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Foulchrist
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Jan 12, 2006 3:25 pm
Posts: 587
Location: Scotland
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:18 am 
 

I was going to post in the mental illness thread to vent some personal woes (since they're mainly the result of mental illness) but I decided to go for a more general post with the hope of encouraging others to chime in on their own current situation in life, whether positive or negative.

I'm 28 in April, living in a housing association property on full housing benefits and living on employment support allowance since I left work due to mental illness at the end of 2014 and eventually became unemployed. I haven't been in a relationship since 2010 (had no problems in this department prior to that year) and my social life has gradually withered into perhaps once a week meeting with a couple of buddies to jam (something I'm very grateful to have in my life).

Been suffering from OCD since childhood. From late teens/twenties onward, the snowball of depression and social anxiety has accumulated to the extent that I live the sorry existence detailed above. I have brief phases every few months or so where I "kick into action" and begin to work on specific aspects that are holding me back, try to change my attitude and so on but I inevitably fall back into the pit. I've been to psychiatrists, psychologists, occupational therapists, on and off medications for years.

This past month I have reached what feels like the end of my rope. A really dark place.

I need to start facing my fears and stop avoiding any steps that feel uncomfortable. Sitting in my foxhole and gradually decaying isn't something I can bear to endure any longer. As I type, I am sitting in a coffee shop, simply because I felt it necessary to challenge my habit of remaining in solitude and festering. So it's a very small step, and may seem pathetic to some that I consider sitting in a coffee shop fucking around on the internet a "challenge", but this has been a working first step for me in instances of progress in the past. My goal is to integrate back into society, at least to some extent, and get myself a goddamn job.

So, this thread isn't all about me and my situation. I'm interested to read where others are at right now. Don't be afraid to burst in amid the misery to talk about what a fulfilling life you live.

That said, please don't come here to belittle anyone's experience because you feel that others might have it worse. This should go without saying, but I'm saying it anyway.

How is life treating you/how are you treating life?
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droneriot
cisgender

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
Posts: 7353
Location: Spahn Ranch
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 9:21 am 
 

It's sooooo annoying sometimes, but you have to keep doing it, then keep doing it, then keep on doing it. There's this really twisted view of psychotherapy in the media that there are breakthroughs in your treatment or whatever, that you reach a point where you "get it", when things become clear, when your life changes. Never happens. Nothing you do will ever make a big change. The brain doesn't work that way. It's like going to the gym and expecting a big muscle to suddenly pop up. Nah, you have to work on it every single day, never skip a day, keep going. And you won't notice any change at all. But it's there, it's just so small that you don't notice it. Then, after half a year or a year, reflect back on where you were when you started and where you are now.

Basically, go to that coffee shop or other public places every day for a year. And do other things that are hard for you, also every day, also as long as it takes. Living with mental illness is tough, but getting out of it is ten times tougher. But the result of that is amazing and liberating to a degree you can't imagine.

I'm not fully done with it yet. I got OCD into full remission (that was actually pretty easy), got panic disorder/agoraphobia into full remission (that was impossibly hard), got severe depressive disorder into something in between partial and full remission (I do get some bleak moments but they're rare and they pass), but I still get social anxiety issues that are my next and last big challenge. In the mean time I got a part time job and am going to switch to full time asap, and I have signed up for going back to school this summer. I've started going to the gym in October, first time in my life, started going every day in December. Life and I are treating each other very nicely right now.
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AllPurposeCulturalCatgirlPutin
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2015 10:42 pm
Posts: 160
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 9:45 am 
 

I'm alright, I guess.

I don't know what depression or any of those other conditions are like, but the tradeoff is that when I do get sad or angry it's always a histrionic Mexican soap opera rage/despair type deal that winds me for days, it's never controlled or measured. I'm the fat lady eating a bucket of Ben & Jerry's all day after a breakup or a pet dying (but eventually I bounce back). Win some, lose some.

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InnesI
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jun 01, 2013 3:19 pm
Posts: 767
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 10:29 am 
 

When I completed and left school at the age of 18 I noticed a distinct change in my personality. I never wanted to go out and work. I was quite happy with school as it was. I had my friends there and I liked the comfort of knowing what was next. I sort of kept being like that for the following 2-3 years when I came to a point where something happened that made me really depressed (yes, it was about a woman!). I never went to get diagnosed so I don't know what a doctor would say about it being actual depression or not but for years I felt very very bad. It wasn't to the point of not being able to handle work, in fact it was way worse for me to just be at home so during these years I took as little vacation time as possible just because I couldn't handle the situation. Did I think of suicide? Yes, but never seriously with just one exception (though I never made any attempt). That moment was scary and not something I would ever want to feel again.

What saved me in many ways was that I started to run. I found that running worked as meditation for me. It cleared my head. Once I was out and being active I was able to let everything go. Sure, it all came back once I got home again but with time it got better and at least I always knew what I could do when I was feeling like crap. Until this day I have kept up with training - although now I do more martial arts than I do running. It works in much the same way.

As for how I feel today I'm fine. I've realized that I am one of those people that always live in the past. In some ways I always idealize the situation I was in before. Obviously not as a whole but I'm good at picking out the good parts. But it also means I have a hard time being satisfied in the moment. So, I think I'm generally a person who is more inclined towards sadness than most of my peers. Right now I'm mostly concerned with me not having started a family as of yet. I'm at that age, slightly above 30 ( ;) ), where most of my friends have partners and children. I have always wanted a family of my own but things haven't really happened that way for me. We'll see what the future brings.

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Erosion of Humanity
Metal freak

Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 5:12 pm
Posts: 4502
Location: Schaumburg, Il
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 1:20 pm 
 

InnesI wrote:
Right now I'm mostly concerned with me not having started a family as of yet. I'm at that age, slightly above 30 ( ;) ), where most of my friends have partners and children. I have always wanted a family of my own but things haven't really happened that way for me. We'll see what the future brings.


