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Nightgaunt
I'll Swallow Your Soul

Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2004 9:50 pm
Posts: 6240
PostPosted: Tue Nov 15, 2005 12:04 am 
 

For Cradle of Filth's Nymphetamine:

Quote:
a complete peice of Shit - 0%
Written by Lykos_Anothrope on November 11th, 2005

This cd is garbage incarnate.It for the mallcore kids and insults others with shit.
Gilded Cunt: Wtf this song is....crap bad guitar riffs and off coure what to make things worse dani " I need to take a shit" screams.
Know what this Cd was so horrible I wish I could put a negative grade on it...There is only ONE acceptable song that was Swamsong for a Raven. Brings back the old traditions of Cof but still it is ruined my Dani yet again..
I dont recomend buying or listening to this Garbage.....


The engrish here is quite exquisite.
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OlympicSharpshooter
The Universal Magnetic

Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2003 3:24 pm
Posts: 1991
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Tue Nov 15, 2005 9:03 am 
 

I like that he feels that he has to make clear that he doesn't recommend the album.
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hells_unicorn wrote:
His [OSS] reviewing style sucks in my opinion, [...] and his humor is vapid at best and outright buffoonish at worst.

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DarkSoul175
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Apr 05, 2003 9:22 pm
Posts: 604
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Wed Nov 16, 2005 11:46 am 
 

Dumb review. The guy found one acceptable song, and he still gives the album a zero. Ratings should be more accurate than this.

And don't get me started on the quality of the actual text.
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PseudoGoatKill
High Priest(ess) of the Order

Joined: Sat Oct 25, 2003 11:40 pm
Posts: 2550
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Wed Nov 16, 2005 12:13 pm 
 

Seems the user Behn is lacking in the reviews skill department

Quote:
blinded by the...wait - 23%
Written by behn on November 16th, 2005


And here we are at yet another of the many cradle bashing-reviews. Before I start I must say that cradle ( i will not grant them the dignity of a capital c ) is possibly the single worst band in the world at the moment. But, all things considered this one isnt as abyssmally terrible as the norm is for them. Her Ghost in the Fog actually is something I can bear to listen every now and then in short bursts. But what truly makes me hate this album and pretty proves the ongoing theory of their gayness is the Satanic Mantra track. This track is something like 35 seconds of pure, uncut, flamboyant homosexuality in the fashion we have all come to expect from cradle. It is pretty much the whole band chanting "arch angel, dark angel, grant us thy light, through death's veil til we have heaven in sight".........WTF!?!?!?!?! Why are you so consistently gay cradle of filth...WHY?????


Summon it up - "cOf is teh gay!"

My reply:

Before writing another review please dip yourself in a vat of hot wax; thankyou.

Quote:
Keeper of the Seven Keys Pt. 2 - 99%
Written by behn on November 16th, 2005


99? You might be asking yourself why not just put 100? Well to be quite frank i dont give out perfect scores because there is no such thing as the perfect album, they all have minor flaws to someone out there and putting 100 would of course be untrue because my opinion is not completely objective to other people's and therefore cant be held above theirs. This album is a fantastic album and definitely one to stop and buy. It is much better than Pt. 1 and has non-stop energy and consistent awesomeness. Definitely one to look at in reverence.


Quote:
Scenes from a Memory - 85%
Written by behn on November 16th, 2005


There isnt a whole lot to say about this album other than it is not something to get if you are looking for somewhat heavier music. Most of the songs on this album are kind of soft and slow but still good songs if you are looking for something that isnt going to blow your head off. The first and last songs are kind of irritating at the beginning because the intros are a hypnotist talking to someone to help them remember something or clear their mind or whatever the hell hypnotists do. The album, as far as I can tell, is about a man with a haunting memory of a young girl's death who seeks closure through hypnotism i suppose. If you are looking for just plain good music this album is a definite must-have and Home and Dance of Eternity are a nice break from the rest of the album in terms of semi-heaviness and more upbeat, less depressing, tunes and lyrics.


