Encyclopaedia Metallum: The Metal Archives

Message board

* FAQ    * Search   * Register   * Login 



Reply to topic  
Author Message Previous topic | Next topic
Thexhumed
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2010 2:26 pm
Posts: 496
Location: Chile
PostPosted: Thu Oct 10, 2013 11:12 pm 
 

This forum got to be one of the best when it comes to funny quotes as signatures. Which ones (or M-A quotes in general) do you think are the best?

Top
 Profile  
Arkhane
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Aug 30, 2010 3:39 pm
Posts: 1566
Location: South Texas
PostPosted: Thu Oct 10, 2013 11:19 pm 
 

there was one where a user copied text from another user in their sig. the grammar was horrible, was talking about a girl with a short skirt and everytime she bent over "...you could saw her entire soul..."... that one always cracked me up.
_________________
Merihim, Texas Black Metal
Arkhane, One Man Progressive Death Metal
Personal Facebook page

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=102516
Mixing and Recording

Top
 Profile  
Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8767
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Thu Oct 10, 2013 11:37 pm 
 

Arkhane wrote:
there was one where a user copied text from another user in their sig. the grammar was horrible, was talking about a girl with a short skirt and everytime she bent over "...you could saw her entire soul..."... that one always cracked me up.

memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=62612
Everything Gomorro says is pure gold, probably because it's Engrish because it's kind of sexist and pretty dumb.
_________________
Metantoine's Magickal Realm
Last.fm
Halberd (doom/death)

Top
 Profile  
Young_Metalhead
Saanut kerran. Todistetusti.

Joined: Wed Sep 19, 2007 10:17 pm
Posts: 1524
Location: México, DF
PostPosted: Thu Oct 10, 2013 11:41 pm 
 

Metantoine wrote:
memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=62612
Everything Gomorro says is pure gold, probably because it's Engrish because it's kind of sexist and pretty dumb.

I will have to agree... "i'll make her a baby so she can't go away..." Such a classic man.
_________________
My Anime Blog
My personal blog in Spanish
The Science Blog
Let's be Google+ Friends
Sorry, almost everything is in Spanish...

Top
 Profile  
shouvince
Veteran

Joined: Sat Jan 22, 2005 9:11 am
Posts: 2759
PostPosted: Thu Oct 10, 2013 11:43 pm 
 

Yeah Gomorro comes out with classics, almost unintentionally. Here's another one.
memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=220336

LippyassMajor isn't far behind too.

Top
 Profile  
Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 3442
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Oct 10, 2013 11:51 pm 
 

Metantoine wrote:
Arkhane wrote:
there was one where a user copied text from another user in their sig. the grammar was horrible, was talking about a girl with a short skirt and everytime she bent over "...you could saw her entire soul..."... that one always cracked me up.

memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=62612
Everything Gomorro says is pure gold, probably because it's Engrish because it's kind of sexist and pretty dumb.


The link goes to OzzyApu's profile...
_________________
Oddeye wrote:
bug_man wrote:
a whole planet, made out of satan


That. Is. METAL!

Top
 Profile  
Smoking_Gnu
Chicago Favorite

Joined: Sat Mar 15, 2008 11:22 pm
Posts: 2552
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Oct 10, 2013 11:52 pm 
 

I'd like to brag and say my first one is pretty solid, especially because the guy who said it was completely serious...Came up during a good ol' fashioned "the mods here don't know what counts as metal!" diatribe in the suggestions forum.
_________________
henkkjelle on the Dutch wrote:
Actually we have a extra set of appendages protruding out of our lower ribs especially designed for rummaging through our poop. Newborns that do not possess these appendages are thrown of a mountain.

Top
 Profile  
Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8767
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Thu Oct 10, 2013 11:55 pm 
 

Wilytank wrote:
Metantoine wrote:
memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=62612
Everything Gomorro says is pure gold, probably because it's Engrish because it's kind of sexist and pretty dumb.


The link goes to OzzyApu's profile...

Look at the signature and facepalm, Willie.
_________________
Metantoine's Magickal Realm
Last.fm
Halberd (doom/death)

Top
 Profile  
Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 3442
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Oct 10, 2013 11:58 pm 
 

Well, when you say everything he says is pure gold, I was expecting to see his whole post history. :annoyed:
_________________
Oddeye wrote:
bug_man wrote:
a whole planet, made out of satan


That. Is. METAL!

Top
 Profile  
Marag
Veteran

Joined: Fri Feb 27, 2009 8:55 pm
Posts: 2660
Location: down there where chaos prevails
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 12:25 am 
 

lord_genghis sig is a classic

Quote:
No comments, no words need it, no BM, no compromise, only grains in her face.

Top
 Profile  
MutantClannfear
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 2266
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 12:25 am 
 

Young_Metalhead wrote:
I will have to agree... "i'll make her a baby so she can't go away..." Such a classic man.

I misunderstood this quote for years. I thought he meant he would literally turn the girl of his sigh into an infant so that he could more easily restrain her. :lol:

My favorite quotes mostly come from the Crappy Diem, thread, though. Like "two three small bombinettes behind the faggots" and "GOODLY HAH".
_________________
Wilytank wrote:
Aeosphorus wrote:
there are post-black metal bands such as ...Sunn O.

