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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
PostPosted: Sat May 14, 2016 3:12 am 
 

Red_Death, this looks fine. I would recommend deleting that second paragraph entirely; it's unnecessary and check-list-y. if you want to keep the bit about the signature rasp, put it later when you talk about the lyrics, maybe. Other than that I have no significant comments beyond "why do you use so many parantheticals when normal sentences will do?" Passing grade.
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~Guest 366996
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Aug 12, 2015 2:50 pm
Posts: 32
PostPosted: Sat May 14, 2016 1:38 pm 
 

Diamhea wrote:
Dunstan wrote:
Approved on second submission. Thanks for the feedback. I plan to do quite a few more in the coming weeks.


Cool, glad to have you aboard. Just remember to describe the music first and foremost. If you are concise this can be done in two fair-sized paragraphs easy.

Look at my reviews for an example of a proper template for formatting.



Got your instructions; I wanted to change my submission and assumed that by deleting it I'd forfeit my position dropping to the bottom of the list. My intentions never to try and jump any queue.

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PETERG
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Jun 20, 2015 1:48 pm
Posts: 398
Location: Greece
PostPosted: Sat May 14, 2016 1:46 pm 
 

This is a review i wrote for Pyrrhon.Apart from the grammar mistakes that Diamhea noticed is there anything wrong about it ?

Sometimes in music you may find the most interesting piece of melodies and atmosphere in a totally flat, and sometimes dull, genre. The word to death metal a genre which from an outsider's view may not be the best place for innovation or a melody. And here comes Pyrrhon with this particular release to prove us wrong.

So what is the best thing about Pyrrhion? Well, it is the fact that they are dead serious to anything that they are doing. From their music and their lyrics to the astonishing and disturbing cover arts of their records. And their peak for me is this album.

To start of the album kicks in with an approximately one and a half minute song which sounds like a gigantic jam session. One second later the first actual song begins with a rather surprising doom metal riff which changes the whole atmosphere. Pyrrhon make the first step to uniqueness by doing things the other way around. And then suddenly the song takes an actual form. A death metal style influenced a lot by bands such as Gorguts and Deathspell Omega-though it doesn't loses itself neither for the sake of imitation to the previous mentioned artists nor to the lack of an actual form. The result is a massive wave of multi-structured guitars. On the other hand, you have the drums and the percussion who sound more like an army of tanks striking multiple times on the ears of the listener while staying on the right tone and time; not many drummers and bands can do that. Another great standing point of this record is the bass, a piece of their music that can be appreciated without the listener being an actual bass player! In the song "White Flag" It created it's own atmosphere not only alone but with the escort of the drums.

On the other hand, if you stare at the songs as a whole composition you don't have the standard verse, chorus, repeat, bridge and that is all. Most of the songs are really long and have a difficult structure for the untrained ears. But they do earn their honor due to the amazing pieces of melodies and breakdowns that make them. Also the big thing is that almost every song builds it's intensity slowly and patiently with a couple of doom and melodic riffs on the beginning the complete destruction of our sound system at the middle and the final collapse in the end. That way the songs sound completed and show us a cycle of feelings which merge, expands and finally fade.

My only objections with this record are two. First of all I find the lyrics to be a little too much on some songs,for example in "Sleeper Agent" and on another, the completely childish;a god example would be "The Oracle of Nassau". The other thing is that most of the tracks while having the advantaged mentioned above lack some sort of memorable melody or part. It is of course easy to admire the musical innovation and work put in this record but it is not too easy on the other hand to actually have an idea of which song is.

Of course, even those two little things that this album fails to deliver are not strong enough to deny the fact that this record is a perfect example of innovation and emotion. The band follows the steps of bands like Gorguts and Converge and pushes the standards of technical death metal played the right way: Brutal technical and emotional.
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Emptiness Cycle
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Apr 13, 2015 11:07 am
Posts: 417
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sat May 14, 2016 4:47 pm 
 

Rather pleased that after a few months away, I've returned to trying my hand at reviewing, and the last 4-5 have made it immediately with no drafting or re-doing necessary. I wondered if anyone more experienced in the field would be willing to take some time to give the reviews i've had accepted a once-over and provide me with feedback of any kind.

Thanks

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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2016 3:01 am 
 

PETERG wrote:
This is a review i wrote for Pyrrhon.Apart from the grammar mistakes that Diamhea noticed is there anything wrong about it ?

Notes in spoiler.

Spoiler: show
Sometimes in music you may find the most interesting piece of melodies and atmosphere in a totally flat, and sometimes dull, genre. The word to death metal a genre which from an outsider's view may not be the best place for innovation or a melody. And here comes Pyrrhon with this particular release to prove us wrong.
(I have to work way too hard to understand that paragraph.)

So what is the best thing about Pyrrhion? Well, it is the fact that they are dead serious to anything that they are doing. From their music and their lyrics to the astonishing and disturbing cover arts of their records. And their peak for me is this album.
(Fragment sentences. Ouchie. Also, I always object to a "What's the x thing about this? Well, it's Y!!" Just say, "The x thing about this is y.")

To start of the album kicks in with an approximately one and a half minute song which sounds like a gigantic jam session. One second later the first actual song begins with a rather surprising doom metal riff which changes the whole atmosphere. Pyrrhon make the first step to uniqueness by doing things the other way around. And then suddenly the song takes an actual form.
(Haha. I don't know what you mean at all here. It's funny confusing!)

A death metal style influenced a lot by bands such as Gorguts and Deathspell Omega-though it doesn't loses itself neither for the sake of imitation to the previous mentioned artists nor to the lack of an actual form.
(It's hard to follow your train of thought with these English errors.

The result is a massive wave of multi-structured guitars. On the other hand, you have the drums and the percussion who sound more like an army of tanks striking multiple times on the ears of the listener while staying on the right tone and time; not many drummers and bands can do that. Another great standing point of this record is the bass, a piece of their music that can be appreciated without the listener being an actual bass player! (OBLIGATORY WTF) In the song "White Flag" It created it's own atmosphere not only alone but with the escort of the drums.


On the other hand, if you stare at the songs (You don't stare at songs) as a whole composition you don't have the standard verse, chorus, repeat, bridge and that is all. Most of the songs are really long and have a difficult structure for the untrained ears. But they do earn their honor due to the amazing pieces of melodies and breakdowns that make them. Also the big thing is that almost every song builds it's intensity slowly and patiently with a couple of doom and melodic riffs on the beginning the complete destruction of our sound system at the middle :lol: (I do like this bit) and the final collapse in the end. That way the songs sound completed and show us a cycle of feelings which merge, expands and finally fade.

My only objections with this record are two. First of all I find the lyrics to be a little too much on some songs,for example in "Sleeper Agent" and on another, the completely childish;a god example would be "The Oracle of Nassau". The other thing is that most of the tracks while having the advantaged mentioned above lack some sort of memorable melody or part. It is of course easy to admire the musical innovation and work put in this record but it is not too easy on the other hand to actually have an idea of which song is.
(I'm *pretty* sure I see what you mean.)


Of course, even those two little things that this album fails to deliver are not strong enough to deny the fact that this record is a perfect example of innovation and emotion. The band follows the steps of bands like Gorguts and Converge and pushes the standards of technical death metal played the right way: Brutal technical and emotional.

