For Morbid Angel's Formulas Fatal to the Flesh:

"I hate death metal but I listen to Deicide"

In the circumstances this is love evil topic be the cause to put this in, than I resolution to proper topic.



Thanks be gave to you, for the advisement! Cold!

How could you have turned that down? Just seeing the guy's reaction at the number of people who would email him asking him to buy them copies of the album would be worth the blow to the site's review standards.

A review for Gorgoroth's Quantos Possunt ad Satanitatem Trahunt
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The US Release - 90%
Written by JalmyM203 on October 27th, 2009

The United States release was Monday October 26th i believe. I went to the Mall yesterday with the knowing of a music let down because every time i go there the music selection sucks. To my surprise they had the new Gorgoroth cd and on sale for $9.99 so i had to scoop it up. I opened the cd and saw that it came with a Gorgoroth - Quantos Possunt ad Satanitatem Trahunt Patch as well. As for the cd itself, I was greatly pleased with how it came out. All the haters need to shut up. The song called Rebirth says it all. Gorgoroth is and will always be an unstoppable force in the Black Metal scene. If you don't like the train they take you on throughout the cd then get the hell off.

Wow.

Holy crap, wow.

Hopefully I'm not alone, but I found myself reading that in the voice of a kindergarten kid learning to read.

Thoroughly entertaining.

Any positive review for the new Gorgoroth should be auto-rejected for factual inaccuracy.

I'd like to see the reactions of people around him when he 'scooped up' a CD. It seems an odd motion to employ. Although, perhaps his hand-eye co-ordination has something in common with his writing skills. Hope he enjoys that patch though.

I think it's a common idiom for obtaining something casually and quickly. Though, if taken literally, the thought of him shaping his hands into a shovel head to lift the CD upward is amusing.

I'm afraid that's exactly what I visualized when I read it. I suppose that's the sort of behaviour I would expect from someone who has English as their first language yet uses phrases like 'with the knowing of a music letdown.'

What made it even more funny was that he had to scoop it up.

I, too, visualised him going "ah well, here we go again..." and having to lift it like that.

If I start listening to Gorgoroth, will I become this stupid?

A short one.

For Lifelover's Dekadens:

Can't fucking argue with that logic. He just cuts right through the bullshit and tells you like it is....

Sorry, moved to correct thread.

First of all, wrong thread. You're looking for another sticky called "oven fodder".

Second, which one of your favourite bands did he insult?

Third, if stupid titles were a valid reason for rejection (actually... they kinda are...) I'd have no reviews here personally.

Try to come up with some valid reasons in the correct thread and we can discuss things. Thank you.

Sorry, moved to correct thread.

Whenever someone says that the Chinese bombed Pearl Harbor, you think that no one can be any stupider than that....


I have to thank these reviewers for proving me wrong.

I may be a few pages too late, but it think Slammysamman is a parody of your average slam death metal fan. Look at this shit on his profile

DREEM FEARTAH - NO FUKIN GUTERALZ OR GRAVETY BLA$$TZ!!! DEY HAVA HI SOUNDIN GEETAR RIFF WICH IZNT $$LAM LYK I FINK ITZ CALD A SOLO OR $$UM $$HYT LYK DAT!!! BT IT TEYKZ NO TALENT CUZ IT NOT $$LAM!!! IT PUSSAY $HYT 4 EMO WID DER UN$$ALAMEY RIFFZ!!

Goddamn.

Edit: http://www.myspace.com/newyorkment

No shit.

I find Slammysamman hilarious, and probably the best troll in metal. Let's face it: most of them aren't funny.

There is something to be said about making the same joke again and again (that it's stupid!).

If you can do something endlessly and perpetually, but it never gets tiring, it must be good.

he actually has quite a few songs up on that page, it almost makes me think that a part of him is serious.

I think you're right. If you read the second line, it sounds like your average fago band lyrics:

ALCOHOLOCAUSTO SODOM
EJACULATION OF UNHOLY HORES
INSANE PUSSY DETENATOR
DETHRONING CHRISTIAN SCUM
SLAUGHTER VIRGINS OF CHRIST
WITH ALL MIGHTY GOAT PENIS

ALL HAIL GOATFAGO!!!!
KILL POSEURS AND CHRIST ALL!

This thread should be stickied again - have the mods really lacked putrid reviews, lately?

Oh no. Oh no, no no no no.

For W.A.S.P.'s Crazy:

I am disappointed Derigin. This review is a LOT better than some of the reviews mentioned on the first 3-4 pages of Oven Fodder. The fun times are over. No more review retards to point fingers and laugh at.

Wow, and I have a review up for that single. But yeah, that looks more like a post on the forums than a review. So maybe we shouldn't sticky this thread, sure, but there still be some snarzy reviews once in a while!...?

What???? No "second of all"????
Are you, perhaps, the only other person on this dogforsaken planet that realizes that after saying "first of all" that saying "second of all" is just useless, assinine & repetitive unintelligence? Or am I just off ranting on a silly pet peeve?

