Good work man. Getting stuff of your chest like that is a mental breath of fresh air.

That it is. She was disappointed that my brother picked me up because neither of us were finished discussing things last night. But it's good to have finally spilled the beans, and that she spilled some of her own beans. Thanks, alcohol!

It has its place.

Always look on the upside Mikey, all that needed to be said has been said. That must have been hard for your friend too, to say something like that. I hope she always looks on the upside too!

Yeah, she has already been through a lot (she's a widow - long story), so to hear about her father's sexual mistreatment of her was kind of a blow to the nuts. She's a very caring person normally so she does look on the upside more than she's allowed. And I'm looking on the upside, too, despite all of it.

Stay strong, man.

Continual happiness burying a ton of anxiety and panic over my future due to exam results and the application process for Uni (and the work we need to do to be allowed into next year) is the order of the month for me. Time and work will tell how things pan out, I just needed to say that.

Thanks. How do you think you did with your exams? Is the application for uni that convoluted? I think it'll all work out fine. Just take one thing at a time and try not to think about all the steps you have to take. It can be daunting that way.

Those kinds of alcohol-induced reveals can be really cathartic, especially when both people involved are in the same head space with it. Sorry to hear about your friend, MikeyC. Unfortunately know far too many people with the same situation growing up. Far too many parents out there that should never have had any business having kids, but that's the way it goes unfortunately.

First of all, Mikey, mad respect for telling your friend about your long held secret. Seriously, that shit takes guts, especially at your age. Props to you, my man! Telling a friend about something of this magnitude gives them reassurance and comfort so they can open up to you and do the same. I personally would have done so when sober, but I guess the two of you needed the alcoholic confidence boost.

N_S, don't worry too much about all this university nonsense. I know it feels like you're the only one who won't get in to uni, but trust me, you will. I felt this way when everyone was getting accepted a month after applying, but soon enough, offers were coming in right left and center. Just focus on the present and smash your exams, and you will get in. If you don't get accepted, go back for a victory lap and try harder. There's no shame in going back for another semester or two to improve your grades. Stay optimistic.

I think so, too, under the right circumstances, which this one was. Yeah, it really sucks and I hope I can get her to talk about it a little more. It's really unfortunate because she doesn't particularly deserve that. Fathers can be the worst sometimes.


I didn't mind being drunk but I wish we had more time. Thanks, mate! Hopefully it gets easier from here.

Anyone here have experience with tianeptine (stablon; coaxil)?

I have not personally encountered tianeptine but have heard some worrying accounts of it being quite addictive. This seems to arise when people use it as a way of diverting themselves from opiate/other addiction. It does have effect on the opioid system; always be wary with these sort of drugs IMO... I don't know if you have had opiate addiction but if so I would probably suggest avoiding it.

Thanks; yeah I read about that. Pretty interesting but not something I want to deal with.

I was thinking of using it only if necessary, since it seems to have good anti-anxiety and antidepressant qualities and you don't have to take it daily and have it build up in your system. Sort of like an emergency net for especially dragging/tough days and I'm not smoking marijuana anymore, which I had been daily for over a year.

So for the last two or so weeks I've been feeling a little flat. Not depression per se, but more of a neutral state. Not really sure what's causing it, although I have my theories. But I took a trip away last weekend and I'm usually happy around people which is genuine happiness, but inside I'm perceiving everything as "why bother?". Little things are starting to annoy me again but I'm trying to be conscious of it and not let the small stuff get to me.

I'm positive that in time it'll go away but it's really bothersome now. University starts again on Monday and I need to be fully attentive for it.

Anyway, just venting.

Mate, I've been feeling like that for the better half of the last decade. Because, really, why bother? It's not at all apparent why I should. The material rewards, the upward movement in social standing, the smug sense of self-satisfaction from trying to 'help the world' (and trying to do so more than everyone else) - why should it be so immediately apparent that those things must appeal to me, as society assumes they will?

In short, I think your brain is functioning fine and you and I would do well to confront the question rather than trying to swat it away.

Hi everyone. I'm a little bit anxious sometimes and a doctor prescribed me Alprazolam.
Maybe weed or cannabis could help me to decrease my anxiety level. For now, I only smoke tobacco.

Weed can definitely decrease your anxiety, it can also definitely increase your anxiety level. Thing is that like all psychoactive compounds it works differently for each person because we thankfully all have different brains. Personally it gave me horrible panic attacks, but most people it calms down. For now, you smoke one seriously addictive substance that is proven to increase anxiety and your doctor prescribed you another seriously addictive substance that could make your life a nightmare if you aren't careful with it. Our society isn't very wise with what it approves of.