I can't say I know what's going on here. The review is very difficult to read. In some cases your spelling is fine, in others it's bad. Your verb tenses are all over the place, plurals are spotty, and word choice is often confusing. Commas are AWOL. Are you using a translator? I guess, yeah, these errors all fall under grammar, but this is a lot of different kinds of grammar errors. Does not pass go. Needs better translating.
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Red_Death
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Jan 21, 2014 12:51 pm
Posts: 1052
Location: Croatia
PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2016 9:47 am 
 

Grave_Wyrm wrote:
Red_Death, this looks fine. I would recommend deleting that second paragraph entirely; it's unnecessary and check-list-y. if you want to keep the bit about the signature rasp, put it later when you talk about the lyrics, maybe. Other than that I have no significant comments beyond "why do you use so many parantheticals when normal sentences will do?" Passing grade.

Thanks, I appreciate the feedback.

I dunno about parentheses. I'll probably go through the text once again and make some changes to that. As for the second paragraph, I'd rather not get rid of it since I was aiming at addressing the issue of overall sound and so on.
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Mikhail95
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2015 11:13 pm
Posts: 62
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2016 10:28 pm 
 

Hello, my review got rejected apparently for "egregious grammar and run-on sentences." Could someone please help me? I even edited my review in word and there were no green underlined sections so I don't know what the moderator meant by "egregious grammar." Anyway here is the review.

These guys are one of the most consistent thrash metal bands alive. Even though they’re in their mid-50's they still can thrash better than these so called modern thrash bands now a days. The album starts with off with a furious intro of thundering trumpets and the opening of multiple gates to let you know that overkill is still here to kick your ass and have fun. Overkill are a band that doesn’t take themselves too seriously, they all have lovable personalities with Bobby Blitz being this old man who’s insanely ripped with a warped sense of humor and DD is just cool as hell. They may not take themselves too seriously but they know how to thrash, their like Anthrax, if Anthrax knew how to write good music, which they don’t, but anyway that’s for a later time. So where was I? Oh yes the grand intro. Then after the grand intro and opening you get the first real song of “Armorist” and shit this song thrashes like hell. It’s fast, furious, frantic and energetic. Overkill may be old but they still have as much energy as the young whipper-snappers, who think their thrash, but they’re not, with their rehashed riffs, generic song titles, and wimpy guitar playing.

The blitz still has it after all these years. His lyrics are clear, articulate, and witty. He has a great range even after his nose cancer, he still belts out those insanely high notes no problem. He also can keep up with the music and not sound tired and old (aka Tom Araya now). DD Verni still hammers on that bass with great solos, and a very clear tone. Drum wise, very fast double bass passages, typical thrash skank beats, this guys no Dave Lombardo or Vinnie daze but he gets the job done. The solos are very well composed and executed by Dave Linsk as they are very clear sounding. He throws some in some very fast solos with precision and it makes for an enjoyable listening experience.

Now for the weak part about this record, yes it’s pretty tight, but it’s extremely overproduced sounding, the drums to me don’t sound authentic, they sound as if they were programmed by a computer especially the double bass passages. The guitars also have this ultra-produced digital sound to them that is very prominent in modern metal. Overkill’s lyrics while they’re in good fun, I wish they put maybe some songs with more thought provoking lyrics. Also there isn’t much diversity to the music; it’s mostly straight up thrash with some groove passages thrown in there. That’s about it for the negatives. The pros of the album outweigh the cons so it’s all good. They play fast catchy songs, they have fun, they know how to play well, and they still sound tight. Overkill still remains one of the most consistent thrash bands alive. They never sold out, they never watered down their sound, they always stuck to their roots, and their really energetic which I appreciate about them.

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Erosion of Humanity
Destroyer of the Gods

Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 5:12 pm
Posts: 5898
Location: over yon hill
PostPosted: Wed May 18, 2016 12:56 pm 
 

I don't have time for a full on critique and edit right now but suffice to say I whole-heartedly agree with the rejecting mod (Diamhea I'll assume). Dude this is rife with spelling and grammar issues, just for instance you forgot to capitalize like half of the names you typed out. I saw misuse of "their/they're" that's a big one, and some other words I forget currently.

I don't think you're funny. Your attempt at humor in the first paragraph is a complete fail and should be avoided in your rewrite. You're lacking musical description, least in my humble opinion, and what you do have is the pitfall of 99% of people who come here; it's boring and poorly written. For the love of God, why do people always make things I to a list? I'm not specifically harping on you for it, though you do it, but it seems like every review I read here is the same shit.

-----drums, check. Bass, check. Guitar tone, check. Did I mention vocals yet? Ohh ok, vocals, check. In conclusion I like/hate this album. Yay.---------

Ugh it grates the nerves. Please put some more though in to what you want to say and how you want to say it. This reads like you wrote it in about ten minutes. Try listening to the album once or twice then sitting down to write the review. And read it aloud to yourself before you resubmit. That will save you some time by helping you to determine your mistakes before submission.
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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
PostPosted: Wed May 18, 2016 6:17 pm 
 

Red_Death wrote:
As for the second paragraph, I'd rather not get rid of it since I was aiming at addressing the issue of overall sound and so on.

That's a perfectly good objective, but consider different ways to work that same information into relevant places. If you're talking about the guitars, add a note about the guitar sound. When you talk about vocals and lyrics, mention the production. Putting it all together and going through element by element makes it a dull read of an ill-conceived check list. Think about it from our point of view.


mikey22 wrote:
Hello, my review got rejected apparently for "egregious grammar and run-on sentences." Could someone please help me?

A million identical notes in the spoiler.

Spoiler: show
These guys are one of the most consistent thrash metal bands alive. Even though they’re in their mid-50's :nazi: they still can thrash better than these so called :nazi: modern thrash bands now a days :nazi:.
(Should be "so-called," but what's so-called about them? They're playing in what's known as modern times, eh? It would help if you explain your jabs. *Now-a-days, but just say "these days.")

The album starts with off with a furious intro of thundering trumpets and the opening of multiple gates to let you know that overkill :nazi: (Proper nouns are capitalized) is still here to kick your ass and have fun. Overkill are a band that doesn’t take themselves (*don't take themselves) too seriously :nazi:, they all have lovable personalities with Bobby Blitz being this old man who’s insanely ripped with a warped sense of humor :nazi: and DD is just cool as hell.
(I don't know who DD or what you mean by "cool as hell." In person? As a performer? Etc.?)

They may not take themselves too seriously :nazi: but they know how to thrash :nazi:, their :nazi: like Anthrax :nazi: , if Anthrax knew how to write good music, which they don’t, but anyway that’s for a later time. :nazi: :nazi: So :nazi: where was I? Oh :nazi: yes :nazi: the grand intro. (This should be deleted. Do not derail your own review!) Then after the grand intro and opening you get the first real song of “Armorist” and shit this song thrashes like hell. It’s fast, furious, frantic and energetic.
("Oh yes the intro. Then after the intro" is a bad transition. Just move on. Redundant adjectives. Fix song title/track title formatting. "They're like Anthrax if Anthrax weren't Anthrax" -- just choose a band they're actually like instead of hamfistedly snarking Anthrax.)

Overkill may be old :nazi: but they still have as much energy as the young :nazi: whipper-snappers (It's just one word.) :nazi:, who think :nazi: their thrash, but they’re not, with their rehashed riffs, generic song titles, and wimpy guitar playing.
(This grammar is nuts. Another bad comparison, and poorly placed commas make it very unclear who you're talking about. Also, tr00 talk this vague isn't informative.)

