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narsilianshard
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Aug 14, 2009 12:22 pm
Posts: 674
Location: Seattle
PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 3:33 pm 
 

I think it's fun to see how horribly wrong reviewers can be about albums. Obviously everyone is entitled to their subjective opinion, but when you run across writers who have no idea what they're talking about they deserve to be called out. Rovi is a company who has hundreds of "writers" on staff, churning out as many reviews as possible and selling them to services like iTunes and Spotify. Because of this you'll see thousands of these horrendously misinformed "reviews" on well-known websites. Here's my favorite so far, which calls Old Man's Child a thrash band.

Quote:
Old Man's Child's debut, Born of the Flickering, is an average thrash-metal album, where the emphasis is unsurprisingly on guitars.


http://www.allmusic.com/album/born-of-t ... 0000664312

It bugs me to no end that someone was paid to write this crap, when there are thousands of talented writers lurking around MA that will never make a dime off of their wonderful ways with words. Anyone else come across particular heinous reviews around the interwebs?
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StainedClass95
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Jul 04, 2014 4:14 am
Posts: 371
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 11:15 pm 
 

Pretty much anything Christgau has ever done. I've never heard someone so respected be so arrogant all the time. He literally believes that what he doesn't like is horrid, And that the fans are somehow either dumb or brainwashed by musical trends of the last forty years. Heck, the guy partially revamped his rating system a while ago because he thought modern music was too inferior to compare. Lastly, the guy uses many stereotypes, metal and prog fans are pothead teens and that metal is chauvinistic. Pull any review of his for Rush or Metallica and you'll see what I mean.

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Unity
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Nov 27, 2013 5:42 pm
Posts: 394
Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 11:00 am 
 

Well, most mainstream journalists are just downright ignorant. I remember some asshole saying that Marilyn Manson's album "The High End Of Low" was a Doom Metal album...
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Subrick
Metal freak

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
Posts: 5818
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 11:05 am 
 

EDIT: Ignore. Got my facts wrong here.
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Last edited by Subrick on Fri Aug 08, 2014 12:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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NoKnownName
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Nov 02, 2013 7:39 pm
Posts: 165
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 11:35 am 
 

Subrick wrote:
It has a doom metal song in "Lay Down Your Goddamn Arms"

Um, "Lay Down Your Goddamn Arms" is from Born Villain, not The High End of Low.
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Subrick
Metal freak

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
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Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 12:00 pm 
 

-_-

I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue.
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CF_Mono
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Jul 08, 2010 5:21 pm
Posts: 1501
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 12:28 pm 
 

Unity wrote:
Well, most mainstream journalists are just downright ignorant. I remember some asshole saying that Marilyn Manson's album "The High End Of Low" was a Doom Metal album...

Wow. Can I get a link to that one please?
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NoKnownName
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Nov 02, 2013 7:39 pm
Posts: 165
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 12:53 pm 
 

It was Entertainment Weekly, of course. http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20279700,00.html
They described the album as "safe as milk doom metal".

This quote from an uncredited Allmusic review for Five Finger Death Punch's debut album drops a lot of genre names, unfortunately, it seems the reviewer doesn't know what they mean.
Quote:
On The Way of the Fist, the band offers up its appealing brand of metal, which moves between hardcore, ominous black metal, and melodic metal à la System of a Down or Alice in Chains.

The usage of the phrase "melodic metal" is a red flag that whoever wrote this has no idea what they're talking about.
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Accept it KORN RULES everyone who is anyone will tell it to you... Only posers with thrash metal t-shirts say its no good.
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Cruciphage
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 9:41 am
Posts: 625
Location: Standing right behind you
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 4:47 pm 
 

NoKnownName wrote:
This quote from an uncredited Allmusic review for Five Finger Death Punch's debut album drops a lot of genre names, unfortunately, it seems the reviewer doesn't know what they mean.
Quote:
On The Way of the Fist, the band offers up its appealing brand of metal, which moves between hardcore, ominous black metal, and melodic metal à la System of a Down or Alice in Chains.

The usage of the phrase "melodic metal" is a red flag that whoever wrote this has no idea what they're talking about.

I'd argue it was the presence of the phrase "ominous black metal" in connection with this band.
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NoKnownName
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Nov 02, 2013 7:39 pm
Posts: 165
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 5:03 pm 
 

Well, that too. And comparing them to SOAD.
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Some poor fool wrote:
Accept it KORN RULES everyone who is anyone will tell it to you... Only posers with thrash metal t-shirts say its no good.
Doomsday wrote:
Doom is the blues of metal, you either feel it or you don't.

