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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 3977
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 1:19 pm 
 

ShaolinLambKiller wrote:
Ask Diamhea about it. I just realized that wasn't who I was talking to right then when I made that post above. only glanced and saw d in the name.

But about 5 pages ago he made this post about some dude shaking his dick in the stall like violently and grunting and how he thought the dude was jerking off. So that's what I've been saying to him ever since now.


Sounds like you are more interested in it than I was, and you weren't even there!
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Passive-aggressive complainee wrote:
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mindshadow
Echoes in an empty cranium

Joined: Wed Jan 12, 2011 8:36 am
Posts: 2004
Location: Panopticon
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 1:28 pm 
 

Diamhea wrote:
and you weren't even there!


Peter Sellers was, anyone seen that movie? A simple guy ends up being advisor to the President (pity he's not there now :fuck: )
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ShaolinLambKiller
King Asshole

Joined: Fri Dec 07, 2007 6:10 pm
Posts: 12165
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 1:42 pm 
 

Well it was interesting not that you recounted that story but you were going to follow up with a diagram to show us how you couldn't avoid seeing this guy jack it hard because of the configuration of the bathroom and recounted that someone (maybe the same dude) was in there having a vicious atrocious shit.

So that's some funny fucking shit.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 3977
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 1:54 pm 
 

Because you have kind-of asked for it, here is another one from the same bathroom. So there is this weird indian guy that works in the building somewhere, I think he is a janitor or something. Some days he has an older gentleman following him around, most people have said it is his dad, which is weird. Maybe he has nothing better to do? One day I walked into the bathroom and visibly staggered from the smell that hit me. My instincts forced me to investigate, I looked lower and saw TWO sets of feet in the bathroom stall, one on the toilet one standing over him. I walked out and bided my time elsewhere and guess who came out? The indian guy and his dad. I waited a few minutes and went back in and the smell almost killed me but I had to find out, and the toilet and wall was covered in what looked like sherry (the drink) with rabbit shit in it.

This happened a while ago so this is why I wasn't all that surprised when the other incident occurred, just a weird place altogether.
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Jophelerx
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:22 pm
Posts: 743
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 2:02 pm 
 

Woah, mindshadow stopped posting inane conspiracy theories and is actually posting sort of relevant content? Whodda thunk. Way to go, man.

Diamhea wrote:
Because you have kind-of asked for it, here is another one from the same bathroom. So there is this weird indian guy that works in the building somewhere, I think he is a janitor or something. Some days he has an older gentleman following him around, most people have said it is his dad, which is weird. Maybe he has nothing better to do? One day I walked into the bathroom and visibly staggered from the smell that hit me. My instincts forced me to investigate, I looked lower and saw TWO sets of feet in the bathroom stall, one on the toilet one standing over him. I walked out and bided my time elsewhere and guess who came out? The indian guy and his dad. I waited a few minutes and went back in and the smell almost killed me but I had to find out, and the toilet and wall was covered in what looked like sherry (the drink) with rabbit shit in it.

This happened a while ago so this is why I wasn't all that surprised when the other incident occurred, just a weird place altogether.


Dude, I was planning on eating this week... :puke: Just because your name evokes thoughts of irregular bowel movements doesn't mean you have to live up to it.
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Xlxlx
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 5621
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 2:09 pm 
 

He should write a book. "Diamhea's Scatological Adventures" would sell like hotcakes in the right circles.
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Last edited by Xlxlx on Sun Feb 16, 2014 2:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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doomicus
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed May 14, 2008 5:58 am
Posts: 160
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 2:12 pm 
 

My already anorexic-not-by-choice wallet will despise me even more soon, as I'm itching to make some gigantic music related purchases that I really don't necessarily need.
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Jophelerx
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:22 pm
Posts: 743
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 2:15 pm 
 

Just make sure you're not "anorexic-not-by-choice" as a result. Not fun stuff.
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iamntbatman wrote:
eurotrash bro from sabaton, in a letter to exigence: "dude, we're not really even that good"

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Goatfangs
Wicker Mantis

Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2008 5:02 pm
Posts: 2217
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 2:21 pm 
 