The blitz :nazi: (Proper nouns are capitalized) still has it after all these years. His lyrics are clear, articulate, and witty. He has a great range even after his nose cancer :nazi:, he still belts out those insanely high notes no problem. He also can keep up with the music and not sound tired and old (aka :nazi: Tom Araya now (WHO? Not everyone knows who these people are.)). DD Verni still hammers on that bass with great solos :nazi: , and a very clear tone. :nazi: Drum wise :nazi: , very fast double bass passages, typical thrash skank beats :nazi:, this guys no Dave Lombardo or Vinnie daze :nazi: (Proper nouns are capitalized) but he gets the job done. :nazi: :nazi: :nazi: :thumbsdown: (Very painful. Fragment sentences, run-ons, and no possessive apostophe. I'm not convinced you know what commas are for.)

The solos are very well composed and executed by Dave Linsk as they are very clear sounding. He throws some in some very fast solos with precision :nazi: and it makes for an enjoyable listening experience.

Now for the weak part about this record :nazi: , yes it’s pretty tight, but it’s extremely overproduced sounding :nazi:, the drums to me don’t sound authentic :nazi:, they sound as if they were programmed by a computer :nazi: especially the double bass passages. The guitars also have this ultra-produced digital sound to them that is very prominent in modern metal. Overkill’s lyrics :nazi: while they’re in good fun, I wish they put maybe some songs with more thought provoking lyrics. (This last sentence is too bad. Reorder and simplify it.)

Also :nazi: there isn’t much diversity to the music; it’s mostly straight up thrash with some groove passages thrown in there. That’s about it for the negatives. The pros of the album outweigh the cons :nazi: so it’s all good. They play fast catchy songs, :nazi: they have fun, :nazi: they know how to play well, and they still sound tight. Overkill still remains one of the most consistent thrash bands alive. (You said that already.)

They never sold out :nazi: , they never watered down their sound :nazi: , they always stuck to their roots, and :nazi: their really energetic :nazi: which I appreciate about them.


Mechanical failure. Full rewrite.
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Mikhail95
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2015 11:13 pm
Posts: 62
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed May 18, 2016 7:57 pm 
 

Ok so what do the grammar nazi signs in my review mean? I don't get it. Also why do I have to explain who DD Verni and Tom Araya are? This is a metal forum everyone should know who they are, they are not from some unknown band come one now.

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Erosion of Humanity
Destroyer of the Gods

Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 5:12 pm
Posts: 5898
Location: over yon hill
PostPosted: Wed May 18, 2016 8:39 pm 
 

It means that your grammar is atrocious. Loom don't take to heart what we tell you here. We're only trying to help, it isn't personal knocks about you, just your writing. If you don't get critiques you won't get better.

Props to Mr. Wyrm for his never fading dedication to gramma!!
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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2016 1:17 am 
 

mikey22 wrote:
Ok so what do the grammar nazi signs in my review mean? I don't get it. Also why do I have to explain who DD Verni and Tom Araya are? This is a metal forum everyone should know who they are, they are not from some unknown band come one now.

1) Red flags identify the location of errors.
2)You can't take for granted that your reader will know who you mean. You aren't just writing for the in-group.

I encourage professionalism in my notes because I encourage respect for the site.

Erosion of Humanity wrote:
Props to Mr. Wyrm for his never fading dedication to gramma!!

My thanks, Mr. Humanity.
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~Guest 366996
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Aug 12, 2015 2:50 pm
Posts: 32
PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2016 4:39 pm 
 

I'm having difficulty with my review because I'm neutral about the quality of the album. I think that U.A. by Megadeth is good and that's the problem. If it was great I could write something better and if it was dreadful or with lots of faults I could also be inspired, but I've written a boring review and perhaps it's a reflection of the album itself.


Last edited by ~Guest 366996 on Fri May 20, 2016 4:48 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Mikhail95
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2015 11:13 pm
Posts: 62
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2016 10:23 pm 
 

Ok so I took more time and corrected a lot of my grammatical errors. Is this a better review?

These guys are one of the most consistent thrash metal bands alive. Even though they’re in their mid-50's they still thrash better than these so called modern thrash bands these days. The album starts off with a furious intro of thundering trumpets and the opening of multiple gates to let you know that Overkill is still here to kick your ass and have fun. Overkill don’t take themselves too seriously, they all have lovable personalities with Bobby Blitz being this old man who is insanely ripped with a warped sense of humor and DD Verni (the bass player) is just cool as hell. They may not take themselves too seriously but they know how to thrash, they’re like Anthrax, if Anthrax knew how to write good music, but anyway that’s for a later time. So where was I? Oh yes the grand intro. Then after the grand intro you get the first real song of “Armorist” and shit this song thrashes like hell. It’s fast, furious, frantic and energetic. Overkill may be old but they still have as much energy as the young whippersnappers. These modern bands think their thrash, but they’re not, with their rehashed riffs, generic song titles, and wimpy guitar playing.

The Blitz still has it after all these years. His lyrics are clear, articulate, and witty. He has a great range even after his nose cancer. He can still belt out those insanely high notes with no problem. He also can keep up with the music and not sound tired and old (Tom Araya now). DD Verni still hammers on that bass with great solos, and a very clear tone. Drum wise, very fast double bass passages, typical thrash skank beats, this guy is no Dave Lombardo or Vinnie Daze but he gets the job done. The solos are very well composed and executed by Dave Linsk as they are very clear sounding. He throws some in some very fast solos with precision and it makes for an enjoyable listening experience.

Now for the weak part about this record, yes it’s pretty tight, but it’s extremely overproduced sounding. The drums to me don’t sound authentic, they sound as if they were programmed by a computer especially the double bass passages. The guitars also have this ultra-produced digital sound to them that is very prominent in modern metal. Overkill’s lyrics while they’re in good fun, I wish they put some songs with more thought provoking lyrics. Also there isn’t much diversity to the music; it’s mostly straight up thrash with some groove passages thrown in there. That’s about it for the negatives. The pros of the album outweigh the cons so it’s all good. They play fast catchy songs, they have fun, they know how to play well, and they still sound tight. Overkill still remains one of the most consistent thrash bands alive. They never sold out, they never watered down their sound, they always stuck to their roots, and they are really energetic which I appreciate about them.

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acidmario
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2011 8:08 am
Posts: 1
Location: Greece
PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2016 5:03 am 
 

Hey guys. Here's my review that got rejected. I changed it a bit though, after the rejection. Thanks !!

" "Deeper than sky" really got me, from the very beginning. Easily one of my top 5 releases for 2015.

Lets start, by saying that Vhol is a "supergroup" with members from Agalloch, Hammers of Misfortune and YOB. "Deeper than sky" is their second album. Truth is, i wasn't aware of this band, until couple of months ago. One really cool aspect, is that they manage to succesfully combine diverse genres with such consistency. The key point for the brilliance of "Deeper than sky" could be that, all of the musicians forming this project, know how to express and how to "speak" through music (It make sense, since we speak for veternas who are on the underground scene for ages). To be more precise and more to the point, imagine something like Voivod meets Poison Idea meets Coroner. Add a bit of 70's Psych prog Rock and black metal. You might get an idea.


