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Grave_Wyrm
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 2001
Location: In the Open Sea
PostPosted: Tue Jun 03, 2014 5:53 pm 
 

In the history of short-lived threads, this might prove briefly entertaining.

What happened, will happen, might have happened, totally didn't fucking happen, but it would be cool/horrible if it did happen on the year of your post count?

Many of you will be in the far-flung future, some of you just saw Christ's skeleton topple off the cross. A few of you are with the Vikings on a crossing, a handful of you are enjoying the fruits of Rome. Some of you are living in medieval squalor inside a rotting castle under siege, gnawing on the last horse hoof and praying for the angels to heal your burned and dying baby. Others are basically in contemporary days watching Dr. Who for the first time. Empyreal is in a space ship traveling at light speed several dozen centuries from now, still able to communicate with us.

:: Here on planet Wyrm, the year is 1883 and at least here in the US, things are really crackin. There's a serious cowboy strike going on in West Texas. Overhead wires are a thing now, which is pretty mind blowing for the time, and the first electrical service using them is up which means Chicago's El is finally operational, too. 'Ladies Home Journal' begins publishing, which I'm very excited about. The first steel naval vessels are authorized by Congress (Old Ironsides is just a few anticipatory breaths away). The first machine to build entire shoes is invented, which is pretty cool. I couldn't do that. And the postal mail chute was just patented! YES! The US Supreme Court decides Native Americans can't be Americans, which was basically the most idiotic day of the year outside of Alfred Packer's conviction for manslaughter even though he was accused of cannibalism. The first baseball night game had lights on it, but before then (May 23rd) there was held a baseball game pitting one-armed and one-legged players against each other. Black Bart the poet robs his last stagecoach, in case any of you forgot that stage coaches were ever there to be robbed (I know I did). On the more grisly side of things, Krakatoa explodes, killing 40,000 people with a 1,300 megaton blast.

Let's have a moment of silence for the last quagga, died at the Artis Magistra zoo in Amsterdam. The quagga are now officially extinct.

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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 3271
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Jun 03, 2014 5:57 pm 
 

A man in Bangladesh will shit his pants.
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mjollnir
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jul 17, 2004 4:14 pm
Posts: 615
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Jun 03, 2014 6:01 pm 
 

I almost looked up 409 but since I will be posting this, my count would be 410. So here is what happened in that year...
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henkkjelle
Veteran

Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2011 3:54 pm
Posts: 3047
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Tue Jun 03, 2014 7:55 pm 
 

Family guy will be cancelled.
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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8487
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Tue Jun 03, 2014 8:19 pm 
 

Pretty much: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twilight_Imperium

Oh and lightsabers are totally a thing.
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severzhavnost
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2008 10:16 pm
Posts: 722
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Tue Jun 03, 2014 8:22 pm 
 

558 AD, squat-all of consequence happened.
558 BC, Solon, well-known supporter of pederasty, died in Athens. RIP I suppose? :ugh:
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DivineSpirit33
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Apr 10, 2014 8:23 pm
Posts: 83
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Jun 03, 2014 9:31 pm 
 

In A.D. 34, as a Christian, I assume that I'm hiding from the anti-Christian persecutors. That's what I get for being a forum newbie. ;-;
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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 4725
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Jun 03, 2014 9:32 pm 
 

Circa 4633 BC, beer brewing, metallurgy, and plowing were invented. That covers all the things I love.

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the_raytownian
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Jun 13, 2006 1:09 am
Posts: 2137
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Tue Jun 03, 2014 10:14 pm 
 

henkkjelle wrote:
Family guy will be cancelled.

We can only hope.

...but not before a series of big budget films and live-action theatre productions where Seth MacFarlane performs every line of dialogue just to hear his own voice come out in 2107.
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Machine_Dead
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2009 3:47 pm
Posts: 635
Location: Antwerp, Belgium
PostPosted: Tue Jun 03, 2014 11:46 pm 
 