When did we start calling Sunn O))) black metal and how soon can we stop?

Top
 Profile  
MortalScum
Metalhead

Joined: Fri May 09, 2008 8:13 pm
Posts: 1590
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 1:02 am 
 

A while ago there was a threat about Metal-Archives shirts (or the possibility at least). I don't remember who, but someone suggested putting "your band submission has been rejected" on the back of the shirts.

I thought it was perfect!
_________________
Scepter Of Eligos - Sludge/Thrash
Ritual Flame - Funeral Doom

Top
 Profile  
Young_Metalhead
Saanut kerran. Todistetusti.

Joined: Wed Sep 19, 2007 10:17 pm
Posts: 1524
Location: México, DF
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 1:21 am 
 

MutantClannfear wrote:
Young_Metalhead wrote:
I will have to agree... "i'll make her a baby so she can't go away..." Such a classic man.

I misunderstood this quote for years. I thought he meant he would literally turn the girl of his sigh into an infant so that he could more easily restrain her. :lol:

My favorite quotes mostly come from the Crappy Diem, thread, though. Like "two three small bombinettes behind the faggots" and "GOODLY HAH".

What the hell¡ :lol
_________________
My Anime Blog
My personal blog in Spanish
The Science Blog
Let's be Google+ Friends
Sorry, almost everything is in Spanish...

Top
 Profile  
Subrick
Metal freak

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
Posts: 5801
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 3:12 am 
 

I used to have a quote from Gelseth_Arando (I believe that was his name) in my signature about how he overheard in a bar once a guy saying that he could still cheat on his girlfriend because "it's not Facebook official" yet, and that it was the kind of moment where you slowly begin to turn your head to reply, stop, and turn back around.
_________________
YouTube
Facebook
Sorrowseed Melodic Extreme Metal
Blacksoul Seraphim Doomgaze
Thy Ancient Crypt Blackened Death Metal

Top
 Profile  
OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 9788
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 3:40 am 
 

Arkhane wrote:
there was one where a user copied text from another user in their sig. the grammar was horrible, was talking about a girl with a short skirt and everytime she bent over "...you could saw her entire soul..."... that one always cracked me up.

That gomorro line is probably my favorite line ever typed on this board. Gomorro is endless in his Peruvian wisdom.

I actually also keep a list of sigs in a file on here, just to remember the good ol' threads. Stuff like:

The_Beast_in_Black wrote:
It must take a whole lot of drunken daddies missing a whole lot of ballet recitals to make a girl willing to go on camera and do the sort of thing we're seeing a lot of in this thread.

diabolikon wrote:
I had to steal a Cannibal Corpse CD from the mall to fulfill my destiny

DeathSShead1488 wrote:
thejuicebitch wrote:
16 year old boy trying to be a Nazi.

You're just jealous I got a 6pac in the name of Hitler.

Oh, MA. :lol:
_________________
gomorro wrote:
Yesterday was the birthday of school pal and I met the chick of my sigh (I've talked about here before, the she-wolf I use to be inlove with)... Maaan she was using a mini-skirt too damn insane... Dude you could saw her entire soul every time she sit...


Last edited by OzzyApu on Fri Oct 11, 2013 3:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Top
 Profile  
Commandaunt
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Mar 10, 2011 10:31 am
Posts: 501
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 4:13 am 
 

Totally agreed - this forum probably has the funniest quotes on the internet. I've actually got this one saved on my computer because no matter how many times I read it, it never gets old.

Quote:
biohazard the band is not is when you want to add it to tell you that there is


Fun to send to people when you want to confuse the fuck out of them too :D

Top
 Profile  
bassistneededlolnot
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2010 7:08 pm
Posts: 636
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 4:33 am 
 

I just noticed failsafeman's signature for the first time earlier today:

"Seriously, why ban me??????? That topic had nothing wrong with it! Theres something wrong with you i can tell you! You're immoral banning of my account! Anyways, i'm creating my own metal arcives.

http://extrememetalencyclopedia.webs.com/"

I'm sure whoever he quoted was trolling, but it still made me laugh. And someone else had a quote of another user referencing Iron Maiden in a completely incomprehensible manner. I wish I could remember whose sig that was.
_________________
Liam Neeson, FedEx Driver wrote:
I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. But I will find you, and I will deliver your package.

Top
 Profile  
MutantClannfear
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 2266
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 4:53 am 
 

bassistneededlolnot wrote:
And someone else had a quote of another user referencing Iron Maiden in a completely incomprehensible manner. I wish I could remember whose sig that was.

Morri's:
Extreme_violence wrote:
Why Iron maiden is there? It's very far to be metal than a lot of some metal band.


Oh! I forgot this one from recently, it was so funny that I burst out laughing recalling it at random the week after I read it:
dontlivefastjustdie wrote:
HazardousMidget wrote:
Go listen to Gorement's The Ending Quest for Old School Swedish Death Metal Perfection

Having never checked out Gorement I was really hoping that was the actual album name, and not unnecessary genre capitalization.
_________________
Wilytank wrote:
Aeosphorus wrote:
there are post-black metal bands such as ...Sunn O.