Stories like that make me hate public restrooms. If I see so much as a tiny yellow droplet on a public stall I'm running out of there going "NOPE". I mean, I won't have a problem peeing on it since that does not require me to sit down, but if I have to poo, that turd is gonna wait until I get the fuck home. Because then I at least know with comforting certainty that any yellow droplets on the toilet seat came from my own penis.
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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 9885
Location: Seattle, United States
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 2:32 pm 
 

Yeah I dislike public restrooms, too. Back in basic training there were 50 guys using maybe only 5 toilets and thankfully there were 3 urinals but man people still used the toilets when we all were in there. No details, but you can imagine just how filthy it'd be by the end of the day. No real "grooming" tools iykwim either. AIT was worse when I showed up since 2 of the 5 toilets were broken but soldiers still did their business in them. They weren't fixed for a month.
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ShaolinLambKiller
King Asshole

Joined: Fri Dec 07, 2007 6:10 pm
Posts: 12165
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 3:48 pm 
 

Diamhea, that is fucking horrible. What makes me curious is why you honestly felt you needed to investigate not only to see who was in the stall but the contents of the toilet. I don't want to see someone else's shit ever. Just thinking of that and your story just about makes me gag now.

doomicus all music related purchases are necessary no matter how much gear you own. I'm a testament to that.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 3977
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 3:54 pm 
 

Oh come on, poop jokes/stories are eternally good for a laugh. Someone has to live to tell the tale otherwise much of it would go untold. Ever had the feeling something incredibly epic was going down and you were missing out in it somehow? That's what I felt, I had to see what could produce such an asphyxiating aroma. It certainly...delivered.
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Abominatrix
Harbinger of Metal

Joined: Fri Oct 24, 2003 12:15 pm
Posts: 10261
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 3:59 pm 
 

BlasphemousGoatSodomy wrote:
I have been on a huge Voivod binge lately. I've always liked them but something clicked all of a sudden with me and their music and they are quickly becoming one of my favorite bands.


Welcome to the fold. You've described my relationship with the band, too. For a long time I was totally stuck on war and Pain and Killing Technology, but something fell into place and I must say now that there isn't much in their catalogue I wouldn't rate very highly....best thing about Voivod is that I always seem to find things in the music that excite and thrill me as though they were new discoveries. Even Angel Rat is pretty great, though it isn't really a metal album.
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shouvince
Veteran

Joined: Sat Jan 22, 2005 9:11 am
Posts: 2833
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 4:05 pm 
 

I'm guessing Uncle Nappy might strike the banhammer on this thread pretty soon (because of the return of the poop/bathroom talk).

Anyway, Voivod, yes! I only have Katorz, but want to check out the band's earlier stuff. The band has always intrigued me quite a bit and I feel they're pretty unconventional (in a good way).

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ShaolinLambKiller
King Asshole

Joined: Fri Dec 07, 2007 6:10 pm
Posts: 12165
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 4:08 pm 
 

Diamhea wrote:
Oh come on, poop jokes/stories are eternally good for a laugh. Someone has to live to tell the tale otherwise much of it would go untold. Ever had the feeling something incredibly epic was going down and you were missing out in it somehow? That's what I felt, I had to see what could produce such an asphyxiating aroma. It certainly...delivered.



stench never makes me wonder that unless it's that obvious rot smell of something decaying. And even then I don't really want to see whatever the hell died... unless it was a person cause honestly I think i'd help myself to their wallet.
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WaywardSon
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2011 1:48 am
Posts: 903
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 4:13 pm 
 

can we go back to the torture porn talk? didn't know there was something worse than that.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 3977
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 4:15 pm 
 

Yeah I'm done, but damn everyone keeps bringing it up and won't let it die. Now you all have enough to chew on for a while, be satiated.
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ShaolinLambKiller
King Asshole

Joined: Fri Dec 07, 2007 6:10 pm
Posts: 12165
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 4:16 pm 
 

hahahaha I rather talk about gear porn. mountains of amps just to have mountains of amps

Spoiler: show
Image



Diamhea you are king of bathroom. The end.
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iamntbatman
Chaos Breed

Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 5:55 am
Posts: 7962
Location: Innsmouth
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 4:19 pm 
 

ANationalAcrobat wrote:
Just out of interest, why Korea? You know all the women there look like Crick, right?