Word of advice to the mods, if you see anymore reviews by this guy reject them. His six reviews all looked like that.
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PseudoGoatKill
High Priest(ess) of the Order

Joined: Sat Oct 25, 2003 11:40 pm
Posts: 2550
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Wed Nov 16, 2005 12:22 pm 
 

Another shining review

lake of depression - 100%
Written by Lebzul on November 16th, 2005


Perfect mixture between dark ambient and funeral doom with a spice of death
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Nightgaunt
I'll Swallow Your Soul

Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2004 9:50 pm
Posts: 6240
PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2005 8:15 pm 
 

Quote:
Odyssea - Tears in Floods - 94%
Written by codesjoker on November 16th, 2005

I believe this is an awesome ablum for a band from which this is it's frist ablum
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OlympicSharpshooter
The Universal Magnetic

Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2003 3:24 pm
Posts: 1991
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2005 8:34 pm 
 

Nightgaunt wrote:
Quote:
Odyssea - Tears in Floods - 94%
Written by codesjoker on November 16th, 2005

I believe this is an awesome ablum for a band from which this is it's frist ablum


Jesus.
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hells_unicorn wrote:
His [OSS] reviewing style sucks in my opinion, [...] and his humor is vapid at best and outright buffoonish at worst.

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Black_Hole
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2005 11:58 pm
Posts: 252
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2005 9:42 pm 
 

OlympicSharpshooter wrote:
Nightgaunt wrote:
Quote:
Odyssea - Tears in Floods - 94%
Written by codesjoker on November 16th, 2005

I believe this is an awesome ablum for a band from which this is it's frist ablum


Jesus.


Heh, so you mean he's not going to make it on your best of MA reviewers list?
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heavens_coffin wrote:
I'm not into pedophilia. Thanks for the invite though
forwardthespears wrote:
ogmetal is slacking. I can't believe this isn't locked yet. Seriously, dudes, Svartpest -l-.

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Nightgaunt
I'll Swallow Your Soul

Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2004 9:50 pm
Posts: 6240
PostPosted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 7:26 pm 
 

For Forbidden's Distortion:

Quote:
NO THRASH AND NO GOOD - 10%
Written by MADHOUSE on November 18th, 2005

I WENT TO BUY SOME CD'S ONEDAY AND I SAW FORBIDDEN.I HAD HEARD THAT THIS WAS A BAY AREA THRASH BAND SO I BOUGHT DISTORTION ALTHOUGH IKNEW SOMETHING WAS NOT RIGHT. THE COVER WAS TOO STUPID FOR ATHRASH ALBUM BUT IT HAD ONLY 3EYRO SO IT DID NOT MATTER MUCH TO ME IF IT WAS SHIT MUSIC.I PUT THE CD ON MY CD PLAYER AND I HEARD SOME SHIT.IF SOMEONE WANT TO LISTEN TO NU-METAL THIS IS IT BUT IF NOT GO AWAY.


We can't make this shit up, folks.
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PseudoGoatKill
High Priest(ess) of the Order

Joined: Sat Oct 25, 2003 11:40 pm
Posts: 2550
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 7:32 pm 
 

Nightgaunt wrote:
For Forbidden's Distortion:

Quote:
NO THRASH AND NO GOOD - 10%
Written by MADHOUSE on November 18th, 2005

I WENT TO BUY SOME CD'S ONEDAY AND I SAW FORBIDDEN.I HAD HEARD THAT THIS WAS A BAY AREA THRASH BAND SO I BOUGHT DISTORTION ALTHOUGH IKNEW SOMETHING WAS NOT RIGHT. THE COVER WAS TOO STUPID FOR ATHRASH ALBUM BUT IT HAD ONLY 3EYRO SO IT DID NOT MATTER MUCH TO ME IF IT WAS SHIT MUSIC.I PUT THE CD ON MY CD PLAYER AND I HEARD SOME SHIT.IF SOMEONE WANT TO LISTEN TO NU-METAL THIS IS IT BUT IF NOT GO AWAY.


We can't make this shit up, folks.


I disagree.

My review for Moonspell's "Wolves in the Fog/Goat on Fire"

Liek OMG I wux LUCKING 4 MoooonSPELLS DEMO WLVS ON FIRE AND I FOUND IT!!!!!!1111!!! So I listened and lyke ITS SOUNDS like it was made by CRAPPY PRODUCING!!! OMG OMG OMG LAWLAL!!! OLIOLOIOLIO!!!

100/100
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Nightgaunt
I'll Swallow Your Soul

Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2004 9:50 pm
Posts: 6240
PostPosted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 7:40 pm 
 

A bit much.
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PseudoGoatKill
High Priest(ess) of the Order

Joined: Sat Oct 25, 2003 11:40 pm
Posts: 2550
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 7:47 pm 
 

thankyou.
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DarkSoul175
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Apr 05, 2003 9:22 pm
Posts: 604
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat Nov 19, 2005 12:45 am 
 

I've noticed there seems to be more irrelevant reviews with each passing day. What's next?

