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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 7653
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2014 2:11 am 
 

Spoiler: show
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Iron_Wizard wrote:
I read about sex online. Thats how i figured out how to masturbate. It took me a while to figure it out.

Last.fm

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LeMiserable
Milhouse van Houten

Joined: Sun Dec 08, 2013 7:42 am
Posts: 567
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2014 7:43 am 
 

That's actually pretty funny.
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tomcat_ha about me bashing BastardHead's musical taste wrote:
i would normally use the saying pot calling the kettle black but in your case its more like a black hole calling a kettle black.

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TheLiberation
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Apr 13, 2011 12:56 pm
Posts: 615
Location: Poland
PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2014 9:40 am 
 

Sorry for being a bit late to the party, but:
Diamhea wrote:
Really under the gun today:

response to a preset rejection message for especially poor reviews:

Spoiler: show
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...and I asked this guy to flesh this one out a bit more, he kept ignoring and resubmitting the same draft, then blew his top!

Spoiler: show
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The calm "it's Diamhea" after the guy's explosive rant cracks me up every time.
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Poisonfume wrote:
I marvel at the clusterfuck of confusion we have constructed.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 7653
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2014 4:27 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
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TheLiberation
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Apr 13, 2011 12:56 pm
Posts: 615
Location: Poland
PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2014 6:27 pm 
 

I... don't know what's going on in this review.
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Poisonfume wrote:
I marvel at the clusterfuck of confusion we have constructed.

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Rompestromper
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Jun 23, 2014 2:37 pm
Posts: 204
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 4:17 am 
 

"I'm not good in English"

Slight understatement? or is my English just that bad that I don't recognize how good his is?

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 7653
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 8:29 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
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Iron_Wizard wrote:
I read about sex online. Thats how i figured out how to masturbate. It took me a while to figure it out.

Last.fm

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DCCLXXVII
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Aug 16, 2014 10:04 pm
Posts: 212
PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 8:54 pm 
 

^ That's amazingly bad. XD Doesn't describe the music in any way. Well, I guess this thread is a boost of self-confidence for my mediocre writing...
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Your theory, the rise of hell
Will never come, the time will show
Evil symbols are dying
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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 4208
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 11:48 pm 
 

"This album needs no comment." Said no respectable reviewer ever.
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Razakel wrote:
gomorro wrote:
Damn.. I was about to toke a shit at one of the lonelynest bathrooms of my university

You smoke your own shit?! FUUUUUUU

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TheLiberation
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Apr 13, 2011 12:56 pm
Posts: 615
Location: Poland
PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 5:01 am 
 

Although frankly I'd find albums where that statement would be justified. Dedicated to Chaos for example.
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Poisonfume wrote:
I marvel at the clusterfuck of confusion we have constructed.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 7653
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sun Aug 31, 2014 12:58 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
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Iron_Wizard wrote:
I read about sex online. Thats how i figured out how to masturbate. It took me a while to figure it out.

Last.fm

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StainedClass95
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Jul 04, 2014 4:14 am
Posts: 643
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Aug 31, 2014 3:55 pm 
 

^ That man needs Google translate.

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EyesOfGlass
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2012 4:59 pm
Posts: 164
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Sun Aug 31, 2014 4:03 pm 
 

But the review is more way awful.
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Quote:
But thus, fingernails are no more. Palms are no more. The awareness you are is no longer bound. By anything.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 7653
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2014 12:03 am 
 

Spoiler: show
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Iron_Wizard wrote:
I read about sex online. Thats how i figured out how to masturbate. It took me a while to figure it out.

Last.fm

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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
Posts: 5077
Location: Pennsylvania
PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2014 12:08 am 
 

Diamhea wrote:
Spoiler: show
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Seems legit.
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I write anime reviews. All the cool kids read them~ <3
My most recent review: Death Parade!
Coming up next:
Eureka Seven
After that: Bokurano and Ergo Proxy

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 7653
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2014 8:08 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
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_________________
Iron_Wizard wrote:
I read about sex online. Thats how i figured out how to masturbate. It took me a while to figure it out.