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narsilianshard
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Aug 14, 2009 12:22 pm
Posts: 674
Location: Seattle
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 5:34 pm 
 

Allmusic was bought by that company Rovi I mentioned above and that's why all their reviews are complete shit. I have a friend who worked there for a bit, apparently there's something like 100 reviewers each writing 10-20 pieces a day.
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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8852
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 6:08 pm 
 

I fucking loathe Metal Temple, easily one of the most amateurish, shittiest metal reviewing websites.

A good example: http://www.metal-temple.com/site/catalo ... d-time.htm
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mjollnir
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jul 17, 2004 4:14 pm
Posts: 877
Location: Boswell, PA USA
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 6:14 pm 
 

Metantoine wrote:
I fucking loathe Metal Temple, easily one of the most amateurish, shittiest metal reviewing websites.

A good example: http://www.metal-temple.com/site/catalo ... d-time.htm


Not a good review at all but I must agree with the reviewers assessment of the vocals. It's the only thing that keeps me from liking this album. The vocals are not good at all.
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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8852
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 6:15 pm 
 

Jean-Pierre is a king, how dare you!!!!!!!
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PhilosophicalFrog wrote:
JESUS CRUST, I didn't know this was the goddamn pizza inquisition.

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mjollnir
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jul 17, 2004 4:14 pm
Posts: 877
Location: Boswell, PA USA
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 6:17 pm 
 

Metantoine wrote:
Jean-Pierre is a king, how dare you!!!!!!!


They sound strained and forced at times, especially on the higher notes and falsettos.
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TheStormIRide
Jesuscop

Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:45 pm
Posts: 988
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 6:49 pm 
 

Metantoine wrote:
I fucking loathe Metal Temple, easily one of the most amateurish, shittiest metal reviewing websites.

A good example: http://www.metal-temple.com/site/catalo ... d-time.htm


I swear that Metal Temple writers are given a template and just fill in the blanks. Every review I've seen there ends in "In my opinion this is a great sounding [insert genre here] album."
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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 9854
Location: Seattle, United States
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 6:59 pm 
 

metalcovenant.com is pretty bad. A few of their reviewers have had incidents here and their reviews read like esl homework (I do believe they aren't native english speakers).
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narsilianshard
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Aug 14, 2009 12:22 pm
Posts: 674
Location: Seattle
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 7:45 pm 
 

Christ, now I'm reading Metal Temple and laughing my ass off. How does this site have a horde of writers and 8k+ likes on Facebook? A nice excerpt on a 10/10! review for a Darkest Hour album:

Quote:
The chorus is the main section that made me love this song, it's the kind of chorus that the audience would gladly sing along to about coming to the end of the world. After the second chorus the song his a beautiful guitar piece that's eventually covered by some vocals before finally closing out with the chorus. The song itself isn't complicated and closes out the album (and probably a full show) perfectly with the way it opens and closes.


According to the site this writer is from Canada, so he's probably a native English speaker :ugh:
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MonumentalBlackArt
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Feb 18, 2014 12:04 am
Posts: 285
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 8:02 pm 
 

Metal Temple is legit the worst. I don't know if I've ever seen a good review on that site.

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John_Sunlight
President Satan

Joined: Tue Apr 20, 2010 4:41 am
Posts: 4730
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 8:34 pm 
 

I'm telling all the other sites that MA is dissing them.
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MutantClannfear
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 2298
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 11:41 pm 
 

Metantoine wrote:
I fucking loathe Metal Temple, easily one of the most amateurish, shittiest metal reviewing websites.

A good example: http://www.metal-temple.com/site/catalo ... d-time.htm

What's the story behind this review? My web browser says I've clicked on this link before and I remember a fair bit of drama surrounding it when it was discovered.
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narsilianshard
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Aug 14, 2009 12:22 pm
Posts: 674
Location: Seattle
PostPosted: Sat Aug 09, 2014 1:11 am 
 

I'm guessing Tony posted it on here somewhere since his is the top comment from last October.
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Rompestromper
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Jun 23, 2014 2:37 pm
Posts: 122
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2014 4:15 am 
 

Maybe we over here are all just wrong... :ugh: :-P



haha

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Beer Baron
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Sep 06, 2011 11:30 pm
Posts: 1580
PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 7:49 am 
 

But this wrong feels right

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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8852
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 3:54 pm 
 

MutantClannfear wrote:
Metantoine wrote:
I fucking loathe Metal Temple, easily one of the most amateurish, shittiest metal reviewing websites.

