Encyclopaedia Metallum: The Metal Archives

Message board

* FAQ    * Search   * Register   * Login 



Reply to topic
Author Message Previous topic | Next topic
OneSizeFitzpatrick
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Nov 03, 2011 4:56 pm
Posts: 876
Location: Shrekoslovak Republic
PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2013 9:59 am 
 

I figured this might be a decent place to make a general thread about bullshit going ons in the workplace. I work at a used retail store, we predominantly sell video games and video game accessories, but also a shit ton of movies and we *used* to get a decent amount of metal CD's in (not anymore, but there was a time where I remember buying some Nokturnal Mortum and Absurd albums from that place). Anyway, in a place that gets 95% of their inventory from random people off the street, you might assume we get some pretty strange customers in, and you would be absolutely right. I'll start off with one of the best examples, there's this guy who everyone in my town knows on account of the fact that he's always walking around town and he has an incredibly unusual hairstyle, everyone calls him Chili Bowl Mullet Guy because he has a bowl haircut in front (i.e. Moe Howard from the three stooges if he had blonde hair) and about 2 feet of length in the back, and he comes into my work every Saturday afternoon, the guy's nice as hell and friendly, but that hair makes him really stand out in a crowd and he's developed a reputation as a local celebrity of sorts.
Then there's a guy we all call "Gigabyte", he's probably in his mid 50's, has a bad left eye, drools all over the place (I think he may have had a stroke or something) and always stands up by the electronics cases and shouts random questions at us. Unlike Chili Bowl mullet guy, gigabyte is just mean most of the time, he threatened to kill one of my coworkers the first time he met him (no one really takes gigabyte too seriously on account of he's completely insane). Lately what gigabyte will do when he comes in is pull out a giant wad of crumpled up bills of various denominations and grumble "count my money", at which point one of us will have to do just that, start sorting out these wrinkled up, dirty 20's 5's and 1 dollar bills. Then he'll ask us to pick out a bunch of games for him, he'll buy said games, and then promptly come back 5 minutes later and yell "how do you make this work!?" at which point he returns said merchandise and tell us he was born in the wrong century.
There's also various groups of roaming juggalos and crackheads that come in and cause various scenes from time-to-time, and there's dozens of other regulars that I see in there multiple times a week. That's my rant on my workplace, I figured alot of people on here have some form of the shitty fast food/retail job or have had in the past and I figured there might as well be a thread for all the lunacy that us proletariat deal with on a daily basis.
_________________
Smoking_Gnu wrote:
I tend to be pretty skeptical of the sanity of any person who doesn't like Let the Devil In.

Top
 Profile  
Erosion of Humanity
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 5:12 pm
Posts: 2461
Location: Schaumburg, Il
PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2013 10:34 am 
 

We kinda did this with that dishwashers unite thread a while back but what the hell I've got a funny story:

So I deliver food, industrial style, to all sorts of places restaurants, hotels, nursing homes, hospitals, etc... So in the morning time around 4:30 - 5:00 when most of us start work for the day we all stand around an bullshit for a while as is normal. One guy went over and opened his truck up to put all his equipment for the day on and when he opened the rear door he was was greeted by a pallet of pigs. Yup whole pigs for spit roasting 4 of them to be exact just in big clear plastic bags and thrown on a pallet. Not exactly what you're expecting to see but hey, that's work.

Edit for grammar.
_________________
niix wrote:
'the reason your grandmother has all those plastic sheets on her furniture is because she is probably a squirter'

Crick wrote:
Raw eggs tastier than semen? What horrid ooze-troll have you been blowing?

Top
 Profile  
Atropus
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Aug 21, 2013 3:02 pm
Posts: 679
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2013 3:39 pm 
 

It would be nice to HAVE a workplace right about now :(

Top
 Profile  
iAm
Wastelander

Joined: Tue Nov 20, 2007 12:18 am
Posts: 5630
Location: West of the Duwamish due South of the Sound
PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2013 4:25 pm 
 

I work as a groundskeeper at a geothermal plant outside of town. It's pretty neat, if I remember sometime soon before it snows I'll get some pics of the complex.