Last.fm

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doomster999
Keeper of the Dreary Realm

Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2012 2:58 am
Posts: 977
Location: India
PostPosted: Thu Sep 04, 2014 3:50 am 
 

^ Seriously, I've been wondering where do all these guys come from? :lol:
_________________
gomorro wrote:
Infact I use to have a relly hot friend from there but unfurtunetly the last party we have I was really wasted and grab her ass and it cause a huge problem. Her dad (that is a marine) wants to ripp my nuts... thinks are not the same...

Last.fm

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Smoking_Gnu
Chicago Favorite

Joined: Sat Mar 15, 2008 11:22 pm
Posts: 3833
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Sep 04, 2014 8:41 am 
 

Aw man, I was kind of hoping for another one in that excellent stream of "Fuck you diarrhea" reviews.
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Rainbow, on drums wrote:
They're just a metronome for the other performers. As long as they don't get in the way, I don't pay any attention to them.

Ambient techno @ https://valcove.bandcamp.com/album/eastward | https://soundcloud.com/valcove

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PDS
The Young One

Joined: Thu Jul 16, 2009 8:04 pm
Posts: 1156
PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2014 12:47 am 
 

Looks like someone is too good for the forums

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Shadechaser wrote:
But all of them dim and fade 'cause the man named PDS has an other opinion....

Master_Of_Thrash wrote:
All I meant to say was that the band's name doesn't sound ballsy enough for me to listen to it

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 7653
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Fri Sep 12, 2014 8:23 am 
 

Spoiler: show
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Iron_Wizard wrote:
I read about sex online. Thats how i figured out how to masturbate. It took me a while to figure it out.

Last.fm

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PhilosophicalFrog
The Hypercube

Joined: Thu May 04, 2006 7:08 pm
Posts: 7274
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Sep 12, 2014 9:56 am 
 

"guitars that sound like grrrrrrrrrrr"

perfect.
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listen man, it's ok

ambient
drone
noise for your girlfriend
last.fm

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DCCLXXVII
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Aug 16, 2014 10:04 pm
Posts: 212
PostPosted: Fri Sep 12, 2014 9:51 pm 
 

Garrrrrrrr me mateys, we gonna listen to some raw black, then some Alestorm. Garrrrrrr.
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Your theory, the rise of hell
Will never come, the time will show
Evil symbols are dying
In the light of Christ

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 7653
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2014 10:44 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
Iron_Wizard wrote:
I read about sex online. Thats how i figured out how to masturbate. It took me a while to figure it out.

Last.fm

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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 4208
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2014 11:25 pm 
 

Wilytank wrote:
"This album needs no comment." Said no respectable reviewer ever.
_________________
Razakel wrote:
gomorro wrote:
Damn.. I was about to toke a shit at one of the lonelynest bathrooms of my university

You smoke your own shit?! FUUUUUUU

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TheNiceNightmare
Veteran

Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2008 5:11 pm
Posts: 3053
Location: Sweden
PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2014 4:29 pm 
 

So we're all just gonna agree to ignore the brilliant simile that is "screams of a pregnant woman in labor vocal"? Really? Okay, just making sure.
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Don't play with matches!
Napero wrote:
I can say that Swedish is a very easy language. Not only did I learn it without difficulties, even the Swedes can speak it.

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Metantoine
bébé ours

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 10971
Location: In the Rectory
PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 3:43 pm 
 

This review made my day.
Image
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Metantoine's Magickal Realm - Agatus - The Eternalist review
Halberd

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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 4208
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 4:46 pm 
 

Yes, and Illud Divinum Insanus is progressive death metal.
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Razakel wrote:
gomorro wrote:
Damn.. I was about to toke a shit at one of the lonelynest bathrooms of my university

You smoke your own shit?! FUUUUUUU

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DCCLXXVII
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Aug 16, 2014 10:04 pm
Posts: 212
PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 6:34 pm 
 