The "Desolate damned" kicks off with speed metal riffing, in the vein of Coroner/Agent steel. You'll meet many melodic passages in this tune. Mike Scheidt is not afraid to hit some high notes giving you this King Diamond feel. Great opening track. "3AM" and "Red chaos" lean more on the hardcore side of the band. Great riffing by John Cobbet (this guy is a genious) and really cool vocal arrangements. These guys know what's they're game. "Lightless sun's" black metal riffing is eventually transformed to a "Coroner" type of verse followed be an atmospheric chorus with female vocals. Same goes for the epic title track "Deeper than sky". Lots of great riffs, thrashie tempos (for some reason, Absu came to my mind). Once again, Sigrid is singing on the chorus and by the half of the song, they let their 70's prog rock influences to emerge, by giving the track a complete different dimension.
On "Paino", the band is not afraid to add some 50's piano bar influences, under a harcdcore d-beat rhythmic motif.

Multilayered guitar sounds, Catchy vocal parts, Groovy Drum rhythms, Sweet bass lines. I Couldn't ask for anything more. Great musicianship, Great production/arrangements and performance in general. This is the kind of metal i like. Intelligent, yet honoring the roots of our music.

Great!! "

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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
PostPosted: Sat May 21, 2016 2:43 pm 
 

mikey22 wrote:
Ok so I took more time and corrected a lot of my grammatical errors. Is this a better review?

Notes in spoiler.

Spoiler: show
This time I've italicized passages bookended with red flags, followed by a note on the indicated section. This time I focused on language and sentence structure. There are still punctuation errors and omissions that haven't been fixed since the first round.

These guys are one of the most consistent thrash metal bands alive. Even though they’re in their mid-50's they still thrash better than these so called modern thrash bands these days. The album starts off with a furious intro of thundering trumpets and the opening of multiple gates to let you know that Overkill is still here to kick your ass and have fun. Overkill don’t take themselves too seriously; <-- FTFYthey all have lovable personalities with Bobby Blitz being this old man who is insanely ripped with a warped sense of humor and DD Verni (the bass player) is just cool as hell. *(Still doesn't make sense why he's cool as hell.) They may not take themselves too seriously but they know how to thrash, they’re like Anthrax, if Anthrax knew how to write good music, but anyway that’s for a later time. (See original note. Leave it in at your own peril.) So where was I? Oh yes the grand intro. Then after the grand intro you get the first real song IS “Armorist” and shit this song thrashes like hell. It’s fast, furious, frantic and energetic. Overkill may be old but they still have as much energy as the young whippersnappers. These modern bands think their thrash, but they’re not, with their rehashed riffs, generic song titles, and wimpy guitar playing. (Could you give us an example at least? Too vague and general.)

The Blitz still has it after all these years. His lyrics are clear, articulate, and witty. He has a great range even after his nose cancer. He can still belt out those insanely high notes with no problem. He also can keep up with the music and not sound tired and old (Tom Araya now). (Again, all this would take is saying, "Slayer's Tom Araya.") DD Verni still hammers on that bass with great solos, and a very clear tone. :nazi: Drum wise, very fast double bass passages, typical thrash skank beats, this guy is no Dave Lombardo or Vinnie Daze but he gets the job done. :nazi: (Broken sentence structure. Sort this out)

:nazi: The solos are very well composed and executed by Dave Linsk as they are very clearng.:nazi: (Bad sentence. Alternative: "Dave Linsk's clear sounding solos are all well composed and well executed.") He throws some in some very fast solos with precision and it makes for an enjoyable listening experience. (Clunky sentence. Alternative: "He throws in some very fast, precise solos that make for an enjoyable listening experience.")

Now for the weak part about this record: <--FTFY yes it’s pretty tight, but it’s extremely overproduced sounding. The drums to me don’t sound authentic, they sound as if they were programmed by a computer especially the double bass passages. The guitars also have this ultra-produced digital sound to them that is very prominent in modern metal. :nazi: Overkill’s lyrics while they’re in good fun, I wish they put some songs with more thought provoking lyrics. :nazi: (Very messy sentence.) Also there isn’t much diversity to the music; it’s mostly straight up thrash with some groove passages thrown in there. That’s about it for the negatives.

New paragraph, since you've switched topics from cons to pros) The pros of the album outweigh the cons so it’s all good. :nazi" They play fast catchy songs, they have fun, they know how to play well, and they still sound tight. :nazi: (See below - same note) Overkill still remains one of the most consistent thrash bands alive. :nazi: They never sold out, they never watered down their sound, they always stuck to their roots, and they are really energetic which I appreciate about them. :nazi: (If you're going to keep "they" at the beginning of every clause, these have to be semi-colons. I recommend taking out all "they," making it an actual list and much easier to read.)


You really need to get your punctuation under control. It's neither impossible nor pointless. These are basic English composition mechanics that you absolutely need to learn. As you get older, these kinds of errors can really count against you in the real world. If you ever plan to write a cover letter for a job application, mechanical failures alone can turn it into a gigantic waste of time.
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Red_Death
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Joined: Tue Jan 21, 2014 12:51 pm
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PostPosted: Sat May 21, 2016 2:45 pm 
 

Grave_Wyrm wrote:
That's a perfectly good objective, but consider different ways to work that same information into relevant places. If you're talking about the guitars, add a note about the guitar sound. When you talk about vocals and lyrics, mention the production. Putting it all together and going through element by element makes it a dull read of an ill-conceived check list. Think about it from our point of view.

Gotcha. At first I thought that a paragraph solely about the overall sounds would work as a means to really stress something I find important re: the album, but when I think about it, it can be worked out differently.

As a side note, it's a bit weird to see a review for Grand Grimoire, the same rating I intended to give no less, published just yesterday.
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Mikhail95
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2015 11:13 pm
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PostPosted: Sat May 21, 2016 4:00 pm 
 

Grave_Wyrm wrote:
Notes in spoiler.


I've had college professors that were less strict than some of the mods here.

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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
PostPosted: Sat May 21, 2016 5:11 pm 
 

mikey22 wrote:
Grave_Wyrm wrote:
Notes in spoiler.

I've had college professors that were less strict than some of the mods here.

I'm not even a mod. Those professors weren't doing you any favors.


Red_Death wrote:
At first I thought that a paragraph solely about the overall sounds would work as a means to really stress something I find important

This, too, is an acceptable idea on its own. When the production of an album really stands out to you, by all means spend time on it in the review.


acidmario wrote:
Hey guys. Here's my review that got rejected. I changed it a bit though, after the rejection. Thanks !!

Notes in spoiler.
Spoiler: show
- Notes in ITALI-BOLD refer to the preceding underlined section.
- Italicized & underlined is a general "revist this, bad/broken phrasing" note.
- Red flags appear immediately before indicated error.
- Purdue - Commas
- also, strikethroughs



" "Deeper than sky" really got me [x] from the very beginning. Easily one of my top 5 releases for 2015. (Formatting: album titles = italics. Song titles = quotations.)