Somebody once asked me while I was making my rounds who I pissed off to get this job and I was like " :( but... this is my job."
_________________
iamntbatman wrote:
If the U.N. flew a bunch of C130's over Syria and rained down boxes of Thin Mints, they'd be standing in a giant circle hand-in-hand singing like goddamn Whoville residents within an hour.

I hate music

Top
 Profile  
Turner
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Aug 23, 2002 2:04 am
Posts: 1252
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2013 6:02 pm 
 

here's a ranting thread i can get behind!

i work in my university's admissions/enquiries department. constant calls all day from absolute no-hopers. most of the no-hopers want to be "like, a teacher or sum shit", which i find to be an unrealistic dream (and sad if they manage to finish those degrees - god help the children!) but the uni is determined to provide education for everyone so they've developed a few foolproof methods of making sure anyone ever gets the opportunity (u want a degree but can't read cause u didn't go to high school? here's a bridging course you can't fail! can't speak english? here's our homegrown english language program! you still won't be able to speak english at the end of it, but you'll have passed, we promise) that keep the quality standards watchdogs away. this annoys me on a few counts:

- snobbish as it sounds, for every idiot that dribbles their way through a degree at my uni, the quality of my own goes down. i worked hard for it, and it's a shitty thought that the uni is determined to lower the worth of something i really tried for and achieved at in the name of mindless expansion. and they don't just passively "let" everyone through, either: they actively chase down people who've done things like begun online applications but haven't finished them, trying to convert the leads (hello, marketing!)

- these are just ruthless big business tactics that have nothing to do with education. they don't give a rat's arse about giving education to everyone, or any of the related crap they spout. it's about making money. if they really cared, the bridging courses would be a whole lot more thorough, and they'd put some of the millions they make back into actual education, not just more marketing bullshit. lecturers are seriously underpaid, academic staff shortages are chronic, classrooms are woefully inadequate when it comes to things like electronic whiteboards, etc... yet the university is making more money than ever before. go figure. (the university's preferred model is the "off-campus" study mode - costs them nothing in classroom maintenance, allows near-unlimited class sizes, and most importantly, it encourages people who list their facebook employer as "stay @ home mummie IZ a full-time jobb u kunt" to pay for subjects they'll fail repeatedly.)

- they pay me almost $30/hr to help propel this shitfight. i shouldn't realistically have a job, or at the very least, there should be fewer people working in my department all making about half that hourly rate. it's an aggressive marketing strategy-type affair and as none of the money made is going back into anything but more marketing, i am uneasy with this existence. particularly given that i don't think the lecturers earn that much more these days. thankfully, i'm only working there until february or so, and then i can go back to some kind of hippie lifestyle.

- the customers themselves are fucking horrid, and they're sooo undeniably profileable based on certain (admittedly touchy) criteria: think you can't pigeonhole people based on their social standing or ethnicity? wwwwrrroooong! scummy trash in their 20s all want to be teachers of some kind. older scum want to study aged care/social work/nursing, and they all ask the same question (can i have half the degree credited to me based on life experience from raising my own kids and shit? nope!) then get shitty at the obvious answer. indians (and i guess other subcontinentals) all want to study pharmacy, chinese all want business/accounting. booooooring. note to immigrant groups: give humanities a chance! expand your mind, not just your wallet!

Top
 Profile  
CrushedRevelation
Devil's right hand

Joined: Sat Nov 12, 2005 8:47 am
Posts: 5072
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2013 7:31 pm 
 

^Haha

My other half used to work as a program officer for the nursing/health department at the major university here where I live, and she had to deal with similar/equally/more annoying problem on a daily basis.

Turner wrote:
older scum want to study aged care/social work/nursing, and they all ask the same question (can i have half the degree credited to me based on life experience from raising my own kids and shit? nope!) then get shitty at the obvious answer.


This one in particular she had to consistently refuse due to it's... ridiculousness.
_________________
Not for mercy does the evolution of I progress...