BUMP PRAISE THE RETURN OF THE CRAPPY DIEM!

So that's what that screen looks like on your end. Thanks for reviving this thread, and know that this review would be a spotlight review on Amazon.com with +20 helpful votes.

I was thinking about this thread the other day. Let the shitstorms begin!

No screenshot but here's a great one I rejected last week, I saved it because what the fuck.

For Suffocation's Effigy of the Forgotten, rated 100%

"My god if i could id give an even higher rating on this album because thats how much i love this album..it contains all the elements id like to find in a death metal record. slayer like guitar riffs on steroids, brutal intense drumming, sick groovy bass, and more importantly the lyrics. and overall the main highlight on this album would have to be Frank Mullen. Hes one of if not the first to implement that slam or brutal death metal like vocal guttural sound in the track liege of inveracity which truly shows how influential this band is at this time DEATHCORE BANDS WERE IN THEIR NAPPIES..so anyone who says that they didn't influence the deathcore genre is a lie..because if you listen to their 90s stuff alot of it has much of the deathcore elements and thus spawning the genre so yeah onto the review.

The year is 1991, and already death metal is starting spreading throughout the music industry with bands such as morbid angel, cannibal corpse, obituary, nocturnus, atheist, death, deicide etc. but since then death metal has taken a more technical approach to the genre and atheist was the first to do it.. following that was nocturnus and their "The Key" album. Death was in more in their thrash metal roots in the first three roots and with their 4th record releasing ironically the same day as effigy of the forgotten, they show a more technical and still having the same death sound..now with that said WHAT ABOUT THIS ALBUM? Well ill tell you what...this album is technical, and death metal, but this has the sound of that more brutal and intense approach and it making cannibal corpses eaten back to life look like shit music writing wise not the lyrics because this albums lyrics is not as gorey or intense as EBTL. Anyways this album like i said has that more brutal approach with mainly the downtuned guitars and not to mention this is NEW YORK DEATH METAL. back then it was called before the genre as we'd like to call now slam/brutal death metal. This album set the stage for future bands to come and take the roots of effigy of revolutionize it which shows how humble and respected this band so without suffocation there would not be alot of your favorite "brutal/slam" metal bands out. now to talk about the album itself

This album has everything a death metal fan that has wanted to listen to something more extreme past deicide, cannibal corpse, or even morbid angel..its fast, aggressive, brutal omg everything that defines the term brutal so you can make what you will out of that word haha. The guitar work...ZOMG its one of the most intricate shit ive heard terrance hobbs and the other guitarist i forgot what his name was in the line up at the time but they make an amazing duo. AND AN EVEN BIGGER PLUS IS TERRANCE IS HOBBS IS BLACK not being racial or prejudice in any way if you're wondering, and mike smith also the same race as him...so its like an oreo mix of brutal death metal in a way to me on this record lol. speaking of mike smith OMG HE CAN KILL HIS DRUMSET LIKE NO OTHER. I MEAN WHO WAS THAT DOMINATING AND BLASTING AS HARD AS MIKE??? no one he makes cannibal corpses drummer look like utter shit, well rephrase that he makes alot of death metal drummers nowadays look like crap...and thats saying something. Well my favorite tracks on here would have to be the first one, self titled, infecting the crypts, jesus wept(which btw has that catchy riff in the middle part of the song omfg), habitual infamy and seeds of the suffering which btw has got the be the heaviest guitar riffing ive heard in a song in a while like literally i love this band to death and idk how much i can emphasize them they are literally my fave death metal band right now along with death. now im not new to suffocation. ive been a fan of them for 6 years now and i've come to conclusion that with all the other following releases which are all good, i don't think they will make another album as fast, and brutal as effigy of the forgotten..im also anticipating their coming up album either this month or next, but it'll most likely be a fall release... ONE MORE THING about the album...the artwork IS ABSOLUTELY THE BEST ITS WALLIE ON VENOM OR STEROIDS idk but whoever made the artwork props to you so yeah if you dont have this album in your collection get it, i do and its signed by the band themselves, and as im closing this review to a finish, im currently listening to this album as im writing so yeah and maybe after 10 years ill still be listening to this, and showing it to my kids so i can pass my music taste on to them.. i mean it runs in the family. my dad inherited all his music to me and i will do the same to my future kids lol so yeah totally irrelevant to this review soooooooooo yeah get this album!"

God, I wish I saved Ismetal's review of the new Manowar album; he wrote me a swell love letter and it was utterly hilarious. You guys would love the shit out of it.

Amazon has a lot of credibility!

I love that reject button. Thanks for this thread's resurrection. Some lolworthy crap here.

YES, this is definitely one of the greatest threads ever. Let the glory return!

Also, stealing this one from Gutterscream in the other thread, I wanted to add something of my own...