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Thumbman
Big Cube

Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:47 pm
Posts: 4473
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 10:45 am 
 

Isn't he like 15?
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Sweetie
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Dec 16, 2014 1:19 am
Posts: 1100
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 10:54 am 
 

I just checked, he's 16.
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TrooperEd
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2004 6:18 pm
Posts: 2115
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:37 am 
 

"Crazy Old School blah blah" is almost as silly for saying such and such keeps Sound of Perseverance from getting a goose egg, even though he gives it a goose egg.
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 35568
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:39 am 
 

Quote:
While Metallica hasn't tried to hide the fact that they are just sell outs making music for literal mental midgets now


From: http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... Fan/386190

Yup, that's exactly what's happening with Metallica. With such astute, incisive criticism I am sure this guy will be the new great music critic for our times.
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demonomania
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Nov 11, 2004 11:44 am
Posts: 512
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 1:21 pm 
 

Old School Music "Should Be Fed Into A Sharp-Bladed" Fan. Regurgitated criticisms ("bitchy" vocals) mixed with complete nonsense (gangsta rap beats, Dream Theater created progressive metal two years before by watering down Yngwie, Meshuggah comparisons) contradictory 0% score (bass is good, "Voice of the Soul" is good). Just a bad review, my disagreement regarding TSOP's quality aside.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 4:33 pm 
 

Iron Wizard is trying, and he is actually not a bad writer for his age.
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Sweetie
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Dec 16, 2014 1:19 am
Posts: 1100
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 5:39 pm 
 

Yeah, I didn't realize he was that young until I clicked the profile.
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~Guest 334273
Veteran

Joined: Tue Apr 01, 2014 2:19 am
Posts: 2513
PostPosted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 7:52 pm 
 

Well, that makes sense! I know people in the mid of their twenties that still think/write in that way

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Tanuki
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2016 12:36 pm
Posts: 426
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Mon Apr 03, 2017 8:16 pm 
 

Very well-written and fair review of Metallica's Black Album by Napalm Satan. That's not an easy album to assess, I feel.

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Metantoine
Slave to Santa

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 12030
Location: Montréal
PostPosted: Mon Apr 03, 2017 8:21 pm 
 

Tanuki wrote:
Very well-written and fair review of Metallica's Black Album by Napalm Satan. That's not an easy album to assess, I feel.

Oh god, just reading the fact that he wrote a review for this album made me want to avoid the Review section for a whole month.
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 35568
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Mon Apr 03, 2017 11:01 pm 
 

Eh, it's a pretty boring review, but that could be just because it's an album everyone has already written about. There isn't much of a point in reviewing it these days unless you've got some super insightful take, which that review doesn't really.

The writing is overly clunky and wordy, but that's a pretty normal problem that a writer can eventually grow out of.
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Napalm_Satan
Ever-Opening Flower

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2015 4:27 pm
Posts: 3820
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 12:19 am 
 

Forgive me, that was a tough review to write because I'm not used to writing reviews with a more middling score, and I'm trying to get back into writing. The overloaded, somewhat awkward language will disappear with time. And with that, the boring nature will be partially rectified too.

Thanks for the feedback!
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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 10881
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 6:01 am 
 

Honestly, I think that's one of NS's better ones. It completely cuts the bullshit and just gets to the point, and for the most part doesn't waste a single word despite being on the longer side. It doesn't exactly say anything new but that's more a problem with us old salts who have been listening to metal for decades; any noobs who come across that are going to get everything they need to know in an easily readable form. It probably helps that it mirrors my own opinion pretty much exactly but either way I think that's a good one.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 10:30 am 
 

I liked the review.

I'd give the album more of an 80% or so, because it undeniably succeeds at most of what it attempts. I'm not going to put on my kvlt-frown and act like I don't enjoy the more melodic aspects of The Unforgiven and parts of Nothing Else Matters.... then The God That Failed has that concrete slab of an opening riff and I always loved Don't Tread on Me's main riff even though many don't - kinda off-kilter sounding and bouncy but fun.