Other parts of the world (Europe, the Middle East, Central Asia) typically have much more strict requirements for ESL teachers, like having your undergraduate degree be in English, being a licensed teacher already/having X years classroom teaching experience, having a graduate degree, etc. Asia basically will let in anyone with a degree from an English-speaking country to teach ESL. I picked Korea because it has the best potential for saving money. It pays significantly more than China, Vietnam, Thailand, Taiwan, etc. and while it doesn't pay as much as Japan, it's much easier to get a job in Korea (Japan's JET program is extremely competitive) and the free housing and lower cost of living in Korea make up for the difference in pay.
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Cthulhu_Fhtagn
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Mar 29, 2013 8:32 pm
Posts: 354
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 5:42 pm 
 

Diamhea wrote:
Oh come on, poop jokes/stories are eternally good for a laugh. Someone has to live to tell the tale otherwise much of it would go untold. Ever had the feeling something incredibly epic was going down and you were missing out in it somehow? That's what I felt, I had to see what could produce such an asphyxiating aroma. It certainly...delivered.

Speaking of poop jokes, I found this masterpiece on IMDB under the discussion for Star Wars Ep. 1.
Spoiler: show
Do not underestimate the elegant art of the poop joke.

Some people obviously have short memories and even smaller imaginations if they can't see that Star Wars is, to some extent, heavily invested in poop and the more antediluvian side of life.

How about Han's chiding of Leia in -- of all places -- a murky garbage compressor? "What a wonderful smell you've discovered!" High art there. Later on, Luke will blow up this compressor, along with the monstrosity that houses it, with a "one in a million" shot inside the monstrosity's, well, anus?

TESB, the most glorified of the OT films, continues this motif with the swampy, pseudo-belchy world of Dagobah. True to form, Artoo is spat out of a lagoon creature's mouth -- well, let's assume it's a mouth -- and spits mud, which looks like diarrhea, after his unfortunate encounter. In the following scene on Dagobah, Yoda briefly nibbles on some sausage-shaped foodstuff that also looks like, well, a straightened-out doggy deposit, let's say? We don't quite know what that other protocol droid says to Threepio on Cloud City, but it could be something similar to, "Eat s---!". And that doesn't include other gags and events that kinda run more toward the slapstick: the toolbox falling on Han's head, for instance. Nor does it include (or, for that matter, exclude) the more esoteric happenings of TESB or the other OT (or PT) movies.

The anal fixation has ever been with us. By the time we get to Jar Jar stepping in that unidentified gloop, it's old hat, if anything. And I'm struggling to work out what's so childish about it -- it expresses something pertinent about the world that Qui-Gon and Padme are also stepping into (not as literally as poor ol' Jar Jar) and can also be taken as a metaphorical statement about the rising entropy of the narrative: things get complicated (a word Qui-Gon uses to sum up the journey, thus far, when he arrives at Coruscant, the next planet in this subliminal sonata) from Tatooine onwards. Yes, we also have Jar Jar being farted on, but it's quite amusing if you study the wide shot before it happens and notice Artoo discreetly backing off, like he senses what this creature is going to do in advance (while Jar Jar haplessly tinkers on Anakin's pod), and for the way Jar Jar seemingly can't resist smelling the air, the dirty look the creature gives him (it WANTED to deliver this payload), and the whole timing of the gag: Lucas mocking the pretense of the flag parade (a gag with surprising significance if you notice the reprise of this kind of pageantry in the film's baroque closing scene).

