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droneriot
RETIRED

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
Posts: 5240
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Wed Sep 04, 2013 5:00 pm 
 

I don't know why, but I just read the last few posts in this thread. I normally never check this thread because this type of verbal slapstick isn't really my type of humour, but I guess I had one of these impulses of morbid curiousity today, and damn, I just saw that Validor review. Pretty intense, man.
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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 4862
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Sep 04, 2013 8:03 pm 
 

Clearing out a long backlog today. Highlights from the shit I sorted through:

"It sounds like Maiden but not a clone but maybe say the offspring if Maiden mated with a Russian."

"This album is absolutely mind blowing from start to finish. I'm not sure why so many people are having a cry about it and rating it poorly. I mean this is FA as they are supposed to sound. Its not a sell out album or anything it is exactly FA through and through and brutal in every respect. Some people are saying that there is to much going on with the music and it takes away from the guitar sound but I disagree. I think it is all very audible and is almost perfect. Maybe the people saying this don't know how to listen to it properly. The classical music sends chills down my spine and it is so epic it makes me want to suck their cocks...........not really that would be a tad gay but still I might give them hand jobs at least."

"The vocals of Marc Grewe owe a huge dept to Leprosy era Death"

"Why is so good dammit!?"

"Xentrix is just another thrash band coming from British."

"Wow, I didn't realize how Indonesian death metal scene has spawned much, very much, records, from the awesomely fine ones to the pointless ones."
*Same guy who said this: "The Indonesian death metal scene has always been regarded as the best scene, after the Japanese and Russian death metal scene (at least, according to my observation in an Indonesian metal website)"

"The best Christmas power metal you will ever hear. I absolutely stand by this statement. The best thing is you do not even have to pay for this single. It's available for free download at their website after free registration into their "Club of Souls". When I have heard it for the first time I was completely blown away. I was literally forced by its perfection to buy it from iTunes. The track has an amazing progressive structure and tells a beautiful tale about an unforeseen romance. The story is a bit silly but it has everything - dramatic plot, unexpected twist and fight of the evil and the good. Not to mention perfect performance of all band members as well as talent of Matt for writing long epic songs. There is only thing I would reproach - the impossibility to buy a lossless copy in any form (physical or digital). If you like the track "Mirror of Souls" from their second album you will like this one as well."

Image

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Xlxlx
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 5383
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Wed Sep 04, 2013 8:32 pm 
 

"Christmas power metal", uh? Damn, where's LegendMaker when you need him?
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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 4862
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Sep 05, 2013 6:34 pm 
 

http://www.theocracymusic.com/clubofsouls.php
http://www.metal-archives.com/bands/Theocracy/14509#

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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8703
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Sat Sep 14, 2013 2:40 pm 
 

Image
:ugh: :ugh: :ugh:
Image
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Xlxlx
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 5383
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Sat Sep 14, 2013 3:52 pm 
 

I almost always find it hilarious when people say that they don't need to keep talking about an album in their reviews. I can't really remember a time when that was actually the case.
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mad_submarine
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2011 5:33 pm
Posts: 15
PostPosted: Sat Sep 14, 2013 6:47 pm 
 

Nothing beats Maiden mating with a Russian, sorry.
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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8703
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Mon Sep 23, 2013 4:41 pm 
 

Image

The band is German. :-P
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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 4862
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Sep 24, 2013 12:28 am 
 

Image

Yeah, that's a convincing appeal. :rolleyes:

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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 9739
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Sep 24, 2013 12:39 am 
 

Oh wow :lol:
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Yesterday was the birthday of school pal and I met the chick of my sigh (I've talked about here before, the she-wolf I use to be inlove with)... Maaan she was using a mini-skirt too damn insane... Dude you could saw her entire soul every time she sit...

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dystopia4
Veteran

Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:47 pm
Posts: 3511
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Tue Sep 24, 2013 12:44 am 
 

Beautiful.
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Andromeda_Unchained
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun May 10, 2009 3:46 pm
Posts: 55
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Tue Sep 24, 2013 12:08 pm 
 

So many dots and question marks. Also that one higher up for Veil Of Maya, I loved the line "I always feel in a jungle when he plays his songs". Really fucking tickled me.

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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8703
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Thu Sep 26, 2013 7:29 pm 
 