I wouldn't worry to much about this dude. 30ish is the new 20ish and most people don't even start a family till about then nowadays anyway. Fuck I'm almost 29 and I just told my wife (married 8 years, together for 10) that I wanted a divorce. The relationship was fucking toxic to me and I just couldn't do it anymore. Life has a way of working out if you just pay attention. I'm actually super happy even though I'm about to start the divorce process. Probably the happiest I've been in about 3 years.
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aaronmb666
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Jan 03, 2005 3:37 am
Posts: 2365
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 1:42 pm 
 

I'm in my mid 30's and went from being really depressed in high school, to trying long distance/online relationships in the early 00's. All I'll say is, if it isn't obvious these days, is don't do it. I quit doing that years ago and started going to metal shows, meeting some people there. Connecting with them on facebook is really nice, as you know what everyone is doing.
Currently, Im bipolar, but Im way better than I used to be, since I stopped doing lots of bullshit. The only boost I could use is a relationship.

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InnesI
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jun 01, 2013 3:19 pm
Posts: 767
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 2:19 pm 
 

Erosion of Humanity wrote:
I wouldn't worry to much about this dude. 30ish is the new 20ish and most people don't even start a family till about then nowadays anyway. Fuck I'm almost 29 and I just told my wife (married 8 years, together for 10) that I wanted a divorce. The relationship was fucking toxic to me and I just couldn't do it anymore. Life has a way of working out if you just pay attention. I'm actually super happy even though I'm about to start the divorce process. Probably the happiest I've been in about 3 years.


Cheers for that. Others have told me the same. Several people have broken up with the partner with whom they had their child(ren) and I obviously wouldn't want that scenario. And of course I have been able to do things that my friends were never able to do because they have a family - like when I moved abroad. But as I said, I tend to not be able to see the positives as they happen but overall I'm doing fine. Having been depressed before I'm quite happy with not being in that place anymore.

And to anyone who does have problems I can only give the advice of hanging in there. I've been there and I have had friends who've been there but everyone got out. But realize that it does take effort so don't be lazy about it. You need to activate yourself to feel better.

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Kveldulfr
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Joined: Thu Feb 16, 2012 12:01 pm
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Location: Nowhere
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 3:06 pm 
 

I'm really happy right now. Some stuff - like work - sometimes gets ugly but at least the things that I consider important in life goes really well. I still can improve some things, but that's what's life is for: to strive for better things everyday.
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BasqueStorm
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Joined: Wed May 26, 2010 2:21 pm
Posts: 2958
Location: Turks and Caicos Islands
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 3:14 pm 
 

Kveldulfr wrote:
I'm really happy right now. Some stuff - like work - sometimes gets ugly but at least the things that I consider important in life goes really well. I still can improve some things, but that's what's life is for: to strive for better things everyday.

Same here. Job, girls,... I have some problems but I REALLY feel GREAT about what I have achieved and is to come. :thumbsup:
Keep going strong, guys! Life is WONDERFUL.

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TripeOverload
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Dec 03, 2013 11:46 am
Posts: 391
Location: Romania (The Land of Jokes)
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 3:29 pm 
 

Holy mack, some folks here with serious issues.
I dunno, guess I am pretty normal. The only (arguable) issue is that I don't see anything really exciting in life and I wouldn't mind dying tomorrow. Sure, had some serious emotional distress several years ago and I was really terrified by the specter of impotence after trying and failing at self-extinction, but from what I've seen these days, there's still hope for jacking off.
Learning foreign languages makes me feel content, and so do comics or art books and music - most of the money that I make as a part-time translator went into these. Happiness is damn far away. I am thinking of what I am going to do after graduation. My dad keeps pestering me with certain suggestions concerning my future jobs that would yield fat cash, but I can only think about how lonely I will be after my elders leave the stage. And it's fucking me up.
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Napero
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Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2005 4:16 pm
Posts: 8901
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 6:37 pm 
 

Sometimes I feel like I'm one of the few people on the whole internet with no medication for some mental stuff and/or diagnosed/suspected mental health problems. And I don't know who the other two are.

Nightgaunt, on the IRC over half a decade ago, called me "happy-go-lucky" for some reason, and I had to google it for a definition. It definitely fits, I think. I tend to have a positive view on my life, even if I'm a bit cynical and pessimistic about the world and the direction humanity is taking. I've drifted without any specific goals and pretty much with pure luck in my life so far, and it's mostly turned out just fine. The divorce was the low point of my life, and a year and a half ago I was pretty broken, but got over it quite quickly, I think. It did lead to what I like to call "dredging" in my mind, and that was a healthy, eventually cleansing experience, aided by a lot of writing about the stuff I found there. I guess I sort of went through the same process as people in psychotherapy or something, on my own and with a keyboard. And it helps, as does talking to people, which I did a lot. Try those, people are really wise creatures if you talk to them in the right way and let them tell their own tales.

I find life really cool, and it definitely is the best time a person ever has. I have regrets on pretty much nothing I've ever done or experienced. Even the divorce was sort of like the time I got fired when the company I worked for collapsed in a spectacular display of financial gravity versus bad planning; while it sucked at the time, it was a worthy experience, and one that will serve me well in the future.
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Festivus
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2014 4:26 pm
Posts: 616
Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 7:14 pm 
 

Napero wrote:
Sometimes I feel like I'm one of the few people on the whole internet with no medication for some mental stuff and/or diagnosed/suspected mental health problems. And I don't know who the other two are.

I'm one of those two other people.

I know my life could be way worse, but I really dislike it when someone tells others to not worry and be happy just because there's people starving to death out there. By their logic, only multi-millionaires have the right to be happy.

Life is mostly repetitive and somewhat boring, too. But at the same time, it seems better than death. I don't believe in the afterlife. I think it's probably like an eternal sleep where you don't dream at all. If here's no video games or music somewhere then that place must suck bad.