612 b.c. : Babylon, capital of the Neo-Babylonian Empire, becomes the largest city in the world, taking the lead from Nineveh.
612: Goguryeo–Sui War: Emperor Yángdi invades Goguryeo (Korea) with an expeditionary force of over one million men named the "24 Armies"
1612: Simon Marius, is first to observe Andromeda Galaxy through a telescope
2612 : Star Wars Episode 21: The Binks Legacy. The economic crisis has hit such a low that it will only be 1 of 5 movies released that year. There are only 2 conglomerate film production studios left in the world. One of them being a Canadian one, the other one being a film production and distribution studio from the United Democratic Korean Republic. By this time Episode 21 will be the second movie that was actually shot in space. The first movie succesfully film shot in space 'Lost In Space: Return to Space' was made by a Ukranian studio owned by the Russian government. This movie ended the 2nd cold war (2024-2025) and together with it also ended the 'Neo-Space Race' which eventually threw both the USA, Europe and Russia itself in a massive economic crisis. The only Disney park left in the world will be the one in Seoul, in the United Democratic Korean Republic. Since South Korea has been part of a Communist republic for over 500 years, Korean citizens are allowed to go to the park once a year. Members of the Communist party can take their family twice a year. The Supreme leader can go whenever he wants. He will be the only one able to take a ride on the custom-made 'Motörcoaster: Ace In Space'. Kim Jong-Yoong based the name of his favourite rollercoaster on a relic he came across in the Republican Museum of Audiovisual Artefacts; a 600 year old audio format known as a 'Blackdisc' containing the music album 'Motörhead - Ace Of Spades'. The album was such a massive influence on the Korean Spreme leader he ultimately decided to change the star on the Korean flag to a black spade. He faced no resistance whatsoever from the Korean government. He announced the 'change of the flag' on January 8 2612, the birth anniversary day of Kim Yong-Un 'the greatest leader in Korean history', on national holovision, the only infomedium left in the Republic to get news out , since internet has been abolished for hundreds of years.
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Last edited by Machine_Dead on Wed Jun 04, 2014 12:07 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Terri23
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Sep 30, 2010 3:53 am
Posts: 2086
PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 12:01 am 
 

2065 - Invisible suits will become military standard issue. Buildings will become self assembling thanks to nanotechnology, medicine will be able to halt the ageing process, and the insurance industry will fall into crisis.
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GuntherTheUndying
Crimson King, Eater of Worlds

Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:36 pm
Posts: 2527
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 12:25 am 
 

2507: Neptune's water supply is sapped to deal with Earth's water shortage, cyborg implants become legal to the general public, and Control Denied's second unreleased album is slated to finally be released.
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Goatfangs
Wicker Mantis

Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2008 5:02 pm
Posts: 2175
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 1:43 am 
 

Hmm, don't know what my post count is yet so I'll edit my post for my response.

2158 - Everyone here is 144 years older. Also, praying mantises mutate to be the size of cats and everyone has a space ship that they can fly anywhere. Every planet is colonized. The hardest to reach planet is Sedna, which is really hard to reach. There are others that are hard to reach, like Alpha Centauri, because lightyears are hard to travel across. They are big. But a technological singularity sometime in the middle 21st century allowed for rapid technological development and soon warp drive will be invented that will allow humanity to colonize the whole freaking galaxy.

It'll be more fun than today, that's for sure.
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Under_Starmere
Abhorrent Fish-Man

Joined: Tue Apr 24, 2007 5:00 pm
Posts: 4150
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 2:22 am 
 

The year is 3944. All Marvel and DC film franchises have been rebooted some 2,009 times, and for 1,322 years have exclusively cast the members of various Chinese royal families, whose legal prerogative it is to enforce such things. An orbiting complex of solar panels akin to the rings of Saturn hangs like a dirty Milky Way in the sky, having gone defunct several decades previously; we haven't gotten around to cleaning it up yet, as it's really big, we're really lazy, and we lost most of our spaceship engineers in the great School Burning of 3610. The great nations of the world (all five of them – China, New China, the Chinese Island Republic, West China, and Antarctica) are controlled by a theocratic elite that rule as acting regents for the still-absent Maitreya Buddha. About at the turn of the millennium, aggressive manufacturing and trade competition ground down the world economy down to essentially nil, and we've subsisted on the barter system since then. Everyone in the world is illiterate and all our science and technology (what little we have of them) are passed on as oral histories and as ritualized forms of theatre.

No one knows what we're really doing at this point. We're just kind of here.
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joncheetham88
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2008 10:41 pm
Posts: 466
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 3:17 am 
 

413 CE (CDXIII), Europe's occupied with Christianity's campaign to set everything back by a couple of hundred years, reckon I'd be off to feudal Japan on the first boat. The Wikipedia pages for the emperors of that time seem to indicate peace, so that would be nice. I can do without the squalour and political upheavals of Europe at the time in favour of kicking back in the satoyamas practicing my kanji.

If that's out of the question though, guess I might hook up with a tribe of pagans and go a 'raiding.
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Ohrwurm
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Apr 15, 2013 1:47 am
Posts: 412
Location: Amsterdam, The Netherlands
PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 3:39 am 
 

Grave_Wyrm wrote:
Let's have a moment of silence for the last quagga, died at the Artis Magistra zoo in Amsterdam. The quagga are now officially extinct.


:o How in the nine hells did I not know that?! After 22 years of living in Amsterdam and visiting Artis many many times, I have to hear this now. So we didn't just kill the dodo!