My collection

Top
 Profile  
Turner
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Aug 23, 2002 2:04 am
Posts: 1252
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2013 8:02 pm 
 

ha, yeah that's my personal absolute most-hated. it's always older women asking it, too. they call up and from the get-go they use the "now you listen to me, young man" tone, and when the inevitable "no, credit is only given for study of equal worth" answer is handed to them they unleash the full force of menopause at me. it's impossible to describe the levels of sourness that come down the phone and go up my spine. hands down the worst aspect of it. and it begs the added question: how/why do such awful people expect to succeed in professions of which being an understanding, empathetic, reasonable human is kinda the backbone?

Top
 Profile  
CrushedRevelation
Devil's right hand

Joined: Sat Nov 12, 2005 8:47 am
Posts: 5072
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2013 8:15 pm 
 

Sounds exactly like situations she's told me about. The other equally horrendous situation she dealt with was overbearing mothers pushing for extra credit or whatever for their "gifted" son/daughter - to the point of being outright rude and obnoxious.
_________________
Not for mercy does the evolution of I progress...

My collection

Top
 Profile  
John_Sunlight
President Satan

Joined: Tue Apr 20, 2010 4:41 am
Posts: 4748
PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2013 9:09 pm 
 

One time I saw a ghost.
_________________
"Since that time, I have received highest level confirmations that such organizations not only exist but are rooted in satanic ritual murder and extend across America’s political landscape into nearly every community."


Last edited by John_Sunlight on Sun Sep 15, 2013 10:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Top
 Profile  
Yahko
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2005 4:27 pm
Posts: 241
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2013 9:46 pm 
 

Rather than talk about the bad I always took the good times from my work places and would rather share that than the typical negative "my coworker cant give me a 5 minute ride so I have to take a 1 hour bus ride every day, but expects me to cover their ass whenever they want to take an extra 15 minute shit brake"

I worked as a busboy in a banquet hall on the weekends when I was in high school (back in Israel), by the end of each night we used to put some of our music (it was not metal), drink beer from the tap and joke with the crew about whatever. One guy was taking down a full tray of coffee and he dropped it on a white wall. The scenery was quite amusing to see a white wall turn light brown. The owner used to forbid us taking any food home and said to throw it in the garbage. Well little did he know that I took full trays of beef, chicken, veggies, put it in black garbage bags and haul that shit home because I didnt have to cook any food for the next week and a half ;).

Before I came to Canada I worked in a book shop, I was quite intrigued to discover how many cool books exist out there, I was never a reader but it was quite cool. When I first came to the warehouse I was walked to be introduced to our school books department boss for a little interview. As I was passing by the English section, my brothers long time friend was working there and saw me and was like WTF!!! YEAH!. He was a massive metal head - so on brakes we would talk about some metal albums, what we like and dislike. He didnt like Unkel Tom Angelripper xmas album. I liked it. The English department had Roy, my bro's friend, some tall nerdy guy and a British Indian lady, not higher than 4'2. She hated me and my whole department for the reasons unknown. Every single time I would pass by she would call us dumb monkeys with an angry pug face. Every time she said it, Roy behind her did a retarded face with a little drool here and there - which put me in a laughter attack every single time. That pissed her off even more and she got angrier and started swearing in an Indian British accent repeatedly. It was a short gig - 3 months tops and then I left to Canada.

In Canada I worked in a fabric warehouse - I have too many stories to list when we make fun of various characters just because they were too stupid to understand why they cant find their hidden 2-wheelrs,, pumptrucks, shopping carts, you name it. They would spend half an hour looking for their stuff while cursing our names. It was fun.

Then I worked in landscape maintenance for about 5 years. Our most pimp times were when I would go to the yard pickup the equipment, go pickup my partner to crime, he would wake up (while I play Playstation) smoke a joint, get a coffee, then we go to actually cut our lawns. We would start the job around 9 while other crews were starting at 7:45. But we were hustlers and finished all our houses by 1:30, while others finished at 3. Other crews were quite jealous that I pickup my dude from his home and he doesn't have to come to the yard. We would take 2 hour launches eating, napping, smoking joints. Dont get me wrong - the pay was quite crappy but we were free birds. Once the weekend started we would all go to a rocker club and get drunk - so it was good times.