When did we start calling Sunn O))) black metal and how soon can we stop?

Top
 Profile  
Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 3442
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 9:04 am 
 

Marag wrote:
lord_genghis sig is a classic

Quote:
No comments, no words need it, no BM, no compromise, only grains in her face.

I will never understand this.
_________________
Oddeye wrote:
bug_man wrote:
a whole planet, made out of satan


That. Is. METAL!

Top
 Profile  
Earthcubed
Peregrinus sine aetate

Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2004 3:44 am
Posts: 2589
Location: Orocarni
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 10:00 am 
 

I am going to count conversations from The Place We Do Not Speak Of in here as well. Some of these go way back. I am also going to apologize in advance, long post is long.....




Spoiler: show
Image








Quote:
<Baldev> I use "lol" because I find "haha" a bit pretentious.


DanFuckingLucas wrote:
Pubic hair is akin to brocolli, in that you brush it aside and keep eating.


Nightgaunt wrote:
PseudoGoatKill wrote:
If we had the ability to clone ourselves in the sci-fi way, (meaning that we could double ourselves without having to wait for it to be born and to grow up.) and then had sex with ourselves would that be homosexuality, or mutual masterbation?


Dual-embodiment autosexuality.


Quote:
<Nightgaunt> Time for another unholy constitutional.
<Nightgaunt> A necrotic getabout.
<Nightgaunt> A nihilistic expedition.
<PhantomOTO> A walk.




Quote:
[23:00] * BlackmetalNationalist has joined #metal
[23:00] <BlackmetalNationalist> ha
[23:00] <Nightgaunt> Seig Heil!
[23:00] <BlackmetalNationalist> weres the love
[23:01] <Nightgaunt> WILKOMMEN MEIN SCHATTENBRUDER.
[23:01] <PhantomOTO> Wherever you can spell where correctly.
[23:01] <BlackmetalNationalist> im sad
[23:01] <BlackmetalNationalist> youve made me sad
[23:01] <BlackmetalNationalist> im goin to listen to slipknot now
[23:01] <PhantomOTO> *Hammers
[23:01] <Nightgaunt> LET US EAT LONG, VAGUELY PHALLIC SHAFTS OF MEAT IN CELEBRATION OF WHITE HERITAGE.
[23:02] * Morrigan changes topic to '<Nightgaunt> LET US EAT LONG, VAGUELY PHALLIC SHAFTS OF MEAT IN CELEBRATION OF WHITE HERITAGE.
[23:02] <PhantomOTO> NOTHING IS MORE MANLY THAN WRAPPING YOUR LIPS AROUND A LONG TUBE OF MEAT.



GrimAndFrostbitten wrote:
Zharidum wrote:
A wise man once said "Take your dick out of her mouth when you're coming, and blast it up her nose."


It's called "The Affrin."



Thorgrim_Honkronte wrote:
RYANOFCALI wrote:
fuck animal rights, if you believe in animal rights you don't need to be listening to metal,you fucking pussies.


I hope you get raped by a pink walrus with butterfly wings.



This one is from a long ass time ago and inspired endless jokes, only a few of which I still have:

concreteo wrote:
Our Earth is dying people!

What are you going to do about it?

Have another child? Bring more waste into this world?

North America is rich as fuck. And we still have homeless people.....


We are over populated, and polluting like its going out of style. Know what that means for us, THE YOUTH, and our children?

It means a really shitty fucking future.


I suggest writing to your representatives and telling them you want a NWO.

We start by joining up the USA and Canada, and then with All of South America!

North and South America must untie! We must unite under a World wide socialist movement,

This Socialist movement will suceed unlike the otehrs because this one will involve spirituality, unlike the Russians communist movement....

...

Spiritual as in. Educating the Heart in truth.. As in connecting Left and right brain hemispheres to work globally.

Currently we are in a Left brain dominated world!.

I am assuming we all know the difference between left and right brain functioning? Currently our school systems are left brain dominated....When a parent teaches their child to read at a VERY young age, they are doing it at the expense of the right brain functioning!.. creating a severe inbalance!

And yes. The SELFISH OLD FUCKS, are leaving the Youth with a polluted and Dying Earth. What the fuckk are we going to do? Nothing?

I know we all hae to eat. We all have to look out forourselves.. But really. The Youth Should start organizing....

If anyone is a good website designing, webmaster....... maybe we can get something set up to help in our organization.... So we the youth can organize and support eatch other when we go up against the selfish fucks..... who dont care about our polluted dying earth. Our Inheritence!

We are facing extinction, with the oncoming WWIII, USA vs CHINA/india/russia......

The Only way we can solve the worlds major problems is if we can first UNTIE, .. The youth should be the first to do this. We should be angry as fuck at our inheritence .. At what the selfish old fucks left for us.

If you are happy about your life now, and dont care about the future. please continue doing what you are doing.... nothing....(shut the fuck up)

If you recognize the problem ahead of us. and it makes you angry..... lets start doing something about it...

...Our earth will die. But lets not make it happen faster. Lets slow it down give us some time....... prevent the nuclear holocaust..

All you christians better be patting yourself on the back right now. You believe in an amrageddon, and look, its being created by how perfectly well we have neglected our earth....You Jesus and his rapture mobile will come in the form of a nuclear bomb... ...

