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H_P Butthurt
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2014 3:58 pm
Posts: 4
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Nov 05, 2015 4:18 pm 
 

I am having so much trouble attempting to get this published on the Metallum. This has been modified numerous times and I have had multiple people read over it, including my editors for the website I write for and have already published the original draft of this review, but Diamhea continues to reject this. He/she says that there are many issues with this without pointing them out to me which is so helpful! Now I am forced to submit it on here for further revision after being told to not resubmit this again. I really hesitate to do this but this is my last try at submitting this the website. I really don't see how this one is any worse than the other 70+ reviews I wrote that were accepted on here. In fact, the original draft of this review is not only still published online as of this past February, but the artist put a link to it up on their official Facebook page. BUT NO! This review is still unacceptable for this website.

Sorry if I come off as aggravated but that's because I am.

Spoiler: show
Coming from the great land of China, Ghost Bath have unleashed their third full-length album “Moonlover” very promptly after releasing last year’s “Funeral”. Although this follow-up album didn’t leave their fans barely any time to let the album “Funeral” sink in, “Moonlover” improves and evolves beyond the music of their last album. And they breach through these obstacles marvelously on their album’s monumental single “Golden Number”.

I don’t know about any of you out there reading this, but “Golden Number” gives me chills. It’s so good. This kind of music is unprecedented in its extraordinary way to keep improving itself over and over again. Imagine a blacksmith folding metal, overlapping itself and then being forged together and repeating this process to a razor-thin purification. Akin to the blacksmith, Ghost Bath does this with post-black metal. To truly discover this purity in music, you don’t need to know any spoken language known on Earth. Its magnificence cannot be expressed with words but merely primal, painful screams softly touching upon the immense beauty of the music like thunder belching from the inside of a mountain. And that mountain is haunted with millions of lonely spirits.

I think that it would be important to note the distinct similarities with this album and “Sunbather” from Bay Area-based shoegaze-and-black metal successors Deafheaven. It’s one thing to sound similar in style and form with Ghost Bath musically but even titles like “Moonlover”, “Happyhouse”, “Beneath the Shade Tree” which mimic Deafheaven titles like “Sunbather”, “Dream House”, & “The Pecan Tree”, perhaps Ghost Bath is trying to outdo their predecessors. The odd thing is that they totally accomplished that if that is what they were going for. If Woods of Desolation’s “As the Stars” hadn’t made me move on after “Sunbather”, Ghost Bath’s “Moonlover” has beaten a completely new path from which might make you ever return to Deafheaven. If they plan to stay relevant for their next album, they are going to have to do something completely unexpected because if their new music they are currently working on is even a hair shy of the quality of “Moon Lover”, the album will unquestionably flop with the critics.

When “Sunbather” was released in 2013, it was surprising to see it get so much praise from the media and outside musical scenes as well. Deafheaven shared a stage with Outkast and Elton John last year at Bonnaroo Festival. However, despite Ghost Bath’s absence from huge music festivals, their music trumps “Sunbather” on every conceivable level by never pulling any punches about whether the band was catering too much to post rock or to shoegaze. There is no vocal ambiguity like what you would hear on an Alcest record. Ghost Bath, in their mysteriousness and their disconnection from the music industry, are about death and isolation and they draw their stylistic lines very deep into the sands of metal.

What I think the exceptional mastering job done on this record is a good example as to why this kind of music trumps any Lifelover record they ever made. One of the distinguishing factors about depressive black metal are its dirges delivered with throat ripping screams. To even speak in such a way of performance, it becomes a kind of self-possession where you allowing yourself to be consumed by beings that lurk in the spiritual realm.

Sometimes it is just screaming. Similar to acting in film or theater, there are performers who just act out the script but sometimes you get actors that just do unforgettable performances. Likewise, when the vocal aspect is merely used as a dissonant and otherworldly musical instrument that cogitates around the distant vocal howling, there are some people who are merely reading a script. But the vocals here never seem out of place.

Since 2006, depressive black metal has been recorded in China with bands like Be Persecuted & Dopamine producing forward-thinking and memorable black metal. Ghost Bath’s place of origin seems to be the most excellent of places to make such sad, abysmal yet romantic music like this. I think China has been overlooked for a long time by the global metal community. But perhaps It’s become clear that they are just as good at producing extreme music as much as the US or Germany, the UK, France, Norway, Turkey, Japan, Australia, etc.

What I have seen for several years is this large movement of very extraordinary depressive black metal musicians from bands like Alcest, Peste Noire, Lifelover, Austere, Woods of Desolation, Heretoir, Dopamine, Liam, Lantlos and the list continues to grow. Ghost Bath was an underappreciated band in 2014 but with “Moonlover” I think they should expect to start receiving a lot more attention. This year has only just begun and we already have a memorable and fantastic hit straight out of the gates.

<i>Originally published on Metal-Temple.com, 2-05-2015.</i>

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu Nov 05, 2015 4:30 pm 
 

Your location is set as United States but I'm assuming you aren't a native English speaker. I have no problem fixing a few typos in submissions without rejecting them (as I do with most of yours without you realizing) - but this has more than a couple major grammar gaffes that I don't feel comfortable fixing on my own. I did specify that the grammar was the issue in the rejection message, although now that I look at this, it is factually wrong as well, since the band isn't from China, they are from North Dakota.

I could also argue that it lacks focus and rambles a bit too much, but I wouldn't reject it on those grounds. You describe the music pretty well.

Since I am the one moderating these, I would appreciate a second, unbiased opinion here to be fair.
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H_P Butthurt
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2014 3:58 pm
Posts: 4
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2015 12:04 am 
 

Way to start off your comment with a completely condescending comment about what my "native language" is. Despite the facts and figures that point that English is the dominant language of the US, despite that all of my reviews are written in English, despite my fucking comment being in English, you still want to assume that I'm not fluent in English? You really got this off on the wrong foot by making snap judgements about me as a person. Again, you haven't detailed one specific thing that needs to be fixed. The grammar's wrong? OK then, where? I have had other English speakers review this and provide me with their comments and I went back over it and made those adjustments.

Secondly nothing about what you just wrote was CONSTRUCTIVE for the review itself. "this has more than a couple major grammar gaffes that I don't feel comfortable fixing on my own" Well, no duh, I already knew that by now! That's why I made this post! Still, you want to only point out that its wrong without giving any explanation as to what exactly you're talking about. You're not being helpful whatsoever, you're just acting like a jackass at this point.

So how about I run through some potential "grammar issues" you may be referring to and then you can tell me if these are acceptable or unacceptable? Then, you can be a useful editor by explaining what is right and what is wrong without me attempting to read your thoughts.

#1:
Spoiler: show
Bay Area-based shoegaze-and-black metal successors Deafheaven
maybe this should be written as
Spoiler: show
Bay Area-based blackened shoegaze successors Deafheaven


#2:
Spoiler: show
Since 2006, depressive black metal has been recorded in China with bands like Be Persecuted & Dopamine producing forward-thinking and memorable black metal. Ghost Bath’s place of origin seems to be the most excellent of places to make such sad, abysmal yet romantic music like this. I think China has been overlooked for a long time by the global metal community. But perhaps It’s become clear that they are just as good at producing extreme music as much as the US or Germany, the UK, France, Norway, Turkey, Japan, Australia, etc.
because the new information disproves what I was saying here, this whole paragraph can be omitted for accuracy's sake.