I would deliver pizza for quite a bit while landscaping - which was quite good because I ate a shitload of pizza at no cost. Learn to drive in the snow, do some drifting in a tinny Toyota Corolla and of course go to the club afterwards with the landscape crew.

My current job is being a stage hand in assembling stages for shows, corporate events, theatre. Assembling trusts for lights, video. Run audio cables, assemble FOH and all the other audio related tasks. I really like my job now and would like to continue in it as a career because landscaping was quite mind dumbing after a few years, I wish I could get into what I do now years earlier. This industry is full of people with attitude, I did a lot of jobs in my days and this one is heavy on people who think that the world spins around them. But i'm a positive guy and the faster I can leave them behind the better because I met cool people on various tours who I would love to work with.

I was setting up shows like Roger Waters from Pink Floyd, Brucie Springsteen, U2, Soundgarden, Swedish House Mafia, Shrek the Musical, Jay-Z Timberlake, the huge rave called Sensation (where everyone are dressed in white) Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber, doing Nuit Blanche (its every year ,one night artsty fartsy event in downtown Toronto, around end of september that puts up close to 1000 exhibitors of all types of art like dance, music, video, audio, you name it) and as far as being metal related I did a setup for a Rush rehearsal for their Clockwork tour. Its mainly physical work but I learn about the different fields little by little and I hope that after a few years I would be able to tour or setup some crazy events but not as a muscle hand but as an organizer or designer or whatever.
_________________
ermmtheslightlyirate wrote:
THRASH!!!! IT'S THRASH

Top
 Profile  
CF_Mono
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Jul 08, 2010 5:21 pm
Posts: 1539
PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2013 11:13 pm 
 

I guess my job this summer wasn't that bad, I only got electrocuted in a pool of water twice, worked in the pouring rain and mud in 90 degree heat, had a 45 minute commute, lived off of yogurt and peanuts for lunch, and worked with alcoholic dropout assholes for a company that ran out of work for us to do every other week. At least I know I I don't want a job in construction at any time in my life from this day forward.
_________________
Doom or be doomed...
My current band. Wretched doom trio from NY.

Top
 Profile  
somefella
Veteran

Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2008 11:57 pm
Posts: 2662
Location: Singapore
PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2013 11:52 pm 
 

That all sounds horrid. I worked at a bank til recently and it was boring but totally free from these situations. Here's one from when I was a stagehand at a band competition organised by one of the biggest music retail brands in the world.

During soundcheck, every fucking idiot guitarist HAD to bring whole suitcases of pedals and make things difficult and slow for everyone when getting the cables and power supply configuration right, and they're all big rockstars when you try to tell them nicely that you have already switched the amp to clean, please bypass your own pedals if you don't want that gain. And the best part is, when they actually get down to their song, all the play is clean chords and the occasional 'emotional' guitar fill with three notes. WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU NEED MORE PEDALS THAN THE NOTES YOU PLAY DURING YOUR SHITTY SOLO UBGIWUBGWBGIWUEA

Another guitarist plugged in, strummed, and everything was out of tune. The stage manager said so, and the guitarist turned to me, very innocently, and asked "can I tune up?" I was going to say "No you can't, you know, because it's against the rules". but his drummer beat me to it and yelled at him for asking stupid questions, please hurry up because he needed to take a piss after soundcheck.

During one band's performance, despite me telling him that I would be by the stage and to signal me if he needed anything, one guitarist(who brought a shitty power supply and stepped on it anyway) had no sound for about 2 minutes and did nothing about it except look sad and pretend to play anyway. Only after coming back from a smoke break did I realise what was going on(the intern I has assigned to cover me was actually watching the band instead of watching for issues) and rushed up to fix his stupid pedalboard.

Fuck huge pedalboards for anything except guys who actually use them, you know? The more shit you have, the more things are gonna go wrong. Unless you're Randolf Arriola and you do huge, complex looping layers, just bring one stompbox or a footswitch and be done with it. Geez.
_________________
http://hpgd.bandcamp.com/album/the-grea ... of-nothing
OSHIEGO (SGP), death/thrash.