Wouldn't say I'm happy. I'm missing something in life, I'm sure. But I dunno what it is. Maybe not being content with myself and loving yourself is a big step towards happiness, they say. Regardless, I dont' want to die any time soon.
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MikeyC
Official Greeter of Broken Hills

Joined: Wed Jun 14, 2006 5:16 am
Posts: 12588
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:13 pm 
 

Foulchrist wrote:
This past month I have reached what feels like the end of my rope. A really dark place.

I need to start facing my fears and stop avoiding any steps that feel uncomfortable. Sitting in my foxhole and gradually decaying isn't something I can bear to endure any longer. As I type, I am sitting in a coffee shop, simply because I felt it necessary to challenge my habit of remaining in solitude and festering. So it's a very small step, and may seem pathetic to some that I consider sitting in a coffee shop fucking around on the internet a "challenge", but this has been a working first step for me in instances of progress in the past. My goal is to integrate back into society, at least to some extent, and get myself a goddamn job.

Look, mate, everyone has it different, and if going to a coffee shop typing this out is a challenge to you, then I can only applaud you for facing this particular fear and doing it. In my experience, it takes the smaller steps to get to the truly big ones that you want to tackle, like finding a job, which we all know can be a stressful, unhappy experience.

You have taken note of how fried you are about your current situation, which means you now have the cognition to do something about it, whatever that may be.

TripeOverload wrote:
Happiness is damn far away. I am thinking of what I am going to do after graduation. My dad keeps pestering me with certain suggestions concerning my future jobs that would yield fat cash, but I can only think about how lonely I will be after my elders leave the stage. And it's fucking me up.

Do you still rely on your parents a lot? I'm not saying it derogatorily, just querying. Losing one's parents, especially when you know they're getting older and they're not in the best of shape, can play havoc. Has your dad given you any good pointers about jobs?

InnesI wrote:
What saved me in many ways was that I started to run. I found that running worked as meditation for me. It cleared my head. Once I was out and being active I was able to let everything go. Sure, it all came back once I got home again but with time it got better and at least I always knew what I could do when I was feeling like crap. Until this day I have kept up with training - although now I do more martial arts than I do running. It works in much the same way.

As for how I feel today I'm fine. I've realized that I am one of those people that always live in the past. In some ways I always idealize the situation I was in before. Obviously not as a whole but I'm good at picking out the good parts. But it also means I have a hard time being satisfied in the moment. So, I think I'm generally a person who is more inclined towards sadness than most of my peers. Right now I'm mostly concerned with me not having started a family as of yet. I'm at that age, slightly above 30 ( ;) ), where most of my friends have partners and children. I have always wanted a family of my own but things haven't really happened that way for me. We'll see what the future brings.

Running is a good way to be active and with it just being you, you can let go and truly feel in the moment. The sweat on your brow, the wind rushing past your face, the steps you take - if you notice it all, that's being in the moment. Of course, running isn't for everyone, and the only thing I want running is the fridge where I keep my chocolate. ;) But I know that exercise like that is beneficial in many ways.

As for the family, you have time. The advantage of being male is that you're not governed by a biological clock the same way that women are. Sure, there is a time limit of sorts, but it's way more flexible for men. Slightly above 30 is about average so don't sweat it, mate.
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 22614
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:27 pm 
 

I'm pretty decent, all things considered. Got a good job and some stability, which is more than I could say before last May. I see friends pretty often and get to do some cool shit here and there. I have a nice house and don't have any severe problems that make life worse off. I've been able to do some writing here and there and go do comedy when I can. It's not too bad. I don't live where I want to but it could be a lot worse all things considered. I'd like a girlfriend and all, but that shouldn't be something you really hinge your whole happiness on. I would like to move somewhere bigger and more metropolitan, but that will happen.
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MikeyC
Official Greeter of Broken Hills

Joined: Wed Jun 14, 2006 5:16 am
Posts: 12588
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:30 pm 
 

I never used to be happy, but the last two years or so I've been the happiest I've ever been in my life.

I have suffered from depression since I was about 14, not really knowing at the time why I was feeling so low, or why it would hit so suddenly, or why it would go away. At the time I just thought it was something teenagers go through and that it would pass. It didn't pass. I left school after year 12 with absolutely no idea what I was going to do and no prospects for the future. 2004 was a tough time. I was unemployed for 11 months, basically wasting away. Suicide was starting to feel like my only option, and I thought about it almost every day. I recall holding a knife to my wrists one day, hoping I would gather the balls necessary to go through with it, but I never did (which made me feel like a coward, which depressed me more. See the cycle here?). I got a job in 2005 - a job I still hold today - and that improved my life beyond recognition, but depression remained.

I entered a "relationship," if you call it one, in 2011, still crippled by depression. The job I have is not exactly anything to brag about, and doing it for six years at the time was starting to wear me out, and once again I felt like I had no prospects. I felt like I was going to be stuck in this job forever with no way out and I was going to rot. After the "relationship" sensationally ended, I realised that I was in mental turmoil and I needed it fixed. So in November, 2011, I finally, after seven years of depression and some anxiety, saw a psychologist.

I had another "relationship" with someone that also sensationally ended in May, 2013. That was the tipping point. I realised I had to change my life, otherwise I was either going to stagnate or suicide. Much like Foulchrist in the OP, I had to start small, and that was changing gyms. I wasn't happy at the gym where I was, so that was one thing I had to change. It took everything I had, but I did it. Then I got my first aid certificate, then I enrolled in university, then I got a second job. And since about the end of 2013/start of 2014, I'm much happier. Depressive episodes have basically dissipated (could return) and I'm finally feeling like I'm accomplishing something.

In 2013, I told my psychologist that one thing that was helping me through my pain was thinking of how lucky I am on a global scale. Out of all the countries in the world I could have been born in, I was born in Australia, a country that ranks second in human development (curse you, Norway!), ranks high in wealth, life expectancy, general health, freedoms...the list goes on. Not that this style of thinking helps everyone, but not taking everything for granted and telling myself how lucky I am to live in a good country put everything in perspective for me. We have our problems like any country (including you, Norway!), but I would take these problems over some other poor, unfortunate countries in the world. To this end, I started sponsoring a child from Christmas in 2014.