That's really all I can come up with for grammar mistakes. Microsoft Word doesn't add green lines to anything and none of my other editors have noticed anything either. Now I know what you meant by "more than a couple". You literally just meant a couple.

I also want to point out that, by the time this was published, I and nearly everyone else was confused about the location of Ghost Bath. Check the publishing date of the article: February 5th, 2015. All the information I could gather told me that Ghost Bath was Chinese and the band themselves did not deny that. I am aware that the band is officially from North Dakota but you're still going to berate me for mistakes made in the past?

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2015 12:27 am 
 

A quick skim has unearthed issues in these passages, and they are hardly minor. I bold-faced the problem areas:

Quote:
Although this follow-up album didn’t leave their fans barely any time to let the album...


Quote:
Ghost Bath’s “Moonlover” has beaten a completely new path from which might make you ever return to Deafheaven.


Quote:
What I think the exceptional mastering job done on this record is a good example as to why this kind of music trumps any Lifelover record they ever made.
(Feels like something is missing in the middle of the sentence, doesn't flow correctly)

Quote:
It becomes a kind of self-possession where you allowing yourself to be consumed by beings that lurk in the spiritual realm.


And concerning the band's location, I read the submission date as May 2nd, 2015. So yeah, we can probably ignore that and you can leave that section in, if you so desire. The rest of your rant is libelous hogwash, yet you berate me for making supposed "snap judgements." I've moderated many of your reviews and have had little trouble, but a few of your recent submissions were abruptly and confoundingly below standard, so much so that it caused some concern as we thought you were submitting work from a second individual pursuant to plagiarism.
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nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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H_P Butthurt
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2014 3:58 pm
Posts: 4
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2015 12:38 am 
 

Well isn't that precious! My editors rarely have any problems at all with my reviews.

Thank you for finally explaining what needed to be fixed. I truly hope we never have to speak to one another again.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2015 12:42 am 
 

H_P Buttcraft wrote:
Well isn't that precious! My editors rarely have any problems at all with my reviews.


Yes, and this is one reason why Metal-Temple is the laughingstock of metal review sites. :lol:
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nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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H_P Butthurt
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2014 3:58 pm
Posts: 4
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2015 3:42 am 
 

That's libel. You're nothing but a hypocrite on a power trip.

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Morrigan
Crone of War

Joined: Sat Aug 10, 2002 7:27 am
Posts: 10528
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2015 4:06 am 
 

...Libel? Hypocrite? Wha?

Yeah, I don't blame Diamhea for thinking English isn't your native language, considering you obviously like to use words without knowing their meaning. And I say this as someone whose native language isn't English. :lol:

Diamhea was kind enough to reply politely and you got all butthurt for no reason. Tsk, tsk.
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Rosenthorn
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Dec 11, 2013 8:51 pm
Posts: 535
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2015 4:09 am 
 

H_P Buttcraft wrote:
I am having so much trouble attempting to get this published on the Metallum. This has been modified numerous times and I have had multiple people read over it, including my editors for the website I write for and have already published the original draft of this review, but Diamhea continues to reject this. He/she says that there are many issues with this without pointing them out to me which is so helpful! Now I am forced to submit it on here for further revision after being told to not resubmit this again. I really hesitate to do this but this is my last try at submitting this the website. I really don't see how this one is any worse than the other 70+ reviews I wrote that were accepted on here. In fact, the original draft of this review is not only still published online as of this past February, but the artist put a link to it up on their official Facebook page. BUT NO! This review is still unacceptable for this website.

Sorry if I come off as aggravated but that's because I am.

Spoiler: show
Coming from the great land of China, Ghost Bath have unleashed their third full-length album “Moonlover” very promptly after releasing last year’s “Funeral”. Although this follow-up album didn’t leave their fans barely any time to let the album “Funeral” sink in, “Moonlover” improves and evolves beyond the music of their last album. And they breach through these obstacles marvelously on their album’s monumental single “Golden Number”.

I don’t know about any of you out there reading this, but “Golden Number” gives me chills. It’s so good. This kind of music is unprecedented in its extraordinary way to keep improving itself over and over again. Imagine a blacksmith folding metal, overlapping itself and then being forged together and repeating this process to a razor-thin purification. Akin to the blacksmith, Ghost Bath does this with post-black metal. To truly discover this purity in music, you don’t need to know any spoken language known on Earth. Its magnificence cannot be expressed with words but merely primal, painful screams softly touching upon the immense beauty of the music like thunder belching from the inside of a mountain. And that mountain is haunted with millions of lonely spirits.

I think that it would be important to note the distinct similarities with this album and “Sunbather” from Bay Area-based shoegaze-and-black metal successors Deafheaven. It’s one thing to sound similar in style and form with Ghost Bath musically but even titles like “Moonlover”, “Happyhouse”, “Beneath the Shade Tree” which mimic Deafheaven titles like “Sunbather”, “Dream House”, & “The Pecan Tree”, perhaps Ghost Bath is trying to outdo their predecessors. The odd thing is that they totally accomplished that if that is what they were going for. If Woods of Desolation’s “As the Stars” hadn’t made me move on after “Sunbather”, Ghost Bath’s “Moonlover” has beaten a completely new path from which might make you ever return to Deafheaven. If they plan to stay relevant for their next album, they are going to have to do something completely unexpected because if their new music they are currently working on is even a hair shy of the quality of “Moon Lover”, the album will unquestionably flop with the critics.

When “Sunbather” was released in 2013, it was surprising to see it get so much praise from the media and outside musical scenes as well. Deafheaven shared a stage with Outkast and Elton John last year at Bonnaroo Festival. However, despite Ghost Bath’s absence from huge music festivals, their music trumps “Sunbather” on every conceivable level by never pulling any punches about whether the band was catering too much to post rock or to shoegaze. There is no vocal ambiguity like what you would hear on an Alcest record. Ghost Bath, in their mysteriousness and their disconnection from the music industry, are about death and isolation and they draw their stylistic lines very deep into the sands of metal.

What I think the exceptional mastering job done on this record is a good example as to why this kind of music trumps any Lifelover record they ever made. One of the distinguishing factors about depressive black metal are its dirges delivered with throat ripping screams. To even speak in such a way of performance, it becomes a kind of self-possession where you allowing yourself to be consumed by beings that lurk in the spiritual realm.

Sometimes it is just screaming. Similar to acting in film or theater, there are performers who just act out the script but sometimes you get actors that just do unforgettable performances. Likewise, when the vocal aspect is merely used as a dissonant and otherworldly musical instrument that cogitates around the distant vocal howling, there are some people who are merely reading a script. But the vocals here never seem out of place.

Since 2006, depressive black metal has been recorded in China with bands like Be Persecuted & Dopamine producing forward-thinking and memorable black metal. Ghost Bath’s place of origin seems to be the most excellent of places to make such sad, abysmal yet romantic music like this. I think China has been overlooked for a long time by the global metal community. But perhaps It’s become clear that they are just as good at producing extreme music as much as the US or Germany, the UK, France, Norway, Turkey, Japan, Australia, etc.

