Look, we found this book in a room full of hanging dead animals that have been here for a while and are pretty much mummified. The book is wrapped in a trash bag and covered in barbed wire. Let's cut the barbed wire off and unwrap the trash bag and oh, look, every page is blackened out with the words "DO NOT READ" scribbled into the margins of every single fucking page. You know what we should do? Let's read it.

Basically died laughing during Adrien Brody's introduction and Willem Dafoe's demise.

Jane Levy gloriously chainsaw facefucking the Deadite, all while spouting a goofy one liner you'd expect in an Evil Dead movie.

To further explain it wasn't exactly the ending but more so bits and pieces throughout that didn't sit well, the ending itself felt rushed and the gore humour and one liner took me out of the movie which up until that point had me invested, sure there's the vomit scenes but they didn't snap out my concentration entirely. The characters were too disposable and as a result most of the movie was too predictable and not scary, there's a noticeable inconsistency to realism with characters being hurt badly but still beating along unhindered, too Hollywood-ised in terms of characters finally catching on.. As I said before it's a passable horror movie (better than The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake) that is serious in tone but it seems weighted due to the source material, the gore humour could have been removed because it feels shoehorned, it's hardly significant or very memorable, either do it or don't. This review explains the rest of thoughts more in depth: http://www.horror-movies.ca/evil-dead-2013-1981/

-We open with a scene that has no effect on the rest of the movie and actively hurts the rest of it. Where were these gypsy types later on? Why would they leave the book unattended? If there were a book capable of unleashing such an evil force that you needed to help a man burn his daughter alive in order to prevent an apocalyptic scenario involving the demon inside of her then why would you leave it where he and his family already found it? Even assuming you did leave it, why leave the fucking cabin standing? Or, better yet, why not keep a close eye on it to make sure nobody else finds the book?

-I appreciated the reason for the group to be at the cabin and how it could have been used to place doubt on what was happening. It's just too bad that this part of the movie lacks any of the suspense and overall feeling of dread that the original had in spades, focusing instead on the character interactions and trying to get us to sympathize with Mia and David. I'm watching a horror film, a remake of an absolute classic to be precise, so I know what's going to happen to them in this cabin. Stop wasting your 90 minutes and start with the actual horror.

-I'd also like to take this time to say that I hate the color draining filter that is placed on every horror movie these days. I'm not asking for a vibrant palette to remind me of Oklahoma, but I'd like to at least be able to see what a well-lit room is supposed to look like.

-Hidden book. Wrapped in barbed wire. Covered in a trash bag. Every page scrawled with "DO NOT READ" or "THIS UNLEASHED HIM" or similar warnings. Important parts blackened out. I'll read it. This is beyond "horror movie stupid" into "how is this douchebag still alive" territory. Does he ignore the "do not swallow" warning on Draino? Does he regularly mix Pop Rocks and silica gel packets because thinks "poisonous, do not eat" is just part of the packaging?

-Mia hauling ass in one of her friend's cars, crashing, and then leading to the modern tree rape was the best part of this movie. It made sense, it was shot properly, it was acted properly...and there's still a really stupid part as we get to see "the force" personified as a demonic Mia. Just like the original series showed what was running through the woods and chasing Ash and his friends and oh wait no we didn't. That addition made it too on-the-nose, like the director and/or writer are force-feeding us plot points because they either don't trust themselves to tell a story with any subtlety or because they don't think their audience will know what's going on. Most of the people seeing this movie will have seen, or at least heard of, the original, so this crap is completely unnecessary.

-I'm so glad that this one kid knows everything that's going and that he's the reason it was unleashed. You know how the original had everybody completely confused as to what was happening until very late into the movie (when Scotty, as he's dying, pieces it together)? And...nope, instead of being Candarian demons, it's all just steeped in Judeo-Christian mythos. Because that makes it scarier somehow. Oh, and it's also some obligatory "he needs 5 souls to bring about the antichrist" goal instead of just letting the insanity continue to mount as the original did perfectly. THIS is the point where this movie delves from generic horror into intelligence-insulting piece of shit, taking a classic property that was seen as high quality in spite of its budgetary setbacks (and embarrassingly bad acting) and just turning it into another piece of garbage meant for a quick weekend spike at the box office by taking away half of what made it special and replacing it with shit that doesn't work for any horror movie. Period.

-Hey, remember that time we got to learn who David's girlfriend was? And saw her interact with the rest of the group? So that anything that would happen to her would carry weight beyond the (admittedly cool) effects used for her eventual possession?

-Okay, how the fuck is this guy (Eric, the one stupid enough to read the book) still alive and able to move around with such ease after being stabbed in the fucking lungs? If you're going to go with some realistic elements then stick to them. If you're going to go splatstick then stick to it. Don't try to have both because you can't do both.

-Burying her alive (which I wouldn't have known to do without the book having "LIVE BURIAL" written underneath it, thanks producers who think I'm mentally deficient!) and then bringing her back was great. No sarcasm. That was legitimately great and maybe the only thing better about this than the original series (since Ash having the possession forced out of him by memories of his dead girlfriend was stupid even for a b-movie). David then getting the death thanks to the FINALLY DEAD AND POSSESSED Eric actually surprised me when I first saw it because I thought his wearing the same clothing as Ash and being the one with a sister (and being one of the least interesting characters on display) was a dead giveaway to him being the survivor.

-Insert "Raining Blood" jokes here (and I tried cuing it up to see how it matched but it's just slightly off). This seemed tacked on and unnecessary but wasn't entirely awful. There are things I would have preferred (maybe making this big antichrist character not such a pussy that Mia can take him out after having to rip her own fucking arm off), but it wasn't too bad. It is, however, too little too late, as the prior hour and a half of bullshit makes this a cherry (a small one with a stem that doesn't want to come off) on top of a trash sundae.

-Post credits. "Groovy." Nevermind, THIS is the best part of the movie.