"THIS CD IS GREAT I FUKKED UR MUM LISTENING TO IT LOL 100/100"

It's about time I started writing a new review. Not that the stuff I write is mornox quality. But still...
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Black_Hole
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2005 11:58 pm
Posts: 252
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Sat Nov 19, 2005 1:33 am 
 

PseudoGoatKill wrote:
I disagree.

My review for Moonspell's "Wolves in the Fog/Goat on Fire"

Liek OMG I wux LUCKING 4 MoooonSPELLS DEMO WLVS ON FIRE AND I FOUND IT!!!!!!1111!!! So I listened and lyke ITS SOUNDS like it was made by CRAPPY PRODUCING!!! OMG OMG OMG LAWLAL!!! OLIOLOIOLIO!!!

100/100


I thought that was what all your reviews looked like :D
_________________
heavens_coffin wrote:
I'm not into pedophilia. Thanks for the invite though
forwardthespears wrote:
ogmetal is slacking. I can't believe this isn't locked yet. Seriously, dudes, Svartpest -l-.

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PseudoGoatKill
High Priest(ess) of the Order

Joined: Sat Oct 25, 2003 11:40 pm
Posts: 2550
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Sat Nov 19, 2005 5:46 pm 
 

Black_Hole wrote:
PseudoGoatKill wrote:
I disagree.

My review for Moonspell's "Wolves in the Fog/Goat on Fire"

Liek OMG I wux LUCKING 4 MoooonSPELLS DEMO WLVS ON FIRE AND I FOUND IT!!!!!!1111!!! So I listened and lyke ITS SOUNDS like it was made by CRAPPY PRODUCING!!! OMG OMG OMG LAWLAL!!! OLIOLOIOLIO!!!

100/100


I thought that was what all your reviews looked like :D


You fail.

Internet = F
Funny = F
Sarcasm = F
Life = F

Please go back and repeat life again until you can pass adequately.
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PhantomOTO
Exterminator 666 Does Not Answer

Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2003 8:19 am
Posts: 3242
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Nov 19, 2005 5:48 pm 
 

PseudoGoatKill wrote:
Black_Hole wrote:
PseudoGoatKill wrote:
I disagree.

My review for Moonspell's "Wolves in the Fog/Goat on Fire"

Liek OMG I wux LUCKING 4 MoooonSPELLS DEMO WLVS ON FIRE AND I FOUND IT!!!!!!1111!!! So I listened and lyke ITS SOUNDS like it was made by CRAPPY PRODUCING!!! OMG OMG OMG LAWLAL!!! OLIOLOIOLIO!!!

100/100


I thought that was what all your reviews looked like :D


You fail.

Internet = F
Funny = F
Sarcasm = F
Life = F

Please go back and repeat life again until you can pass adequately.

You fail.

Internet = F
Funny = F
Sarcasm = F
Life = F

Please go back and repeat life again until you can pass adequately.

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OlympicSharpshooter
The Universal Magnetic

Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2003 3:24 pm
Posts: 1991
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat Nov 19, 2005 6:38 pm 
 

[placeholder post to keep the above from becoming a chain of lameness]
_________________
hells_unicorn wrote:
His [OSS] reviewing style sucks in my opinion, [...] and his humor is vapid at best and outright buffoonish at worst.

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Black_Hole
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2005 11:58 pm
Posts: 252
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Sun Nov 20, 2005 2:31 pm 
 

OlympicSharpshooter wrote:
[placeholder post to keep the above from becoming a chain of lameness]


Hah, at least someone is thinking with their cerebral cortex rather than their net-ego.
_________________
heavens_coffin wrote:
I'm not into pedophilia. Thanks for the invite though
forwardthespears wrote:
ogmetal is slacking. I can't believe this isn't locked yet. Seriously, dudes, Svartpest -l-.

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Xpert74
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Apr 29, 2005 12:28 am
Posts: 284
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Dec 02, 2005 2:48 am 
 

Wow, these reviews are so fucking shitty, it's great. I wanna shake the hands of some of these reviewers.

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chaossphere
Metal Lunatic

Joined: Sun Nov 10, 2002 11:49 pm
Posts: 2683
Location: New Zealand
PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 8:18 pm 
 

Quote:
Ripper (US) - And The Dead Shall Rise

mmm - 85%
Written by Total_desaster10 on December 8th, 2005


Nice band



Genius, absolute genius.
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Blood, guts, guns, cuts, knives, lives, wives, nuns, sluts.