What I have seen for several years is this large movement of very extraordinary depressive black metal musicians from bands like Alcest, Peste Noire, Lifelover, Austere, Woods of Desolation, Heretoir, Dopamine, Liam, Lantlos and the list continues to grow. Ghost Bath was an underappreciated band in 2014 but with “Moonlover” I think they should expect to start receiving a lot more attention. This year has only just begun and we already have a memorable and fantastic hit straight out of the gates.

<i>Originally published on Metal-Temple.com, 2-05-2015.</i>


"And they breach through these obstacles marvelously on their album’s monumental single “Golden Number”. - I'm not going to say that you should never start a sentence with "and," but that's definitely the wrong way to do it. "Breach through" isn't really the best word choice to use here. Either use "break" or drop the "through." Additionally, that sentence belongs in the next paragraph.

"Imagine a blacksmith folding metal, overlapping itself..." Clumsy sentence structure. Is the blacksmith overlapping itself? Consider saying, "Imagine a blacksmith folding metal in on itself..." or "...folding metal, overlapping it..."

"...to a razor-thin purification." I think you mean "perfection." I would use "edge."

"To truly discover this purity in music, you don’t need to know any spoken language known on Earth." There's a lot wrong here. Consider adding an "In order" to the beginning of the sentence. "...this purity in music..." should be "...the purity in this music..." "...you don't need to know any spoken language known on Earth." is long winded and clumsy. Consider shortening to "...you don't need to know any Earthy language."

"...like thunder belching from the inside of a mountain. And that mountain is haunted with millions of lonely spirits." Damn. That is a shitty simile. "Belching" isn't the word you're looking for here. I'd use "like a barrage of thunder from..." or "roaring." And you started another sentence with "and" (see what I did there?).

That's the first two paragraphs. There are six others, but I really don't feel like slogging through them all.
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AddWittyUsername
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Oct 07, 2013 8:40 pm
Posts: 225
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2015 6:51 am 
 

H_P Butthurt wrote:
Coming from the great land of China, Ghost Bath have unleashed their third full-length album “Moonlover” very promptly after releasing last year’s “Funeral”.

Sentence implies there is a relation between their country of origin and the promptness of their release. "Ghost Bath have" is not wrong, but is distinctly British grammar, which is unusual to come across in a review from an American reviewer.

Although this follow-up album didn’t leave their fans barely any time to let the album “Funeral” sink in, “Moonlover” improves and evolves beyond the music of their last album.

Due to use of "Although", sentence implies there is a relationship between fans having little time to let Funeral sink in and Moonlover being an improvement and evolution of the music. I suspect such is not the case. "Didn't leave their fans barely any time" says the opposite of what you meant due to the double negative. Should be "didn't leave their fans much time" or "left their fans barely any time".

And they breach through these obstacles marvelously on their album’s monumental single “Golden Number”.
You have not made clear which obstacles you mean. Either detail them before this point or move the sentence to a paragraph where you have detailed this. Sentence starts with "and", which is not recommended. Marvelously is not wrong, but is American English, which clashes with the British grammar you used above.

I don’t know about any of you out there reading this, but “Golden Number” gives me chills. It’s so good.
Could be simply shortened to "Golden Number is so good it gives me chills" or the likes, though current form isn't wrong, necessarily.
This kind of music is unprecedented in its extraordinary way to keep improving itself over and over again.
"unprecedented [in ...] to keep improving" reads awkward at best. Should be "of improving", no keep, no to. Unprecedented makes extraordinary redundant. "Keep improving" makes "over and over again" redundant. (Multiple times, even, since "again" is redundant to "over and over", which is somewhat redundant in itself). If I want to nitpick, you're also saying that the music improves itself, which it can't since it's not sentient--but as I said, that's nitpicking.

Imagine a blacksmith folding metal, overlapping itself and then being forged together and repeating this process to a razor-thin purification.
You're saying the blacksmith overlaps itself. Also suspect you meant "perfection". In either case, the "a" before razor-thin shouldn't be there. (Now, were you to replace purification with something like "edge", it would be necessary to keep "a"). Whole sentence should probably be rewritten, though. This one is clumsy, meanders on and is grammatically lacking.

Akin to the blacksmith, Ghost Bath does this with post-black metal.
So Ghost Bath folds in on itself? Should be fixed if you fix the above sentence, though. "Akin to the blacksmith" can be skipped, by the way, because it comes directly after the simile and thus "this" is a pretty clear reference.

To truly discover this purity in music, you don’t need to know any spoken language known on Earth.
"The purity in this music" makes more sense, unless you're speaking about a general concept that this album is, to you, merely an example of. If that's the case, "this kind of purity in music". "Any Earthly language" would suffice. "Any language on Earth" if you'd like to keep the word-order.
Its magnificence cannot be expressed with words but merely primal, painful screams softly touching upon the immense beauty of the music like thunder belching from the inside of a mountain. And that mountain is haunted with millions of lonely spirits.
That sentence runs on but goes nowhere. Also, in words rather than with. How do primal painful screams softly touch upon anything? The "thunder belching from the inside of a mountain" simile doesn't exactly illustrate your point, either. Especially since thunder doesn't come from mountains' insides, nor does it belch. Haunted by, not haunted with. Sentence starts with and, again.

I think that it would be important to note the distinct similarities with this album and “Sunbather” from Bay Area-based shoegaze-and-black metal successors Deafheaven.
"I think that it would be" is unnecessarily wordy and thus reads slightly awkward. You use both "I think" and "would" to 'soften' the statement. "I think it is important", or "It would be important" or "I believe it important" all would suffice. Since you're comparing two albums in an 'x and y' structure, similarities between, not with. I'm pretty sure Deafheaven doesn't need the location AND genre mentioned, because there aren't exactly several bands with the same name to be confused here.

It’s one thing to sound similar in style and form with Ghost Bath musically but even titles like “Moonlover”, “Happyhouse”, “Beneath the Shade Tree” which mimic Deafheaven titles like “Sunbather”, “Dream House”, & “The Pecan Tree”, perhaps Ghost Bath is trying to outdo their predecessors.
If you open up with "It's one thing to x", then at some point it should be followed by something along the lines of "but it's another to y". Furthermore, in the first half of the sentence you seem to be comparing Deafheaven to Ghost Bath, but in the second half you're comparing Ghost Bath to Deafheaven. If you're establishing who mimics who, it's important to keep the order right.
Mind, this whole sentence is an absolute mess. Grammar is off, the sentence runs on, the last part should not even be part of this sentence, there are redundancies, unnecessary verbiage, you open a comparison and don't close it...
Not only does Ghost Bath sound like Deafheaven in musical style and form, even the song-titles are similar. "Moonlover", "Happyhouse" and "Beneath the Shade Tree" mimic Deafheaven titles like "Sunbather", "Dream House" and "The Pecan Tree". Perhaps Ghost Bath attempts to outdo their predecessors?


The odd thing is that they totally accomplished that if that is what they were going for.
Awkward word order. If that was their aim, they totally accomplished it. Add "Surprisingly," in front, or "oddly enough" between 'they' and 'totally' if it's important to you, even if you never establish why it is an odd thing.

