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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 3305
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Apr 29, 2013 9:43 am 
 

Zodijackyl wrote:
BastardHead wrote:
My favorite was this "Periodic Table of Heavy Metals" I saw once, where most of the genres were wrong or had odd band choices, but the kicker was the black metal section, which was missing literally every single huge second wave band like Darkthrone, Mayhem, Satyricon, Burzum, Emperor, and any other huge name you can imagine. But what band was found under black metal? Fucking Underoath.


Along with Incantation and Katatonia...

http://www.metalsucks.net/wp-content/up ... metals.jpg


And Witchfynde?
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TheLiberation
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Apr 13, 2011 12:56 pm
Posts: 580
Location: Poland
PostPosted: Mon Apr 29, 2013 3:50 pm 
 

The idea itself is fairly cool, but it's not very reader-friendly, and the choice of bands is, let's be straightforward, random as fuck.
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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 4774
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Apr 30, 2013 12:14 pm 
 

"Best exodus album. When you are listening at it just pure hate running in your veins. All bands members do their best to bring that hate out. Really great vocals from Paul . He sounds like a fucking beast who wants to pick up a fight. Gary Holt and Rick Hunolt did some really great job. Riffs of this lp are intense and when you hearing at it adrenaline comes in high level. As for rythm section Rob Mckillop and Tom Hunting played tighted and they closed the hole package of mental lp.
All songs are top and no fillers included here. Every song wrote its own history in thrash metal . Bonded by blood is included in top 10 of the best thrash albums and i recomended to all mental and sick fans of that music.
as Paul screams :
turn to look at baphomet
from below and not above
welcome to my sacrifice
tonight there'll be no love!"

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Grave_Wyrm
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 2022
Location: In the Open Sea
PostPosted: Thu May 02, 2013 1:41 pm 
 

You know .. it's really hard to write like that on purpose. "all mental and sick fans of that music" .. I would never think of that.

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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 4774
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu May 02, 2013 10:54 pm 
 

"wtf"
-Tony

Image

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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 9655
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu May 02, 2013 11:47 pm 
 

Reading that and seeing the Manowar cover on the right the entire time made it look like some twisted Manowarrior's fantasy that no one should have ever known.
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GuntherTheUndying
Crimson King, Eater of Worlds

Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:36 pm
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PostPosted: Fri May 03, 2013 12:25 am 
 

:lol: Manowar albums attract the best shitty reviews.
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Grave_Wyrm
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 2022
Location: In the Open Sea
PostPosted: Fri May 03, 2013 12:31 am 
 

"I suspect that the bones of the skull and the legal is the brain of the stump man"
:lol:

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TheLiberation
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Apr 13, 2011 12:56 pm
Posts: 580
Location: Poland
PostPosted: Fri May 03, 2013 5:45 am 
 

Your brain
Because ownership of the devil


I need to write this down somewhere. :lol:
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Ilwhyan
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 6358
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Fri May 03, 2013 10:41 am 
 

This guy was really high. :nono:
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Xlxlx
May contain traces of nuts

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 5301
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Fri May 03, 2013 11:46 am 
 

You know, that review would be quite scary if it was messily scribbled on a wall without some kind of context. Shit's crazy.
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DarthVenom
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Sep 28, 2003 10:56 am
Posts: 611
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Fri May 03, 2013 12:34 pm 
 

I just...I...what the christ? :|

This isn't a review. It's something you might see written in blood on the walls of a long-abandoned insane asylum where the doctors performed bizarre experiments on the patients.