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Unearthly
Spectre of Wrath

Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2005 8:10 pm
Posts: 635
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 8:22 pm 
 

Holy shit, this is the funniest display of stupidity I've seen since some guy managed to draw blood with a giant foam finger.

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Nightgaunt
I'll Swallow Your Soul

Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2004 9:50 pm
Posts: 6240
PostPosted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 9:40 pm 
 

For Trivium's Ascendancy.

Quote:
i'v got no words - 100%
Written by bloodline44 on December 9th, 2005

its just gr8
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OlympicSharpshooter
The Universal Magnetic

Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2003 3:24 pm
Posts: 1991
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 9:44 pm 
 

In my experience, having no words is a definite sign that I'm not ready to write a review...
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hells_unicorn wrote:
His [OSS] reviewing style sucks in my opinion, [...] and his humor is vapid at best and outright buffoonish at worst.

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Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
Posts: 1419
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Dec 10, 2005 1:09 pm 
 

I actually pictured Tony the Tiger - it is ggreeeeaaaat!

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Nightgaunt
I'll Swallow Your Soul

Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2004 9:50 pm
Posts: 6240
PostPosted: Sat Dec 10, 2005 2:16 pm 
 

For Immortal's Diabolical Fullmoon Mysticism and Marduk's Grand Danse Macabre, respectively.



Quote:
immortal - 3%
Written by leandroluciferion on December 10th, 2005

black metal


Quote:
black metal - 2%
Written by leandroluciferion on December 10th, 2005

fudidao
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OlympicSharpshooter
The Universal Magnetic

Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2003 3:24 pm
Posts: 1991
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat Dec 10, 2005 2:22 pm 
 

Nightgaunt wrote:
For Immortal's Diabolical Fullmoon Mysticism and Marduk's Grand Danse Macabre, respectively.



Quote:
immortal - 3%
Written by leandroluciferion on December 10th, 2005

black metal


Quote:
black metal - 2%
Written by leandroluciferion on December 10th, 2005

fudidao


There's an eyebrow raiser.
_________________
hells_unicorn wrote:
His [OSS] reviewing style sucks in my opinion, [...] and his humor is vapid at best and outright buffoonish at worst.

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chaossphere
Metal Lunatic

Joined: Sun Nov 10, 2002 11:49 pm
Posts: 2683
Location: New Zealand
PostPosted: Sat Dec 10, 2005 6:22 pm 
 

haha, I was about to paste some of that tard's "Reviews" that I just nuked... definitely need to durst that waste of oxygen.
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Blood, guts, guns, cuts, knives, lives, wives, nuns, sluts.

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Nightgaunt
I'll Swallow Your Soul

Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2004 9:50 pm
Posts: 6240
PostPosted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 8:52 pm 
 

For Nargaroth's Herbstleyd.

Quote:
THE BEST OF THE BEAST - 85%
Written by kastar on December 14th, 2005

IS A VERY NOISE THE COMPAC DISC, I BELIEVE IN THE BLACK METAL, AND NARGAROTH IS A VERY GOOD BAND. I LIKE ALL THE CD'S OF THE BAND...... BUT IT'S DISC IS A VERY GOOD, COMMENTARY FROM EL SALVADOR C.A.
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Earthcubed
Peregrinus sine aetate

Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2004 3:44 am
Posts: 2761
Location: Orocarni
PostPosted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 9:19 pm 
 

Nightgaunt wrote:
For Nargaroth's Herbstleyd.

Quote:
THE BEST OF THE BEAST - 85%
Written by kastar on December 14th, 2005

IS A VERY NOISE THE COMPAC DISC, I BELIEVE IN THE BLACK METAL, AND NARGAROTH IS A VERY GOOD BAND. I LIKE ALL THE CD'S OF THE BAND...... BUT IT'S DISC IS A VERY GOOD, COMMENTARY FROM EL SALVADOR C.A.


...is Nargaroth even from Cali?
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Quote:
<@failsafeman> if you touch a girl while you're fucking a gorilla, it doesn't count as gay
<@failsafeman> that's a rule

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Nightgaunt
I'll Swallow Your Soul

Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2004 9:50 pm
Posts: 6240
PostPosted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 9:23 pm 
 

Nargaroth is German.
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OlympicSharpshooter
The Universal Magnetic

Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2003 3:24 pm
Posts: 1991
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 9:23 pm 
 

No. I think the reviewer was stating his location. I have no feckin' clue why though.
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hells_unicorn wrote:
His [OSS] reviewing style sucks in my opinion, [...] and his humor is vapid at best and outright buffoonish at worst.

