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caspian
Wanderer of the Wastes

Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:29 pm
Posts: 6119
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 10:51 pm 
 

Thought this could be a little laugh.

Let's do an award ceremony for particularly good and particularly awful reviews/reviewers from 2013.

Here's the categories. Let's make it a top 3 of all of these:

1) Best reviewer
2) Best single review
3) Best individual line


and the booby prizes
1) Worst reviewer
2) Worst single review
3) Worst attempt at humour.

PM me your top 3 of all of these categories, and lets see what transpires. Can't think of a top 3? That's fine, just put your fave (or least fave). I'll only bother putting it up if there's sufficient interest, but yeah, could be good! Have at it!

edit: Imma give this thread a week before I'll tally up the results.
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lord_ghengis
Metal freak

Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2006 8:31 pm
Posts: 5405
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 12:09 am 
 

If only I paid enough attention to who wrote stuff. People should namedrop a bunch of busy writers this year so I can stalk them, all I can think of currently is one for worst.
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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 5027
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 12:11 am 
 

It took me a while to put this together and I still feel like I'm missing a lot of things, but here's what I came up with anyway. The worst reviews are cop-outs because all of the truly worst reviews I rejected or deleted. Actually, BH's "Mysterium" review should probably be listed as one of the worst rather than that third one, so if caspian wants to tally that change after I already sent the PM, go for it.

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caspian
Wanderer of the Wastes

Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:29 pm
Posts: 6119
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 1:54 am 
 

thanks for the votes zodi, but let's leave it just for PM's mmmkay, for anonymity and so that no one's votes influences others, cheers
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MutantClannfear
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 2372
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 4:05 am 
 

Use the PMs, people! Jesus Christ, don't post your nominations in the thread.
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Wilytank wrote:
Aeosphorus wrote:
there are post-black metal bands such as ...Sunn O.

When did we start calling Sunn O))) black metal and how soon can we stop?

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dystopia4
Thumbman

Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:47 pm
Posts: 3572
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 1:41 pm 
 

This is a cool idea, PM sent.
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caspian
Wanderer of the Wastes

Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:29 pm
Posts: 6119
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 10:56 am 
 

I liked this idea but noone really gave a shit about it. Only got 4 PMs which is way too small a sample size, sorry bros
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GuntherTheUndying
Crimson King, Eater of Worlds

Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:36 pm
Posts: 2653
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 11:29 am 
 

Not so fast, I just found this thread!
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Ismetal wrote:
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Thrashpit
Last FM

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caspian
Wanderer of the Wastes

Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:29 pm
Posts: 6119
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 12:06 pm 
 

I'd still need at least 10 pms to make this worthwhile.
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iamntbatman
Chaos Breed

Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 5:55 am
Posts: 7988
Location: Innsmouth
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 11:52 pm 
 

PM sent earlier today.
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Acrobat
Eric Olthwaite

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:53 am
Posts: 6715
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 5:17 pm 
 

Yeah, caspian, keep this open - it's not like you've got anything better to do, you dolescum cunt. I'll spam it in the FFA, too!
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tomcat_ha
Veteran

Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 8:05 am
Posts: 2910
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 7:05 pm 
 

i'd like to submit myself for the category of best review of necro schizma album in the past year.

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theunrelentingattack
Not yet ready for a custom title

Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 5:18 pm
Posts: 750
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 8:07 pm 
 

tomcat_ha wrote:
i'd like to submit myself for the category of best review of necro schizma album in the past year.


Is winning by default, really winning? :)
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Acrobat
Eric Olthwaite

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:53 am
Posts: 6715
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 8:08 pm 
 

Tomcat'll take whatever he can get.
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'Heavy metal top of the class, stuff the media up your arse!' - Den Dennis.

Let's Trade in the Darkness of Hell! - updated for 2014!

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tomcat_ha
Veteran

Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 8:05 am
Posts: 2910
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 10:31 pm 
 

the 2nd category i'd like to win is: "guy who maybe should stop reviewing but he isnt really bad either so i dunno"

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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 9897
Location: Seattle, United States
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 10:40 pm 
 

tomcat_ha wrote:
the 2nd category i'd like to win is: "guy who maybe should stop reviewing but he isnt really bad either so i dunno"

Only I can win this.
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Yesterday was the birthday of school pal and I met the chick of my sigh (I've talked about here before, the she-wolf I use to be inlove with)... Maaan she was using a mini-skirt too damn insane... Dude you could saw her entire soul every time she sit...

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Frowning_All_The_Time
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Sun Dec 02, 2012 4:03 am
Posts: 29
PostPosted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 5:49 am 
 

OzzyApu wrote:
tomcat_ha wrote:
the 2nd category i'd like to win is: "guy who maybe should stop reviewing but he isnt really bad either so i dunno"

Only I can win this.
Nah, you single-handedly rekindled my interest in W.A.S.P, a band I'd forgotten about and hadn't played for years

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 4016
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 10:41 pm 
 

Can you add a booby prize for the most use of unnecessary hyphens? That is the one that I'm sure I will win.
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oneyoudontknow
Cum insantientibus furere necesse est.