Lets start, by saying that Vhol is a "supergroup" with members from Agalloch, Hammers of Misfortune and YOB. "Deeper than sky" (Formatting, see above) is their second album. Truth is, :nazi: i wasn't aware of this band until couple of months ago. One really cool aspect is that they manage to succesfully combine diverse genres with such consistency. The key point for the brilliance of "Deeper than sky" could be that, all of the musicians forming this project know how to express and how to "speak" through music (it make sense, since we speak for veternas who are on the underground scene for ages). (clarify?) To be more precise and more to the point, imagine something like Voivod meets Poison Idea meets Coroner. Add a bit of 70's Psych prog Rock and black metal. You might get an idea.

||The "Desolate damned" kicks off with speed metal riffing, in the vein of Coroner/Agent steel. You'll meet many melodic passages in this tune. Mike Scheidt is not afraid to hit some high notes giving you this King Diamond feel. Great opening track. "3AM" and "Red chaos" lean more on the hardcore side of the band. Great riffing by John Cobbet (this guy is a genius) and really cool vocal arrangements. These guys know what's they're game. "Lightless sun's" black metal riffing is eventually transformed to a "Coroner" type of verse followed be an atmospheric chorus with female vocals. Same goes for the epic title track "Deeper than sky". Lots of great riffs, thrashie tempos (for some reason, Absu came to my mind). Once again, Sigrid is singing on the chorus and by the half of the song, they let their 70's prog rock influences to emerge, by giving the track a complete different dimension.
On "Paino", the band is not afraid to add some 50's piano bar influences, under a harcdcore d-beat rhythmic motif.
||

(Imagine that this paragraph is a list of notes for your next draft. This information is inherent to musical description, but repurposed to serve a larger point.)

:nazi: Multilayered guitar sounds, Catchy vocal parts, Groovy Drum rhythms, Sweet bass lines. I Couldn't ask for anything more. Great musicianship, Great production/arrangements and performance in general. :nazi: (capitalization; more content for general musical description.)

This is the kind of metal i like. Intelligent, yet honoring the roots of our music. (clarify?)

Great!! "
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Mikhail95
Metal newbie

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PostPosted: Sat May 21, 2016 10:31 pm 
 

Okay, fine I'll accept the fact that my Overkill review wasn't good. I would like though for someone to check out this review I published on the site. Just read it and tell me what you think. I worked very hard on this review right here.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/I ... y22/371587

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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

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PostPosted: Sun May 22, 2016 7:48 am 
 

You're just not all that great at this. My eyes were glazing over reading those reviews. There just aren't any real interesting analyses of the music and you just spend time going through a checklist of what the instruments sound like and throwing in some cliche adjectives for whatever subgenre you're reviewing - brutal, haunting, like a chainsaw, that sort of thing. It's technically passable, but you're not an exciting writer. The only way to improve that is to just keep trying and reviewing until you get less bad. And definitely do not bitch about how "college professors were less strict" than people trying to help you improve - that attitude is why you're not good at this.
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Mikhail95
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Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2015 11:13 pm
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PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2016 12:51 am 
 

Quote:
Empyreal wrote:
You're just not all that great at this. My eyes were glazing over reading those reviews. There just aren't any real interesting analyses of the music and you just spend time going through a checklist of what the instruments sound like and throwing in some cliche adjectives for whatever subgenre you're reviewing - brutal, haunting, like a chainsaw, that sort of thing. It's technically passable, but you're not an exciting writer. The only way to improve that is to just keep trying and reviewing until you get less bad. And definitely do not bitch about how "college professors were less strict" than people trying to help you improve - that attitude is why you're not good at this.


Okay fine whatever, but look at reviews from sputnikmusic.com, rateyourmusic.com, or Amazon, the reviews there many times are rifled with spelling and grammar errors and they get a pass. Also how are you supposed to make an "interesting analyses of the music?" How is not describing what the instruments sound like good? I mean the Swedish death metal scene's guitars do sound like chainsaws, also most Scott Burns production sounds muddy most of the time. I studied AP music theory back in high school. Do I need to throw music theory terms around to sound good? Here's an example "the diminished intervals displayed in this piece during the 1 minute 5 second mark are a direct contrast to the Phrygian mode displayed in the majority of the song." Or "the motif displayed throughout track number 3 is a recurring theme that rears its head throughout the piece. The motiff reminds me of Beethoven's 5th in the way that the triplets go into a longer held out note." Or "the harmonic minor scale based solo, shows its peak when the guitarist throws in rapidly swift arpeggios that are heavily reminiscent of Romantic greats such as Liszt, Chopin, and Alkan."

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Wilytank
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PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2016 12:54 am 
 

mikey22 wrote:
Okay fine whatever, but look at reviews from sputnikmusic.com, rateyourmusic.com, or Amazon, the reviews there many times are rifled with spelling and grammar errors and they get a pass.


:lol: You mean look at the worst examples of reviewing sites ever?
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Zodijackyl
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PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2016 1:08 am 
 

It is neither about technical terms nor verbosity, it's about finding a way to say it better than it could be literally stated. It takes practice and experience. You can leverage what a reader is expected to know (i.e. Swedeath chainsaws) and offer some reference points and make descriptions more illustrious.

What you can do with music theory is not write rather plain comparisons like that, but figure out how certain elements are implemented towards the bigger picture on albums. Consider the scales used on the first Entombed album, the tension and tonal stability of the implied seventh chords on Martyr's Warp Zone, and the offset beats of Confessor. Examining motifs in more complex song structures can be of great value, but if you miss the larger point, then the analysis is worthless.

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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

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PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2016 7:18 am 
 

If you think going super technical with music theory is the only way to describe music better than you currently are, then you need to read more reviews and learn how to actually talk about art. You can talk about how the music makes you feel, what songs work or don't work, what changed in the scene after a classic album was released, compare it to a band's larger discography in any number of ways, etc. I talk about things like the soul or energy a work has and how inspired it is, about songwriting quality, etc. The bigger picture. There are literally countless ways you can review an album and explain why it works or doesn't. Not sure how much of your reply to me was sarcasm but pretty much anyone who knows anything will agree with me. And just because other sites have super low, shitty review standards doesn't mean yours are suddenly top-tier stuff.
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theposega
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PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2016 8:23 pm 
 

Anyone have some thoughts/feel some type of way about my Inquisition review?
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Metantoine
Slave to Santa

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
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PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2016 8:45 pm 
 

theposega wrote:
Anyone have some thoughts/feel some type of way about my Inquisition review?

I almost got their latest one for 10 bucks yesterday but it was used and I needed money for beer.

Ah, thoughts about your review? Ok! I liked how you kept the introduction brief and to the point even though it will be an interesting series for you to write about. A lame reviewer would spend half of the review discussing how profound and deep his relation is with Dagon and how much he would like to eat tacos with him or whatever. Outside of that, the review is long and flows well, you don't seem to repeat yourself too much and fall into the "list" category. Moar please.

Anyway, I'm done with metal reviews, it's all about SNACKS reviews now.
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theposega
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PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2016 9:30 pm 
 

:lol: gonna start the snack archives fam?

Thank you for the kind words.
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Diamhea
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PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2016 10:00 pm 
 

mikey22 wrote:
Okay fine whatever, but look at reviews from sputnikmusic.com, rateyourmusic.com, or Amazon, the reviews there many times are rifled with spelling and grammar errors and they get a pass.


Then go and write there, where nobody will ever read your work and it will get thrown into a huge sea of worthless garbage where it probably belongs if you decide to stick with this attitude. Hopefully you improve over time and can come back and try again.

