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Oven Fodder (AKA Why was this review accepted? Provide LINKS, please)

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter

Posted: Sat Aug 29, 2015 5:17 pm

poof

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Napalm_Satan
Ever-Opening Flower

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2015 4:27 pm
Posts: 3820
Location: United Kingdom

Posted: Sat Sep 05, 2015 1:39 pm

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Mot%C3%B6rhead/March_%C3%B6r_Die/950/Rael/108033

A pretty obvious track by track, with some bad formatting too. Only the second paragraph talks about the album as a whole.
If that were from '02 or '03, I would let it slide... but there were better reviews by 2007.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter

Posted: Sat Sep 05, 2015 2:22 pm

poof

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Dembo
Dumbo

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2006 9:58 am
Posts: 2188

Posted: Sun Sep 06, 2015 2:44 pm

Not much substance in this guy's descriptions when giving low ratings, since his favourite word seems to be "shit"/"shitty", with hardly a paragraph going by without it. Though sometimes alternated with "bad" and "terrible":

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/X ... sfall/5306
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/E ... sfall/5306

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EyesOfGlass
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2012 4:59 pm
Posts: 186
Location: Argentina

Posted: Sun Sep 06, 2015 9:24 pm

I was browsing through Amberian Dawn's reviews and I stumbled on this:

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... sed/303933

I'm quite sure that something like this would be rejected these days, not only because of the scarse musical description but also because of the werid formatting, specifically those two isolated sentences in the middle of the review. What do you think?

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theunrelentingattack
Not yet ready for a custom title

Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 5:18 pm
Posts: 1572
Location: United States

Posted: Sun Sep 06, 2015 10:05 pm

I nuked it - terrible review, weird structure, bad English - not worth keeping.

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Roffle_the_Thrashard
Thrash Slinging Slasher

Joined: Tue Nov 25, 2014 7:18 pm
Posts: 186
Location: The Place With The People And Stuff

Posted: Tue Sep 08, 2015 10:40 pm

Cinedracusio's review of 1349's Chaos Preferred is quite bad. It has some spelling and grammar issues, and uses formatting that the site does not allow. The review just about breaks the "Bad way to bash" rule as well.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/1 ... usio/38591

Update: It turns out that many more of his early reviews use improper formatting.

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Lich Coldheart wrote:

However, all in all, this is pretty much it.

https://www.metal-archives.com/bands/Incredulous/3540423870

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter

Posted: Tue Sep 08, 2015 11:15 pm

poof

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paradisebeyond
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Thu Dec 29, 2011 5:26 am
Posts: 17

Posted: Thu Sep 10, 2015 3:46 am

May I suggest a second look to this review? Appreciate it's for a compilation album, but doesn't tell a goddamn thing about the music,

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... log/13755/

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Napero
GedankenPanzer

Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2005 4:16 pm
Posts: 8818
Location: Finland

Posted: Thu Sep 10, 2015 6:55 am

Seems like an OK review on a cash-grab compilation of a well-known band to me. Especially considering it contains tracks from every album of a band with such musical diversity.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter

Posted: Thu Sep 10, 2015 7:46 am

paradisebeyond wrote:

May I suggest a second look to this review? Appreciate it's for a compilation album, but doesn't tell a goddamn thing about the music,

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... log/13755/

I'm not a fan of autothrall's en masse bashing of compilation albums based on petty grievances, but this stays for those exact reasons. Musical description is not necessary a premium requirement for reviews of this type.

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nuclearskull wrote:

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Last.fm

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wrathchild_88
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Mar 14, 2006 4:16 pm
Posts: 495
Location: United Kingdom

Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 7:58 am

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Last.fm

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Jophelerx
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:22 pm
Posts: 1501
Location: United States

Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 10:48 am

Stumbled over this review, it has a little bit of musical description, but it's extremely short and the spelling and grammar are pretty subpar. I'm not 100% that it needs to be nuked, but I think it should definitely be strongly considered, it didn't really give me a very good idea of what the album would sound like.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/C ... ator/12447

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Jophelerx wrote:

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KaiKasparek wrote:

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter

Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 11:17 am

poof

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Jophelerx
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:22 pm
Posts: 1501
Location: United States

Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 12:51 pm

Sorry to double post, but just to make sure it gets noticed, this one is most definitely nuke-worthy: http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... 1/Rae/4802

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KaiKasparek wrote:

Every Ozzy solo up to No More Tears is essential USPM

Jophelerx wrote:

If you think heavy metal and USPM are the same, why use the term USPM at all?