A good example: http://www.metal-temple.com/site/catalo ... d-time.htm

What's the story behind this review? My web browser says I've clicked on this link before and I remember a fair bit of drama surrounding it when it was discovered.

You probably clicked on it when it appeared on Facebook since the comments are linked there.
Another shameful review by them: http://www.metal-temple.com/site/catalo ... racles.htm

This mentions Neurosis, Isis, Boris and Sunn O))) even though this band is neither drone, post or sludge but he forgot to mention the only, obvious influence they have, Om. Fucking awful. This guy doesn't know anything about doom.
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praey
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2008 1:33 am
Posts: 455
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 4:59 pm 
 

narsilianshard wrote:
Christ, now I'm reading Metal Temple and laughing my ass off. How does this site have a horde of writers and 8k+ likes on Facebook? A nice excerpt on a 10/10! review for a Darkest Hour album:

Quote:
The chorus is the main section that made me love this song, it's the kind of chorus that the audience would gladly sing along to about coming to the end of the world. After the second chorus the song his a beautiful guitar piece that's eventually covered by some vocals before finally closing out with the chorus. The song itself isn't complicated and closes out the album (and probably a full show) perfectly with the way it opens and closes.


According to the site this writer is from Canada, so he's probably a native English speaker :ugh:


Not to mention the artwork on that review is from the wrong album. What sloppy bullshit.

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mjollnir
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jul 17, 2004 4:14 pm
Posts: 877
Location: Boswell, PA USA
PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 5:15 pm 
 

Metantoine wrote:
You probably clicked on it when it appeared on Facebook since the comments are linked there.
Another shameful review by them: http://www.metal-temple.com/site/catalo ... racles.htm

This mentions Neurosis, Isis, Boris and Sunn O))) even though this band is neither drone, post or sludge but he forgot to mention the only, obvious influence they have, Om. Fucking awful. This guy doesn't know anything about doom.


That Zaum review is pretty bad. Okay, after one visit to Metal Temple I can see what they are about. Any site with METAL in it should not be reviewing Godsmack. I wonder what other non-metal they promote on there.
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NoKnownName
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Nov 02, 2013 7:39 pm
Posts: 165
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Aug 13, 2014 10:07 pm 
 

Allmusic strikes again!
Ned Raggett wrote:
Godflesh's first full album built on the strengths of their self-titled EP and then some, resulting in one of the darkest, best classics of grindcore

Calling Godflesh grindcore is like calling Slayer black metal.
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Some poor fool wrote:
Accept it KORN RULES everyone who is anyone will tell it to you... Only posers with thrash metal t-shirts say its no good.
Doomsday wrote:
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ghost223
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 10:35 am
Posts: 798
Location: Wisconsin
PostPosted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 11:50 am 
 

mjollnir wrote:
Okay, after one visit to Metal Temple I can see what they are about. Any site with METAL in it should not be reviewing Godsmack. I wonder what other non-metal they promote on there.


I thought the same damn thing just now when I clicked the link. The sorry excuse for a review that they had on there boiled down to defending Godsmack as a legitimate "hard rock" band and said very little about the actual album itself aside from, "this song is good, and so is this one, fuck you if you don't like it. 10/10!" What a joke of a website.
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Abominatrix
Harbinger of Metal

Joined: Fri Oct 24, 2003 12:15 pm
Posts: 10238
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 12:35 pm 
 

Not quite what the OP had in mind, I think, but some of this is very much worth a read, and offers some really interesting perspective, especially in the comments after the review exerpts. Someone has taken the time to compile a list of 500 inadequate, sloppy, incomprehensible or just plain misguided reviews from Rolling Stone magazine since its inception:

http://rateyourmusic.com/list/schmidtt/ ... progress_/
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Azmodes
Ultranaut

Joined: Fri Nov 02, 2007 10:44 am
Posts: 6013
Location: Gradec, Austria
PostPosted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 1:16 pm 
 

^ Thanks for that, very interesting. :beer:
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Turner
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Aug 23, 2002 2:04 am
Posts: 1244
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 3:09 pm 
 

just reading a few reviews from the metal temple and hahaha, these are the reviews that get posted into the "oven fodder" thread here.
quality control (and web 2.0) ftw!