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Sick6Six
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2012 12:01 pm
Posts: 846
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri May 03, 2013 4:27 pm 
 

Seems someone "butchered" the lyrics from the Cannibal Corpse song "Edible Autopsy"

Wheeled in on a cart, lying dormant not dead
Hospital of immortality, butcher their patients bloody red
Taken to a dark room, fear of impending doom
The doctor straps you down, with an evil grin
Grabs his rusty blade, ripping through flesh and vein
He tortures his patients through evil means

You can't try to fight them, first they change your brain
beyond the realm of evil, their means are insane
Mutilated beyond belief, but still kept alive
Pathologist of death gouging out your eyes

Guts and blood, bones are broken
As they eat your pancreas
Human liver, for their diner
Or maybe soup with eyes
Cause of death, still unknown
Gnawing meat, from your bones
Bone saw binding in your skull
Brains are oozing a human stump
Needles injected, through your eyes
Puiling off flesh, skinned alive

Killing for free in blood they will trust, and they must never forsake
feeding on blood that brought them abound, and they must kill tonight
Genocide, suicide, screaming cries, in hell you will die

Lying dormant not dead
Hospital of immortality, butcher their patients bloody red
Taken to a dark room, fear of impending doom
The doctor straps you down, with an evil grin
Grabs his rusty blade, ripping through flesh and vein
He tortures his patients through evil means
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TheLiberation
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Apr 13, 2011 12:56 pm
Posts: 580
Location: Poland
PostPosted: Mon May 06, 2013 6:34 am 
 

Makes more sense now in fact.

You guys have a point with the writing on an asylum wall thing, although I still think I'd explode from laughter after seeing "Your brain
Because ownership of the devil". :lol:
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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 4774
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon May 06, 2013 5:28 pm 
 

Image

-Plagiarized
-Self review
-Mostly in French
-A couple words in English too
-Random CAPITALIZATION
-Spaces before punctuation
-Inconsistent spacing before/after punctuation
-Missing space between words
-One paragraph without proper line breaks
-Poor grammar in French, according to Tony.

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Grave_Wyrm
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 2022
Location: In the Open Sea
PostPosted: Mon May 06, 2013 7:13 pm 
 

^ actually painful.

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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 4774
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon May 06, 2013 11:21 pm 
 

A Very Good Album - 89%
I haven't listened to their other albums nor do I speak any brazilin languages, however This is a very good album and all the riffs in it were great! :)

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japc
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Apr 30, 2004 10:35 pm
Posts: 501
Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Tue May 07, 2013 9:53 am 
 

Brazilin? :)
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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
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Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue May 07, 2013 1:50 pm 
 

That was the whole review too!

This one is just annoying to read. Perhaps it's not as crappy as some of the others, but damn is this formatting annoying.

Spoiler: show
1) There will be none
So, everything that must contains opening track we have here – catchy and blasting composing,
without any failures. First thing which deserved mentioning is an atmosphere. AETERNUS was brutal and furious on Ascension of Terror, cold and crushing on A Darker Monument, epic and mystical on first two releases, but now their dark art sounds solemnly and grandiose. Yeah, especially from 4th minute of that song, I had a feeling like I’m an god of war flying over scorched battlefields, observing plains of bloodshed and wrath. Chaos and majesty embodied in sound.
Combination of sharpened riffs and blastbeats sounds great, but for sure, now Ares must hire a good sound engineer for a live performance to do not let these elements disappear in bad sound.


2) And The Seventh His Soul Detesteth
Haha, this is a Godhead Charlatan part II))) Beginning of a song and a second riff sounds similar to this track)). What can I mention here – good mix of bass guitar, here I hear clearly as bass gave a feeling of strain to whole song. In difference of previous track, this song is fulfilled with a sense of fear and awaiting of something doom to come. Terris made an excellent job, outlining accents in riffs with a snare drum and hihat. Great solo outbreak from 3:24 which outgrow to typical “laces” of Aeternus riffing. Seems like this song would be an often played live song.

3) Spurcitias
One of my favorites on this album. Some kind of conceptual song. For me this track like a little opera – very variative: from doom and epic pieces to fast ride of blastbeating fury, and especially great trick from 2:30 – atmospherical and bombasting trance with Ares’ shamanic chant on a back line. Just a mushroom trip))) And in the end known sound of Ares’ acoustic guitars (which I’d differ from a thousand of others) which leads somewhere into misty oblivion… Cosmic ending!