It is time to make a stand..............


from which came the following:

ForNaught wrote:
concreteo wrote:
North and South America must untie!


Dyslexics of the world, untie!


failsafeman wrote:
concreteo wrote:
The Only way we can solve the worlds major problems is if we can first UNTIE, ..


OUR SHOES!



korgull wrote:
GOATPENIS wrote:


Stepping up to help fill the pornbot void?


GOATPENIS wrote:
Nah, i just wanted to get banned.
Im fucking internet addict, jumping from board to board and i need help.


Nightgaunt wrote:
There is so much wrong here that trying to say something sufficiently spiteful about it would be like trying to change the PH balance of the Atlantic Ocean by ejaculating into it.


Quote:
<rexxz> so what are you all doing right now
<Lunatic_Asylum> I found my bisexual colleague's naked pictures and vomiting my work desk all over
<Lunatic_Asylum> I am serious
<rexxz> Hahahahaha
<Nightgaunt> Occupying space with little or no justification for doing so.
<Lunatic_Asylum> not funny
<Lunatic_Asylum> he's 52



Quote:
<Nightgaunt> Do you know what a unicorn is?
<Lunatic_Asylum> oxlike animal
<Lunatic_Asylum> two-horned


Quote:
satan speak through leather!!! - 45%

Written by
AgaresWarlord
on August 11th, 2006

since the tipic monotiny in each band underground of black metal, is not taken off of this. it remember me to Burzum when it listens to the CD, I emphasize
"My Ceremony" much but that any other subject, and I am sure that many agreed with me when they listen to it, is that the subject has a very good guitar,
that it makes resound the ears and cause that satan itself furrows the stinked out Earth of ignorant humans! jajaja good, the sound is not the best one,
but it is tipic that in bands back this is like this, but which they become attached at the beginnings serious very pleasant to be listened to another
CD of this band, in a future if they they fix the faults they could to become an important national band, often, the brutality must to take step to the
creativity to be able to bring a good product... i hope they take it into account.


Quote:
The Snow Is Painted Black - 100%
Written by AgaresWarlord on August 20th, 2006

Excellent, incredible. To my to seem the best work of immortal, guitars very thrashers and a destructive battery to leave deaf person to the Satan itself. The keyboards in At The Heart of Winter give a perfect atmosphere, like that waits for the storm in a dominant silence, the acoustic parts sound and combine perfectly in each pause which they do in the subjects, is very pleasant. The voice grim of sounds very well singing those so good lyrics. It is good for knowing that when the brutality the creativity as opposed to has left of side (I have criticized much to that they forget this in his compositions, like Deicide, Cannibal Corpse or the same bands black underground), so you see prefers heavy, but even so, like black metal, I like to listen to something that of space to the mind and which notices the work of the band, even though one listens to cover, is good for listening to the detail of the band and makes sound so different from this cover that to the others, for that reason I like this cd as much, is a work very dedicated the one that did and them I am very either, used or intelligence very, with changes difficult to find that they do not stop being fast. It is a well-known course change, but not so moved away, the one that has taken here inmortal soon from the "Blizzards Beast", but has not been nothing of bad, inclusively it is thanked for, and much. The good thing of this disc is that it does not bore, as can pass like other discs of black metal, or the same inmortal (diabolical fullmoon mysticism, very bad sound (seems but one demo) and, although the compositions also have a good level, in the long run it bores) I hope the next disc is as good as this, serious one very been thankful.


OptimusPrime wrote:
I actually cook my meat with nothing but my burning hatred for vegetables.


speedemon86 wrote:
MaleficDevilry wrote:
And I never want to smoke salvia again. Jesus Christ.


Why's that? I don't care for it by any means, but I'm not outright averse to it either.


MaleficDevilry wrote:

Horrible experience. I got really paranoid, mainly because one of the guys I was with bashed in a generator where we were smoking with a cross he stole off a church. I thought I kept seeing police so I went back to my dorm and put on Krieg's "The Black House," which was a bad idea. I remember thinking I was pregnant with Satan and that demon's were crawling out of my walls. I woke up 2 hours later and said this to myself, "I have no idea what's going on I just want some Skittles," and fell back asleep.


Ozman wrote:
The mark of good funeral doom is whether you can get a beer from the fridge in the time between two snare hits.


OptimusPrime wrote:
Jesus "ascending to heaven" was actually me pulling him up with the tractor beam of my time machine. I then took us back to the 37th century, where the doctors of the future healed Jesus' wounds. As a joke, we went back in time to a few days after his "death" and made up some crap about reincarnation. He nows lives in my basement, where every day he turns one gram of cocaine into enough to sell to 5000 crackheads. I also no longer have to buy alcohol, as simple tap water is enough to get the party started.




Quote:
<Othuum> WHAT IS MUMMIFIED AND IN A LEAKY BURLAP SACK IN THE BOTTOM OF THE TOWN RESERVOIR?
<Earthcubed> A
* Othuum whispers, sexily....
<Earthcubed> Mother
<droneriot> you get my meaning, mister day?
<Othuum> Dead......
<Earthcubed> FUCKING
<Earthcubed> DEAD
<Othuum> Babies.......
<Earthcubed> Oh.
<Earthcubed> I thought it was only one though. :(
<Othuum> Nah.
<nihq> ruined punchlines saga part 2
<Othuum> You need at least six or seven, or they won't sink to the bottom.