KaiKasparek wrote:

Exactly.......

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter

Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 12:52 pm

poof

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Purabid
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Sep 19, 2015 5:01 am
Posts: 310

Posted: Sat Sep 19, 2015 5:03 am

Is this okay http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/R ... Death/1545

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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 10881
Location: Oswego, Illinois

Posted: Sat Sep 19, 2015 5:24 pm

It's a little short and the description is pretty tertiary but I know exactly what to expect from the album, and all I know about Katatonia, Anathema, and Paradise Lost (the three bands namedropped) are their genre tag, so I don't see any reason to get rid of it, personally.

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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928

Posted: Sat Sep 19, 2015 7:23 pm

BH, you summed up my reaction, too. Glad I'm getting a better feel for the standards.

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AcidWorm
Veteran

Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 11:37 pm
Posts: 3277

Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 12:35 am

Quote:

Not bad at all. - 82%
UltraBoris, August 14th, 2002
This album is not nearly as awful as people would like to think it is. In fact, I dare say it's better than Keeper I, in that there is more content and less filler. The content isn't quite as strong, but it is close. Even the closing ballad, "Your Turn" is pretty decent, and completely blows away "A Tale That Wasn't RIght".

Best song: you'd be surprised, it's "Heavy Metal Hamsters". Totally and completely well-written, despite the goofball title. "Kids of the Century" and "The Chance" are also very nice. There are no overtly bad songs on here, really. Sometimes I have no idea what they are trying to say lyrically ("I'm Doing Fine Crazy Man"???) but the music is solid.

A very good album. Oh and the album cover makes no fucking sense either. Learn to deal with the absurd.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/H ... aBoris/147
I don't think anyone would miss this Boris review.

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tanabata wrote:

I heard one of the moderators blacklisted them because of his subjective opinion. Well If that is the case, you sir have shit taste and you ain't my nigga!

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droneriot
cisgender

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
Posts: 10812
Location: Spahn Ranch

Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 1:51 am

Yeah all he says is which songs he likes, not a word about what anything sounds like, so I second that deletion request.

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sushiman
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2008 10:41 pm
Posts: 921

Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 3:15 am

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... icarius/15
Two thirds of the review spent on detailed analysis of why you shouldn't translate your native poetry into another language, and some nonsense about the production on older albums.

I think the only actual musical description is these three words: "groovy guitar parts".

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wrathchild_88
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Mar 14, 2006 4:16 pm
Posts: 495
Location: United Kingdom

Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 4:54 am

^Indeed, I have never listened to Amorphis and I don't have the faintest idea what they sound like after reading that. Although I now know that this album is boring, which I suppose is good enough in a sense.

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Last.fm

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Subrick
Metal Strongman

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
Posts: 10196
Location: United States

Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 8:05 am

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... ller/98996

Infinitely too short by today's standards, and ultra-general musical description, if any at all. After reading this, I have zero clue what this album sounds like outside of having "horrendous drumming" and "generic song structures".

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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
Posts: 7758
Location: Pennsylvania

Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 12:53 pm

Subrick wrote:

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Malevolent_Creation/Doomsday_X/162624/serial_killer_miller/98996

Infinitely too short by today's standards, and ultra-general musical description, if any at all. After reading this, I have zero clue what this album sounds like outside of having "horrendous drumming" and "generic song structures".

It's also apparent he's trying too hard to be iconoclastic.

The scores be all like 80% 80% 90% 75% 80% 80% 10% BAND'S WORST ALBUM IT'S SHIT RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE.

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thrashmaniac87
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 751
Location: United States

Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 12:59 pm

Here's a really terrible track-by-track with possibly the worst formatting I've ever seen.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/T ... clone/3220

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter

Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 1:03 pm

All nuked except the Boris review.

thrashmaniac87 wrote:

Here's a really terrible track-by-track with possibly the worst formatting I've ever seen.

If that is the worst formatting you've ever seen, you haven't seen shit!

Spoiler: show

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nuclearskull wrote:

Last.fm

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thrashmaniac87
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 751
Location: United States

Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 1:23 pm

Oh dang. I wonder if he actually typed it like that.