4) Ruin and resurrect
This song is a good example of following concequence – music of Aeternus is a multilayered thing and it’s not possible to judge it after first listening))). I’m joining to choir of critic sluts and proclaim – this song must be written by Morbid Angel in 2010, not Illud Divinum Insanvs)) but for sure, this is not vile plagiarism, just a song which built on their legacy. This song is a best example why changing of studio is harmless for a band. Grinding, bulldozer sound of drums, and especially razor of guitar –in Grieghallen guitars sounded softer. Again I’m tipping my hat before Terris – he’s not just a drummer, he’s musician! Fusion of melodies and rhythms sounds great, all these details with a cymbals is an important part of arrangements, and Terris’ feeling and taste for this are on a high level. Specter’ avant-garde solo from 3:25 – hehe, it come from seventies))
From 5th minute Aeternus started to play death’n’roll, I think, when Erik will listen to it he’ll want to come back)))



5) Confusion of tongues
Heh, this song started not very good for me)) Opening riffs is too “light”)) But from 1:20 situation changed radically!! Devastating epic riff with a growling bass line (thank you for upping bass during mastering))) Very good vocal arrangement, which started from your “trademark” shamanic voice and developing to crushing growling – just fabulous! And of course 2:30 – AMAZING SOLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could compare it with legendary Ild Dans solo – airy and elegant, melodic and catchy! It was a sign of destiny which led Specter to line up))) Last blastbeat melodies are simple and sounds dark, but IMHO it seems like they come from another song, hehe)))

6) Hubris

Hmmmmmm… This is a most strange moment for me)) Ares should start same career of Jesse Cook and record acoustic album. Without doubt, Ares had a brilliant talent to compose an acoustic stuff. But IMHO, this piece is too “light” for AETERNUS album. It sounds not mystically, doomy or epic (as I guess Aeternus acoustic pics should sound), it sounds romantically))) Ok, this is not my case)). But I’ll repeat again it sounds just great but not for this album.

7) Reap what you saw
Ha, this is my favorite! Absolutely killer stuff! You should play it every show in the middle of performance)) I have a suspicion that this song was written very easily – because listening of this is a very easy! I don’t know who did played solos on this song, but because of them in my mind appeared a ghost of GOREFEST)).

8) Saligia
For me, this song is a quintessence of an album. It’s a typical AETERNUS’ song with a good attacking riff on a verse, epic passages and offensive rhythm. And of course acoustics – IT’S UNEARTHLY! Comparing to legendary Warrior of Crescent Moon, Saligia’s acoustic solo sounds just excellent and elaborately. Another plus of this album that there are no place for two good songs in the beginning, and all others are just to fulfill the place. All songs have an interesting parts from beginning til the end.

9) The Hand That Severs the Bond of Creation
This is an atmospheric brutal thrash))))) Very good piece of true metal, most intense track of an album IMHO. Very good mood I’ve heard from 1:00 – again I tip my hat before Terris for his tricks with a changing of rhythms, sounds very interesting! I’m sure this song also will be included in live-list of Aeternus.

10) Spirit Of Illumination
For me was always interesting why Aeternus used to put intense song in very end of an album)))
This was with Lair Of Anubis, Sons Of War and And So The Night Became)) With this song I’ve already started to think again that Ares put killer track as a closure, but NO! Very intense beginning of song started to drown slowly among traditional “swampy” riffs of Aeternus. This song ended so harsh and absolute silence after all. Wow… Even strange))

So, what I can say to finalize it – stuff is a really deserves to be listened to. Aeternus didn’t lost his own face and now it has a solid skeleton of composing, clean vision of melodic lines, ready to fight finally)) It’s surprising how it’s possible to develop style in such a narrow bounds, but this album is an approval that such type of music is still very vital. Minuses? For me it’s just a little lack of vocals here – music sounds very definitely, but voice is a little bit behind. Also IMHO to get more dark atmosphere I would add a reverberation. But this are only my thoughts)))



... and another crappy review right after that one! This has some funny lines in it!