Anywho, 405 A.D. had some interesting stuff, like the bible's translation to Latin being finished: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/405

405 B.C. was most noteably the year Sparta butt-raped Athens.
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inhumanist
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Jan 14, 2011 5:09 pm
Posts: 4170
Location: 50 Forts Along The Rhine
PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 5:23 am 
 

In the year 4030 Marl KarxE87ip36 will determine the genetically engineered neuron-slaves who were created* to handle the ultramassive singularity generators and who make up 99,9% of the imperial population (though are not accounted for in the official census) to be the first true revolutionary class capable of overthrowing trans-galactic hyper-capitalism.

*Of course it is long possible to replace human mental and morphological capacities with robots, but it is still much cheaper to breed homo sapiens.
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Last edited by inhumanist on Thu Jun 05, 2014 8:15 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Marag
Veteran

Joined: Fri Feb 27, 2009 8:55 pm
Posts: 2659
Location: down there where chaos prevails
PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 4:13 pm 
 

c. 2540 BC, Gilgamesh is the king of Uruk

2548 AC - Scientists use a carefully selected mix of Keptayn grown barley and wheat, along with nuclear-evaporation to create the universe's first non-shitty alcohol free beer.

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CF_Mono
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Jul 08, 2010 5:21 pm
Posts: 1319
PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 5:33 pm 
 

1215, Beijing is captured by Genghis Kahn. Very interesting!
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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 3271
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 12:52 am 
 

After going back through time, the 32 century did see the founding of the First Dynasty in Egypt. Pretty cool I suppose.
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ShaolinLambKiller
King Asshole

Joined: Fri Dec 07, 2007 6:10 pm
Posts: 11679
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 7:04 am 
 

Everyone's dead in the far far future of 11363 AD
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Cianan
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat May 06, 2006 10:40 am
Posts: 219
Location: Foothills of the Adirondacks
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 10:02 am 
 

I went with 219 BC because it was a hell of a lot more fun!

Syria wanted to rebel against Ptolemy IV thus creating the 4th Syrian war. Also in Egypt a Spartan king(?) escaped from prison but committed suicide after he couldn't start a revolt in Alexandria.

The Romans were still conquering shit around the Adriatic Sea like bosses (conquering areas near Slovenia).

Carthage started the second Punic War against Rome this year.

Also Rome spanked Pharos as well.

Apparently, 219 was a year of Roman domination.
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VoidApostle
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Aug 30, 2012 8:00 pm
Posts: 183
Location: Within The Vacuum of Infinity
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 10:57 am 
 

180 A.D. Commodus becomes emperor of Rome and absurd gladiatorial hijinks were had.
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Derigin
Anthropophagus

Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:25 am
Posts: 2440
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 11:26 am 
 

The year is approximately 2382 AD. Lavos had emerged just over three-hundred years earlier in the event known widely as the Day of Lavos. There is little left. The land is cold, barren, polluted. No plants, no animals, no sun... just endless winter. The remnants of former civilizations are huddled into collapsing structures, hungry with no hopes of survival. Mutants scavenge off the dead. This is the end.

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CorpseFister
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2008 2:07 pm
Posts: 1864
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 7:50 pm 
 

The War of 1812 wrapped up and American expansionism northward was defeated, thus ensuring Canadians would have old British people on their money for centuries to come.

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Hatman
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Jun 10, 2013 6:53 pm
Posts: 42
Location: 'Murica
PostPosted: Sat Jun 07, 2014 9:36 pm 
 

In 38 C.E., a guy went to Rome to complain about the Jews in Alexandria.
In 38 B.C.E., the Parthians invaded Syria and were defeated by the Romans.
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MorbidEngel
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Nov 01, 2012 9:37 pm
Posts: 391
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2014 3:51 pm 
 

358: Jack shit.
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HamburgerBoy
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2007 6:40 am
Posts: 1514
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2014 4:50 pm 
 

I know I'm just a few away from 1488, but I forget exactly.

EDIT: 1482. Apparently a few invasions between England and Scotland went down. Not too much is catching my eye, but I'm no history buff.

Wait, 1488 is just the neo-Nazi thing. I was thinking of 1349, silly me. :boo:

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Rasc
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2010 9:19 am
Posts: 179
Location: Brazil
PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2014 6:14 pm 
 

120. What a crazy year. We've killed some Sabinian Christ-loving freak called Getvlivs, pretty weird shit. We bvrned him with his brother and two officers at the stake, bvt, instead of dying, they went ovt of there alive, so we had to vse the clvb.

Next year will be better if I don't get bvrned before I get there. We're going to start a hvge ass temple to Venus and Roma.

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Thiestru
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Oct 09, 2008 9:18 am
Posts: 1104
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2014 10:51 pm 
 

In 1077, the first recorded trial by combat took place in England. Also in 1077, 1066 happened 11 years ago.
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