And as far as requiring technical jargon to describe music, that's bollocks. I rarely throw these terms around, hells_unicorn used to and it made his reviews a chore to read and come off as pretentious drivel. It just isn't necessary. Draw some comparisons to other bands, use colourful and engaging word choices, it really isn't that difficult.

And as I asked in one of my rejection messages, are you not a native English speaker? Your location is set as the US but I get a sense that you aren't intrinsically familiar with the language.
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Mikhail95
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2015 11:13 pm
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PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2016 11:38 pm 
 

Diamhea wrote:
mikey22 wrote:
Okay fine whatever, but look at reviews from sputnikmusic.com, rateyourmusic.com, or Amazon, the reviews there many times are rifled with spelling and grammar errors and they get a pass.


Then go and write there, where nobody will ever read your work and it will get thrown into a huge sea of worthless garbage where it probably belongs if you decide to stick with this attitude. Hopefully you improve over time and can come back and try again.

And as far as requiring technical jargon to describe music, that's bollocks. I rarely throw these terms around, hells_unicorn used to and it made his reviews a chore to read and come off as pretentious drivel. It just isn't necessary. Draw some comparisons to other bands, use colourful and engaging word choices, it really isn't that difficult.

And as I asked in one of my rejection messages, are you not a native English speaker? Your location is set as the US but I get a sense that you aren't intrinsically familiar with the language.


Well to be honest my first language was Russian and I couldn't speak any English till I was 6.

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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
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PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2016 10:14 am 
 

mikey22 wrote:
Well to be honest my first language was Russian and I couldn't speak any English till I was 6.

No problem there. I'm sure it can be discouraging and difficult, but it seems like your professors let your errors slide on account of that instead of sending you to the English lab on a regular basis. The mechanical parts of a language are difficult to get a handle on without instruction and strict corrections. Or at least looking up the rules and applying yourself.

Regarding your musical theory background in reviews, if you added description of recurring themes, etc., and were able to paint a nice picture of how the whole album works compositionally (i.e, how the composition creates the experience), that's fine. Like Zodijackyl and I said, a larger point has to be served with your writing. Think of it like a topical essay, if you like. You pick a theme, and of the millions of details you could choose to write about the subject, you select a handful that relate to that theme. The closer you stick to your main point, the better it's going to be. This is "school essay" the analogy; no one's going to say you have to write an essay per se. However, I encourage you to exert more rigor in general.

Make it a point to get English composition tutoring. I already mentioned the importance these skills play in writing cover letters, and that's just one practical example.


theposega wrote:
Anyone have some thoughts/feel some type of way about my Inquisition review?

It's adequate (and I can say refreshing after the last couple weeks). Organization's a touch loose (that is the thoughts are a bit meandery, nothing some more proof reading wouldn't fix, I don't think); there are quick fix formatting things and a couple typos.

"Extremely" and "really" should be reconsidered in future reviews. Your analysis is good enough, but the description needs vocabulary attention in general. Over all not bad, obviously. Better will happen with practice.
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theposega
Mezla

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PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2016 10:42 am 
 

Thanks!
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Erosion of Humanity
Destroyer of the Gods

Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 5:12 pm
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PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2016 11:23 am 
 

acidmario wrote:
Hey guys. Here's my review that got rejected. I changed it a bit though, after the rejection. Thanks !!

Spoiler: show
" "Deeper than sky" really got me, from the very beginning. Easily one of my top 5 releases for 2015.

Lets start, by saying that Vhol is a "supergroup" with members from Agalloch, Hammers of Misfortune and YOB. "Deeper than sky" is their second album. Truth is, i wasn't aware of this band, until couple of months ago. One really cool aspect, is that they manage to succesfully combine diverse genres with such consistency. The key point for the brilliance of "Deeper than sky" could be that, all of the musicians forming this project, know how to express and how to "speak" through music (It make sense, since we speak for veternas who are on the underground scene for ages). To be more precise and more to the point, imagine something like Voivod meets Poison Idea meets Coroner. Add a bit of 70's Psych prog Rock and black metal. You might get an idea.


The "Desolate damned" kicks off with speed metal riffing, in the vein of Coroner/Agent steel. You'll meet many melodic passages in this tune. Mike Scheidt is not afraid to hit some high notes giving you this King Diamond feel. Great opening track. "3AM" and "Red chaos" lean more on the hardcore side of the band. Great riffing by John Cobbet (this guy is a genius) and really cool vocal arrangements. These guys know what's they're game. "Lightless sun's" black metal riffing is eventually transformed to a "Coroner" type of verse followed be an atmospheric chorus with female vocals. Same goes for the epic title track "Deeper than sky". Lots of great riffs, thrashie tempos (for some reason, Absu came to my mind). Once again, Sigrid is singing on the chorus and by the half of the song, they let their 70's prog rock influences to emerge, by giving the track a complete different dimension.
On "Paino", the band is not afraid to add some 50's piano bar influences, under a harcdcore d-beat rhythmic motif.

Multilayered guitar sounds, Catchy vocal parts, Groovy Drum rhythms, Sweet bass lines. I Couldn't ask for anything more. Great musicianship, Great production/arrangements and performance in general. This is the kind of metal i like. Intelligent, yet honoring the roots of our music.

Great!! "


There's quite a few problems here; first of all there isn't enough description for the review to be accepted, you'll need to beef it up a fair bit. Secondly you (and equally as important) you have loads of grammar issues here, most notably punctuation and capitalization. You use the comma (,) far too frequently and improperly for seemingly no apparent reason. Proper nouns (song titles, band names, names of people) must be capitalized, not just the first word. Genres are not proper nouns and don't need to be capitalized.

Edit: shit, didn't see Wyrm's reply up there. Ehhh well I'll still leave this here though it isn't as detailed as his.
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Plagued
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat May 25, 2013 2:18 pm
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Location: Luxembourg
PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2016 6:41 am 
 

Hey! I just wrote a review for Aktor's Paranoia, and was wondering what you guys have to say about it. I know there are issues about it because I tend to repeat words often (among others), and I would be happy to have some feedback on the review :) Probably one of the best albums of 2015, if not the best. I was thinking about a score of 90-95% Here goes!

Spoiler: show
I have bought a lot of records blindly, and probably will continue to do so in the future. Some purchases were a disastrous mistake and some, like Aktor's Paranoia have worked out beautifully. I wasn't quite sure what to make of the old-school feel the cover conveyed, nor was I certain as to what I should expect from the music contained therein. I'm not going to lie, when I first listened to the album I was underwhelmed. 'Great', I thought 'another 10 bucks down the drain' Naturally, and quite foolishly, I put the album down and only listened to it again a few weeks later. My god, was I blown away. Was this the same album I had listened to weeks prior?