For Venom's Welcome to Hell

Quote:
mine that is passing and yours that is about to begin.Though you doont know it yet be assured that if you are reading these words of wisdom you have already lost your life to a path that you cannot possibly have forseen and horrors beyond your wildest imagings.
I have seen and done much that would make any an wish to claw his eyes from their sockets.
But I get ahead of myself,read on for you are aleady damned as i was long ago,I shall pass my knowledge to you and you will learn what fate & God have degreed to you.
Your lot on this miserable earth is to hunt and distroy,to hide & be stunned. The world of common man will turn its face from you. You shall have no identity other than that which you are for you are a Demon.
The lesser beasts of Hell are abundent throughout Satan's domain,these creatures do not give up their hard -won supposed immortality without a fight. There limbs are impervious to all but the most powerful Magick.
It is rare for them to have the courage of their own accord to make their way ionto the mortal realm,but when thus command by Satan or one of his lieutenants to come hither & weak evil mischief they will do so.
Though they are cowardly by nature their fear of the wrath of their infernal Masters is far greater than that of any other danger they might face.
For it is by terror alone that Satan rules his minions. How Satan first came to intermix man and unlease the plague upon earth is lost in the mists of time.What is sure is that in so doing he created a vile affliction that has contaminiated many souls and caused much woe in the world.
I have fought countless beasts,but none more deadly than those Behemoths of the underworld.
As old as time and more rare than a honest preacher these prodigious beasts can lie hidden & dorment for centuries on end, Yet when roused from their slumber they are truly magnificent in their fear someness,so much so to render a man helpless. Each time i have been caused by some corrrupted soul who sought to gain favour of me.
Not content with armies of undead & domonic beats at his comand Satan constantly seeks to corrupt mankind into his service.
Preying upon the week & venal minds he offers promises of earthly power in return for unbending loyalty to his evil cause. It never ceases to amaze me that these ave men so filled with greed & bitterness that they can be swayed by such hollow promises. In time,as the humanity is stripped from their souls so the flesh begins to rot & peel away from their bodies until naught but a raw ragged shreds of flech hang fluttering from their bones.
They are as vulerable to honest steel as any man and you will not struggle to defeat them in arms. After all the ages I have spent fightiing the Dark Forces of Satan I sense no lessening of the prescence of evil abroad inthe world.
Indeed the race of amn seems to fall even further away from this Gods grace. Dark & terrible through the times I have lived through have been. I sense only further torment & descent into wickedness for mankind.
My final wish is that my writtings may find its way to the valient souls with the power of will,purity of mind & strengh in arms to reverse this tide of evil!.....
A PASSING PIECE OF MAGICK FOR SAFE KEEPING!..
"Deus Servo mihi. Tutela meus viscus ex Velnero,tutela meus animus ex malum. Contego mhi ex hostium" Been my vengence on those cursed cats-paws of evil....
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shouvince
Veteran

Joined: Sat Jan 22, 2005 9:11 am
Posts: 2730
PostPosted: Fri Sep 27, 2013 2:57 am 
 

What the hell was that! :scratch:

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MrMetalinasuit1
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2012 9:59 am
Posts: 131
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sat Sep 28, 2013 3:00 pm 
 

This ranks up there with the batshit insane manowar review that read like schizophrenic ravings painted in feces on the walls of a mental asylum from the Victorian era. It's probably lifted from some teenage "satanists" blogspot from the myspace era.
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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 9739
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Sep 28, 2013 5:47 pm 
 

Quote:
domonic beats

For some reason, this had me laughing really, really hard. :lol:
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gomorro wrote:
Yesterday was the birthday of school pal and I met the chick of my sigh (I've talked about here before, the she-wolf I use to be inlove with)... Maaan she was using a mini-skirt too damn insane... Dude you could saw her entire soul every time she sit...

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MrMetalinasuit1
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2012 9:59 am
Posts: 131
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sun Sep 29, 2013 12:36 pm 
 

OzzyApu wrote:
Quote:
domonic beats

For some reason, this had me laughing really, really hard. :lol:

Image
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SadisticGratification
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Jul 15, 2012 3:00 pm
Posts: 406
Location: Ireland
PostPosted: Mon Sep 30, 2013 2:00 pm 
 

OzzyApu wrote:
Quote:
domonic beats

For some reason, this had me laughing really, really hard. :lol:

domonic beats sounds like a dubstep band :lol:

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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8703
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Sat Oct 05, 2013 7:56 pm 
 

Image
My favorite parts:
"Stefan's voice,Riffs,Solo.Long Hair."
"On this scene where Bieber,One Direction and others taking control is good to have band like this,who play with love,who will enjoy in music."
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lord_ghengis
Metal freak

Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2006 8:31 pm
Posts: 5376
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Sat Oct 05, 2013 8:17 pm 
 

Youtube comments have become sentient.

Edit: I'm also fond of "Lets back to album".
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DarthVenom
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Sep 28, 2003 10:56 am
Posts: 611
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 10:59 am 
 

The guy has spirit if nothing else. I mean, he clearly needs some more practice with English as a second (or third) language, and review formatting, and writing structure, and you've got your Borat-isms like "they create sound.album is not be hit", but there's so much honest enthusiasm there that I can't possibly look down on it. :-P

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Thiestru
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Oct 09, 2008 9:18 am
Posts: 1129
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 4:53 pm 
 

I love that review.
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Zodijackyl wrote:
Anything but undying, eternal praise for Awaken the Guardian is completely wrong and a disgrace to you, your band, family, and Facebook friends list.


Please check out my music at the following link. Thanks!

http://thiestru.bandcamp.com

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TheStormIRide
Jesuscop

Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:45 pm
Posts: 922
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 9:36 pm 
 

they play on Wacker 2010.they start from 0.

Priceless.
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what bands will my imaginary sky daddy be ok with me listening to?