Mindfulness, to me, is key to alleviating anxiety - and certainly much improves the benefits of both sex and rock 'n' roll. Awkward, half-there, unemotional sex increases anxiety, 100%-in-the-moment sex decreases it, background music that doesn't move you in any way does nothing for anxiety, fully delving into amazing compositions is a miracle potion for the soul. Train yourself to always be there, 100%, in the moment.

Oh and I never tire of recommending one of these guys:

Sorry you've been feeling that way for a long time. That must be frustrating. Hopefully we can both come out on the other end of it.

Hi. Thank you for your advice.

That sounds like overkill to me.

Yeah but I don't take Alprazolam everyday.
Only when I'm too anxious. I'm fine.

Okay, because that isn't a drug dependence you want to develop. Nor is it even worth it recreationally anyway, but I guess some people like that feeling.

Being a little bit anxious there's some natural stuff that has a documented "mild benzo" effect, like lavender oil or chamomile oil. Both of those have zero effect on moderate to severe anxiety, but if your "a little bit" isn't an understatement, that would be an alternative.

Hi everyone, I'm a 15 year old currently staying in an adolescents step down psychiatric ward and am hoping to move on to a new place soon. I was originally admitted to a high dependency ward almost a year ago for problems with self-harm, suicide attempts, anxiety and delusions. I had to leave the boarding school I was at before because I self-harmed in front of some friends. Sometimes I would have delusions that I would start a world changing revolution in the future and that I was "a chosen one", but at other times I'd hate myself and every thing else, I could almost feel a physical force oppressing my body. My doctor is currently saying he thinks I have autism and bipolar disorder with psychotic features, but it's hard to tell because of my age. I've gotten a lot better since I was first admitted, although recently I had a minor relapse of delusions and self-harm. Soon I'll be going to a school with support for mental health problems. Being in a psychiatric hospital has been a very difficult, but also eye opening experience I met some great people who no one would expect to be mentally ill, as well as those clearly more unwell than me who reminded me that things could be worse. I decided make this post because it feels good to let my emotions out, and I decided to make it on this website because metal is my passion, it has helped to keep me going throughout my life. Whether it's happy, uplifting power metal to lift my mood or sad, angry and depressed black, death and doom metal which I can relate to, metal has been a big part of my life.

I used to think being a chosen one to start a world changing revolution was a delusion until I realised I just need to get off my arse and make it happen.

Thanks for sharing your post with us, dude. Its definitely good to get things off your chest! Good luck with getting back to school, that's a big step and a good step forward! Also great to hear you're sticking with getting support for your mental health stuff as you move forward. That takes a lot of strength to do for sure. Best of luck!

The last year has been pretty rough for me, but I'm happy to say that things have gotten a hell of lot better than what they were before. I found a great band to sing for and since then I've been feeling much better. I'm on two medications - Effexor and Wellbutrin. They work, which is good, but my goal is to eventually get off of the meds completely. I don't like having to rely on a drug to make me feel better. I've also been drinking a lot less and feeling better because of it. I am going to continue avoiding alcohol to the best of my abilities because it appears as though I am doing better without it. I'm still going to drink from time to time, but just a lot less than before.

Basically though, I'm very glad that things have turned around for me. It was only 6 months ago I was having suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks, and all that shit.

Sorry to hear you've been going through some of these awful things, but it does seem like you're on the right path for mental wellness. I hope the future looks bright for you.


If the meds are helping you, then don't rush off them simply because society says you shouldn't be on meds. I understand you don't want to rely on them but there's no need to rush the healing process. Good thinking avoiding alcohol, too, since that can negatively affect you. Glad things are turning around for you.

I might have to be on meds my whole life. But if they work, they work. They only cost like $30 a month after insurance, and they've done wonders for my well being.

I've found myself pondering anxiety medication myself these past couple of weeks. I don't think I'd go for it, but the anxiety has gone from 'pain in the ass' to 'severely hampering my ability to maintain a happy relationship and trust others' recently. At a point now where I feel like the anxiety is threatening one of the few things going right in my life and I'm not sure if I can prevent it from fucking that up.

My plan to study to become a therapist recently came back to life. It was a completely crazy idea when I first had it because I was so messed up myself, but my mind and soul have changed so much since, and the worldly aspect of getting there had many things fall into place as well, looks like it has a very good chance of happening now. Raw black metal therapist curing the world by the spread of evil!

What kind of therapist/courses/timeframe are we talking?

That's exactly what I'm studying at uni now. Like you, I want to help people in my situation (through black metal means or not, haha). If an idiot like myself can get through uni, you will have absolutely no problem. Go for it.