Quote:
<droneriot> what matches noktorn's wit every day?
<droneriot> a dead baby
<Earthcubed> actually, I might even sig that.
<Othuum> Correction.
<Othuum> A HEADLESS dead baby.


kab wrote:
For Pyöveli's The New Renaissance Of Speed & Thrash Metal.
Quote:
MASTERPIECE OF THRASHY THRASH - 100%
Written by DET on September 21st, 2006

FUKKIN SICKNESS, THIS ALBUM IS MORE THAN JUST COPY OF 80's Thrash.
I'ts very unique and technical, solos are so fukkin hard to play AWESOME MAN!!!!! How long have they played...ok... Lyrics: REAL THRASH LYRICS, SO GOOD THAT I FUKIN SMASHED MY SELF IN THE HEAD COOL!!! Faster than Destruction, Sodom and Kreator. THIS IS REAL FINNISH-THRASH HOLYNESS. KEEP ON THRASHING THE WORLD. THRASH ATTACK!!!!! HAIL PYÖVELI 666


I love this line, because you can tell some kind of witless analogy was on his tongue, then... I FUKIN SMASHED MYSELF IN THE HEAD COOL!!!!!


OlympicSharpshooter wrote:
For Slayer's Decade of Aggression

slayer is great live or in thestudio - 100%
Written by scenekidkiller on April 13th, 2007

slayer is the greatest thrash metal band EVER!(in my opinion) and this live album lets us know why they are the most influential band in metal history next to sabbath i wont just talk about how i love them I'll tell why. lets start with tom araya awesome bass fast and aggressive just like his band mates and a voice that rivals the best of singers. Kerry kings guitar wales and squeals loud and haunting and it sounds like an awesome giraffe being strangled by a metal demon,jeff hanaman is doing his same thing he's always doing and dave lombardos drumming is pulsing and griping
overall the album is a great addition to the slayer discography and makes for the best thrash metal compilation EVER. suggested tracks black magick hell awaits raining blood dead skin mask and jesus saves

That's a regular menagerie there.


Nightgaunt wrote:
If you thought you'd seen baffling before, take a look at this one.

For Abhor (Ita)'s In Tuo Honori Preparatum

Quote:
Revelation of the Call - 1%
Written by arkam on April 1st, 2006

Why do you have come here. I didn' t know where go, I was cold, You have heated me, I was hungry, you have eated me, I was afraid, now i doesn't have some. This is my kingdom, now it is also your. I am your debtor, ask that than you want. “I wan' t your life, I desire your soul”.
He obtained it , He was to his service. Now I feel better, What can I do for you?
“Evil, the death, kills for me”.
So for him began a new, obscure era. For Him I' ll do it, always and in each place. For Him I'll do it with all my forces. Knights, Demons, sons of the night, follow me.


My reply: The Knights and the Sons of the Night are good to go, but the Demons won't be coming..."Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman" is on tonight, and it's one of the episodes where Sully doesn't wear a shirt (*ggl!).


Earthcubed wrote:
I'ts gayer than a pack of lions making wuupy to a male horses with "DRONERIOT" branded in it's anus.

(I have absolutely no memory of making that post or what I was referring to)

Quote:
Reviews for Arch Enemy's Doomsday Machine

My favorite Album! - 100%
Written by Minnako on September 20th, 2007

I can sing all the song on my guitar )) . Its a legendary album!



Try and make sense of the last sentence of this review:
Review For Heavy Load's Metal Conquest wrote:
excelent disc from the nordic lands!!! - 95%
Written by RAZORED on September 30th, 2007


When it listens to this disc for the first time, I thought that England band or something similar was an originating, but no, it was a band of Sweden, which surprised to me enough, treatment to say that the influence of the N.W.O.B.H.M is very well-known, by the other something obvious because that sensational..... movement that took place in England was but that important throughout the world We go to the disc, first You subject' sees got the power, that better form to start off! an entertained subject the letter is quite typical, but it is very good, Dark nights, the one of my favorites,the letter is romantic, but it gives a force, as if really the Nordic Gods had entrusted to give to us this to him, Heavy metal heaven, great subject the letter very in the wave of rock&roll Life giving to notice because they are different from the existing bands at that time, Hey, without a doubt, the romantic tema of the EP, but is my favorite of the disc, has an excellent atmosphere the form in which great subject sings Ragne Wahlquist, and to finalize Heathens from the north, the epic song but and the letter that but it identifies to this band, that but can be said, great form to finish this great EP.
If you say to love the Heavy Metal, you must have a copy of this originating Nordic earth jewel, or of insurance you will be destroyed by some of the Gods that protect to these extinct soldiers of the Heavy Metal!




Navy_Blue_Vicar's review of Dopesmoker by Sleep wrote:
Listening to Sleep makes you realize what a stupidly over-detailed language English is. I'm trying to collect my thoughts as I'm listening and all I can muster are shouted newspaper headlines like "BACKWARDS ECHO SQUELCH GUITAR INTRO OCCURS".