So, after over a decade of stinking sadness, yes, I'm happy. I finally have something to look forward to and I'm no longer ashamed of my job or most other things in my life (which is still not perfect, but hey). My 30's are going to rule a lot more than my 20's did. :) Plus I'm studying psychology at university, as I want to help people that may have been in my situation. I can't wait to change people's lives for the better.
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BasqueStorm
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Joined: Wed May 26, 2010 2:21 pm
Posts: 2958
Location: Turks and Caicos Islands
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:50 pm 
 

Napero wrote:
Sometimes I feel like I'm one of the few people on the whole internet with no medication for some mental stuff and/or diagnosed/suspected mental health problems. And I don't know who the other two are.
Nightgaunt, on the IRC over half a decade ago, called me "happy-go-lucky" for some reason, and I had to google it for a definition. It definitely fits, I think. I tend to have a positive view on my life, even if I'm a bit cynical and pessimistic about the world and the direction humanity is taking. I've drifted without any specific goals and pretty much with pure luck in my life so far, and it's mostly turned out just fine. The divorce was the low point of my life, and a year and a half ago I was pretty broken, but got over it quite quickly, I think. It did lead to what I like to call "dredging" in my mind, and that was a healthy, eventually cleansing experience, aided by a lot of writing about the stuff I found there. I guess I sort of went through the same process as people in psychotherapy or something, on my own and with a keyboard. And it helps, as does talking to people, which I did a lot. Try those, people are really wise creatures if you talk to them in the right way and let them tell their own tales.
I find life really cool, and it definitely is the best time a person ever has. I have regrets on pretty much nothing I've ever done or experienced. Even the divorce was sort of like the time I got fired when the company I worked for collapsed in a spectacular display of financial gravity versus bad planning; while it sucked at the time, it was a worthy experience, and one that will serve me well in the future.

+1.

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PvtNinjer
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Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 12:45 am
Posts: 3161
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 9:16 pm 
 

Honestly, not really. I work a super shit job that I hate, I constantly find myself irrationally bitter toward people in general and society on the whole, I tend to want to spend all my time alone (beyond what I feel is appropriate for someone who is introverted), I think about suicide (less actual planning and more just general "dying would be alright" thoughts) almost daily when I'm having a depressive episode. I've been wanting to get a real diagnosis for a while now, but getting help with mental issues seems like such a daunting task. I have pretty band anxiety when it comes to doing anything to do with the mundane aspects of life such as going to the doctor, dentist, etc and this is no exception, and when I am finally feeling good, I think I don't need help. I think to myself "this time is going to be different, I'm going to be better for good now!", which is a cycle I've been going through for a while now.

There are things that I've done to help with it, like take up meditating and working out, and that has helped me avoid really bad episodes, but they still crop up from time to time, and even when I'm more neutral I still know that I am not content. I still have a very hollow feeling when it comes to life. I'm working on doing even more for myself, as I've finally got my student aid account back in good standing so I will hopefully be back in University this fall. That being said I know all the good habits in the world won't fix my fundamentally malcontent demeanor, so it's really imperative that I get help for my issues ASAP, as I know that I'm prone to self destructing any positive progress I make in my life if I don't.

Oh and also substance abuse. Don't do that shit!

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MikeyC
Official Greeter of Broken Hills

Joined: Wed Jun 14, 2006 5:16 am
Posts: 12588
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 9:24 pm 
 

PvtNinjer wrote:
Honestly, not really. I work a super shit job that I hate, I constantly find myself irrationally bitter toward people in general and society on the whole, I tend to want to spend all my time alone (beyond what I feel is appropriate for someone who is introverted), I think about suicide (less actual planning and more just general "dying would be alright" thoughts) almost daily when I'm having a depressive episode. I've been wanting to get a real diagnosis for a while now, but getting help with mental issues seems like such a daunting task. I have pretty band anxiety when it comes to doing anything to do with the mundane aspects of life such as going to the doctor, dentist, etc and this is no exception, and when I am finally feeling good, I think I don't need help. I think to myself "this time is going to be different, I'm going to be better for good now!", which is a cycle I've been going through for a while now.

What's your job, and why do you hate it?

Getting help is daunting, especially if you're already anxious about going to the doctor, but it takes that one time when you're motivated enough to do it and once you complete step one, you'll feel more okay with continuing. It's just that initial step that's usually the hardest.
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droneriot
cisgender

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
Posts: 7353
Location: Spahn Ranch
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 9:33 pm 
 

MikeyC wrote:
In 2013, I told my psychologist that one thing that was helping me through my pain was thinking of how lucky I am on a global scale. Out of all the countries in the world I could have been born in, I was born in Australia, a country that ranks second in human development (curse you, Norway!), ranks high in wealth, life expectancy, general health, freedoms...the list goes on. Not that this style of thinking helps everyone, but not taking everything for granted and telling myself how lucky I am to live in a good country put everything in perspective for me. We have our problems like any country (including you, Norway!), but I would take these problems over some other poor, unfortunate countries in the world.

I always hated everything around here and around me, which was part of my depression. Perhaps one of the few things where talking to people on the internet has had a major positive impact on my life, because I started talking to someone from a third world country a lot, because everything I took for granted and saw as annoying or shitty or depressing about my home was absolutely amazing to that person. And yeah, when I look at the world around me, my home country, my home town, my own four walls, I actually have something that probably around 90% of the world's population would completely envy me for. And I thought it was shit. Nope, I'm super fucking lucky.
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PvtNinjer
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 9:37 pm 
 

Quote:
What's your job, and why do you hate it?


