Sounds like a Heffernanism



"OPIN-ION-ION!!!!!!!!!"

Think of all the wrisk involved with submitting that review.

Holy fuck, that actually made me laugh really hard!!!

Reviews for Wolff's Promo 2008


Zły zły metal - 1%
Written by grunter on September 29th, 2008

Zły zły metal!

Raczej jedzą psy

Pieniądze zwrócił !

Nie nie dobry!
Okropny
Okropny
Okropny !!!

Translation, anyone?

Bad bad metal!

Rather eat dogs

Return Money !

Not not good!
Terrible
Terrible
Terrible !!!

Wow. You'd think that anyone rather would listen to an album that's worth 1 % than eat dogs. That should be reserved for the 0-pointers.

Don't knock it, sometimes a dachshund is just what you need after a long day of toil in the acid mines.

The acid mines?!?!
I'll have you know that I'm probably not 100% on that translation. There are several Polish translators on the net and the one I chose could have been wrong. I also moved the wording around a little bit for it to make sense to me.

On a serious note, properly cooked dog tastes pretty damn good. It's kinda like a more gamey, tougher sort of beef.

For As Blood Runs Black's Allegiance:



Perceptive, isn't he?

I wonder why he even bothered, if he did think it wasn't going to be accepted.

Did his soul get swallowed?

The review first mentioned reminds me of an iTunes Store review.

Some of those iTunes user reviews have the suspicious reek of guerilla marketing.

Reviews for Mekong Delta's The Principle of Doubt

For metal archives narrow minded strictly limited - 0%
Written by mbodyPhobos on October 16th, 2008

Dear metal archives narrow minded strictly limited guys,

I think that album Principle of doubt deserves better poor review with mistakes from me than none or absolute unconcern of headbangers!

Metal fans live all around world, not only in english speaking countries. Maybe for americans „metal writers” could seem my text poor and less understandable, but I believe that for people from Greece, Italy,Chile, Japan or Czech etc. certainly NOT.

Im going not to find pure 100% english yankee speaking person for correction of my text.

If you dont care about that and you rejecting this review, I must say - you are poor jingoists. And for world metal community native english speaking elitist & assholes.

Go to hell! Or better go to pure english-yankee hell…..

Yours sincerely

MbodyPhobos from Slovakia - Europe

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That is all actually, the whole "review"....

Irony at work.

It's fucking hilarious that that got rejected by a Czech! One of the many reasons why this thread is absolute gold.

Review written in broken English will not be more understandable to any non-English nationality, if anything, the native speaker of the language can guess more precisely, what the reviewer wanted to say, since he knows his own language.

Besides, he is a Slovak, not a Czech....

His old review for Mekong Delta was rejected for grammar errors and he wants to get a revenge now. At least it seems so.

I think the idea behind ANA's post was that the "review" was aimed at the "English speaking American elitists," and it's funny that it was rejected by someone from outside of the targeted country.

Hello the Link of myspace of the group to argar this bad one, that page is not the official of the group, is of a person who the band does not have idea. the official Web is www.myspace.com/argaroficial. it is the page done by intregrantes of the band, change we asked it as rapidly as possible and they notify to the mail [email protected]. Thanks

You can change it by yourself being a registered member and don't use this thread for these posts...

Three times is enough, don't you think?!!
http://www.metal-archives.com/board/vie ... hp?t=43517
So either you will learn the rules and conditions of the database as every other user and behave accordingly, or you will be handled like a destructive element/obstacle.
The choice is up to you.

I have changed it, but nothing will be done "as rapidly as possible" and will will not send you any e-mails about it. The is our informational page about your band, we are not your webmasters or street team.

Dog is really yummy, actually.

1%-yummy?

Lords Of The Stones - Nightflowers - 90%
Written by ozcar on October 27th, 2008

Lords of the Stones came from Netherlands and they represent a new wave of Doom Metal, early 90's

This is their first full-lengh material (the fourth release, after three demos). Demos are quite good, but this album is a black pearl of The Lords.
However, traditional doom metal might be boring, this stuff is not.
Faster songs: "Power of The Wolf"and "Drifting Leaves", smells like an old, good Black Sabbath. Slower songs are more orginal.Line to build the mood for stronger chorus. There, taste the female voice. Another time vocalist sings burr. Then the listener learn sad autumnal mood (tracks: "Serenity", "Memories", "Fire In The Winter").
Heavy sounds on this album, guitar riffs, choirs, male and female vocals makes misterious atmosphere. Among guitarplayin', we can hear keyboards.Sometimes soft, sometimes monumental. Once pathethic and once like a Hammond.

Tracks have been produced very professionally. The sounding is clear, clean and modern. Guitars are voiced and juicy (but not so heavy)
Bass lurk deep. The snare drum sounds like a good metal tin. Compared with demo tapes, on this record, musicians have made enormous progress. Too bad that the band did not survive test of time. On this release Lords of The Stones are solid dose of branded doom metal.

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Smells like old Black Sabbath... interesting comparison.

Maybe he means it smells like pot...

Smells like new Metallica.

What? Aaron Burr?

How dare you reject this review? Look at these quotes. The author has so much talent that he doesn't even need to use real words or correct spelling. He is clearly ahead of any reviewer on the site.

Well, except for Naamath.

That quote should go in MA folklore.

I think it fits in well with LordFlynn's "Occaz the Frangins", which is now my everyday phrase for "Holy cow, check that out"

Autumnal is a real word, actually.

So is burr.

That review is epic. I especially liked this part:

Yes, this could be a band name of some new metalcore "sensation"...

May Result - Slava Smrti (2008) - 65%
Written by ilija7777 on November 3rd, 2008

Lead by guilt because of constant and accurate comment on protraction of previous studio work, May Result record
shortest album they ever made(38 minutes). Allike previous effort of brother-project The Stone here we can found
a plenty of repetitive ideas of oscilating quality. Best we can say by reviewing this album is that May Result achieve
(barely) not sounding like bad copy of Dimmu Borgir and other symphonic black metal bands, but, even by getting passing mark,
they record another album for soon descend into oblivion, which is no compliment, for the genre nor for the band. The king is nude, fuck it. 6.5/10

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Nice formatting...
And studio protraction?? That was apparently an aerobic studio.

What?

Pretty poor reference to the old tale "the emperor's new clothes."

I got owned.

Jesus!