At about the half hour mark the band start to jam on what’s effectively a 1-note riff until you’re begging for something, anything to remind you what you thought music was until 30 minutes ago. The band, amazingly, relents, fuck, I’m listening right now and all I can say is

FUCKING MOLTEN GUITAR SEEPS FORTH PURE BOILING WISDOM
SURGING SOLO PINES INTO ABSOLUTE
BUBBLING GUITAR EXCURSION TAPS TO UNDERCURRENT OF TIME, PERHAPS



the beginning of Cheeses_priced's review of the Red Jewel by Tartaros wrote:
Born to dinobot parents and named after a Pokémon, one can well imagine that Tartaros mastermind Charmand Grimloch has led a hard life, and while we’re sorry for that, it has evidently had the positive side effect of improving his music by way of making him a more warped individual than those who ordinarily attempt so-called symphonic black metal. What’s so “symphonic” about symphonic black metal anyway?

sym•phon•ic [sim-fon-ik]
–adjective
1. Music. of, for, pertaining to, or having the character of a symphony or symphony orchestra.

Come on now – does your typical “symphonic black metal” band really have the character of a symphony? Perhaps a symphony that consisted solely of a string section with a part-timer on piano, and mostly just played backing chords… and we’re overlooking for a moment these bands’ rarely-more-than-incidental resemblance to black metal. I’ve got a more accurate adjective for bands like Dimmu Borgir and Cradle of Filth: gay.

gay [gey] adjective, -er, -est
–adjective
1. having or showing a merry, lively mood: gay spirits; gay music.
2. bright or showy: gay colors; gay ornaments.
3. given to or abounding in social or other pleasures: a gay social season.

I do believe that would about cover it: they are merry and lively, they are bright and showy, and they are quite disgustingly social for nominally “black metal” music. Ergo, as Webster indicates above, they play gay music.



I think every one of the following Lacuna posts was written in a two month preiod and nobody noticed until a year later when someone started a forum search for a song called "viscera" :
Lacuna wrote:
My mother is a sociologist and would like to know...why do DMists have a thing about viscera and defecation?

Lacuna wrote:
Dude, rest assured I do not think that all death metal is about viscera and defecation.

Lacuna wrote:
Drowning in viscera - cannibal corpse

Lacuna wrote:
Viscera - Neo Metal (http://www.viscera-music.com)

Lacuna wrote:
[pot kettle black] why are these goregrind/brutal death metal types obsessed with their viscera? and defecation? [/pot kettle black]

I like that. \m/

Lacuna wrote:
What is the difference between gravel and baby viscera?

You can't gargle with gravel.

Lacuna wrote:
Anyone doing anything to your viscera. In the medieval ages they had this method of torture where they would tie you down, slit your abdomen and let rats eat your intestines. Lovely...

Lacuna wrote:
I've been listening to lots of very violent, convulsive death metal. Decapitated, Visceral Bleeding and Eviscerated mainly.

Lacuna wrote:
Disappointing? What??? The Blackening fucking eviscerates!!!!

Lacuna wrote:
Go fuck yourself up the ass, in the brain and viscera.

Lacuna wrote:
Boxma, please go stab your viscera repeatedly.

Lacuna wrote:
And I get sick to my fucking viscera of being treated like I have a disabling condition just because I am a female.

Lacuna wrote:
I love the album art on Once Upon The Cross by Deicide, with the picture of Jesus with his viscera ripped out. That's pretty cool.

Lacuna wrote:
You might like Eviscerated http://www.myspace.com/eviscerated

Lacuna wrote:
You might also like Visceral Bleeding's later stuff

Lacuna wrote:
*metaphorical dick sucking*

I love your music, it fucking eviscerates!

Lacuna wrote:
I've seen one movie that could. Did you see the movie Altered where those guys tied the alien to the table and cut open its body cavity and rummaged around in its (yellow!!Surprised) viscera for the transmitter?

Lacuna wrote:
Anything by Visceral Bleeding. Their music is so fast it fucks with your adrenalin level.

Lacuna wrote:
A nice, sexy suit of armour made specifically for a girl...and a long sword Big grin And I'd listen to Visceral Bleeding while fighting to the death.

Lacuna wrote:
That woman is a fucking ass and should be force fed her own viscera.

Lacuna wrote:
What I like about death metal? I like its violent, visceral, convulsive quality.


Lacuna also had a number of extremely violent posts not related to viscera that led others to believe she was a very disturbed person.


Trickster_314 wrote:
I was in a local pub wearing my old Satyricon t-shirt and there was a drunkard staring at me, so I ignored him and about ten minutes later he comes and says "hey you, you liek Satyddiconnh? I wuz on da Shatyddicons gig lazt wik in Bilbao, man, they fukkin' rulz man. Lemme show u da fotos man, I has a Satyrs autograf man, he fukin ruls, man" He was like ten minutes there, showing me his pokemans until he nearly collapsed and went to a corner to sleep, or something.


DeathSShead1488 wrote:
The_Beast_in_Black wrote:
Jesus Christ, did someone drop you on your head?


How the fuck am I supposed to know?