I'm a salesman, haha. Not exactly a good fit for someone who doesn't want to be around others most of the time :P, but I've been doing it since I graduated high school and it feels like it's all I know! But yeah, it's definitely obvious to me that getting help will be good for me, and yet it seems so difficult. I've known I've needed to do it for more than a couple years now, and my dysfunctional nature is only getting worse so it's pretty much now or never.

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AboveTheThrone
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Nov 30, 2015 11:56 pm
Posts: 263
Location: Cleveland area, USA
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 9:46 pm 
 

My life has been total shit for the past two years, to be honest. I've been unemployed for most of the seven years I've been out of high school, and there are few things worse than realizing that you wasted a huge chunk of your life doing nothing. But I recently came to realize that sitting in total solitude can actually be more constructive and enlightening than what a lot of 18 - 24 year-olds are doing nowadays, and everyone has the potential to regain a few years of life if you emphasize a healthy diet, exercise, etc. I know that sounds cheesy as hell, but it's true :thumbsup:

As far as my own aspirations go: frankly, I've just been wanting to get a degree in something (computer science is what I've decided on for now) and find a woman to spend time with. I'm not too concerned about finding "bros" to hang out with right now, really. I'll definitely be getting back into guitar practice whenever I land a job and finally have some money to spend.
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MikeyC
Official Greeter of Broken Hills

Joined: Wed Jun 14, 2006 5:16 am
Posts: 12588
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 9:58 pm 
 

droneriot wrote:
MikeyC wrote:
In 2013, I told my psychologist that one thing that was helping me through my pain was thinking of how lucky I am on a global scale. Out of all the countries in the world I could have been born in, I was born in Australia, a country that ranks second in human development (curse you, Norway!), ranks high in wealth, life expectancy, general health, freedoms...the list goes on. Not that this style of thinking helps everyone, but not taking everything for granted and telling myself how lucky I am to live in a good country put everything in perspective for me. We have our problems like any country (including you, Norway!), but I would take these problems over some other poor, unfortunate countries in the world.

I always hated everything around here and around me, which was part of my depression. Perhaps one of the few things where talking to people on the internet has had a major positive impact on my life, because I started talking to someone from a third world country a lot, because everything I took for granted and saw as annoying or shitty or depressing about my home was absolutely amazing to that person. And yeah, when I look at the world around me, my home country, my home town, my own four walls, I actually have something that probably around 90% of the world's population would completely envy me for. And I thought it was shit. Nope, I'm super fucking lucky.

That's pretty cool that you spoke to a person from a developing country. :) I think you just take things for granted when you're younger, though, because you don't actually understand what's going on around the world. Once you get older, you start to realise that you're lucky and I hope that can be enough for people to help the less fortunate.

You live in a great country, drone - one that I hope to visit one day - so I'm glad you see things the way I do. If you and I are thirsty, we just go to the tap in the kitchen and have a drink. Those living in squalor don't have that opportunity, which is something so crazy for me. We are certainly quite lucky. :)

PvtNinjer wrote:
I'm a salesman, haha. Not exactly a good fit for someone who doesn't want to be around others most of the time :P, but I've been doing it since I graduated high school and it feels like it's all I know! But yeah, it's definitely obvious to me that getting help will be good for me, and yet it seems so difficult. I've known I've needed to do it for more than a couple years now, and my dysfunctional nature is only getting worse so it's pretty much now or never.

That's certainly not a good fit, but most jobs involve some degree of human contact, haha. I think getting help will be good for you, but you can't force it, either. Only go when you're truly ready to.

I disagree about "now or never," too. I don't know your age but it's never too late to improve. :)

AboveTheThrone wrote:
My life has been total shit for the past two years, to be honest. I've been unemployed for most of the seven years I've been out of high school, and there are few things worse than realizing that you wasted a huge chunk of your life doing nothing. But I recently came to realize that sitting in total solitude can actually be more constructive and enlightening than what a lot of 18 - 24 year-olds are doing nowadays, and everyone has the potential to regain a few years of life if you emphasize a healthy diet, exercise, etc. I know that sounds cheesy as hell, but it's true :thumbsup:

As far as my own aspirations go: frankly, I've just been wanting to get a degree in something (computer science is what I've decided on for now) and find a woman to spend time with. I'm not too concerned about finding "bros" to hang out with right now, really. I'll definitely be getting back into guitar practice whenever I land a job and finally have some money to spend.

Hopefully you get to where you want to be, mate. Computer science is a good course. My brother is doing that right now and it looks difficult, but if you persevere you will get it. :)

18-24 year olds are basically still finding their way through life. I was a heavy binge drinker for most of that time so I was not immune. :)
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AboveTheThrone
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Nov 30, 2015 11:56 pm
Posts: 263
Location: Cleveland area, USA
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 10:11 pm 
 

haha, Thanks. I think I've got everything under control by now, hopefully.
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Erosion of Humanity
Metal freak

Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 5:12 pm
Posts: 4502
Location: Schaumburg, Il
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 10:30 pm 
 

Mmmm tonight was actually fucking fantastic and therapeutic and despite turning my life upside down less than two weeks ago life is looking up. Tonight I started converting my house from living with someone to living on my own. Just cleaning and organizing whilst drinking cold beer and listening to Batushka. Tonight was a great night.
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Expedience
Metal freak

Joined: Wed Aug 27, 2008 4:22 am
Posts: 4436
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 11:45 pm 
 

Erosion of Humanity wrote:
Life has a way of working out if you just pay attention.


I think this is absolutely true. I'm not doing too bad considering what I've dealt with recently - total failure at an attempted career change, breakup of a 3+ year relationship, crippling anxiety attacks worse than any physical illness I've experienced, a mother dealing with cancer and a broken leg which left me immobile for almost a year. Funnily enough, I've finally reached the conclusion that most of those were for the best. Sometimes there's no success like failure.