If Woods of Desolation’s “As the Stars” hadn’t made me move on after “Sunbather”, Ghost Bath’s “Moonlover” has beaten a completely new path from which might make you ever return to Deafheaven.
You're saying that Moonlover has only beaten a new path if As the Stars hasn't made you move on. If you start a sentence with "if x hadn't caused this", the logical form form the other half of the sentence is "then y would have", not "then y has".
"From which might make you ever return" makes absolutely NO sense, either grammatically or in meaning.
Also, you're spending half a paragraph to say they're alike in musical style and form and even song titles, then name-drop another album that you feel is somehow similar (else why mention it in this context?) and yet you're saying they've beaten a completely new path?


If they plan to stay relevant for their next album, they are going to have to do something completely unexpected because if their new music they are currently working on is even a hair shy of the quality of “Moon Lover”, the album will unquestionably flop with the critics.
Is this sentence trying to win a race? No? Then let it have a break somewhere, please. Also, while this sentence is meant to praise Moon Lover, it reads as some strange mixture between praise and damnation. Normally, "plan to stay relevant" and the likes is used in the context of a well-known band starting to lose relevance. Saying a band will have to do something completely unexpected to stay relevant usually means "they won't stay relevant if they keep doing this bullshit", not "this album is so great that it'll be hard to top it".

When “Sunbather” was released in 2013, it was surprising to see it get so much praise from the media and outside musical scenes as well. Deafheaven shared a stage with Outkast and Elton John last year at Bonnaroo Festival.
I believe you've mentioned Sunbather more times than Moonlover, and Deafheaven almost as often as Ghost Bath. Since this sentence is merely used to establish a comparison with Ghost Bath's lesser publicity, it can be abbreviated a lot. See comment on next sentence
However, despite Ghost Bath’s absence from huge music festivals, their music trumps “Sunbather” on every conceivable level by never pulling any punches about whether the band was catering too much to post rock or to shoegaze.
"By never pulling any punches about whether x or y" makes little sense. Suspect you simply mean "by never pulling any punches or catering too much to either post-rock or shoegaze".
Sentence prior to this can be summed up and merged into this along the lines of "While Deafheaven's "Sunbather" received far more attention than Ghost Bath's album, "Moonlover" trumps "Sunbather" on every conceivable level by never pulling any punches or catering too much to either post-rock or shoegaze."


There is no vocal ambiguity like what you would hear on an Alcest record.
Yay, more name-drops.
Ghost Bath, in their mysteriousness and their disconnection from the music industry, are about death and isolation and they draw their stylistic lines very deep into the sands of metal.

What I think the exceptional mastering job done on this record is a good example as to why this kind of music trumps any Lifelover record they ever made.
You're missing words here, or needlessly adding them. "What I think the" makes no sense. "I think the" would work, as would "What I think is that the". "as to why" is awkward. "of why", perhaps even "of how" if you mean "in what ways" rather than "for which reasons". Sentence also reads as though Ghost Bath has made any Lifelover record, which makes little sense. "any record Lifelover ever made" or "any Lifelover record ever made".

One of the distinguishing factors about depressive black metal are its dirges delivered with throat ripping screams.
One factor is. One of the factors is. Factors of.

To even speak in such a way of performance, it becomes a kind of self-possession where you allowing yourself to be consumed by beings that lurk in the spiritual realm.
You're saying that speaking in such a way becomes a kind of self-possession. Pretty sure you meant the vocal performance becomes that, instead. Also, you are allowing, or you allow. Not you allowing.

[...]

Need to go for now. Will tackle the rest later.

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Smoking_Gnu
Chicago Favorite

Joined: Sat Mar 15, 2008 11:22 pm
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2015 12:10 pm 
 

H_P Butthurt wrote:
That's libel. You're nothing but a hypocrite on a power trip.


Having spent a number of years working in the journalism field I've heard a lot of people hilariously misunderstand libel, but goddamn. :lol:
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
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Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2015 12:35 pm 
 

I sure hope HP Buttcraft doesn't want to write for anything more professional than a random online metal website, because this shitty, hostile attitude would never get anywhere close to off the ground with a real editor/magazine/etc.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2015 12:40 pm 
 

Empyreal wrote:
I sure hope HP Buttcraft doesn't want to write for anything more professional than a random online metal website, because this shitty, hostile attitude would never get anywhere close to off the ground with a real editor/magazine/etc.


That's not his name...


:-D
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TheStormIRide
Certified Poser

Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:45 pm
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2015 12:54 pm 
 

Diamhea wrote:
That's not his name...


:-D


Just saw what you're talking about... Utter gold.
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

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Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2015 12:56 pm 
 

Yeah, but frankly I couldn't take his name seriously before either.

And what's up with this controversy over Ghost Bath and China? Why would you not change the review to reflect the fact that they're actually from ND? Just because you wrote it before that was found out doesn't mean you just leave it as is when you're submitting it now. That is ridiculous.
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Spiner202
Veteran

Joined: Wed May 06, 2009 3:32 pm
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Location: Canada
PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2015 7:59 pm 
 

Morrigan wrote:
Yeah, I don't blame Diamhea for thinking English isn't your native language, considering you obviously like to use words without knowing their meaning.

Even as a native speaker, this is the reason why I google the definition of so many words before putting them into a review. It's great to keep one's writing interesting by throwing out some words that are used less often, but I also find stretching on synonyms can often lead to the point of a sentence being unclear.

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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
PostPosted: Sat Nov 07, 2015 4:27 pm 
 

oi vey that dude .. get a grip. Rosenthorn and AddWittyUsername did good jobs pointing out what a mess that review was. Congratulations to them for making it as far as they did through that ingrate's thorny tangle and remaining sober in their constructive criticism.

Diamhea wrote:
a few of your recent submissions were abruptly and confoundingly below standard, so much so that it caused some concern as we thought you were submitting work from a second individual pursuant to plagiarism.

Astute. Is there plagiarism score comparison akin to Turnitin.com for things like this?
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 08, 2015 2:31 am 
 

H_P Butthurt wrote:
That's libel. You're nothing but a hypocrite on a power trip.


Spoiler: show
Image
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doktor_philth_666
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2014 6:13 pm
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Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 4:28 pm 
 

I hope I am posting this in the right place. Some of you may remember my name for constantly putting up HORRIBLE reviews for submission. I believe one is up in the thread for one of the worst reviews an admin has seen. I've been on one hell of a writers block and I want to pick up right where I left off.

I have taken some time to read, re-read, get outside opinions about writing, and I think I am ready to make an attempt to post to this workshop to get other ideas how to make my writing better for this website. I'd rather post here first and get opinions about this review before just submitting it. The band is Moloch, and release is Die Isolation.


Die Isolation is an album that bases its entire theme, which I can see and hear, on negativity, isolation and depression. Whether you’re looking at the album cover, reading the lyrics or listening to the music there is nothing positive or happy that comes from this release. The intro track doesn’t give off signals of negativity, but the drone-like ambient keyboard can pull a listener in.