The only track I ever skip is Enter Sandman. I've thought about reviewing it a couple times but I generally avoid the big names like that.
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NTT
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2016 10:49 am
Posts: 166
Location: 504
PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 4:07 pm 
 

Curious how an Astral Doors review snuck out for their album that isn't out until April 28th. I know several metal sites incorrectly listed the release for March 31st

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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 35568
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 4:26 pm 
 

No one cares enough about Astral Doors to really check.
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NTT
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2016 10:49 am
Posts: 166
Location: 504
PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 4:40 pm 
 

Empyreal wrote:
No one cares enough about Astral Doors to really check.


Yes, this is very true.

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Antioch
Metalhead

Joined: Sun May 01, 2011 4:08 am
Posts: 1760
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 4:47 pm 
 

NTT wrote:
Curious how an Astral Doors review snuck out for their album that isn't out until April 28th. I know several metal sites incorrectly listed the release for March 31st

Reviewers receive promos a month or two prior to the release date. It's no real wonder.
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NTT
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2016 10:49 am
Posts: 166
Location: 504
PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 5:34 pm 
 

I thought there was a lock on albums that weren't out yet because I never see early reviews published, even for the most prominent bands. Like I'd expect to see early reviews for Overkill or Metallica (not the case), not Astral Doors. This is just a random case of me knowing the release date was wrong in the Archives and on the other sites that rely on the Archives for their info.

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TheWaltzer
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2007 11:07 am
Posts: 651
Location: Slowfuck Republic
PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2017 2:27 am 
 

I'm not sure if that Twilight Force review by iRaptr is completely and utterly ironic or the guy really thinks of it that way. Because after reading it without the rating, it may as well be something like a 30-50% review.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2017 9:53 am 
 

dismember_marcin continues to amaze me with his inability to write coherently, and refusal to improve his grasp of English. Dude is as stubborn as he is ignorant. His reviews are all the same rambling crap, with the only saving grace being the quality of his choices (this was always the case).

Can you believe he was being considered as a scribe at one point?

Here's an excerpt of what his submissions are like:

Quote:
Here I'm going to write few words on album, which opens quite specific period in band's history. It starts when Eric de Windt leaves Sinister and for some reason they decided to choose Rachel Heyzer for new vocalist. I still remember how surprised I was, when I saw these news. You know, female vocalist in such brutal band like Sinister? WTF?! Sure, I knew her from Occult, but this band wasn't so uncompromising, utterly aggressive and fast like Sinister, so it was kind of weird and for sure controversial decision for me.
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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
Posts: 7758
Location: Pennsylvania
PostPosted: Thu Apr 06, 2017 12:59 pm 
 

Good Lord, even my writing isn't that bad.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 9:51 am 
 

Is anybody else extremely underwhelmed by the bulk of reviews lately? I mean, if I didn't have to moderate most of them I don't think I would even bother browsing through. Overlong, self-referential.... blah.
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Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 35568
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 10:13 am 
 

neverthrad's Tad Morose - Undead review is spot on. Glad to see some better writing about that one. Much better than my own from like a decade ago when I didn't understand how to write about music. The band and album deserve more accolades and they're still one of my favorites.

Dia - I will do more reviews sometime to offset this.
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Twisted_Psychology
Metal freak

Joined: Sat May 16, 2009 8:22 pm
Posts: 6337
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 10:29 am 
 

I'm sure TrooperEd is a perfectly wonderful person but I'm not sure if I can be friends with someone that doesn't like Taken By Force that much.
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Napalm_Satan
Ever-Opening Flower

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2015 4:27 pm
Posts: 3820
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 10:52 am 
 

Another thing about that Scorpions review - at the end he mentions an anime, and describes it obesely morbid. Is this some arcane use of the word that I'm not aware of, or should it be obscenely?
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TheStormIRide
Certified Poser

Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:45 pm
Posts: 1842
Location: Brazildonesia
PostPosted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 10:56 am 
 

Napalm_Satan wrote:
Another thing about that Scorpions review - at the end he mentions an anime, and describes it obesely morbid. Is this some arcane use of the word that I'm not aware of, or should it be obscenely?