Top
 Profile  
Foulchrist
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Jan 12, 2006 3:25 pm
Posts: 407
Location: Scotland
PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2013 11:54 pm 
 

CF_Mono wrote:
I guess my job this summer wasn't that bad, I only got electrocuted in a pool of water twice, worked in the pouring rain and mud in 90 degree heat, had a 45 minute commute, lived off of yogurt and peanuts for lunch, and worked with alcoholic dropout assholes for a company that ran out of work for us to do every other week. At least I know I I don't want a job in construction at any time in my life from this day forward.



Why yoghurt and peanuts?
_________________
Translucent skin stretched over an alien frame.

Top
 Profile  
iamntbatman
Chaos Breed

Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 5:55 am
Posts: 7948
Location: Innsmouth
PostPosted: Sat Sep 14, 2013 12:23 am 
 

Rather than bitching and moaning stories I'll just tell some funny ones. About my former boss.

1. So this one I haven't actually witnessed for myself, but this chick I'm into who works there was telling me about it. Apparently my boss has developed this love affair with Jolly Ranchers candies. You know how if you suck on a Jolly Rancher for a while, it gets really thin? Well, he's afraid that when that happens, the sharp edges are going to cut the inside of his mouth. Therefore, he eats Jolly Ranchers all day, but he only eats them until they're about halfway dissolved and then spits them out into the wrapper before they get too sharp for him to handle.

2. One time, my boss is driving down the road, and out of fucking NOWHERE he just unbuckles his seatbelt, opens the driver-side door and leans way the fuck out into the road...to grab a bungee cord he saw lying in the street. He was all like, "hey man! this still seems like it has some good stretch in it!" He didn't even check a mirror or anything.

This guy is whacky as hell and endlessly amusing so I can share more if people want.
_________________
Exigence wrote:
I love hearing Six Feet Under's covers of classic songs.


COMA VOID | GLOAMING | FAUSTIAN ORBS

Top
 Profile  
Scorntyrant
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Nov 15, 2004 5:55 am
Posts: 1117
PostPosted: Sat Sep 14, 2013 1:15 am 
 

I work in IT tech support. A special kind of hell. But I have some good stories.

One time I was working the graveyard shift and a call came through. The guy had a really strong Texas accent and the phone line was terrible, so I was having trouble making him out. So I'm trying to work out what the website he needs me to fix is. I heard it as "Craig Demon artwork" and repeated it back to him, and the dude flipped out. Started ranting about how he casts out demons and shit. Turns out the website was http://www.craigbemanartwork.com/ - some hick who paints pictures of cowboy jesus and calls it a "ministry". I was sorely tempted to sign him up to all sorts of gay porn mailing lists and the church of Satan, but you know, professionalism and shit.
_________________
[quote="Mike_Tyson"]

"I think the average person thinks I'm a fucking nut and I deserve whatever happens to me."

"My intentions were not to fascinate the world with my personality."

Top
 Profile  
iamntbatman
Chaos Breed

Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 5:55 am
Posts: 7948
Location: Innsmouth
PostPosted: Sat Sep 14, 2013 1:20 am 
 

Hahahaha, that's gold. Give me his info and I'll sign him up, dude.
_________________
Exigence wrote:
I love hearing Six Feet Under's covers of classic songs.


COMA VOID | GLOAMING | FAUSTIAN ORBS

Top
 Profile  
Erosion of Humanity
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 5:12 pm
Posts: 2461
Location: Schaumburg, Il
PostPosted: Sat Sep 14, 2013 8:05 am 
 

Some fun stories from me:

So the company I work for handles a catering company for touring musicians, it's mostly country stuff but they also do Lallapalooza or at least part of it nowadays. So a couple years ago I had to go down there on a Saturday and leave my truck there and catch a ride back with the sales guy who handles the account. After I had parked my truck and gotten all that crap taken care of the sales guy told me he had some stuff to take care of and asked me if I wanted to have lunch while I waited so of course I said yes. He took me backstage and I just got in line with all the roadies, stage hands, bands, managers, etc. and got to sit down and have lunch with them all. Pretty cool experience.