After the intro the next track explodes into the first song, Depressive Visionen eines sterbenden Horizonts. This song, like three other songs on this album, give us screeching vocals of howling pain and desolation. As for the lyrics I had to translate them to English, and are very fitting for a depressive black metal album. While my translation was loose, and probably not too accurate, I understand the lyrics are very negative.

On each song the guitars on this album seem to have slightly slowed down a bit in comparison to previous albums, which seems to better fit the negative atmosphere of the album. The drums seem to have a wide and live rehearsal sound to them, but few, if any, random blast beats. There are guitar only instrumental break tracks after each song, which reflect the same guitar style as the songs themselves.

While it seems like I am not very impressed with this release, I am. This release is a revision of the 2010 album Isolation der Essenz, but I must make the argument that this album feels more complete. Not because it has more songs, but it has an introduction and a conclusion that start and end the album properly, but also gives a minor rest after each song. For those who have not listened to this release, or its previous version, I highly recommend this album. The highlighted tracks that pulled me in were Depressive Visionen eines sterbenden Horizonts, Die letzten Strahlen der Sonne verblassen in der Kälte der Apathie, Nebelwald and Abgrund meines Wesenz.

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raspberrysoda
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2014 4:51 pm
Posts: 1076
PostPosted: Sun Nov 22, 2015 7:45 am 
 

This is my rejected review of Thy Art Is Murder's Holy War, and the rejector claimed it didn't describe the music much.

I admit it. I'm not a big deathcore fan. There are some decent bands in the genre, but the most are utter crap, and <b>Thy Art Is Murder</b> aren't excluded from the list, and in fact, they are one of its biggest headers.

So how does utter crap sound like? Well, apparently, like <b>Thy Art Is Murder</b>. The vocals, categorized as growling, sound like any average burp a seven year old can make while directing it to a microphone, or a nine year old girl that tries to growl for the first time. The down tuned guitars produce only chuggachuggachugga riffs consisting of two notes and sound like plucking of a rubber band, and are usually accompanied by obnoxious droning of two higher notes which don't fit the song at all, with even worse drumming. These accompany the album throughout its whole duration and make it more monotonous and tiring- and makes <i>Holy War</i> sound like a single song spanning over 30 minutes. The musical concept of the album is same throughout its whole duration- it's very hard to recognize any song here, except for the first track which takes a twist and adds a thrash-like break in the middle- but is still bland like its other companions.

And how can a deathcore band not have any breakdowns in their songs? <b>Thy Art Is Murder</b> are professionals in those, as at least 3/4 of the songs here consist of them. Some bands can make a twist in breakdowns, or at least interesting and innovative, but let's not forget that <b>Thy Art Is Murder</b> is an average deathcore band. 010101010101 bass lines accompany the uninspired guitars and horrid vocals to create a cacophony, with lame pseudo-political lyrics that try to mean something, that aren't THAT disappointing, and in fact, they are the definitive highlight of this album.

Except for the first track, this album is a piece of utter crap, and its best use for is a beer coaster, because the album's cover is actually one of its highlights. Excluding these two things, this album is a ponderous slab of ear cancer, and get it <b>ONLY</b> if you want a cool beer coaster.
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Zerberus
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Mar 09, 2008 4:29 pm
Posts: 2325
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 23, 2015 4:21 am 
 

raspberrysoda wrote:
This is my rejected review of Thy Art Is Murder's Holy War, and the rejector claimed it didn't describe the music much.

Spoiler: show
I admit it. I'm not a big deathcore fan. There are some decent bands in the genre, but the most are utter crap, and <b>Thy Art Is Murder</b> aren't excluded from the list, and in fact, they are one of its biggest headers.

So how does utter crap sound like? Well, apparently, like <b>Thy Art Is Murder</b>. The vocals, categorized as growling, sound like any average burp a seven year old can make while directing it to a microphone, or a nine year old girl that tries to growl for the first time. The down tuned guitars produce only chuggachuggachugga riffs consisting of two notes and sound like plucking of a rubber band, and are usually accompanied by obnoxious droning of two higher notes which don't fit the song at all, with even worse drumming. These accompany the album throughout its whole duration and make it more monotonous and tiring- and makes <i>Holy War</i> sound like a single song spanning over 30 minutes. The musical concept of the album is same throughout its whole duration- it's very hard to recognize any song here, except for the first track which takes a twist and adds a thrash-like break in the middle- but is still bland like its other companions.

And how can a deathcore band not have any breakdowns in their songs? <b>Thy Art Is Murder</b> are professionals in those, as at least 3/4 of the songs here consist of them. Some bands can make a twist in breakdowns, or at least interesting and innovative, but let's not forget that <b>Thy Art Is Murder</b> is an average deathcore band. 010101010101 bass lines accompany the uninspired guitars and horrid vocals to create a cacophony, with lame pseudo-political lyrics that try to mean something, that aren't THAT disappointing, and in fact, they are the definitive highlight of this album.

Except for the first track, this album is a piece of utter crap, and its best use for is a beer coaster, because the album's cover is actually one of its highlights. Excluding these two things, this album is a ponderous slab of ear cancer, and get it <b>ONLY</b> if you want a cool beer coaster.


All in all I'd say you make a lot of unfair points. I'm not much of a deathcore fan either, but why would you review something that you presumably know that you'll loathe? Your review sounds more like an unfounded rant than an actual review, so perhaps you could work on describing the music more before offering your opinion.

To me a review is good for one thing: You read someone's review to hear that persons fair judgement of an album. So let's say I wanted to know if TAIM's new album was worth my time. I find your review, only to find that you - right from the get go - offer your opinion, that you don't like deathcore. Okay, then why should I read the rest? You have already clearly stated that you have no intention to judge the album on its contents, so your opinion is essentially irrelevant.

That's just my opinion though.
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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
PostPosted: Mon Nov 23, 2015 11:28 am 
 

I agree with Zerberus about the TAIM review. In a way it looks like raspberrysoda is reviewing deathcore in general through the album. Only review something you hate if you have something in particular to say about it. I mean .. if it's your job to review whatever album you get assigned, and it just so happens that your manager hates you and gives you this, then I suppose he deserves to have this come back across his desk. As far as you, raspberrysoda, being able to choose what you review, why did you do this to yourself?

If nothing else, you can talk about why it's uninspiring, and go into some detail about why it's a waste of time. Don't just go for hyperbole and the rag-it-to-death lolocopter style if you can help it. Be specific about how it hurts your individual nervous system. What does it make you feel? Don't try to be funny; be specific. It's far more interesting that way. In the end, I would say don't bother reviewing shit you can't stand unless you have something in particular you want to say about it, or are inspired to a kind of mad genius by anger (which can be a productive impulse). Lord_genghis is good at really tearing into something he despises. Unless you really put in a lot of effort to describe why you found it terrible, it's going to read as a prejudiced slag-off, which is a hard style to pull of successfully.

On the one hand, thank you. This review made it clear that I will never listen to this album. On the other hand, its so reactionary that it almost makes me want to listen to the album, which I do not want to do. Give me good reasons to not listen to the album.
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Zerberus
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Mar 09, 2008 4:29 pm
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Location: Denmark
PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2015 11:26 am 
 

I'd like some feedback on one of my newest reviews.
Show no mercy!