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judaspiss
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2005 9:45 pm
Posts: 1
Location: Afghanistan
PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2005 5:14 am 
 

Correct me if I'm wrong.
Wasn't Sebastian Bach still was the singer of Skid Row when they recorded Subhuman Race? Cos if I'm right, then PowerMetalGuardian had undoubtedly made a major ass out of himself with his review of that album.

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OlympicSharpshooter
The Universal Magnetic

Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2003 3:24 pm
Posts: 1991
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2005 12:52 pm 
 

He was and he did, but this isn't the right thread for this.
_________________
hells_unicorn wrote:
His [OSS] reviewing style sucks in my opinion, [...] and his humor is vapid at best and outright buffoonish at worst.

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ThrashGordon
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Apr 20, 2004 10:15 am
Posts: 1023
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 5:38 pm 
 

This new Burn The Priest review kind of sucks. It's just begging for someone to write a new review so this one isn't the only one...

Quote:
before LOG became MTV darlings... - 80%
Written by hazardmetal82 on January 6th, 2006


...there was Burn the Priest. This album by far exceeds all their upcoming releases.The lyrics were hard as hell to follow, but if the music kicks, it doesnt matter, plus the apparent political bullshit makes minor apperances(if none at all)...the drumming on this album(as for all the albums) are fucking exceptional; the bass, inaudible as always, holds the low end as intended. the guitar work on this is frantic and it lessens as they albums continue, a sad thing indeed....if burn the priest were to continue under this moniker and music style, they would not have been lumped in with the Shadows Fall/Killswitch bullshit that they are now.... get this album


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OlympicSharpshooter
The Universal Magnetic

Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2003 3:24 pm
Posts: 1991
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 6:12 pm 
 

*cough*wrong thread*cough*
_________________
hells_unicorn wrote:
His [OSS] reviewing style sucks in my opinion, [...] and his humor is vapid at best and outright buffoonish at worst.

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ThrashGordon
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Apr 20, 2004 10:15 am
Posts: 1023
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 6:23 pm 
 

OlympicSharpshooter wrote:
*cough*wrong thread*cough*


I refrained from putting it in the oven fodder thread because it only got accepted yesterday and as it is the only review it will stay atleast until a better review is written.

Nevertheless it is a 'remarkably bad review' IMO...

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subjugator
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2005 3:18 pm
Posts: 34
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Sun Jan 08, 2006 1:44 am 
 

Great thread for a laugh.

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CandideCamera
Pour l'encouragement des autres

Joined: Sat Jan 11, 2003 7:49 pm
Posts: 2155
Location: The Known Universe
PostPosted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 5:10 pm 
 

Quote:
Review for Anathema (UK)'s Alternative 4

Best doom album I've ever listen - 100%
Written by Dickinson on January 13th, 2006


Espacially Lost Control is my favourite. If you say I like doom metal you must have this album


I doubt anybody can think low enough to make that up.
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It's silly to not like High on Fire.

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OlympicSharpshooter
The Universal Magnetic

Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2003 3:24 pm
Posts: 1991
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 2:38 am 
 

Quote:
holly f..uck!dr know from oxnard! - 100%
Written by alexpaokpunk on January 9th, 2006


hey!my first review over one of my favorite records!dr know's-plug in jesus was a great example of mettalic pun of the 80s.pounding,relentless,with sick lyrics.i have always thought that slayer have been stealing for years this lp!just check out the vocals and the riffs!dr know were one of the mystic bands(doug moody f... off!) that came from oxnard like dont know,stalag 13,aggression,rkl etc.tec..and these bands have all in common the slight metal influence.in fact many punk rockers hated dr know,especially the later albums.but this is great!just listen to mr freeze,god told me to,intruder,citizens of world...just incredible!get it wherever u find it whether u are a punk boy or a thrash metaller!essential!


Reply: I think you have a problem with your brain-part not working.
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hells_unicorn wrote:
His [OSS] reviewing style sucks in my opinion, [...] and his humor is vapid at best and outright buffoonish at worst.

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Sean16
Moody Tabulator of Torn Hymens

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 11:03 am
Posts: 524
Location: Japan
PostPosted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 4:43 am 
 

Fuck, I hadn't even noticed OSS was a mod now. Reviews standards are gonna increase...

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