I don't normally watch anime, but morbidly obese anime sounds like something I really don't want to watch. : D
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TrooperEd
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2004 6:18 pm
Posts: 2115
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 5:35 pm 
 

Twisted_Psychology wrote:
I'm sure TrooperEd is a perfectly wonderful person but I'm not sure if I can be friends with someone that doesn't like Taken By Force that much.


:(

For what its worth, I tried man. I really tried.


and no, I meant obesely. It's an arcane usage I'm trying to use exceptionally.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 6:45 pm 
 

Empyreal wrote:
Dia - I will do more reviews sometime to offset this.


That'd be great. Many regulars aren't contributing much, either. It's just watering down the remainder even more.

The queue still has ~20 or so that are borderline for some reason or another, but generally even more painful to read.
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nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

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stainedclass2112
Veteran

Joined: Tue Nov 24, 2015 5:36 pm
Posts: 2546
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 8:18 pm 
 

Diamhea wrote:
Many regulars aren't contributing much, either.


Not exactly a regular myself, but I am going to try my best to try to really nail it this summer. I never did quite reach a level of quality I was really happy with, but I was slowly getting there. I had a lot of fun with them either way, and it'll be neat to give it another go.
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 35568
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 11:19 pm 
 

I have a bunch of ideas, but as usual it's for albums that I'd rate above 90%. I'll do em soon but I also like to have a bit of variety. I do dislike that new Battle Beast album...
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Dembo
Dumbo

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2006 9:58 am
Posts: 2188
PostPosted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 1:48 am 
 

I guess banned reviewers don't automatically get their reviews deleted? But wouldn't it be good to keep their profile section that lists their reviews? Since I assume the purpose of the "Read [user's] reviews" is to get that user's other reviews to compare to one of the same user.

For example, this seemingly hyperbolic guy's list of reviews is not possible to access:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... man/321549

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 2:46 am 
 

He isn't banned. He attempted to update his email and never verified it, so the account is left in limbo like that.
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Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 8:32 am 
 

Ugh.

Spoiler: show
Quote:
Diabolical Messiah
'' Demonic Weapons Against The Sacred''2017

Aaarrrggghhh !!! Here we have the awaited second album of The Rancagüina band of Death Metal. Diabolical Messiah, album in the line of Bands as Incantation, Morbid Angel, Krisiun. And the hallmark of Diabolical Messiah, you can imagine how the thing comes. With a much more elaborate sound than on his debut album. It shows the evolution of the band, all accompanied by his tour of the United States in TorTour 2014, along with '' Wrathprayer '', '' Pseudogod '' and '' Sacrocurse '' and the European tour in 2015 together With '' Atomic Aggressor ''.

The album was recorded in the studios '' Equinox Media '' between November 2015 and June 2016 Produced by Diabolical Messiah, released in 2017 for '' Dark Descent Records ''.

In this second album you can find extreme brutality in charge of Unmerciful Campaing Of Hate that with just a little more than 2 minutes will destroy your ears, then continues the '' Internal Defiant Disciple '' theme that we had already heard in his Split '' Embrace the Advance of Victory '' 2013, alongside '' Swarm of Terror ''. Notably, they have used more solos of short guitars, but perfectly executed, giving an even more brutal and dark atmosphere. I must emphasize the great work in the art of the cover of this new album, realized by Diego Donoso. Really, brutal, as you can see at the beginning of this review.

Then he continues "Lord Carpophorus" (Eye this theme, is not suitable for the weak of hearing and mind) contains a brutality from beginning to end, that with only 1:48 minutes, will destroy your eardrums, this subject does not give respite , And the only thing that will make you do, is to listen to it again and again.

Diabolical Messiah continues in the way of the South American bands of Old School Death Metal and its characteristic touch of the Chilean bands.

'' Christians Cowardly Invaders '' is the 4th theme of this carnage, ultra fast and devastating theme, like the previous one, that follows in the line of a Brutal Death Metal.
Now, it's the turn of '' Wrath Of Enemies '' ooh this song is really brutal, it has a devastating start, with a few short shorts, but they fit perfectly and some assassin riffs!