Oh, and TPM, by design, is meant to be the lightest and most overtly child-like of the saga, representing a more innocent time in Jedi-land, before the big bad Sith get their claws in deep and, er, muck (!) everything up. Here, poop itself can take on a more innocent, ephemeral quality (e.g., is that merely "goo" that Jar Jar steps in or something worse?), before an entire galaxy is encumbered in the truly ugly, truly menacing, truly sticky totalitarianism of the Empire. I think a lot of fans, at this point, display willful ignorance of TPM's tone and themes: they don't WANT to get the basic meaning and appeal of this film, so they keep cherry-picking (or is that poop-picking?) and bashing away at the same ol' stuff. This is actually a very complex and artful movie, full of global, visionary wonders, and sobering subtlety, but no-one wants anyone else to think about that. It's the same ol' -- forgive me -- crapola, each and every time.
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IT'S THE SAME INVERTED AS REGULAR?! MY BRAIN IS BROKEN! TOTAL SATAN!

Crick wrote:
The first one is silly because it's got such dainty eyelashes, yet the guy is terrified. NOT THE MASCARA, CTHULHU! ANYTHING BUT THE MASCARA!

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AcidWorm
Veteran

Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 11:37 pm
Posts: 2806
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 7:09 pm 
 

My room-mate is getting evicted so now I need to find a new place to live by the end of the month. This is going to be fun...
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In reference to Baby Metal
tanabata wrote:
I heard one of the moderators blacklisted them because of his subjective opinion. Well If that is the case, you sir have shit taste and you ain't my nigga!

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Smoking_Gnu
Chicago Favorite

Joined: Sat Mar 15, 2008 11:22 pm
Posts: 2726
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 7:13 pm 
 

Xlxlx wrote:
He should write a book. "Diamhea's Scatological Adventures" would sell like hotcakes in the right circles.


Co-authored with caspian and BastardHead.
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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 5479
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 7:27 pm 
 

For the record, I would like nothing to do with Diamhea's poop stories. I've got my tales, and some of them involve poop, but man I never thought I'd say this, but there are much classier ways of telling poop jokes!
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Cthulhu_Fhtagn
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Mar 29, 2013 8:32 pm
Posts: 354
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 8:03 pm 
 

BastardHead wrote:
For the record, I would like nothing to do with Diamhea's poop stories. I've got my tales, and some of them involve poop, but man I never thought I'd say this, but there are much classier ways of telling poop jokes!

For instance, like what I posted. It's not so much a poop joke as it is a pseudo-freudian argument on the artfulness of poop jokes.
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THEMICRULAH wrote:
IT'S THE SAME INVERTED AS REGULAR?! MY BRAIN IS BROKEN! TOTAL SATAN!

Crick wrote:
The first one is silly because it's got such dainty eyelashes, yet the guy is terrified. NOT THE MASCARA, CTHULHU! ANYTHING BUT THE MASCARA!

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why
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Jul 03, 2008 2:43 pm
Posts: 188
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 8:31 pm 
 

Oh god, I just realized I never listened to the last two songs of Iron Maiden's "Dance of Death" because for some reason I dindn't rip them to Mp3 back then and I've been using the same Mp3 rip since f'n 2003!!
Thrilled as fuck right now!

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Earthcubed
Peregrinus sine aetate

Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2004 3:44 am
Posts: 2761
Location: Orocarni
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 8:37 pm 
 

If anybody wants a to see a grainy security camera video of Delta Force at work in Libya, here you go:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/nat ... ml?hpid=z1


At least, reports say it was Delta. I said it here back when the news first broke that I would have guessed Special Activities Division, but whatever. Something in special operations at any rate.
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FasterDisaster
OMG WAT DOES THIS CAPS LOCK KEY DO

Joined: Fri Feb 23, 2007 2:08 pm
Posts: 6443
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 8:39 pm 
 

ShaolinLambKiller wrote:
[...] about 5 pages ago he made this post about some dude shaking his dick in the stall like violently and grunting and how he thought the dude was jerking off.

That's... pretty goddamn funny. I would've, occasionally, just muttered loudly, "mmm, yeah! Pop that nut!" I just think it'd be funny to freak him out if he was doing dat nazzty sheit, dawg.
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AcidWorm
Veteran

Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 11:37 pm
Posts: 2806
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 9:08 pm 
 

Goatfangs wrote:
Stories like that make me hate public restrooms. If I see so much as a tiny yellow droplet on a public stall I'm running out of there going "NOPE". I mean, I won't have a problem peeing on it since that does not require me to sit down, but if I have to poo, that turd is gonna wait until I get the fuck home. Because then I at least know with comforting certainty that any yellow droplets on the toilet seat came from my own penis.

http://imgur.com/a/EpQCX

Moral of the story, use public restrooms.
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tanabata wrote:
I heard one of the moderators blacklisted them because of his subjective opinion. Well If that is the case, you sir have shit taste and you ain't my nigga!