DeathSShead1488 wrote:
My great grandfather on my mom's side was in the SS.
my great grandfather on my dad's side was in the Communist party. He died.

MY MOM WINS!


Quote:
For Amon Amarth's "Twilight of the Thunder God"

Quote:
"THEY ARE GODS" - 100%
Amon Amarth are literally vikings.
its not their genre, its them,
they dont tour countries like other fag bands.
THEY PILLAGE AND WILL PROBABLY RAPE YOU

im about to go tattoo Amon Amarth across my chest soo buy this CD and viking that shit
_________________
Quote:
<@failsafeman> if you touch a girl while you're fucking a gorilla, it doesn't count as gay
<@failsafeman> that's a rule

Top
 Profile  
VariedTastes
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Sep 22, 2013 2:24 pm
Posts: 140
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 11:25 am 
 

I think of the "... only grains in her face," quote when I need to smile for a picture. Never fails!
_________________
http://vtmetalreviews.blogspot.com/ Updated 2/11/14

Top
 Profile  
marktheviktor
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2006 3:41 am
Posts: 6904
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 2:16 pm 
 

There was some user who cited one quote from somewhere that is so garish that it gave me quite a laugh. If it anyone knows where the quote was taken from, I'd really be interested to know..

"What! Doth stand there to fuck Time!"

Top
 Profile  
Kiwion
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Jan 06, 2007 4:43 pm
Posts: 239
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 2:28 pm 
 

Necroticism174 sig made me laugh:

Quote:
lord_ghengis about Vomitory splitting up wrote:
Quote:
They were a band who understood music needed more explosions.

Top
 Profile  
Thexhumed
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2010 2:26 pm
Posts: 496
Location: Chile
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 2:35 pm 
 

I liked one that something like:

"When I want to introduce friends to metal, I skip Black Sabbath and go all the way to Goatpenis" (it's probably something funnier than that)

Also, one member has me on his signature, a quote where I say "Dat beard". Never knew what was so funny/original about that.

Top
 Profile  
marktheviktor
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2006 3:41 am
Posts: 6904
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 2:42 pm 
 

Even the simplest grammatical gaffes are quite funny..

"I had a quarreling with the musician."

Top
 Profile  
DecemberSoul
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Jan 21, 2010 9:46 am
Posts: 268
Location: Switzerland
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 2:48 pm 
 

This is one of the funniest threads I've read in a long, long time. I want to thank you all for the many laughs I got from your contributions, whether quoting other users' funny lines or writing your own comments on them.

The "UNTIE" typo is sweet, I already crack up thinking of possible other jokes on that.

Personally I love the one sig that goes something like "There's no chugging in Freezing moon. Vader do not chug". And I also dig "Vomitory were a band who understood music needed more explosions" a lot.

I so wish I'd kept a certain fan letter I got around 2000 on one of my projects, written by either a Polish or a Japanese guy. It was a handwritten letter covering almost an entire standard page. What's so remarkable about it is the fact that even though I could easily decipher his handwriting, none of the written content made any sense to me. To this day I assume it must have been a completely clueless word-by-word translation from that guy's mother tongue to English, and the end result was the most severe case of Engrish I have ever come across. If only you could see that.

Top
 Profile  
Cianan
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat May 06, 2006 10:40 am
Posts: 220
Location: Foothills of the Adirondacks
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 4:21 pm 
 

I think I remember Lacuna making some wild posts and just thinking...okay...

Also, I'm not sure if there were any sig worthy moments but I do recall a rather "interesting" fellow in the suggestions/complaints forum. I believe he was from Russia, and he wanted his band to have an ID number without certain numbers in it because he hated said numbers. I then believe that fellow posters drove him even more insane with jokes.
_________________
FasterDisaster wrote:
If you go for anything, go for the tasty pussy.

Top
 Profile  
Earthcubed
Peregrinus sine aetate

Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2004 3:44 am
Posts: 2589
Location: Orocarni
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 4:25 pm 
 

I don't remember who that was but yeah, his band ID number had too many or too few prime numbers for his personal preference. That was his only objection, he wanted the band deleted and re-submitted so it had a different page number. :lol:
_________________
Quote:
<@failsafeman> if you touch a girl while you're fucking a gorilla, it doesn't count as gay
<@failsafeman> that's a rule

Top
 Profile  
OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 9788
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 4:33 pm 
 

Earthcubed wrote:
I don't remember who that was but yeah, his band ID number had too many or too few prime numbers for his personal preference. That was his only objection, he wanted the band deleted and re-submitted so it had a different page number. :lol:

Got ya covered: viewtopic.php?f=3&t=28731
_________________
gomorro wrote:
Yesterday was the birthday of school pal and I met the chick of my sigh (I've talked about here before, the she-wolf I use to be inlove with)... Maaan she was using a mini-skirt too damn insane... Dude you could saw her entire soul every time she sit...

Top
 Profile  
DecemberSoul
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Jan 21, 2010 9:46 am
Posts: 268
Location: Switzerland
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 4:55 pm 
 

Just remembered a line someone once write about his pet goat:

"He's so funeral he only comes out of his cave to mate"

I simply love that sentence despite it not actually being sigged by anyone thus far (for all I know).