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Abominatrix
Harbinger of Metal

Joined: Fri Oct 24, 2003 12:15 pm
Posts: 10238
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 4:00 pm 
 

Azmodes wrote:
^ Thanks for that, very interesting. :beer:



Agreed! I think it's particularly interesting to note how the magazine's perspective seemed to alter with the times, and also how they appeared to curry favour on a regular basis with certain bands/artists/labels right up through to the 80s. It's also interesting to see which "movements" in pop/rock history were covered and which ones weren't, because the editorial staff apparently didn't think they were significant or just weren't the right kind of subculture. In the beginning it seems like nearly every important punk album got trashed by the mag, but by the mid 80s punk was "endearing" while metal was "mindless noise", showing clearly that they didn't really "get" either movement.

Also why the hell all the positive reviews for guys like James Taylor and Bruce Springsteen and even the crappiest of Rolling Stones albums? It's just so bizarre.

More in line with the original purpose of this I suppose: progarchives.com is a useful resource, but it just makes me grateful for metal-archives and its clean, functional and eminently sensible layout and reasonably high standards. Not only is the progarchives site a cluttered and slow mess, but the reviews, even from the top-contributors whose reviews appear at the top of album pages, are often just completely unstructured ramblings that wander around with their execrable grammar and typography and are not very pleasant to read.
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Acrobat
Eric Olthwaite

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:53 am
Posts: 6652
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 4:08 pm 
 

Abominatrix wrote:
. Not only is the progarchives site a cluttered and slow mess, but the reviews, even from the top-contributors whose reviews appear at the top of album pages, are often just completely unstructured ramblings that wander around with their execrable grammar and typography and are not very pleasant to read.


Perhaps the unstructured ramblings are very progressive?
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StainedClass95
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Jul 04, 2014 4:14 am
Posts: 371
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 5:00 pm 
 

Progarchives reviews aren't well-formatted or long, but I do like their idea of including the number of reviews in the formula for the album's regard.

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Hatman
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Jun 10, 2013 6:53 pm
Posts: 58
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 10:26 pm 
 

Quote:
Good God, did they even have an editor on staff at this point?*
*-In fact, they did not, at least for the reviews section. According to Robert Draper's 1991 "uncensored history" of Rolling Stone: "As Greil Marcus discovered the first day on the job, there had been no editor before him. Each issue's record review section comprised whatever had come in through the postal service in response to the help-wanted ads."

:lol:
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Woolie_Wool
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2006 6:56 pm
Posts: 1673
Location: Far beyond the prophecy of tyrant guardians
PostPosted: Thu Aug 21, 2014 10:24 am 
 

Acrobat wrote:
Abominatrix wrote:
. Not only is the progarchives site a cluttered and slow mess, but the reviews, even from the top-contributors whose reviews appear at the top of album pages, are often just completely unstructured ramblings that wander around with their execrable grammar and typography and are not very pleasant to read.


Perhaps the unstructured ramblings are very progressive?


They should divide their reviews into a number of sub-sections with goofy titles numbered with Roman numerals, and the section in the middle reads like Napero's review of Lulu except it's serious and not a joke.
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narsilianshard
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Aug 14, 2009 12:22 pm
Posts: 674
Location: Seattle
PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 6:22 pm 
 

Another Rovi gem. On the newest Carpathian Forest:

Quote:
The German-based art-rock trio tries its hand at heavy metal on this set of hate-filled, throat-shredding rants, with convincing results.


http://www.allmusic.com/album/fuck-you-all-mw0000528086

German. Art-Rock. What the actual fuck. Someone was paid to write this. Google is showing 2,000+ results for this review.
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Woolie_Wool
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2006 6:56 pm
Posts: 1673
Location: Far beyond the prophecy of tyrant guardians
PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 8:22 pm 
 

It appears that someone listened to the album and thought it was a completely different band. Who are "Chicks on Speed"?
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Aydross
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2012 9:21 pm
Posts: 212
PostPosted: Sun Aug 31, 2014 4:27 pm 
 

How about Allmusic's annoying 5 star ranking system? They always seem pretty random.
From Virgin Steele's MoH&HPt2 - "About as perfect as a metal album can get" --ranking:4 stars
Fuck allmusic.
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