We have a catering company for movies and t.v. shows that get filmed here in the city and I've had them a few times so I've been on the set of Chicago Code and a couple of movies (don't know which ones) before. I was making a restaurant up in Evanston one time and damned near walked on a live set because I was trying to find the morning manager to accept the delivery. Going along with t.v. I met the whole cast of one of the seasons of the Amazing Race at a bar on the north side, they had the whole bar reserved for a private party and I showed up to make the delivery whilst the party was going on.

Not sure how well this one will go over on a metal forum but I'll share either way, I met Nick Carter once while I was working. I was making a hotel on the lower Kinzie/Dearborn area which is right across from House Of Blues and this guy walks up to me and says "hey is this the house of blues". I told the guy no and I showed him where it was (don't know how he missed it as he walked by it when he left his bus to walk over to me) and we chatted for a minute and asked him who was playing he told me Nick Cater. Now me being not a fan of that music I had no idea who he was until he told me Backstreet Boys, and I was like ohhh ok well that's why I have no idea who you are. So I get home and tell my wife about it, she show me a picture of him and sure enough it was Nick. Also turns out my wife's totally in love with the guy and got mad that I didn't get her an autograph and that I was "rude" to her celebrity love.
_________________
niix wrote:
'the reason your grandmother has all those plastic sheets on her furniture is because she is probably a squirter'

Crick wrote:
Raw eggs tastier than semen? What horrid ooze-troll have you been blowing?

Top
 Profile  
OneSizeFitzpatrick
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Nov 03, 2011 4:56 pm
Posts: 876
Location: Shrekoslovak Republic
PostPosted: Sat Sep 14, 2013 10:55 am 
 

Turner wrote:
here's a ranting thread i can get behind!

i work in my university's admissions/enquiries department. constant calls all day from absolute no-hopers. most of the no-hopers want to be "like, a teacher or sum shit", which i find to be an unrealistic dream (and sad if they manage to finish those degrees - god help the children!) but the uni is determined to provide education for everyone so they've developed a few foolproof methods of making sure anyone ever gets the opportunity (u want a degree but can't read cause u didn't go to high school? here's a bridging course you can't fail! can't speak english? here's our homegrown english language program! you still won't be able to speak english at the end of it, but you'll have passed, we promise) that keep the quality standards watchdogs away. this annoys me on a few counts:

This sounds like what we call "community college" in the U.S., which is basically university for people who didn't study too hard in high school and passed with flying C averages in every class but still have several thousand dollars to blow on education. Weirdest thing is of the 2 or 3 some thousand students enrolled at the one I'm going to, I can group almost all of them into ten or so categories. of the more predominant sub-groups we have the standard 40 year olds who always carry their back pack with wheels around all day and always have a pair of new balance shoes on (also, they seem to be the most studious of most of the groups I've observed in my 2 years there), then theres the nerd hipster kids, always wearing those shitty fedora hats and corduroy pants with witty-internet meme shirts, ALWAYS gotta have the shit-kicker country kids that're from some bunk-ass hillbilly county. Always wearing camo, timberland boots, wrangler jeans and usually some kind of camo hat and sunglasses. Basically, community college (at least, mine) is set up where if you shove enough money into your classes and books, you'll graduate with an associate's in whatever after a couple years.
Does anyone have any nightmare children stories? I'm kinda surprised there aren't more retail workers here.
_________________
Smoking_Gnu wrote:
I tend to be pretty skeptical of the sanity of any person who doesn't like Let the Devil In.

Top
 Profile  
caspian
Wanderer of the Wastes

Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:29 pm
Posts: 6119
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Sat Sep 14, 2013 11:48 am 
 

i had a hilarious amount of fun in one particularly dodgy mine I worked. Aside from the general coming to work drunk/stoned etc and the total absence of fucks given, there is the POO IN THE FLASHLIGHT story.

Basically, we had been talking up the idea of a game of sneaky poo (look it up, it's awesome) and so I decided to give it a crack. So, grabbed a dolphin torch, took the battery out, did a li'l poo insde, screwed the lid back on, put it on the mill foreman's desk thankyouverymuch. Anyway, so the night shift boss got to it first, basically the dude was looking for a torch so grabbed the poo'd in one. Hey, it's not working, so I'll change the battery etc. But (the obvious punch line) there was a poo in it.