And Cyclone has more track by track reviews. I only went through a few of them.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... clone/3220
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/H ... clone/3220
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/F ... clone/3220
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... clone/3220

That Savatage review is a doozy. "Power of the night is one of the Savatage's albums from the eighties." And after doing a track by track he gets lazy and sums up the rest of the album with "The rest of the songs are all good..."

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Purabid
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Sep 19, 2015 5:01 am
Posts: 310

Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 1:46 pm

This one is worth a look. One paragraph, track by track, improper capitalization and spelling mistake. But I'm not sure though. It has more musical description than that Boris review. http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/U ... ment/18213

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter

Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 6:03 pm

Purabid wrote:

Boris reviews are exempt from deletion due to historical significance. Please don't use them as your benchmark concerning acceptability. I was also told to leave Olympicsharpshooter's reviews alone, and he does have some track by track's floating around out there, just in case you run into one.

Nuked all remaining.

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nuclearskull wrote:

Last.fm

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AcidWorm
Veteran

Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 11:37 pm
Posts: 3277

Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 7:54 pm

Diamhea wrote:

Purabid wrote:

Boris has already had many reviews deleted. Why stop now? That review isn't even close to borderline. No one really mentions Boris anymore nor cares as he hasn't been active on the site for like 10 years. Holding certain users above the standards of everyone else goes against what this site stands for.

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In reference to Baby Metal

tanabata wrote:

I heard one of the moderators blacklisted them because of his subjective opinion. Well If that is the case, you sir have shit taste and you ain't my nigga!

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter

Posted: Thu Sep 24, 2015 12:07 am

AcidWorm wrote:

Interesting. I will take this grievance into account.

...and I care.

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nuclearskull wrote:

Last.fm

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droneriot
cisgender

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
Posts: 10812
Location: Spahn Ranch

Posted: Thu Sep 24, 2015 12:30 am

In fact a few years ago he came back with a new review out of nowhere and it was deleted the next day because it didn't say anything. A few years ago a moderator even set out to purge out many of his worst reviews, don't remember who.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter

Posted: Thu Sep 24, 2015 12:41 am

droneriot wrote:

I know, his review for Overkill's Immortalis got deleted quickly after he published it. I am paying top dollar for anyone who saved a hard copy of this review. I need it for my personal collection of Boris quotes, as I will be soon penning his biography. Quotes include "Feces Fecebourne," "Fucken juvenile cunts of verminated stupidity-beasts." among others. It will be titled Thrash breaks: A retrospective.

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nuclearskull wrote:

Last.fm

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Purabid
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Sep 19, 2015 5:01 am
Posts: 310

Posted: Sat Sep 26, 2015 6:57 am

Is this okay http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... 7/NH/46390

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hmi
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Dec 16, 2014 2:24 am
Posts: 365

Posted: Sat Sep 26, 2015 8:56 am

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Fates_Warning/The_Spectre_Within/3408/

Jophelerx's review for The Spectre Within is more about the unrelated followup album than The Spectre Within. The whole review made me go wtf.

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Napalm_Satan
Ever-Opening Flower

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2015 4:27 pm
Posts: 3820
Location: United Kingdom

Posted: Sat Sep 26, 2015 11:33 am

I feel like such a dick for doing this:

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/At_the_Gates/The_Red_in_the_Sky_Is_Ours/146/Noctir/123274

Noctir's review of The Red in The Sky Is Ours is all well and good, but his attempts at italicisation are botched because he didn't use the HTML tags ('<i> </i>'). It is very off putting to read.

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droneriot
cisgender

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
Posts: 10812
Location: Spahn Ranch

Posted: Sat Sep 26, 2015 11:41 am

Think mods can fix that if someone has three minutes to spare, no need to delete. Or send him a message to fix it.

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Napalm_Satan
Ever-Opening Flower

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2015 4:27 pm
Posts: 3820
Location: United Kingdom

Posted: Sat Sep 26, 2015 11:46 am

I don't really feel like I should be messaging people to fix their reviews. Sounds very 'mini-moddish' to me.

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droneriot
cisgender

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
Posts: 10812
Location: Spahn Ranch

Posted: Sat Sep 26, 2015 11:51 am

The second sentence was an addition to "mods can..."

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Oven Fodder (AKA Why was this review accepted? Provide LINKS, please)

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