Spoiler: show
Oniricous is Spanish death metal band. They are playing together since 2011. Ritos Diabolicos is their first relase.

This album contains 36 mins of pure oldschool death metal. Ritos Diabolicos starts with horror stylized acoustic intro. Second track is like brutal kick in your head. Music explose with raw death metal riffs. I must admit that all songs are recorded in Spanish . I think this language suits perfectly for that type of music. For me growl at this Cd sounds like a black mage spells. When El Amuleto is over other song is going to kick your ass. Astrofobos attacks listener with early Death riffs. My favorite track on this album is Laberinto Astral. It is probably the best moment of this CD. Laberinto Astral contains great riffs and brilliant guitar solos. Chuster and Mazo done really great work writing such a great solos at this album. The rythm section is also really great. Good example of that is a song called Reanimador. Bass intro sounds really oldschool and raw. It reminds some of the Cannibal Corpse bass parts. Drums on this Cd sounds brilliant. They are very well recorded and played. In some parts you can also hear thrash influences. It makes this album really oldschool sounding.


Mix of this album is also really good. It sound raw but not in the offense way. Instruments sounds heavy and you have no probleams with hearing vocals. I think this band shows how to deal raw music with new recording technics. Music didn't loose raw power after mastering. Cover art looks fantastic. This piece of art is done by the Spanish comics writer Esteban Maroto. Lyrics are inspired by H.P Lovecraft horror tales.


This Cd is must have for every death metal fan who like bands like Death, Possessed, Autopsy or Gorguts. For me Ritos Diabolicos is going probably to be the best death metal relase of 2013. Can't wait for another album. I really wish them best.

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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

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PostPosted: Tue May 07, 2013 4:59 pm 
 

I think my favorite part of that second one is "I must admit that all songs are recorded in Spanish", as if that's supposed to be a downside to the overall performance. :lol: I laughed really hard at the Sunn O))) punctuation in the first one, too.
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TheLiberation
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Apr 13, 2011 12:56 pm
Posts: 580
Location: Poland
PostPosted: Tue May 07, 2013 5:34 pm 
 

Actually the second one is not terrible and it has a not so bad amount of content, just the style needs... well, a lot of work. And it's definitely fun to read. :lol:
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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
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Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue May 07, 2013 8:17 pm 
 

MalignantThrone wrote:
I think my favorite part of that second one is "I must admit that all songs are recorded in Spanish", as if that's supposed to be a downside to the overall performance. :lol: I laughed really hard at the Sunn O))) punctuation in the first one, too.


That's how Russians write smiling emoticons. :lol:

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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
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Location: Québec
PostPosted: Fri May 10, 2013 1:52 pm 
 

For the new Immolation, a 0%...It doesn't make any sense and it's fucking pretentious. This guy apparently writes for Metal Temple too!

"If a woman is on the borderline of making her decision in the area of plastic surgery, then you might be in a bit of a conundrum convincing them otherwise. In America, such a form of surgery is popular for reduction or enhancement. Whatever the case, it’s completely unnatural and disgusting. I’m sure there’s a lot of men who get off at artificial breast/buttock overload (I wouldn’t exactly call them real men either). I’m not an expert in the field and sure there might be some beneficial reasons through surgery not involving reduction/enhancement but for an appearance issue (sexual appeal) I loathe it to the extreme. Natural women are beautiful. Trying to follow the criteria of what a nation defines as “beautiful” is ridiculous. Seeing women of all shapes and sizes is a magnificent thing and to think appearance is highly valued to where formerly beautiful women “enhance” their status through cosmetics and surgery is a bit of a letdown. They’ve become the very thing they were trying to get away from, ironic huh? Do I have you confused? You might be thinking what’s the connection? Well if you’re good at using your critical thinking skills you probably already figured it out. I was very excited to have “Kingdom Of Conspiracy” under my wing and even gloat about how I received this album almost one month before its official release date. Oh how I regret it and should’ve silently listened to “Kingdom Of Conspiracy” behind thick barricades where my existence would've been hidden during the remainder of this suicidal thought-provoking mess of a record.