The musical work is perfectly executed, each member accurately interpreting each instrument and the voice on this second album is much more aggressive and dirty, fitting perfectly in the style that Diabolical Messiah has accustomed us for several years, precisely since 1999.

'' Necessary Morbid Pleasure '' theme really captivating, as it has some slow parts to give you a little respite to your already punished ears, and crystal solos executed with much harmony, but brutality comes back ... You thought it would give you more respite .

'' Chaos In The Infernal Battle '' aaarrrggghhh !!!! The killing has no rest, because, this subject is an avalanche of murderous brutality. It will not give you any respite!

'' Evil Lord Triumphant ''. It is the longest theme of this devastating album, it lasts for 4 minutes, this sums up everything that is Diabolical Messiah ... Brutality, and a killer technique at the mercy of your thirsty ears of evil and death. Then, "Satanic Shadows Of Fight" continues a really insane subject, the speed with which it is executed is simply mind-boggling.

'' The Retunr Of Quintrala '' (Catalina De Los Rios). Theme that we already knew previously, by the participation of Diabolical Messiah in the Tribute to '' Bloody Cross ''. This "Demonic Weapons Against the Sacred" is outlined as one of the best records released in these lands this 2017. The only criticism, is the short of this album only 26:32 minutes flying, but it is only a detail, Because, the only thing that animates, is, listen to this album again and again!.


Featured Topics:

''Unmerciful Campaing Of Hate''
'' Infernal Defiant Disciples ''
'' Christians Cowardly Invaders ''
'' Evil Lord triumphant ''


Rancagua, April 11, 2017.
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nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
Posts: 7758
Location: Pennsylvania
PostPosted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 10:44 am 
 

TheStormIRide wrote:
Napalm_Satan wrote:
Another thing about that Scorpions review - at the end he mentions an anime, and describes it obesely morbid. Is this some arcane use of the word that I'm not aware of, or should it be obscenely?


I don't normally watch anime, but morbidly obese anime sounds like something I really don't want to watch. : D

Considering the anime he namedropped, "obese" wouldn't even be relevant to the comparison. :V
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TrooperEd
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2004 6:18 pm
Posts: 2115
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 11:10 am 
 

I said it was obesely morbid. As in, very very VERY morbid.
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 35568
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 11:21 am 
 

I don't think that's the right way to use the word "obesely." Interesting at any rate though...
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Tanuki
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2016 12:36 pm
Posts: 426
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 1:27 pm 
 

Excellent Gods of Violence review by Diamhea. Very descriptive, very matter-of-fact, very professional. Didn't care for the album itself, personally, but I still agreed with a lot of the points made.

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DoomMetalAlchemist
Veteran

Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2010 6:10 am
Posts: 2912
PostPosted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 7:17 pm 
 

Twisted_Psychology wrote:
I'm sure TrooperEd is a perfectly wonderful person but I'm not sure if I can be friends with someone that doesn't like Taken By Force that much.


I love early Scorpions from Lonesome Crow through Virgin Killer but not so much Taken By Force, so I was expecting to like the review after reading your comment. But it sucked.

Quote:
Those problems include laughably stupid lyrics (Steamrock Fever), too much 70s rock and not enough metal


Yeah, it's a real PROBLEM that an album from 1977 has too much 70s rock and not enough metal. :roll: He seems to have gotten the impression before hand that early Scorpions is heavier than Lovedrive and forward, and I have no idea where he got that idea because that is very obviously false, and I have never seen anyone, including those like me who laude early Scorpions over their more well known period, say or imply that. Going to another early Scorps album, Fly to the Rainbow is one of the most un-metal albums they have ever done, and its also one of their best, imo. TrooperEd basically based his whole review off "this isn't as metal as it should be!"

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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
PostPosted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 9:09 pm 
 

TrooperEd wrote:
I said it was obesely morbid. As in, very very VERY morbid.

You mean it was morbidly morbid.
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