Joined: Sun May 21, 2006 6:25 pm
Posts: 5347
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Tue Feb 18, 2014 4:57 pm 
 

and where are the results?
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Analysis of band names:
http://www.metal-archives.com/board/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=103987

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Napero
GedankenPanzer

Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2005 4:16 pm
Posts: 8563
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Tue Feb 18, 2014 6:28 pm 
 

Patience. It's caspian, you're guaranteed to see a beautiful analysis of the result in March.

Of 2016.

Maybe.
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caspian
Wanderer of the Wastes

Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:29 pm
Posts: 6119
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 4:17 am 
 

caspian wrote:
I'd still need at least 10 pms to make this worthwhile.


I got five. Sample size not big enough! I don't think this sub forum is thriving anywhere near as much as it used to. So yeah, didn't bother with it.
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oneyoudontknow
Cum insantientibus furere necesse est.

Joined: Sun May 21, 2006 6:25 pm
Posts: 5347
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 7:56 am 
 

Sad to see such a low participation. (I did not join in as well ... so, sorry about that)
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I write for these magazines:
http://swirlsofnoise.com/
http://againstmagazine.com/

Analysis of band names:
http://www.metal-archives.com/board/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=103987

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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 5027
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 3:49 pm 
 

Well, here's my votes for anyone who was interested.

Spoiler: show
1) Best reviewer
-Ilwhyan
-Gutterscream
-GuntherTheUndying

2) Best single review
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/F ... 27/Ilwhyan
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... uid_Braino
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/E ... TheUndying

3) Best individual line
"At least I don't get asked to buy beer by those without plastic wristbands anymore, I'm guessing because youngsters might think I'm a narc or something."
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... uid_Braino
"If Terri Schiavo were tasked with making an M.O.D. album appeal to Rancid fans, I'd imagine something as dismal as this release would be produced."
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/P ... /bitterman
"Metal Law have a name which is so clever and so approachable from a traditional metal fan standpoint that it's not surprising in anyway at all that they are from Germany and basically appeal only to people in Germany"
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... nmetalhead

1) Worst reviewer
-SirMetalGinger
-ViciousFriendlyFish
-meximetal95

2) Worst single review
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... eximetal95
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... etalGinger
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/I ... etalGinger
(I could really pick any review from either of these morons)

3) Worst attempt at humour.
-Title+first line of this review: http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... iendlyFish
-Every goddamn Brainded Binky review
-The reference to Veil of Maya in BastardHead's Mysterium review: http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... astardHead

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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8967
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 3:58 pm 
 

It's hard to make this forum alive sadly :( Many reviewers just doesn't post here. We could try to do that vote again and find a way to reach more people.

My votes:
Spoiler: show
Napero in every categories!
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 4016
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 4:33 pm 
 

I am a bit too late to this party, I am more active on this forum now but I hadn't really quite started reviewing again in earnest when this thread was made. I'll be here for the next one (if there is a next one...), I promise you that much.
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Passive-aggressive complainee wrote:
Communicating exclusively in gifs makes you the most annoying mod ever

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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 5501
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 4:41 pm 
 

Zodijackyl wrote:
3) Worst attempt at humour.
-The reference to Veil of Maya in BastardHead's Mysterium review: http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... astardHead


I'm totally okay with people thinking my jokes suck, that's just an accepted fact of life... but I referenced what where?
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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 5027
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 5:02 pm 
 

BastardHead wrote:
Zodijackyl wrote:
3) Worst attempt at humour.
-The reference to Veil of Maya in BastardHead's Mysterium review: http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... astardHead


I'm totally okay with people thinking my jokes suck, that's just an accepted fact of life... but I referenced what where?


I thought it was a reference to this, though now that I listen to it again it's not the same wording.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... Ccqg#t=123

The only way of Beavis and Buttheading your way through riffing is dun-dun-dun-dunna!

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MutantClannfear
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 2372
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 7:33 pm 
 

Zodijackyl wrote:

Hahahaha, that Suffocation review. "When I First listened to death metal, it was something new to me" :lol:
_________________
Wilytank wrote:
Aeosphorus wrote:
there are post-black metal bands such as ...Sunn O.

When did we start calling Sunn O))) black metal and how soon can we stop?

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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 9897
Location: Seattle, United States
PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 7:41 pm 
 

^

Quote:
Now there is no way this album could have been in 1991 because the standard of death metal at the time was only at the level of the Florida scene.

Holy mother of fuck.
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gomorro wrote:
Yesterday was the birthday of school pal and I met the chick of my sigh (I've talked about here before, the she-wolf I use to be inlove with)... Maaan she was using a mini-skirt too damn insane... Dude you could saw her entire soul every time she sit...

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lord_ghengis
Metal freak

Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2006 8:31 pm
Posts: 5405
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 8:20 pm 
 

Haha I was confused as hell by that line too.
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Naamath wrote:
No comments, no words need it, no BM, no compromise, only grains in her face.

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Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
Posts: 1419
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Feb 23, 2014 12:25 am 
 

OzzyApu wrote:
^

Quote:
Now there is no way this album could have been in 1991 because the standard of death metal at the time was only at the level of the Florida scene.

Holy mother of fuck.


o_O :brick: :durr:
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Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
Posts: 1419
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Feb 23, 2014 12:26 am 
 

Yeah, I totally missed this thread as well. Shucks.
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