That one is hilarious. I like how he acts like capitalism is the bane of existance. XD And I like how he says that he likes the album because it's bad. "it takes every listener back to a place they don't want to be, it rubs them wrong". :lol:
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Your theory, the rise of hell
Will never come, the time will show
Evil symbols are dying
In the light of Christ

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Xlxlx
Argentinian Acid

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 6807
Location: The Land Down Under (no, not THAT one)
PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 6:40 pm 
 

DCCLXXVII wrote:
That one is hilarious. I like how he acts like capitalism is the bane of existance. XD And I like how he says that he likes the album because it's bad. "it takes every listener back to a place they don't want to be, it rubs them wrong". :lol:

So..... St. Anger bad touches you?

Seems fitting!
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Earthcubed wrote:
Xlxlx, I'm very proud of you for standing up to the cisgender patriarchy and embracing who you really are. No matter what others may say always remember: you are beautiful and you are a goddamn empanada.

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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 22873
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 6:42 pm 
 

If he had actually described the music in between all of that rambling it could have been a fine review, but yeah that's just silly.
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Cinema Freaks latest reviews: American Sniper

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 7653
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:33 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
Iron_Wizard wrote:
I read about sex online. Thats how i figured out how to masturbate. It took me a while to figure it out.

Last.fm

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StainedClass95
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Jul 04, 2014 4:14 am
Posts: 643
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 12:47 am 
 

StainedClass95 wrote:
^ That man needs Google translate.


Obviously, the review itself is pretty bad as well. I don't understand why it never dawns on these guys that a sentence might not be enough.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 7653
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu Oct 02, 2014 2:07 am 
 

A whopper here.

Spoiler: show
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Spoiler: show
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_________________
Iron_Wizard wrote:
I read about sex online. Thats how i figured out how to masturbate. It took me a while to figure it out.

Last.fm

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Ilwhyan
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 7070
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Thu Oct 02, 2014 2:23 am 
 

"In the middle of the song the guitars oblige you to move the head" :lol:

Amazing Engrish.
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"Behold, wizard, for the last time how the sun looks, for henceforth you will watch it with empty sockets!"
Guitarist/vocalist in Illusions Dead - death/black metal
Vocalist in Gloaming - vile, crawling death/doom metal

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 7653
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu Oct 02, 2014 5:00 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
Iron_Wizard wrote:
I read about sex online. Thats how i figured out how to masturbate. It took me a while to figure it out.

Last.fm

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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 22873
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Thu Oct 02, 2014 5:44 pm 
 

I don't see anything wrong with that one, man.
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Cinema Freaks latest reviews: American Sniper

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Lord_Brendan
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Aug 16, 2011 8:55 pm
Posts: 638
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Fri Oct 03, 2014 3:05 am 
 

Ilwhyan wrote:
"In the middle of the song the guitars oblige you to move the head" :lol:

Amazing Engrish.


:headbang: I don't know why but I love that line
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Smoking_Gnu wrote:
Hmm, I actually wouldn't mind buying him a sauna if it would reduce the odds of me getting infected by his excess sensitive-skin flakes that get blown off in the wind. I don't want to turn into a cunt.

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bug_man
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun May 11, 2014 12:11 am
Posts: 377
Location: New Zealand
PostPosted: Fri Oct 03, 2014 3:35 am 
 

DCCLXXVII wrote:
That one is hilarious. I like how he acts like capitalism is the bane of existance.

he's Right

Diamhea wrote:
A whopper here.

Spoiler: show
Image


Spoiler: show
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that guy rules though

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 7653
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Fri Oct 03, 2014 1:57 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
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_________________
Iron_Wizard wrote:
I read about sex online. Thats how i figured out how to masturbate. It took me a while to figure it out.

Last.fm

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DCCLXXVII
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Aug 16, 2014 10:04 pm
Posts: 212
PostPosted: Fri Oct 03, 2014 6:28 pm 
 

I get excited everytime I see that Diamhea posts here.
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Your theory, the rise of hell
Will never come, the time will show
Evil symbols are dying
In the light of Christ

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