Aktor's sound is hard to pinpoint as it is a blend of traditional metal and rock riffs (not unlike more simplistic early Iron Maiden riffs) and 70's prog-rock sounding synthesizers (think Yes and Atomic Rooster). I'm going out on a limb here and assert that both elements would sound awful together if they weren't combined in an intelligent way, but rest assured – they are here. In fact the sum of both elements is greater than the individual parts, resulting in a rich and multi-layered sound. I swear, each time I listen to this album I discover something new, a nuance in the instrumentation I hadn't heard before. The synths can sound quite cheesy at times, especially on tracks like 'I was the Son of God' or 'Where is Home' but 'cheesy' is not at all meant in a negative way, quite the contrary: these synths are something that sets Aktor apart from other bands, as they add a whole other layer to the overall sound. The band are indeed threading a narrow path here, because the synths might just as well sound jarring and unfitting, but thankfully they're integrated tastefully and enrich the music rather than obstruct it.
Now, one of the best things about this record is the interplay between guitars and synthesizers. One could assume that the inclusion of the latter into the music would mean that the guitar performance is toned down which, granted, it somewhat is. The riffs are not necessarily the most complex ones you'll hear, but this doesn't really hinder the music. However, I feel that it is actually necessary for the guitars to be dialed back a bit – the blend of synths and guitar is essentially the driving force behind the album. What I found the most surprising thing about the guitar play is that Jussi Lehtisalo (who I assume plays guitars here) doesn't limit himself to just playing electric guitar, but also employs a fair deal of acoustic and lap steel guitar playing (or at least a similar sounding instrument on 'Stop Fooling Around') Utilizing acoustic guitars isn't something unheard of in metal or rock music, but oftentimes they just stick out like a sore thumb because they are set apart from the electric guitars. Not so on Paranoia: quite often you'll find that both types are played simultaneously, which adds another subtle sonic layer to the songs.

This all would mean nothing however, if the songwriting in itself was bad.

It isn't.

In fact, it's quite varied. Not only do you have a variety of faster paced, guitar driven songs like 'Devil and Doctor' or 'Something Nasty' but also somber sounding pieces like 'Gone Again' or 'Never-Ending No'. The best thing however is, that the songs aren't limited to some sort of 'black-and-white' formula, they are chuck-full of hooks (not the bad kind) and even though the overall atmosphere is consistent throughout the songs, they never get dull because the songs are just too varied and distinct sounding for them ever to get boring. Multiple changes of key, tempo and instrumentation keep things interesting. It's hard to pinpoint the best song on the album, but I'm quite confident in saying that 'The Mover' is a strong contender – it's probably the most 'dramatic' song, and oh boy, is it a good way to finish the album off. Just listen to the transition around the 1:50 minute mark! If that's not one of the best parts you've recently heard in music, I'm not sure what to say. Granted, you might find it cheesy, but that was the moment when everything clicked for me. Yes, it didn't happen until my second listen, and it is at the very end of the album, but after listening to the part, I had to listen to the entire album again, and I'm glad I did.

There isn't a whole lot to dislike about the album. Sure, Doctor Black isn't the most prolific vocalist out there, yet his voice is still memorable and he has an astonishing sense for melody and vocal lines, and although his voice isn't necessarily all that powerful, his delivery on the record and the lyrics are consistently good. And as it is Paranoia is definitely one of the contenders for the best album of 2015 in my opinion. It stands high above the crowd, setting itself apart from the masses of other bands who fail in creating something new on their records. Aktor, I feel, pulled off creating original sounding music. It's easy listening but for all the right reasons – the 35 minutes it lasts go by in a breeze, because Aktor are able to engage the listener and not bore him or her with unnecessary fluff. The songwriting is to the point and thus the album stands as one of the best albums to have come out in recent memory. Listen to it, you won't be disappointed.


Also, I haven't included italics yet, which I will do when I submit the review.

I'm happy that the guys who frequent this thread and give tips to newbies like me take their time to give constructive criticism. Your work is underappreciated!
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Purabid
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Sep 19, 2015 5:01 am
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PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2016 7:42 am 
 

Use a gap line between second and third paragraph. Also, you can't make a paragraph with two words or one sentence especially in the middle of the article.

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Plagued
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat May 25, 2013 2:18 pm
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PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2016 7:50 am 
 

Yeah, I was quite unsure about that one sentence paragraph. Noted! Thanks for the input!
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Erosion of Humanity
Destroyer of the Gods

Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 5:12 pm
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PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2016 3:38 pm 
 

I don't mind the break in paragraphs that you used, I can see it going either way but for me it's ok. So other than you needing to separate those other two paragraphs I only have some minor issues here. Firstly you use the quotes way to much and in unnecessary places. Otherwise you already mentioned that you tend to overuse the same keywords a lot, I agree. It's a common thing and the more you write the less it'll happen.

Overall a pretty solid first review. After a little attention to the few issues I think you'll be just fine to submit. It would probably get accepted as it stands but making the minor changes is still prudent.
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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
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PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2016 3:50 pm 
 

Purabid wrote:
you can't make a paragraph with two words or one sentence especially in the middle of the article.

*ever.

All you need is two sentences for a proper paragraph. That said, the first sentence still has to be a topic sentence. In this case it's a continuation of the former thought, yet insufficient as a transition.

Plagued wrote:
Aktor's Paranoia

Notes in spoiler.

Spoiler: show
I have bought a lot of records blindly, and probably will continue to do so in the future. Some purchases were :nazi: a disastrous mistake *disastrous mistakes and some, like Aktor's Paranoia, have worked out beautifully. I wasn't quite sure what to make of the old-school feel the cover conveyed, nor was I certain as to what I should expect from the music contained :nazi: therein (Grammatically you're unsure of the music contained in the cover). I'm not going to lie, when I first listened to the album I was underwhelmed. 'Great', I thought 'another 10 bucks down the drain' Naturally, and quite foolishly, I put the album down and only listened to it again a few weeks later. My god, was I blown away. Was this the same album I had listened to weeks prior?
(I don't object to this story, but the second half should be condensed.)

Aktor's sound is hard to pinpoint as it is a blend of traditional metal and rock riffs (not unlike more simplistic early Iron Maiden riffs) and 70's prog-rock sounding synthesizers (think Yes and Atomic Rooster). I'm going out on a limb here and assert that both elements would sound awful together if they weren't combined in an intelligent way, but rest assured – they are here. In fact, the sum of both elements is greater than the individual parts, resulting in a rich and multi-layered sound. I swear, each time I listen to this album I discover something new, a nuance in the instrumentation I hadn't heard before. The synths can sound quite cheesy at times, especially on tracks like 'I was the Son of God' or 'Where is Home' but 'cheesy' is not at all meant in a negative way, quite the contrary: these synths are something that sets Aktor apart from other bands, as they add a whole other layer to the overall sound. The band :nazi: are* indeed threading a narrow path here, because the synths might just as well sound jarring and unfitting, but thankfully they're integrated tastefully and enrich the music rather than obstruct it.
(*The band is ..; the band members are; Aktor is/are ...)

Now, one of the best things about this record is the interplay between guitars and synthesizers. One could assume that the inclusion of the latter into the music would mean that the guitar performance is toned down which, granted, it somewhat is. The riffs are not necessarily the most complex ones you'll hear, but this doesn't really hinder the music. However, I feel that it is actually necessary for the guitars to be dialed back a bit – the blend of synths and guitar is essentially the driving force behind the album. What I found the most surprising thing about the guitar play is that *Jussi Lehtisalo (who I assume plays guitars here) doesn't limit himself to just playing electric guitar, but also employs a fair deal of acoustic and lap steel guitar playing (or at least a similar sounding instrument on 'Stop Fooling Around'). Utilizing acoustic guitars isn't something unheard of in metal or rock music, but oftentimes they just stick out like a sore thumb because they are set apart from the electric guitars. Not so on Paranoia: quite often you'll find that both types are played simultaneously, which adds another subtle sonic layer to the songs.
(I like most of this. Good information, but language could use polish.
*If you aren't sure, just look it up. Doing a bit of homework for the review helps a lot.)