The album is:
Hard Action - Sinister Vibes
Spoiler: show
Everything about this band screams "we're one of those seventies hard n' heavy clones from Sweden that land somewhere in the midst of a circlejerk consisting of early Judas Priest, Thin Lizzy and Girlschool". The promo shots features sunglasses, denim, beards and a bandana. The cover presents wrecked guitar equipment and a stylish seventies design. Songtitles like Watch Me Burn, Cut to the Bone and Dead Dogs really does the trick. It's a sure thing, right? Well, no, not really.

These Finnish bad boys - a veritable super group to say the least, consisting of fine musicians from Speedtrap, Forced Kill and other prominent Finnish bands - may be sporting the mandatory seventies hard rockin' biker dresscode, but these motorcycles carry them to far punkier territories. When they're the punkiest they sound like a head-on collision between a flashier Ramones and Danzig-era Misfits on speed. When they're the heaviest, Airbourne and a slew of other hard rock bands come to mind.

There's really no defining moment on Sinister Vibes, the band's debut album. With no real highs or lows to set the bar, the tracks come off as being nothing but an explosive case of nostalgia. It's tough to compare Hard Action to any one band or scene because they borrow so much. To put it simply, they sound like every aviator shade-wearing biker cop on Earth had an unlubricated orgy on top of a giant heap of Gibson guitars and Marshall stacks.

It's not that Sinister Vibes is a boring mess, it's just that this particular style has been done better by other bands, and it seems mostly like a group of already established musicians wanting to cash in on the recent resurgence of popularity in the genre. It's entertaining enough, and it's certainly listenable with its hookless chords and flashy shredding, but ultimately nothing really stands out. Hard Action is in many ways to hard rock what Speedtrap is to speed metal: A crash course in all the tropes and an entirely by-the-numbers experience going top speed through a wall of nostalgia.
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theunrelentingattack
Not yet ready for a custom title

Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 5:18 pm
Posts: 1416
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2015 7:29 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
doktor_philth_666 wrote:
I hope I am posting this in the right place. Some of you may remember my name for constantly putting up HORRIBLE reviews for submission. I believe one is up in the thread for one of the worst reviews an admin has seen. I've been on one hell of a writers block and I want to pick up right where I left off.

I have taken some time to read, re-read, get outside opinions about writing, and I think I am ready to make an attempt to post to this workshop to get other ideas how to make my writing better for this website. I'd rather post here first and get opinions about this review before just submitting it. The band is Moloch, and release is Die Isolation.


Die Isolation is an album that bases its entire theme, which I can see and hear, on negativity, isolation and depression. Whether you’re looking at the album cover, reading the lyrics or listening to the music there is nothing positive or happy that comes from this release. The intro track doesn’t give off signals of negativity, but the drone-like ambient keyboard can pull a listener in.

After the intro the next track explodes into the first song, Depressive Visionen eines sterbenden Horizonts. This song, like three other songs on this album, give us screeching vocals of howling pain and desolation. As for the lyrics I had to translate them to English, and are very fitting for a depressive black metal album. While my translation was loose, and probably not too accurate, I understand the lyrics are very negative.

On each song the guitars on this album seem to have slightly slowed down a bit in comparison to previous albums, which seems to better fit the negative atmosphere of the album. The drums seem to have a wide and live rehearsal sound to them, but few, if any, random blast beats. There are guitar only instrumental break tracks after each song, which reflect the same guitar style as the songs themselves.

While it seems like I am not very impressed with this release, I am. This release is a revision of the 2010 album Isolation der Essenz, but I must make the argument that this album feels more complete. Not because it has more songs, but it has an introduction and a conclusion that start and end the album properly, but also gives a minor rest after each song. For those who have not listened to this release, or its previous version, I highly recommend this album. The highlighted tracks that pulled me in were Depressive Visionen eines sterbenden Horizonts, Die letzten Strahlen der Sonne verblassen in der Kälte der Apathie, Nebelwald and Abgrund meines Wesenz.


Sorry man, I don't think this review tells me anything about the record. The entire basis around the review is that it's negative. What makes that any different than the vast majority of his metal albums? Besides, who really goes into listening to black metal records looking for happiness? Other than that, the guitars are a little slower and there's an intro and outro. That's all I get out of this review. If I knew nothing about this going in, I know nothing about it coming out either.
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Maalux
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Tue Jun 09, 2015 10:35 pm
Posts: 13
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Dec 04, 2015 7:11 pm 
 

Hello, guys.
Just got my another review rejected, so wanted to ask if you can tell me what is wrong with it (of course, a couple of words from moderator is not enough for me to understand the exact reason for rejecting).
I actually become very surprised when my reviews getting rejected, because some of the reviews I sometimes read somewhere else on metal-library are "masterpieces in an opposite meaning."

Here is my REJECTED review.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Trist - Hin-Fort -- 100% -- Volumes Of Authentic Art

What do you need for a good journey to the space? Right, Trist's second album "Hin-Fort," which represents an ultimate source of dark energy (exactly that, cosmic dark energy), especially its first disc that contains an hour-long track "Hin."

"Hin"

It looks like the author perceived his vision of how the true cosmos should sound through many hours of meditation (I cannot think of any different way, but still) and transformed it into a matter by including a highly distorted synthesizer which mixed with typical black metal blast-beat and absolutely raw guitar tune, that, however, sometimes diluted by a some kind of melody on top frets, the so-called "Burzum-style," which, indeed, makes the whole picture even more creepy. I'm not talking about the synth -- the power that confronts the listener and settles in his brain. No, no, not brain. Neurons of brain, in thousands of them; between billions of molecules of which those neurons consist. Personally, I believe that the synth and background samples are the most important part of the overall composition, because without them the song would have been sounded pretty dry and raw-ish (forgive my personal matters with raw part of black kingdom). I have actually noticed the great inspiration of Burzum's creations and can point out that Trist has twisted it in a more... right way.

"Fort"

Once the first part has ended, then comes even the scarier (not literally) one.
The second disc represents seven different realms. The musician gives his unstable imagination a freedom (unlike the stabilized vision from the first disc, which I mentioned before), and the leading role in composing the rest of the album. And the aftermath is... weird? In this part we meet aliens, even people with their ordinary lives and problems (the purpose of including which I don't really get). We even have an instrumental part with piano at the very end, and dramatic fading melody to the noise of a sea. Shortly, it looks like the author threw all the sketches that came in his mind during the writing of "Hin," and now lets us entertain after such a deep journey to the cosmos. Yes, it is no longer the cosmos.
It is us, returned back to our miserable and ordinary lives.
The end of story.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Looking forward for corrections.

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Iron Wizard
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2015 11:21 pm
Posts: 135
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 8:11 pm 
 

Can someone please give me some feedback on my review of Danzig's self titled debut album?

I gave it a 100%.

Here it is:

Danzig's self titled debut album is a very underrated album. While I do prefer albums from more notable bands like Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, and Judas Priest, I think that this album should be listed along with albums by the bands mentioned above.