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Erotetic
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Feb 16, 2010 8:05 pm
Posts: 1230
Location: New Zealand
PostPosted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 12:21 am 
 

nope. but I have that 'ordinary unhappiness' instead of 'neurotic misery' these days
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TripeOverload
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Dec 03, 2013 11:46 am
Posts: 391
Location: Romania (The Land of Jokes)
PostPosted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 2:02 am 
 

MikeyC wrote:

TripeOverload wrote:
Happiness is damn far away. I am thinking of what I am going to do after graduation. My dad keeps pestering me with certain suggestions concerning my future jobs that would yield fat cash, but I can only think about how lonely I will be after my elders leave the stage. And it's fucking me up.

Do you still rely on your parents a lot? I'm not saying it derogatorily, just querying. Losing one's parents, especially when you know they're getting older and they're not in the best of shape, can play havoc. Has your dad given you any good pointers about jobs?



The jobs that he has been referring to are mostly jobs in the public sector. Sure, I could apply and pass without any problem (given that those jobs are available by competition, not by one's "CV" alone, which could otherwise give the guys with high connections the upper hand), but the environment there is a rather crappy one, for certain political/bureaucracy/corruption reasons. I have been studying English, Italian and French, as well as Portuguese, Russian and Japanese, and if I don't manage to land a PhD position after my graduation, I would be more likely to try pursuing a career as a translator than choosing a job in the public sector...
At this moment, I still rely on my parents a lot, since I live in the same apartment with them and I have some taxes left to pay at my faculty. A very good friend of mine, a drummer, has recently managed to move to another apartment with his girlfriend. But both of them contributed some serious moolah. I rejected the second (and last) girl that would approach me - she could've been my first girlfriend in 26 years, technically speaking. But I didn't think that I could satisfy her expectations and she didn't satisfy mine either, so... bleep. Away I went.
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MikeyC
Official Greeter of Broken Hills

Joined: Wed Jun 14, 2006 5:16 am
Posts: 12588
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 3:34 am 
 

That's a fair amount of languages, so you should be happy with that achievement! Maybe a translator could be your first option if that's something you're interested in.

The girlfriend thing will work itself out, mate. :)
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caspian
Wanderer of the Wastes

Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:29 pm
Posts: 6385
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 4:06 am 
 

I'm pretty stoked with my lot in life really. Don't know if the right word is happy or content, but either are close enough. My job's not perfect but it pays heaps and allows me big chunks of time off now and then. I'm happily married and my wife's just had possibly the most beautiful baby in the world. I have plenty of time to indulge my hobbies, to play guitar, to get a few surfs in on break in some world class waves, to play a bunch of sport with a few friends. My religion gives me joy and purpose, I live in a part of the world that's perfect for what I want to do with my time (quite possibly that it's shaped what I want to do with my time, but whatever).. Living the dream man. I guess I wouldn't mind getting into better shape but that is happening. I think I'mma look back at this part of my life as my heyday when I'm older, so hopefully it can roll on too my 30s (which start in december) and I can squeeze another few decades out of my body, as a lot of what makes me happy relies on me being at least half fit. Happy days!

To the bummed out dudes in their early 20s and whatnot: things get a lot better man. My quality of life is a hundred times better now that I'm a bit older.
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stefan86
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Nov 08, 2004 11:52 am
Posts: 677
Location: Sweden
PostPosted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 4:43 am 
 

I've been in quite a big down period for about three-four months. Winter depression (shitty weather and working 24/7 with no vacation or fun stuff in sight) accompanied with dwelling on previous life choices and how things could've been different has me completely by the balls right now. I have a nice job and a nice apartment but it still doesn't really feel like there is much point to everyday life. Just feels like I'm a robot repeating the same pointless pattern over and over again. My social anxiety and a bunch of obsessive thoughts make me extremely tired, which means I need to be alone a lot to make it work. This cripples my social life, musical exploits and my relationship a lot.

Interesting how there is so much talk about 20's and 30's too since that's a big dark cloud in the back of my mind. I have no interest in family life, so getting old is a big problem for me. Doesn't seem to be much I could get out of my 30+ years except turning more tired and closed off to make it through the heaps of everyday bullshit.
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BasqueStorm
Veteran

Joined: Wed May 26, 2010 2:21 pm
Posts: 2958
Location: Turks and Caicos Islands
PostPosted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 6:02 am 
 

AboveTheThrone wrote:
But I recently came to realize that sitting in total solitude can actually be more constructive and enlightening than what a lot of 18 - 24 year-olds are doing nowadays, and everyone has the potential to regain a few years of life if you emphasize a healthy diet, exercise, etc. I know that sounds cheesy as hell, but it's true :thumbsup:

That makes WAAY more sense than you think. Introspection is necessary but is not really well seen in society.
Music, hiking, traveling, thinking, learning, suffering,... took a huge part in my self realization.

caspian wrote:
Living the dream man.

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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 4968
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 6:16 am 
 

Life is OK here: I graduated from college last June but haven't done shit ever since. It's definitely not in a field I'd consider working, but it did make me learn a lot about myself. I'm just very lazy though and unfortunately it starts to cause consequences: I used to have no problem waking up early, but nowadays even if I have my alarm set at, say, 8:30 I still tend to wake up 2 hours later because I either forget to put it on or turn it off and then go back to bed. :durr: :lol:

Still, I have plenty of things I should work on nowadays: getting a temporary job, orientating on upcoming studies, getting a drivers license even if a part of me just wants to go on vacation on my own again, check out new gigs and whatnot.

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JohnTheDrummer
Metalhead

Joined: Sat May 12, 2007 2:25 pm
Posts: 518
Location: Seattle, WA, USA
PostPosted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 4:55 pm 
 

THe last half of 2015 up to now has been ass. My health just isn't doing well, haven't drummed since October, and just getting very tired of it. Currently doing Physical Therapy for my injured shoulder (which is one of the few things I am enjoying right now), my neck is in a ton of pain because I think I over stretched it on some head rolls (it wasn't in pain for a while, now there is a lump/swelling on it), and my current location of work may be getting leased out by someone else soon.