This all would mean nothing however, if the songwriting in itself was bad.

It isn't.
(You already got the note on this.)

In fact, it's quite varied. Not only do you have a variety of faster paced, guitar driven songs like 'Devil and Doctor' or 'Something Nasty' but also somber sounding pieces like 'Gone Again' or 'Never-Ending No'. The best thing however is, that the songs aren't limited to some sort of 'black-and-white' formula, they are chuck-full of hooks (not the bad kind) and(Start a new sentence to prevent run on) Even though the overall atmosphere is consistent throughout the songs, they never get dull because the songs are just too varied and distinct sounding for them ever to get boring. Multiple changes of key, tempo and instrumentation keep things interesting. It's hard to pinpoint the best song on the album, but I'm quite confident in saying that 'The Mover' is a strong contender – it's probably the most 'dramatic' song, and oh boy, is it a good way to finish the album off. Just listen to the transition around the 1:50 minute mark! If that's not one of the best parts you've recently heard in music, I'm not sure what to say. Granted, you might find it cheesy, but that was the moment when everything clicked for me. Yes, it didn't happen until my second listen, and it is at the very end of the album, but after listening to the part, I had to listen to the entire album again, and I'm glad I did.
(Starts to get a bit sprawling here. The order of thoughts is decent, but trim superfluous language. Elaborate on what it was about this relatively short transition point that changed your mind about the album entirely; that sort of thing is interesting.)

:nazi: There isn't a whole lot to dislike about the album. Sure, Doctor Black isn't the most prolific vocalist out there, yet his voice is still memorable and he has an astonishing sense for melody and vocal lines, and although his voice isn't necessarily all that powerful, his delivery on the record and the lyrics are consistently good. (Omg run on) And as it is Paranoia is definitely one of the contenders for the best album of 2015 in my opinion. It stands high above the crowd, setting itself apart from the masses of other bands who fail in creating something new on their records. (These sentences should lead the paragraph.) Aktor, I feel, pulled off creating original sounding music. It's easy listening but for all the right reasons – the 35 minutes it lasts go by in a breeze, because Aktor are able to engage the listener and not bore him or her with unnecessary fluff. The songwriting is to the point and thus the album stands as one of the best albums to have come out in recent memory. Listen to it, you won't be disappointed.


I'm happy that the guys who frequent this thread and give tips to newbies like me take their time to give constructive criticism. Your work is underappreciated!
Thank you. We're here to help.

This is a strong first draft. Tighten up the language, but you don't have to do much about the flow of thoughts. It's a little repetitive, and at times longwinded, but if you read it out loud to yourself you'll likely fix that in short order. My main take away is that it sounds a touch .. er .. insistent--like you're trying to sell us on the idea that something that sounds cheesey is actually good. Stick to your experience and your description. Give us some more about how and why the album changed from meh to AOTY. From your musical description it's clear you put a fair bit of thought into this. Be patient with your next round of edits. Hurrying will probably end up drying it out, so take your time.)
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Plagued
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat May 25, 2013 2:18 pm
Posts: 96
Location: Luxembourg
PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2016 4:05 pm 
 

No, it's not my first review, but I still consider myself a noob when it comes to writing and I'm always glad when ther's people like you who help. Your input is much appreciated, and I will take your considerations to heart to improve the review! Will post an updated version shortly.

Oh, and about the research part: I couldn't find anything about which instruments exactly Jussi plays. I might add it in if I can find something about it!

Here is the newer version of the review!

Spoiler: show
I have bought a lot of records blindly. Some purchases were disastrous mistakes and some, like Aktor's Paranoia have worked out beautifully. I wasn't quite sure what to make of the old-school feel the cover conveyed, nor was I certain as to what I should expect from the music contained on the disc. Upon a first listen I thought 'Great, another 10 bucks down the drain'. It was only after coming back to the album, that I realized how much I regretted ever putting down the album.

Aktor's sound is hard to pinpoint as it is a blend of traditional metal and rock riffs (not unlike more simplistic early Iron Maiden riffs) and 70's prog-rock sounding synthesizers (think Yes and Atomic Rooster). I'm going out on a limb here and assert that both elements would sound awful together if they weren't combined in an intelligent way, but rest assured – the sum of both elements is greater than the individual parts, and the result is a rich and multi-layered sound. I swear, each time I listen to this album I discover something new, a nuance in the instrumentation I hadn't heard before. Even though the synths sound somewhat cheesy on certain tracks like 'I was the Son of God' or 'Where is Home' it's not a criticism: they are something that sets Aktor apart from other bands, as they add a further layer to the overall sound. The band is threading a narrow path here but because the synths are integrated in a tasteful manner, none of the instrumentation sticks out jarringly.
One of the best things about this record is the interplay between guitars and synthesizers. One could assume that the inclusion of the latter would mean that the overall guitar performance is toned down which, granted, it somewhat is. The riffs are not necessarily the most complex ones you'll hear, but this doesn't really hinder the music. The blend of synths and guitar is essentially the driving force behind the album. The most surprising thing about the guitars is that Jussi Lehtisalo doesn't limit himself to just playing electric guitar, but also employs a fair deal of acoustics and lap steels (or at least a similar sounding instrument on 'Stop Fooling Around') Utilizing acoustic guitars isn't something unheard of in metal or rock music, but too often they stick out like a sore thumb as they are always set apart from their electric variants. Not so on Paranoia: quite often you'll find that both types are played simultaneously which adds another subtle sonic layer to the songs.

This all would mean nothing however, if the songwriting in itself was bad which, thankfully, it isn't.
In fact, it's quite varied. Not only do you have a variety of faster paced, guitar driven songs like 'Devil and Doctor' or 'Something Nasty' but also somber sounding pieces like 'Gone Again' or 'Never-Ending No'. Multiple changes of key, tempo and instrumentation keep the tracks interesting. It might be moot to pick a favorite track, but I'm quite confident in saying that 'The Mover' is a strong contender and it's the best way to finish the album off. Just listening to the transition at the 1:50 minute mark takes me back to the second listen, the moment where everything about the album fell into place. I suddenly understood what the music was about and I noticed the delicate arrangement of the instruments, something I hadn't noticed on the tracks prior. Suddenly it all made sense and the richness of the music unfolded around my ears.

Paranoia is definitely one of the contenders for the best album of 2015 in my opinion. It stands high above the crowd, setting itself apart from the masses of other bands who fail in creating something new on their records. Aktor, I feel, pulled off creating original sounding music. It's easy listening but for all the right reasons – the 35 minutes it lasts go by in a breeze, because the band is able to engage the listener and not bore him or her with unnecessary fluff. Listen to the album, you won't be disappointed.
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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
PostPosted: Thu May 26, 2016 9:09 am 
 

Plagued, this looks much better. I'm sure you can tell how much easier it is to read now with a little revisiting. A couple of formatting things: add another Enter stroke between "... sticks out jarringly" and "One of the best things" to make those paragraphs distinct, and incorporate "This all would mean nothing..." into the second to last paragraph. Presently that sentence is only sitting on top of it (so close!). And there are a couple of punctuation moments, so go over that with a lice comb. Nice improvement.
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