
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2014 2:12 pm
Posts: 949
Location: Unknown
PostPosted: Mon Dec 22, 2014 5:51 pm 
 

Today, I posted a review for Mayhem's "Esoteric Warfare", but it was rejected. I am new doing this, since that review was the first one that i ever made, and i don't know what should I add or remove in the review. Also, english is not the matern language of my land and i have some troubles while writting in a different language. Well, here it is:

"Could be worse and better" - 40%

"Oh well, how shall I begin? Mayhem realised their new album of 2014, "Esoteric Warfare". With an epic title like that and a cover worthy of the same adjective, I though that this new work was going to show a revived kvlt Mayhem, maybe with some similarities to their 90's works, like the well-known and awesome "Freezing Moon". However, the album disappointed me. I am not saying that it is not kvlt or something, but the sound wasn't really the best. Some songs have a guitar playing that is almost always equal, not only between those new songs, but in black metal, in general, something that I regard as a cliche. There are another underground black metal bands that no one knows that usually use similar styled riffs, but they can bypass easily, like what happens with Beltane or Drangsalymir. And I know that black metal is a genre that involves lot of complexity and that the majority of the bands don't usually make different sounds to delight the listener, but I am one of those guys that like the songs by their sound and not by the comments of the others or by the lyrics (almost intelligible, even with them at your front).

The first song "Watchers" is pretty good and I really liked it. The same happened with the next one, "Psywar", although I fought in it a little decay in the musicality. Actually, it haves some similarities to a Graveworm's song but with no keyboards. The better track was, indeed, "Throne of Time": brutal, obscure and kvlt. If the album could be that song extended in 47 minutos, for me, it would be better than awesome. To the other tracks: I don't have nothing to append or if I have, it will be not positive at all. The sixth track, "V.I.Sec." is appaling. It appears to be a mix between depressive black metal and a poorly produced Bathory's song. Oh, and, just at the time! The penultimate track, "Posthuman" was sustained only by the legendary Necrobutcher's bass, the only thing that prevented me of enter in a depression and commit suicide. Attila's vocals resembled a dying duck.

Concluding, I need to state that "Esoteric Warfare" could be better and was really disappointing. Maybe to the next time."

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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
PostPosted: Mon Dec 22, 2014 7:44 pm 
 

Is it just me, or have we seen this FuckHumanity's review before?


@ MDL666:
"Oh well, how shall I begin." By beginning, not by writing that.

Basically, this reads not only as your first draft, but as your notes for a first draft. You can flesh out any of these statements of opinion and reorganize it so it moves smoothly from one topic to the next.

"kvlt" isn't really useful as a descriptor. It's quite general and casual, not to mention usually used tongue-in-cheek. Describe the music you're listening to. Communicate that to us. "The first song .. is pretty good and I really liked it" doesn't do much to accomplish communication. Also, track by track descriptions (even ones this short) aren't going to go over well.

The language barrier makes it a confusing read. Write your reviews in your native language first, and then work out a way to translate it. My suggestion would be to put it through a translator for a rough-in, and then work with a friend of yours who has a better grasp on English to clean it up once it's translated. This will give you more freedom to express yourself in the first place without worrying and restricting your writing. Also, if you're familiar with the definition of "run-on sentence," eliminate those.

It's perfectly fine to write a review about an album you find mediocre. It's helpful if you compare it to something you like much better, explaining why and how. Above all, keep things clear, simple, and straight forward, particularly when writing in a language you aren't fluent in. Prioritize clarity and organization, then let us take another look at it.

I'd also recommend reviewing an album you like a lot and takes you somewhere. But don't just say "It really took me somewhere." See what I mean?
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Erosion of Humanity
Destroyer of the Gods

Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 5:12 pm
Posts: 5898
Location: over yon hill
PostPosted: Tue Dec 23, 2014 2:49 am 
 

I feel like this needs to be asked in light of the last two reviews posted: when you go into your translation mechanism does it give you a option for proper English and common English? Both of these seem to be marred not only by common translation issues (the words aren't the same or don't hold the same meaning/value in both languages) but also by the fact that it's way over the top in regards to word choice and sentence structure.

All I can really say is that it feels "off" and flows almost completely improperly.
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Man is truly a wretched thing, and the forest is committed to expunging him from existence.

Azmodes wrote:
It combines two of my favourite things: penis innuendo and derigin.

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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
PostPosted: Tue Dec 23, 2014 11:41 am 
 

I doubt there's a proper/common filter, unfortunately. I wish I could test my own advice, but I'm a monolingual ignoramus. Still, I was helping a fellow with an essay for school (it was essentially nonsensical, I don't know how he managed to get passing grades in university composition) and suggested he write it in Spanish first. Things improved considerably thereafter.

I feel like you're on to something, Erosion, but I feel like the grammar itself would be more fucked up if this was just translator cut-and-paste. A translator might plug in the wrong words here and there (e.g., "discomment" .. wtf is that?) or make capitalization errors, but it can't organize the ideas. The flow, I'm pretty sure, is mainly the fault of the author.
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