Good times, anyway so the night shift boss was pretty fucken miffed as you'd expect, called an impromptu meeting the next morning to rant and rave about it.. me and the mill foreman sharing some eye contact and trying not to laugh.. Fucken funny as man. Glad the mill foreman wasn't the one who found the poo, he was a vindictive and particularly perverted individual, payback would've been a bitch.
_________________
http://www.pozible.com/project/177604 <-- got a crowdfunder thing going for an album I'm doing. Pre-order something!

Top
 Profile  
caspian
Wanderer of the Wastes

Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:29 pm
Posts: 6119
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Sat Sep 14, 2013 11:52 am 
 

Other mining notes:
guy tearing his bicep off the bone- trying to force a rock through a crusher with a jackhammer, jackhammer gets stuck in rock, rock goes through crusher with the jackhammer attached to the rock.. and with the dude trying to rescue the jackhammer. The guy was lucky that he just destroyed his arm when it all fell in.. Dude could've fallen in and he would've gotten well killed.

Throwing mud/spraying water on my hated metallurgist enemy pretty much every morning. Bad in winter when it generally nudged freezing.

Fingers- dude signalled a crane holding a gate down, getting his fingers caught between the gate and some other metal, breaking his fingers. Fucken idiot. That guy was a hard out meth addict.

Chasing around goannas in the middle of the day with jocks on, really drunk, while investors were around
_________________
http://www.pozible.com/project/177604 <-- got a crowdfunder thing going for an album I'm doing. Pre-order something!

Top
 Profile  
CF_Mono
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Jul 08, 2010 5:21 pm
Posts: 1539
PostPosted: Sat Sep 14, 2013 1:59 pm 
 

Foulchrist wrote:
CF_Mono wrote:
I guess my job this summer wasn't that bad, I only got electrocuted in a pool of water twice, worked in the pouring rain and mud in 90 degree heat, had a 45 minute commute, lived off of yogurt and peanuts for lunch, and worked with alcoholic dropout assholes for a company that ran out of work for us to do every other week. At least I know I I don't want a job in construction at any time in my life from this day forward.



Why yoghurt and peanuts?

Because it's cheap and tastes good. usually accompanied with some kind of fresh fruit.
_________________
Doom or be doomed...
My current band. Wretched doom trio from NY.

Top
 Profile  
Exigence
Age: 29 (Wait, what?!)

Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2005 2:42 pm
Posts: 951
Location: New Orleans
PostPosted: Sat Sep 14, 2013 9:16 pm 
 

I work in the film industry, constantly dealing with different personalities. I have no shortage of stories. It's freelance work, which sucks, but it's a lot better than all the other 9-5 gigs I've had before. I also work at a bar on the weekend, so I get some balance.

Top
 Profile  
Terri23
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Sep 30, 2010 3:53 am
Posts: 2113
PostPosted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 6:57 am 
 

I used to work here. It's a shitty call centre that employs absolutely anyone that applies for the work. You're paid while you're logged into the system talking to randoms on the phone who don't want to talk to you, selling them shitty raffle tickets that they don't need. You're apparently representing a charity and the money raised from the raffle largely goes to the call centre rather than the charity.

Everything about this place was awful. You're not allowed to go to the bathroom during work hours without logging out, which means you don't get paid. You're not allowed to pass time by reading books/newspapers or the like. You're not allowed to have a mobile phone visible on your person or your desk during work, despite the signal having zero interference on the call centre work. In short, you have to sit, read a script over and over, and do nothing else. If anyone can actually do this week in, week out completing full time hours, I'd like to buy them a beer.

Amusingly, this place was featured a couple of times a few weeks ago on a national current affairs program here. I had a good laugh at the owner of the company making himself look like a fuckwit. The stories are below if anyone cares to have a quick laugh at some well informed journalism.

The first story.

The second story.
_________________
metaldiscussor666 wrote:
American isn't a nationality

Riffs wrote:
It's been scientifically proven that appreciating Black Sabbath helps increase life expectancy, improves happiness, bumps your salary by 11 thousand dollars annually, helps fight cavities and increases penis size.