Stylistically, Danzig is a cross between the very dark, bluesy, and doomy heavy metal of Black Sabbath and the faster, rawer NWOBHM of bands such as Iron Maiden. It definitely has more bluesy leanings than any heavy metal album of the late 80s, as this was at the peak of happy glam metal, when darker stuff was only found with even more underground bands such as Bathory. It is a surprising album for its time, for sure.

To start the album, we have the extremely catchy opener, "Twist of Cain". Despite being a rather catch song, it has the same dark feel to it as the rest of the album. It is one of the best songs on the album.

"She Rides" is a very heavy song, with sexual lyrics. It is probably the reason the album earned the dreaded "Parental Advisory" label.

Speaking of "Parental Advisory", "Mother", which is definitely Danzig's most well known song, is an attack on the PMRC and censorship in general. It starts out slow, in an almost power ballad-esque way, but it begins to pick up speed, complexity, and heaviness, and it becomes a nice midtempo rocker. It has a very dark sound to it.

The best thing about this album is the vocals. Glenn Danzig has a very dark toned, low voice. He sounds almost bluesy in a way. These dark sounding vocals are very fitting for the album.

The production on the album is very good as well. It is very heavy. The guitars aren't extremely distorted, but the tone and general production causes the "AC/DC effect" of increased heaviness. The entire album sounds very dark in production. I don't know what to compare it to exactly, but I would say that it is somewhere along the line of early Black Sabbath. Maybe like Paranoid, but slightly fuller.

This is an album that can suit pretty much every metalhead. There is heavy metal, doom metal, gothic metal, and even a bit of speed metal in "Soul on Fire" and "Am I Demon". It's a well rounded heavy metal album that is guaranteed to please the listener.
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droneriot
cisgender

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
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Location: Spahn Ranch
PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 8:18 pm 
 

You forgot to put "dark" in the first and last paragraph.

(Serious advice: Try not to repeat yourself that much.)
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Iron Wizard
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2015 11:21 pm
Posts: 135
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 8:24 pm 
 

droneriot wrote:
You forgot to put "dark" in the first and last paragraph.

(Serious advice: Try not to repeat yourself that much.)


How about I use some of these words:

Dank
Drab
Dingy
Empty
Somber
Dim
Grey
Depressing
Depressive

I have a tendency to repeat myself. I will fix it. Other than that, any other things I should fix?
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TrueDynamite
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Dec 28, 2014 9:13 pm
Posts: 1863
PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 8:30 pm 
 

Cinderella released a bluesy glam album in mid-1988 (before Danzig's release).
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Iron Wizard
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2015 11:21 pm
Posts: 135
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 9:27 pm 
 

TrueDynamite wrote:
Cinderella released a bluesy glam album in mid-1988 (before Danzig's release).


I just mean that the "Sabbathy" style of heavy metal was less popular then...
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 9:36 pm 
 

That review is technically passable... you could use larger paragraphs though.
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Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

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Maalux
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Tue Jun 09, 2015 10:35 pm
Posts: 13
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 10:02 pm 
 

Guys, what about my review? I see everybody just ignored it.

Maalux wrote:
Hello, guys.
Just got my another review rejected, so wanted to ask if you can tell me what is wrong with it (of course, a couple of words from moderator is not enough for me to understand the exact reason for rejecting).
I actually become very surprised when my reviews getting rejected, because some of the reviews I sometimes read somewhere else on metal-library are "masterpieces in an opposite meaning."

Here is my REJECTED review.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Trist - Hin-Fort -- 100% -- Volumes Of Authentic Art

What do you need for a good journey to the space? Right, Trist's second album "Hin-Fort," which represents an ultimate source of dark energy (exactly that, cosmic dark energy), especially its first disc that contains an hour-long track "Hin."

"Hin"

It looks like the author perceived his vision of how the true cosmos should sound through many hours of meditation (I cannot think of any different way, but still) and transformed it into a matter by including a highly distorted synthesizer which mixed with typical black metal blast-beat and absolutely raw guitar tune, that, however, sometimes diluted by a some kind of melody on top frets, the so-called "Burzum-style," which, indeed, makes the whole picture even more creepy. I'm not talking about the synth -- the power that confronts the listener and settles in his brain. No, no, not brain. Neurons of brain, in thousands of them; between billions of molecules of which those neurons consist. Personally, I believe that the synth and background samples are the most important part of the overall composition, because without them the song would have been sounded pretty dry and raw-ish (forgive my personal matters with raw part of black kingdom). I have actually noticed the great inspiration of Burzum's creations and can point out that Trist has twisted it in a more... right way.

"Fort"

Once the first part has ended, then comes even the scarier (not literally) one.
The second disc represents seven different realms. The musician gives his unstable imagination a freedom (unlike the stabilized vision from the first disc, which I mentioned before), and the leading role in composing the rest of the album. And the aftermath is... weird? In this part we meet aliens, even people with their ordinary lives and problems (the purpose of including which I don't really get). We even have an instrumental part with piano at the very end, and dramatic fading melody to the noise of a sea. Shortly, it looks like the author threw all the sketches that came in his mind during the writing of "Hin," and now lets us entertain after such a deep journey to the cosmos. Yes, it is no longer the cosmos.
It is us, returned back to our miserable and ordinary lives.
The end of story.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Looking forward for corrections.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 10:05 pm 
 

Reads a bit nebulous and vague. Lots of big words but you don't describe the music that well.

Quote:
It looks like the author perceived his vision of how the true cosmos should sound through many hours of meditation (I cannot think of any different way, but still) and transformed it into a matter by including a highly distorted synthesizer which mixed with typical black metal blast-beat and absolutely raw guitar tune, that, however, sometimes diluted by a some kind of melody on top frets, the so-called "Burzum-style," which, indeed, makes the whole picture even more creepy.


That's a rather glaring run-on sentence.

And the formatting seems to be wrong for the second part.
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Iron Wizard
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2015 11:21 pm
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 10:38 pm 
 

Diamhea wrote:
That review is technically passable... you could use larger paragraphs though.


I will elaborate, then...
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Maalux
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Tue Jun 09, 2015 10:35 pm
Posts: 13
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Dec 06, 2015 12:27 am 
 

Diamhea wrote:
And the formatting seems to be wrong for the second part.


Why are you against transitional and parenthetical expressions? They supposed to be emphasized by commas, as though they are the part of my writing style, aren't they?
Or, are you against rhetorical expressions as well? Is there any dogma that prohibits the author who writes on Encyclopaedia Metallum from writing in the way he or she wants?
I just don't get it, so could you please explain to me these subtleties? I may be wrong, that's why I'm asking.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 06, 2015 12:46 am 
 

To clarify, I mean the second half of the review altogether. There are some needless line breaks.
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nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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Maalux
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Tue Jun 09, 2015 10:35 pm
Posts: 13
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Dec 06, 2015 12:09 pm 
 

Diamhea wrote:
To clarify, I mean the second half of the review altogether. There are some needless line breaks.


Okay, I'll work on it.
Thank you.