I'm autistic, and also suffer from paranoia, insomnia, OCD, etc.

It would "just" be a one year course at a specialised school to become a music therapist. The cool thing is that with some extra qualifications you can basically do real therapy without a university degree. No doctor title, but my home town is suffering from such an extreme lack of therapists that people will be glad someone can help without a waiting time of at least six months - usually much more.

Right on, very cool! And yeah, university degree definitely isn't necessary. Personally I found the best I ever had were counselors/social workers just with a college degree rather than getting a university degree. I never had very good experiences with "doctor" type therapists who seem always too keen to over prescribe and neglect any other forms of treatment. You just wouldn't be able to give an "official" diagnosis or prescribe medication, but for a lot of people that's not necessarily what's going to help them or they need counseling/therapy in addition to meds.

Cool to hear you're planning to pursue that, good luck!

So thanks to the stress of university and my incredibly poor diet recently (you would not believe how bad it's getting), my affect has been really flat. Not depression, per se, although I was heading that way earlier in the week (due to uni stress). All my emotions are feeling like a "low-normal" and it's bugging me. I'm still smiling and laughing around people but I'm still feeling really flat.

As I said, my diet is really bad. I haven't cooked in over a month since I'm at university every day including most weekends. No excuses, though. I yo-yo diet and while I haven't been diagnosed with binge eating or eating disorder not otherwise specified, I'm certain there's something wrong there. I eat when I'm not hungry and I do binge a lot. I don't purge which is I guess a bonus but come on. And all the while I know it's bad for me and causes disruptions in the body and mind, yet I can't being myself to stop. I wonder why that is....

I was invited to a barbecue last night. It was in the middle of Sydney (a fair drive for me) and I couldn't have stayed anyway due to work today, but I usually attend for at least a little bit. This time around I was too indifferent and I've got some body dissatisfaction going on for obvious reasons, so I just said I couldn't make it and didn't head over there. Today I get a text saying that I missed a great party and apparently I came up in conversation (?) because everyone likes me and they wished I was there. That should make me feel happy, and it does, but my dumb find that's just been fed crap can't see that, even though I'm typing it out right now and I realise how ridiculous I'm being.

Onward and upward, right? Sigh....

So... 10 days ago I had my fourth(?) suicide attempt(60mg clonazepam + 150mg buspirone did nothing at all), which led to another time in the psychiatric ward. My family accused me of stealing money a few weeks ago to buy marijuana, money that misteriously appeared while my sister's girlfriend searched it in one of my old books, after they scrambled my entire bedroom! Unfortunately I couldn't listen to metal and drink coffee this time, new rules in the ward... and the funny thing is that these 10 days were the best days that I had in months. I ate better, made new friends, played some hold 'em, and laughed a lot.

Now I'm on sertraline and clonazepam, and levomepromazine for insomnia while was locked(hard to sleep without metal). Gonna ask for my psychiatric to prescribe me this third one, it really helped me.

As for the social anxiety, I feel that only the social problem is gone since a few months ago. Depression will soon reappear. The real deal is the transition... very soon I'll be able to put my hands on the alimony, rent a house, and start it. Will be hard to do it without help, but I'll do.

Looking at that super fatal drug cocktail I think it's safe to say that - subconsciously at the very least - the psychiatric ward was your goal, creating a distance with an impenetrable wall to the people, and it's good that it worked out the way it did.

I also hope you don't get your expectations too high with the transition and see it as a miracle cure to all your problems, because there's a lot more to happiness/unhappiness than sexuality. Most mental issues will likely still be there afterwards. Also make sure it doesn't fuck you financially, keep safeties while Brazil is in difficult times. In short: Transition is top priority, but try to avoid tunnel vision.

Benzo OD is harder than I thought. After having took all the pills I lay down in bed and waited: nothing after a couple hours.

Money will not be a problem, and the uni has a program to help studants to find a job, also I already spoke with one of my teachers, she has some nice contacts to get a job.

And yeah, transition will only cure my depression, and yes I'll struggle a bit after doing it; Brazil is a very intolerant country about it. But I'm thick skinned, even more right now; what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Yes, it's very hard to overdose on benzos directly. Contraindications occur when mixing them with stuff like opiates, because they seem to indirectly increase the effects of other drugs, making them present in many overdoses, but not the exact culprit.

60mg clonazepam is nuts, but the worst it would do is make you black out and act like a retard for a couple of days. Buspirone is far too passive but I guess you could give yourself serotonin syndrome if you take enough of it. Still not necessarily fatal.

Glad you are okay dude