I just want to get healthy again, drum without pain, and enjoy life. Every day is just frustrating. I know others have it harder with living situations or related issues, but those are my complaints :D

... at least I have some good friends and a lot of kick ass wrestling to watch!
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DreamOfDarkness
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Apr 25, 2012 4:09 pm
Posts: 246
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 7:21 pm 
 

I'm actually quite happy, life gives me all reasons to be. Raised by caring and intelligent parents, stable childhood, had enough bad experiences (false friends, bullying, being an "outsider" or "freak") during my school years to know the worse sides of life and myself, but I learned from these experiences and I'm grateful I had them when they weren't interfering with important decisions in my life. I passed school well after all and now I'm studying physics, living on my own with a really cool roommate.

Music - metal mostly - played a large role in keeping my sanity during school years. Even when everyone else disappointed me, the music was just there, and I saw that others struggle with the same things, have the same fears and hopes. I'll throw in Psychotic Waltz - A Social Grace and Death - Symbolic being quite inspiring musically and lyrically for me. Still, listening to music has a much higher priority for me than using the internet, reading books or watching TV. While I'm happy to have a break from using computers during vacation, my music player simply is a must-have.

In terms of relationships I haven't been that lucky so far, though again I'm learning and I didn't make any terrible experiences. It's simply hard for me to find a person I find attractive who finds me attrative who has the personality traits which I need to keep a stable relationship. I'm attracted to men (I'm one myself if this wasn't clear), but most bi/gay ones are either emotional fashion queens or narcisstic, hyper-masculine gym-visitors, at least those I can find on online dating sites meet the clichés quite well. And a thing such as a gay metalhead who likes more than symphonic power metal doesn't really exist. Recently I've developed an attraction to women as well, but here it's even worse: It feels like 95% are hyper-feminine and often bitchy or at least highly emotionally unstable, and those few who are actually just cool and relaxed and nice pretty much always have happy long-term relationships and/or are lesbians. Meh.


What keeps me from being full-time happy and euphoric has to be some emotional neutralizaton my brain seems to require. Sometimes, when I'm having a fun time at a party, at some point later in the evening I just feel disillusioned, numb and sad for no apparent reason. After returning home, thoughts are often about death, loss, suffering, the pointlessness of everything and so on. I wouldn't call this depression, as this feeling has usually faded the next day, but it puzzles me nonetheless. The same goes the other way round. As I was meeting some relatives at the funeral of my great-aunt, I felt that the loss sparked positive thoughts in the end.

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MikeyC
Official Greeter of Broken Hills

Joined: Wed Jun 14, 2006 5:16 am
Posts: 12588
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 7:55 pm 
 

stefan86 wrote:
I've been in quite a big down period for about three-four months. Winter depression (shitty weather and working 24/7 with no vacation or fun stuff in sight) accompanied with dwelling on previous life choices and how things could've been different has me completely by the balls right now. I have a nice job and a nice apartment but it still doesn't really feel like there is much point to everyday life. Just feels like I'm a robot repeating the same pointless pattern over and over again. My social anxiety and a bunch of obsessive thoughts make me extremely tired, which means I need to be alone a lot to make it work. This cripples my social life, musical exploits and my relationship a lot.

Interesting how there is so much talk about 20's and 30's too since that's a big dark cloud in the back of my mind. I have no interest in family life, so getting old is a big problem for me. Doesn't seem to be much I could get out of my 30+ years except turning more tired and closed off to make it through the heaps of everyday bullshit.

Sorry to hear you're in such a slump, mate. Have you considered seeing someone for this? It seems like you're really depressed so having someone to talk to might be a good start to getting through it.

JohnTheDrummer wrote:
THe last half of 2015 up to now has been ass. My health just isn't doing well, haven't drummed since October, and just getting very tired of it. Currently doing Physical Therapy for my injured shoulder (which is one of the few things I am enjoying right now), my neck is in a ton of pain because I think I over stretched it on some head rolls (it wasn't in pain for a while, now there is a lump/swelling on it), and my current location of work may be getting leased out by someone else soon.

I just want to get healthy again, drum without pain, and enjoy life. Every day is just frustrating. I know others have it harder with living situations or related issues, but those are my complaints :D

... at least I have some good friends and a lot of kick ass wrestling to watch!

That sucks about your health. Is it self-inflicted or genetic health issues? Hopefully 2016 will eliminate these problems and you can get back to drumming again. :) I didn't know you were in Mesmur, by the way. The self-titled album is very cool!

DreamOfDarkness wrote:
In terms of relationships I haven't been that lucky so far, though again I'm learning and I didn't make any terrible experiences. It's simply hard for me to find a person I find attractive who finds me attrative who has the personality traits which I need to keep a stable relationship. I'm attracted to men (I'm one myself if this wasn't clear), but most bi/gay ones are either emotional fashion queens or narcisstic, hyper-masculine gym-visitors, at least those I can find on online dating sites meet the clichés quite well. And a thing such as a gay metalhead who likes more than symphonic power metal doesn't really exist. Recently I've developed an attraction to women as well, but here it's even worse: It feels like 95% are hyper-feminine and often bitchy or at least highly emotionally unstable, and those few who are actually just cool and relaxed and nice pretty much always have happy long-term relationships and/or are lesbians. Meh.

Straight men have the same problem with women. :P Just be patient here. There's no magic elixir to instantly find a partner, so you have to put the time and effort in, even if it's daunting. You'll find someone. :)

DreamOfDarkness wrote:
What keeps me from being full-time happy and euphoric has to be some emotional neutralizaton my brain seems to require. Sometimes, when I'm having a fun time at a party, at some point later in the evening I just feel disillusioned, numb and sad for no apparent reason. After returning home, thoughts are often about death, loss, suffering, the pointlessness of everything and so on. I wouldn't call this depression, as this feeling has usually faded the next day, but it puzzles me nonetheless. The same goes the other way round. As I was meeting some relatives at the funeral of my great-aunt, I felt that the loss sparked positive thoughts in the end.