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Apteronotus
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Jun 18, 2009 9:07 am
Posts: 1004
PostPosted: Sun Dec 06, 2015 12:10 pm 
 

Maalux, in addition to Diamhea's points about it being vague and not describing the music, you have a lot of awkward uses/omissions of articles "a" and "the" in your writing:

"What do you need for a good journey to the space?"
"transformed it into a matter"
"sometimes diluted by a some kind of melody"
"No, no, not brain. Neurons of brain", Ought to be "the brain" or "a brain,"
"The musician gives his unstable imagination a freedom. . . and the leading role in composing"
"and dramatic fading melody to the noise of a sea." You probably mean that "a" dramatic melody fades to the noise of a sea.
"The end of story." You probably mean to say "The end" or "End of story"

Those are just examples and something you should watch out for. I'm not trying to imply that any of those statements don't have other problems. Anyways, here is my shot at clarifying your first main paragraph:

"Tristan, after many hours of meditation, realized his vision of how the cosmos should sound. He then transformed this vision into reality by using a highly distorted synthesizer, a typical black metal blast-beat, and an absolutely raw guitar tone. While the guitar tone is sometime diluted by Burzum-styled melodies on the top frets, those melodies make the whole performance creepier. The synth and background samples are the most important part of the composition. Without them, the song would have sounded dry and raw. It's noticeably Burzum inspired, but Tristan has twisted that influence to make a better sound. "

I have no clue what you meant with all the brain stuff.

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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 06, 2015 4:42 pm 
 

For general reflection: don't try to sound smart.

Aim for a style that is clear enough to be understood by a person you're introducing to the topic, but use vocabulary that credits intelligence. One of the main obfuscators in academic writing is described by the term "jargony." This doesn't necessarily mean "use of clinical language" or "big words." It's characterized by a meandering stylization resulting in muddled rhetoric. Don't force the reader to parse the information.

Efficiency and economy are watchwords, but clarity won't come from these alone.
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Yakui IX
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Sun Dec 06, 2015 1:23 am
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 09, 2015 1:07 am 
 

After proofreading my first review (once), I've decided to throw it up on the chopping block. I've already been poor at expressing myself in writing, so please point out any sections in this review that feel awkward or when I just seem fucking insufferable.

Spoiler: show
Fistula as a band doesn't seem to get all that much recognition despite being one of the longest lasting acts in the sludge scene, albeit, they arrived much later to the scene than it's founding legends such as Grief or Eyehategod. Their first release (barring compilation appearances and demos, of which I surprisingly could find neither) wasn't until all the way after the turn of the century with the 2001 album Hymns of Slumber. They seem like a band that many know of yet few actively listen to. I've never heard someone actually talk 'about Fistula', only hearing them referenced in the terms of other bands. Normally, this would set of red flags of yet another copycat band that would rather mash formerly mentioned sludge founder's elements together until there's nothing left but uninspired slow-groove drudgery than think for a second about introducing another influence on their sound. Fistula has been around for over 15 years, though, and have had plenty of versatile musicians (the band's members have been involved in numerous other doom metal and hardcore bands), so I assumed they at least have something new to bring to the table.

Luckily, the songs on this album distance themselves from the works of others bands in the admittedly rather-limited in style genre. Blues driven riffs are nowhere to be seen and tempo changes are common. The vocals forgo a clean style completely, instead sticking to a harsh growl that is twisted and mangled on the longer, more drawn out notes. These are, unfortunately, the only positive things I have to say about Idopathic. This album had one of the worst possible effects on me that music can have. It bored me. By the time it's slightly over half-an-hour length was reaching its end I was already sick of it's sound and couldn't remember a distinctive aspect of more than two songs

The album's first major problem is it's production. The entire mix has a very mellow feel to it, which is the last thing you want when making an album in a style known for it's vitriolic, dirty sound. Despite its the face that this word usually is enough to make me cringe when I hear an album described by it, I can't think of a better way to describe the tone than as 'warm'. The guitars' tone are fuzzy, reminiscent of early doom metal bands, though lacking the overdrive tone of Black Sabbath and the crunchy sound of modern stoner bands. Power-chords seem to meld together, though notes played are never unclear. However, this clarity is counter-productive as guitars now have no striking power, which just doesn't feel right when the band to be banking some of their songs on the staying power of their riffs, such as 'Cisero', which clocks in at over six minutes and is the same basic structured riff the whole way through.

That in mind, I want to bring up the true issue of the album, it's songwriting. Even after listening to the album's eight (original) songs two times in a row right before writing this, I can only hum maybe one or two riffs from the entire thing. When listening to Idopathic it sounds like Fistula had some riffs they'd been working on for a time, but didn't actually write songs until day before they entered the studio. Most of the songs are simply one riff after the next. The band rarely using recurring elements on this album, so the most you'll hear these riffs are once per song, making them practically a series of disjointed sections. It seems no thought was put into transitions as most songs don't progress in any meaningful way, they simply end once Fistula decides they've played long enough and has their engineer stop the recording. Because none of the riffs are particularly memorable, listening to the album feels like one massive disconnected experience. The more lengthy songs such as 'Shadow of the Serpent' or 'Cisero' are have the opposite issue as they rely on being carried by the same tempo the entire way through. The latter song mentioned is the worst offender as it is practically a single riff. The mixing of the drums hardly help this matter. It's difficult to distinguish the beat being played as everything other than the cymbals sound no more powerful than a kick drum. I have no idea if a lot of the sound was lost in the production or the drummer was just incompetent and barely tapping on his kit, but its sound is absolutely pathetic. Every note is muddied and it finishes the job of the guitar and sucks all the remaining aggression the the vocals are putting into the album.

The album isn't without anything of worth, though. Many good concepts are sprinkled the album that still stood out despite it's twisting (not in a good way), disconnected structure. 'Shadow of the Serpent' is a mostly instrumental track with a psychedelic rock-esque solo that lasts for about half its length. However, the rhythm is incredibly dull and I was already tired of it far before it ended. 'Fear of One' and 'Baboon' both start with a chugging, hardcore-influenced riff that manages to sound pretty impressive despite the edgeless sound of the guitars. The former manages to keep it's momentum due to its short length but the later suffers from shoddy transitions which are just disorienting sections of silence. Quite possibly the most interesting song is the cover track at the end of the album. This simple blue-y riffs translates incredibly well to the more pummeling sludge tempo with Fistula also adding many small pieces of guitar noise and some damn-well catchy throaty vocals on the chorus,

Unfortunately, Fistula's Idopathic fails the capture the aggression, demolishing tempos, and and overall nasty feeling of sludgecore. Despite some unique moments in the form of the hardcore-influenced riffs sprinkled across the songs, there is really no reason to listen to Idiopathic more than once. There are plenty of other bands that manage to portray a much more disgusting (and memorable) atmosphere and are more worth your time than Fistula, at least on this release. Not to mention the fact that this album was three years after Eyehategod released their <i>fourth<i> album, which makes it more difficult to excuse the lack of ability expressed by the band. All that said, there's nothing terrible about Idopathic's sound. The production and riffs aren't offensive and it makes for a fine background play. Stoner rock fans might want to try it if they're willing to listing to something that drawls more of a punk influence, especially does that are big fans of Sabbathy productions. However, as a sludge album, I can't recommend this in good faith. I personally won't be giving it another spin anytime soon, other than to take a listen to the excellent cover song. Only try this out if you're interested because of it's unconventional style.

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