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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 3386
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 11:01 pm 
 

What the fuck is "Turbo-Folk"?
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Oddeye wrote:
bug_man wrote:
a whole planet, made out of satan


That. Is. METAL!

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Xlxlx
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 5383
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 1:07 pm 
 

Wilytank wrote:
What the fuck is "Turbo-Folk"?

Folk metal played by Turbo era Priest.

You may weep now.
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Earthcubed wrote:
I wish I had a black hole and an infinite supply of B83 atomic bombs, each time letting the heat barely rub against all of you before sucking it back with a black hole so I could slowly nuke the previous page over and over again for all time.

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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 3386
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 5:43 pm 
 

Xlxlx wrote:
Wilytank wrote:
What the fuck is "Turbo-Folk"?

Folk metal played by Turbo era Priest.

You may weep now.


Empyrium is my Turbo Lover.

After saying that, I feel like a priest raped a child somewhere in the world. :(
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Oddeye wrote:
bug_man wrote:
a whole planet, made out of satan


That. Is. METAL!

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AcidWorm
Veteran

Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 11:37 pm
Posts: 2757
PostPosted: Wed Oct 09, 2013 1:14 am 
 

What does Ex-Yu mean?
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In reference to Baby Metal
tanabata wrote:
I heard one of the moderators blacklisted them because of his subjective opinion. Well If that is the case, you sir have shit taste and you ain't my nigga!

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TheStormIRide
Jesuscop

Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:45 pm
Posts: 922
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Oct 09, 2013 8:23 am 
 

I was just guessing ex-Yugoslavian... but it was probably a typo
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Osmium wrote:
And I'm sure old Adolf never meant anything bad when he rounded up those Jews. Nice try, Hitler.

iamntbatman wrote:
what bands will my imaginary sky daddy be ok with me listening to?

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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 4862
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Oct 10, 2013 7:47 pm 
 

Xlxlx wrote:
I almost always find it hilarious when people say that they don't need to keep talking about an album in their reviews. I can't really remember a time when that was actually the case.


"I'm not really going to focus on the music that much, because everything that can be said on the subject has already been said."

UGGGGGHHHHHHHH :(

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Ilwhyan
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 6436
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 7:02 am 
 

In general, meta-text is very, very rarely called for.
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"Behold, wizard, for the last time how the sun looks, for henceforth you will watch it with empty sockets!"
Illusions Dead - death/black metal

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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8703
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 12:51 am 
 

Image
HORSE COCK
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MutantClannfear
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 2250
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 12:56 am 
 

HORSE COCK

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VirginSteele_Helstar
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2012 2:26 pm
Posts: 397
PostPosted: Wed Oct 16, 2013 8:21 am 
 

I have written a lot of reviews but as of yet only posted few. I always go back to the albums and when I pick up on something new, I do a rewrite. I guess I should be more spontaneous and just post em as soon as I write em. I just worry about how they will be perceived and since they will last a long time on this site I want them to have meant something.

Anyway, I have had a few sent back to me to format correctly and with other complaints but after reading through this thread I can't believe the stuff the mods get thrown at. I was worried about having something relevant to contribute but man....:lol:
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MrMetalinasuit1
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2012 9:59 am
Posts: 131
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Wed Oct 16, 2013 1:23 pm 
 

HORSE COCK.
Thats why mums go to Iceland.
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Andromeda_Unchained
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun May 10, 2009 3:46 pm
Posts: 55
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Thu Oct 17, 2013 5:09 pm 
 

MrMetalinasuit1 wrote:
HORSE COCK.
Thats why mums go to Iceland.


:lol:

I can't believe people seriously submit shit like that Death Angel review, why HORSE COCK? And why 80%? Dumbfounding to say the least.

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Azmodes
Ultranaut

Joined: Fri Nov 02, 2007 10:44 am
Posts: 5850
Location: Gradec, Austria
PostPosted: Thu Oct 17, 2013 6:24 pm 
 

Immaturity and boredom effecting crude trolling. A regular occurence online.
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Quote:
One Too Many Camel was rejected on the basis that it was not metal.

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Nochielo
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Sep 29, 2008 8:20 am
Posts: 1532
Location: Puerto Rico
PostPosted: Fri Oct 18, 2013 12:58 am 
 

I just noticed the icon mods use for rejections and cannot stop laughing.
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"Beauty is the substance distilled
The rest of what you could not hold
You'd not take the splendor instilled
And I just couldn’t ask for more"

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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 4862
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Oct 30, 2013 10:53 pm 
 

Image

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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 3386
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Oct 30, 2013 11:03 pm 
 

When I think of French metal, I think of Blut aus Nord. Eat me.
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Oddeye wrote:
bug_man wrote:
a whole planet, made out of satan


That. Is. METAL!

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Ilwhyan
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 6436
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Thu Oct 31, 2013 5:05 am 
 

Is that really Crappy Diem material? I've posted worse stuff in oven fodder that was not deleted. I associate this thread with complete headscratchers like GOODLY HAH, or some delusional, furious rants about mods having personal vendettas against the writer.
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