That is unusual, but at least it fades away and you can get back to normal. Perhaps the next time you're at a party and you can feel the disillusionment coming on, be aware of it and ask yourself why it's happening. Try to be on your own for two minutes if possible so you can really focus on why it's occurring, acknowledge that it's there, and tell yourself what's more important to you. It won't cure it immediately, but hopefully it'll stop its ferocity.

Other than that, I'm glad everything is going well for you. :thumbsup:
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Metantoine
bébé ours

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 10800
Location: In the Rectory
PostPosted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 8:16 pm 
 

DreamOfDarkness wrote:

In terms of relationships I haven't been that lucky so far, though again I'm learning and I didn't make any terrible experiences. It's simply hard for me to find a person I find attractive who finds me attrative who has the personality traits which I need to keep a stable relationship. I'm attracted to men (I'm one myself if this wasn't clear), but most bi/gay ones are either emotional fashion queens or narcisstic, hyper-masculine gym-visitors, at least those I can find on online dating sites meet the clichés quite well. And a thing such as a gay metalhead who likes more than symphonic power metal doesn't really exist. Recently I've developed an attraction to women as well, but here it's even worse: It feels like 95% are hyper-feminine and often bitchy or at least highly emotionally unstable, and those few who are actually just cool and relaxed and nice pretty much always have happy long-term relationships and/or are lesbians. Meh.

I'm glad you're sharing something like that as I'm in a similar situation. I'm bisexual and the stereotypes are unfortunately a bit true. Bears are fine, I guess but there's more than just sexuality in relationships, at least I'm looking for more than that. It's also another challenge as I'm a fat dude and I understand how huge a turnoff this is, unfortunately. The ladies I'm interesting in are all in couple or "out of my league" like we usually say even if the existence of this saying isn't totally real. Keep looking, maybe use dating sites (OkCupid is decent, the paying version looks even better) and I know you'll find someone. You're still young!

I'm not depressive and I know my life isn't miserable (it could be!) but I know that if I can actually finish university and become a teacher, this will do wonders for my life. I have this internship coming up (55 days of classes as a high school teacher, unpaid of course) and I hope I can manage to pass it. I also want to move from my parents soon and be totally independant financially and otherwise, it's more than time.
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MikeyC
Official Greeter of Broken Hills

Joined: Wed Jun 14, 2006 5:16 am
Posts: 12588
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 8:29 pm 
 

I didn't know you were bisexual, Antoine. I always thought you were a manly man out to pillage women!

Women can be surprisingly non-superficial so being a big guy isn't as big as a turn-off as you might think. As long as you're confident in yourself, you will be okay. :) And it seems like you are for the most part so you're practically half-way there.

Good luck with being a teacher. That kind of job would be outside of my abilities but I hope you can do it. 55 days unpaid work sounds daunting (and illegal?), but good luck with that. :)
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Metantoine
bébé ours

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
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Location: In the Rectory
PostPosted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 8:37 pm 
 

MikeyC wrote:
I didn't know you were bisexual, Antoine. I always thought you were a manly man out to pillage women!

I'm a manly man out to pillage women and men!

Thanks and no, it's not illegal here (it's illegal in France, I believe though.) We've been fighting to get a remuneration since the last internship is full time and you do the full job of a teacher (supported by an associated teacher) but it's a long process. Hopefully the future generations are gonna get something. I'm not sure how we can fix this situation though since no one want to pay! The engineering or finance students who do internships are of course paid by their companies but no one cares about education haha.
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MikeyC
Official Greeter of Broken Hills

Joined: Wed Jun 14, 2006 5:16 am
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Location: Australia
PostPosted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 8:45 pm 
 

Metantoine wrote:
MikeyC wrote:
I didn't know you were bisexual, Antoine. I always thought you were a manly man out to pillage women!

I'm a manly man out to pillage women and men!

Thanks and no, it's not illegal here (it's illegal in France, I believe though.) We've been fighting to get a remuneration since the last internship is full time and you do the full job of a teacher (supported by an associated teacher) but it's a long process. Hopefully the future generations are gonna get something. I'm not sure how we can fix this situation though since no one want to pay! The engineering or finance students who do internships are of course paid by their companies but no one cares about education haha.

Apparently so! The more you know. :)

Hopefully something can happen there, but for now enjoy your internship! It should be a real eye-opener but an awesome one.
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PvtNinjer
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Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 12:45 am
Posts: 3161
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 8:54 pm 
 

MikeyC wrote:
I disagree about "now or never," too. I don't know your age but it's never too late to improve. :)


You are right, I think my biggest issue is having to convince people to buy stuff when I can barely convince myself to get out of bed is extremely tiring. I think sales in general is very mentally tiring as you are constantly being pushed one way or another emotionally, a big part of dealing with customers is forcing yourself to empathise with them when you really could care less, and being generally attentive to their emotions and mirroring them appropriately. That's tough when you have a very high energy, happy go lucky customer, and all you can think about is blowing your brains out. :p

But you are right, it's never too late. I just feel like I'm getting closer and closer to having a real bad breakdown where I might need to be hospitalized due to being a danger to myself and/or attempting suicide. I've had a few breakdowns which usually involve extreme loathing and contempt and varying methods of self destruction (destroying expensive personal belongings, abusing drugs and alcohol, withdrawing completely from relationships) but I have always been able to stay somewhat functional (as in going to work, eating, not completely abandoning personal hygiene) despite this, but it gets worse each time (these severe episodes are pretty rare, though) and I honestly feel like at some point it will come down to suicide if I don't do anything about it. I'm starting to feel desperate... but not desperate enough. As fucked up as it sounds, I almost feel like hitting a crisis would be easier than the lengthy procedure of getting referral, etc. The urgency makes it feel more legitimate, whereas on a day like today when I feel more or less "normal", I feel like I'm just being a baby or I'm just not trying hard enough to be happy.

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