You have to wonder whom to blame, the victim or the benefactor. Following the ideology of the American society, they have a tendency to blame the victim rather than the opposite end who committed the crime. A lot of other countries look down upon this approach. It’s a tough one; I cannot blame Immolation who I once announced to be one of my favorite death metal bands. I want to condemn the physical location itself because inside are countless numbers of perceived money-hungry surgeons whom might not apply to every single last one of them. Nuclear Blast is an indirect mutilator. Technically, if you look at it from different views, there are a lot of victims. Immolation’s mistake was signing onto Nuclear Blast itself.

Even if the album was given a more natural gut-raping sound, I still would've thought this as an average attempt. The formula is rather basic. It appreciates finding a catchy hook and carrying it through with no surprises what so ever. It’s too forward and predictable. There’s a difference between hypnotic and ground-breaking catchiness, respectively and nonchalant catchiness. This is lazy and authenticity is buried among chambers still filled with secrets to find. As the analogy presented in the preface, everything comes off as synthetic even if technically there are human beings behind its mechanics.

The biggest disappointment is Steve Shalaty. The horrid and robotic-like strikes, humanity being engulfed in travesty turmoil. Computation and precision seem to supersede originality, creativity, and passion. He’s pressured and carried downstream to a puddle of onslaught-programmed blast beats. The woe of the soul is submerged in automaticity."
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iamntbatman
Chaos Breed

Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 5:55 am
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PostPosted: Fri May 10, 2013 2:25 pm 
 

Is that the entire review?

The whole intro analogy thing vaguely makes sense and I could see how it could be an introduction to a music review, but then it's like his laptop battery was dying starting in the second paragraph, where his analogy morphs into a weird meta-analogy that makes very little sense, then quickly realized he had better talk about the music before the laptop bit the dust, which amounts to basically, "uh...robotic!"

Very silly.
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

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PostPosted: Fri May 10, 2013 2:30 pm 
 

That's awful. Shit; there comes a time when you just need to wrap up your metaphor and just get on with actually reviewing the music. Metaphors are cool, but not when they're that convoluted and masturbatory. That's just really, really poor writing, which is a shame because it's obvious he actually has some talent otherwise.
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TheLiberation
Metalhead

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PostPosted: Fri May 10, 2013 4:11 pm 
 

This is really Kruel territory, just somehow he manages to be even more pretentious, which is sort of impressive because I thought it's impossible to reach that level of pseudo-reviewing horribleness.
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Filosofuck
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Apr 28, 2013 6:19 am
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PostPosted: Fri May 10, 2013 4:38 pm 
 

Why don't you guys reject all the assholes who give things 0 percent?

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iamntbatman
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PostPosted: Fri May 10, 2013 4:51 pm 
 

Filosofuck wrote:
Why don't you guys reject all the assholes who give things 0 percent?


The review score scale goes from zero to 100. What would be the point of even having zero if no review could get accepted with that score? What about 1%? If that's also too mean for you, what would be an acceptable cut-off? 49% is still failing. How about we change the review system to gold stars or smiley faces?
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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

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PostPosted: Fri May 10, 2013 4:54 pm 
 

Filosofuck wrote:
Why don't you guys reject all the assholes who give things 0 percent?

Because that would essentially eliminate 0% as a frame of reference. If all 0% reviews were auto-rejected, then you'd have to start rejecting all 1% reviews as well since that would be the new minimum score, and so on.