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Cthulhu_Fhtagn
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Mar 29, 2013 8:32 pm
Posts: 354
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 9:13 pm 
 

AcidWorm wrote:
Goatfangs wrote:
Stories like that make me hate public restrooms. If I see so much as a tiny yellow droplet on a public stall I'm running out of there going "NOPE". I mean, I won't have a problem peeing on it since that does not require me to sit down, but if I have to poo, that turd is gonna wait until I get the fuck home. Because then I at least know with comforting certainty that any yellow droplets on the toilet seat came from my own penis.

http://imgur.com/a/EpQCX

Moral of the story, use public restrooms.

o_O :o :ugh:
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THEMICRULAH wrote:
IT'S THE SAME INVERTED AS REGULAR?! MY BRAIN IS BROKEN! TOTAL SATAN!

Crick wrote:
The first one is silly because it's got such dainty eyelashes, yet the guy is terrified. NOT THE MASCARA, CTHULHU! ANYTHING BUT THE MASCARA!

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Subrick
Metal freak

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
Posts: 5855
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 10:08 pm 
 

Not even BastardHead and his sitcom life could top that.
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Dudemanguy
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Mar 30, 2010 7:19 pm
Posts: 875
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 10:21 pm 
 

AcidWorm wrote:
http://imgur.com/a/EpQCX

Moral of the story, use public restrooms.

The are so many things wrong here; I don't know where to begin.

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Subrick
Metal freak

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
Posts: 5855
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 10:22 pm 
 

Why is it that a lot of these really weird, fucked up stories involving bodily fluids and solids come from bodybuilding sites?
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Xlxlx
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 5621
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 10:23 pm 
 

AcidWorm wrote:
http://imgur.com/a/EpQCX

Moral of the story, use public restrooms.

Man, that's horrific. I don't even want to laugh at that. Poor bastard.
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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 5479
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 10:29 pm 
 

If Diamhea were to tell that story, I would hate it. But it's an OG internet classic and therefore I approve. It's the MSPaint pictures that sell it.
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Shadoeking
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:34 am
Posts: 1424
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 10:41 pm 
 

Abominatrix wrote:
BlasphemousGoatSodomy wrote:
I have been on a huge Voivod binge lately. I've always liked them but something clicked all of a sudden with me and their music and they are quickly becoming one of my favorite bands.


Welcome to the fold. You've described my relationship with the band, too. For a long time I was totally stuck on war and Pain and Killing Technology, but something fell into place and I must say now that there isn't much in their catalogue I wouldn't rate very highly....best thing about Voivod is that I always seem to find things in the music that excite and thrill me as though they were new discoveries. Even Angel Rat is pretty great, though it isn't really a metal album.


I went through one of these recently too. War and Pain, Rrroooaaarrr, and Killing Technology over and over again.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 3977
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 10:47 pm 
 

Am I the only one that has noticed that Totino's pizza rolls look/taste like liquified excrement now? They used to be so good, I would cook them until they sortof burned and got crunchy, delicious. Nowadays no matter how long you cook them they are floppy and limp like a wet noodle. There is no cheese or pepperoni in them either, just an unidentifiable orange paste that never really cooks and is always gross. What a disaster, was my favorite food for a long time.
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Subrick
Metal freak

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
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Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 10:50 pm 
 

Even when you're trying to change the subject you can't stop talking about poo.

I recommend therapy. Clearly you have an obsession with feces and you need professional help.
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
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Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 10:59 pm 
 

Man, the FFA is going downhill.
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LlamaTrainer
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Apr 24, 2010 5:04 pm
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Location: Prince George, B.C.
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 11:03 pm 
 

Blame Rattus.
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
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Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 11:06 pm 
 

She's gone and we still have people having shit conversations.
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