Top
 Profile  
Cianan
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat May 06, 2006 10:40 am
Posts: 220
Location: Foothills of the Adirondacks
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 5:05 pm 
 

OzzyApu wrote:
Earthcubed wrote:
I don't remember who that was but yeah, his band ID number had too many or too few prime numbers for his personal preference. That was his only objection, he wanted the band deleted and re-submitted so it had a different page number. :lol:

Got ya covered: viewtopic.php?f=3&t=28731


Haha thank you!
_________________
FasterDisaster wrote:
If you go for anything, go for the tasty pussy.

Top
 Profile  
Earthcubed
Peregrinus sine aetate

Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2004 3:44 am
Posts: 2589
Location: Orocarni
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 6:22 pm 
 

Holy hell that thread is awesome.


*calls everyone American, gets called out on it*
"americans is all white non-russian"

:lol:
_________________
Quote:
<@failsafeman> if you touch a girl while you're fucking a gorilla, it doesn't count as gay
<@failsafeman> that's a rule

Top
 Profile  
CF_Mono
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Jul 08, 2010 5:21 pm
Posts: 1438
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 6:56 pm 
 

marktheviktor wrote:
Even the simplest grammatical gaffes are quite funny..

"I had a quarreling with the musician."

Mmm, I remember this here. Great post.
_________________
Doom or be doomed...
My current band. Wretched doom trio from NY.

Top
 Profile  
Cthulhu_Fhtagn
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Mar 29, 2013 8:32 pm
Posts: 349
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 8:22 pm 
 

The quote in my sig is especially funny. Can non M-A quotes be used? If so, here is a really funny one.

"OH MY GOD. How stupid are you? FUCKING RETARD. If you knew shit you'd know that ISD has more firepower than all of the Federation. Hey fucking moron there is a thing called Google, GOOGLE FUCKING BASE DELTA ZERO YOU STAR TREK FAGOLA"

And another...

"These forums are retarded as every faggot LOVES ST and ignores SW's superiority which IS FACT. ST retards even said that ST can beat Doctor Who... WHAT IS WRONG WITH STAR TREK FANS? Are you mentally retarded or something?"

And another!

"Those processed meats that we all ate growing up are about as good for us as fukushima bay fresh catch of the day, or chernobyl farms chicken(between 3 and 7 drumsticks per chicken!)."
_________________
THEMICRULAH wrote:
IT'S THE SAME INVERTED AS REGULAR?! MY BRAIN IS BROKEN! TOTAL SATAN!

ShaolinLambKiller wrote:
holy fuck what the fuck is that garbage? Though it's more interesting than Summoning ever will be.

Top
 Profile  
lord_ghengis
Metal freak

Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2006 8:31 pm
Posts: 5383
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 8:56 pm 
 

Every single one in Earthcube's post is the funniest thing ever.
_________________
Naamath wrote:
No comments, no words need it, no BM, no compromise, only grains in her face.

Top
 Profile  
maidenpriestmanic
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Jan 27, 2013 11:33 pm
Posts: 395
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 11:49 pm 
 

OzzyApu wrote:
Earthcubed wrote:
I don't remember who that was but yeah, his band ID number had too many or too few prime numbers for his personal preference. That was his only objection, he wanted the band deleted and re-submitted so it had a different page number. :lol:

Got ya covered: viewtopic.php?f=3&t=28731


Haha funny thing is, the band isn't even in the archives anymore.

Top
 Profile  
ClaymanOnFire
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Mar 12, 2011 8:13 pm
Posts: 462
Location: Nice try, Big Brother
PostPosted: Sat Oct 12, 2013 1:59 am 
 

This has to be my favorite Napero lock post: viewtopic.php?f=2&t=89720&p=2058690&hilit=+mutton#p2058690

That last line is gold.
_________________
"There's too many people on this earth. We need a new plague."

Top
 Profile  
kingnuuuur
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Apr 24, 2008 3:35 pm
Posts: 2128
PostPosted: Sat Oct 12, 2013 7:03 am 
 

Quote:
it remember me to Burzum when it listens to the CD


Spoiler: show
Image

Top
 Profile  
Earthcubed
Peregrinus sine aetate

Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2004 3:44 am
Posts: 2589
Location: Orocarni
PostPosted: Sat Oct 12, 2013 2:26 pm 
 

:lol:
_________________
Quote:
<@failsafeman> if you touch a girl while you're fucking a gorilla, it doesn't count as gay
<@failsafeman> that's a rule

Top
 Profile  
Erosion of Humanity
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 5:12 pm
Posts: 2222
Location: Schaumburg, Il
PostPosted: Sat Oct 12, 2013 6:19 pm 
 

I liked Failsafeman's old signature a lot it was short and simple and it also gave me a chuckle. Also Gunther's signature still makes me laugh every time I see it.
_________________
niix wrote:
'the reason your grandmother has all those plastic sheets on her furniture is because she is probably a squirter'

Crick wrote:
Raw eggs tastier than semen? What horrid ooze-troll have you been blowing?

Top
 Profile  
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Reply to topic Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 7  Next


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Artillery90, IntoNevermore, mrchris, PDS and 12 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  

Back to the Encyclopaedia Metallum


Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group