EDIT: iamntbatman beat me to it.
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Metantoine
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PostPosted: Fri May 10, 2013 5:06 pm 
 

We should ban those who say that we should eliminate 0% reviews. Problem solved!
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TheLiberation
Metalhead

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PostPosted: Fri May 10, 2013 5:13 pm 
 

Eliminating 0% is a totally ridiculous concept, but it does make sense to have a bit stricter approach to extreme ratings (<20% and >90%), as these should require a really damn good explanation, and some people just hand them out freely whenever they have a bad day/sudden burst of euphoria. 0% should really be for something that has ZERO value, not for an album you sort of dislike but have some ridiculous ideological grudge against (yes I know I use this word a lot here), and 100% should be for a genuine masterpiece not just a good album.
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BastardHead
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PostPosted: Fri May 10, 2013 5:20 pm 
 

Filosofuck wrote:
Why don't you guys reject all the assholes who give things 0 percent?


I can sum it up the most succinctly:

"Because we're adults"

Case closed.
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Filosofuck
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PostPosted: Sat May 11, 2013 1:55 pm 
 

TheLiberation wrote:
Eliminating 0% is a totally ridiculous concept, but it does make sense to have a bit stricter approach to extreme ratings (<20% and >90%), as these should require a really damn good explanation, and some people just hand them out freely whenever they have a bad day/sudden burst of euphoria. 0% should really be for something that has ZERO value, not for an album you sort of dislike but have some ridiculous ideological grudge against (yes I know I use this word a lot here), and 100% should be for a genuine masterpiece not just a good album.

Precisely.
BastardHead wrote:

I can sum it up the most succinctly:

"Because we're adults"

No, that's not it.
Metantoine wrote:
We should ban those who say that we should eliminate 0% reviews. Problem solved!

You must feel so powerful.

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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

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PostPosted: Sat May 11, 2013 1:57 pm 
 

Who are you guys to say that someone's feelings towards an album don't justify a 0% or a 100%? Are you going to try to police everyone to have the exact same grading scale that you do?
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

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Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Sat May 11, 2013 1:57 pm 
 

So which band do you like did someone give a 0% to?
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TheLiberation
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PostPosted: Sat May 11, 2013 2:00 pm 
 

Filosofuck wrote:
TheLiberation wrote:
Eliminating 0% is a totally ridiculous concept, but it does make sense to have a bit stricter approach to extreme ratings (<20% and >90%), as these should require a really damn good explanation, and some people just hand them out freely whenever they have a bad day/sudden burst of euphoria. 0% should really be for something that has ZERO value, not for an album you sort of dislike but have some ridiculous ideological grudge against (yes I know I use this word a lot here), and 100% should be for a genuine masterpiece not just a good album.

Precisely.

You're contradicting yourself here a bit, though...
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Metantoine
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PostPosted: Sat May 11, 2013 2:01 pm 
 

Empyreal wrote:
So which band do you like did someone give a 0% to?

That's always the issue hahaha! We're not reopening this topic, it always end with the Children of Bodom fan being butthurt and insulting everyone.
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Filosofuck
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PostPosted: Sat May 11, 2013 2:03 pm 
 

TheLiberation wrote:
You're contradicting yourself here a bit, though...

I wasn't being very specific. My apologies.
Anyway, I posted that after seeing this.
http://www.metal-archives.com/albums/Co ... %B2/189521
Here we have an album with mostly great reviews, two moderate ones, and its score is dropped by a fair bit by one ridiculous outlier.

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Empyreal
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PostPosted: Sat May 11, 2013 2:08 pm 
 

:lol: I'm so sorry your life is so sad that you let scores on a website upset you that much. Personally I have enough confidence in my own opinions never to let other peoples' opinions, much less scores of reviews, hurt my feelings. Maybe you should try it.
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iamntbatman
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PostPosted: Sat May 11, 2013 2:09 pm 
 

In that case, I would encourage you to start paying more attention to individual reviewers. It's a well-established fact that Zodijackyl has the musical taste of a three week old doughnut so can be disregarded.
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