Top
 Profile  
somefella
Veteran

Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2008 11:57 pm
Posts: 2662
Location: Singapore
PostPosted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 9:01 am 
 

I hear only bad things about call centres in general. Everyone I know who's done a stint says it's just to bridge the gap between proper employment. In a country like mine where being intoxicated with marijuana will land you in fucking prison for almost a year, about half the employees on my friend's floor smoked up about twice a day.
_________________
http://hpgd.bandcamp.com/album/the-grea ... of-nothing
OSHIEGO (SGP), death/thrash.

Top
 Profile  
nekuomanteia
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Oct 16, 2009 7:37 pm
Posts: 582
PostPosted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 11:53 am 
 

Yeah call centers suck ass. I worked at one to make up for funds between lifeguarding season. This one day I went to work with a major Vodka hangover, not good. Before I logged on a friend came up to me and handed me a Xanax bar, so I ingested it, not good at all. I couldn't read the script, it was so damn blurry and I kept losing my place. Even a customer once interrupted to tell me I was reading the same paragraph twice. Women called in to order sex toys and would sometimes flirt with you and attempt to have phone sex or they'd ask you to read a big long paragraph while they fingered themselves as they made all kinds of moaning and groaning noises, albeit while your monitor is potentionally listening in. If it was a boner-pill call we were encouraged to lie to the customer by giving our fake testimonials that they worked and how many inches my dick had grown, how many hoes I had fucked and pleasured, all to get the sale.

To go to the restroom you have to raise a flag and wait for a floor supervisor to come along and log you off. I was once playing with the flag air-guitarring and some dude from across the isle asked me if I played guitar. I said no but we got to talking of metal. Turned out he was a big death and blackmetal fan and been one since the tape-trading days.

I don't know what it is about call-centers but there's a lot of horny girls working at these places. When i used to work the graveyard shift, instead of taking my half-hour lunch break at the lounge, I'd go outside and fuck a girl in the parking lot or sneak over to the nearby park and smash it as much as I could only to rush back to make it in time. The floor supervisor would rarely make a round if we were receiving few calls so I'd convince this girl I was going out with to give me head between calls. Another girl I knew was taking a call one night when I began to finger her. She started breathing heavy and could barely maintain her composure as she read this long credit-card script; fuckin hilarious. Other than these few crazy people I met call centers are total shit-holes. There's a total kiss-ass atmosphere you have to be a part of if you plan on getting a raise or a promotion, which neither were worth the trouble.


Last edited by nekuomanteia on Sun Sep 15, 2013 12:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Top
 Profile  
Terri23
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Sep 30, 2010 3:53 am
Posts: 2113
PostPosted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 12:00 pm 
 

I regularly came into work hung over or still drunk from the night before. You need some kind of vice to put up with a shitty job like call centre work. It became pretty bad, more than a few weeks myself and some mates would get absolutely smashed every single working night. I have no idea how people can make careers out of places like that.
_________________
metaldiscussor666 wrote:
American isn't a nationality

Riffs wrote:
It's been scientifically proven that appreciating Black Sabbath helps increase life expectancy, improves happiness, bumps your salary by 11 thousand dollars annually, helps fight cavities and increases penis size.

Top
 Profile  
Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 3967
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 12:06 pm 
 

I did an IT job at a library for a few years. I was one of what, two male employees out of 40? The gossip in that place was unbelievable. Lots of stupid shit not worth sharing, but I helped people on the public computers occasionally, and some crazy dude paid me in about 25 vicodin 750s(pills) to write his resume. He was all paranoid and was like "Put your hand in my pocket, they're in there." Awkward, but I gladly accepted. Oh yeah and the computers had basically no filter, people accepted an agreement when they logged on that said if they look at "X" they can get a warning/banned. So I had to kick people off for looking at porn quite often.

To nekuomanteia, I mentioned this before in the Free-for-all but that xanax is a real bitch if you have no tolerance to it. I did two of the white bars one evening and sleepwalked through my shift the next day still totally out of it. I "came to" two days later not recalling anything, but I was able to drive to work, handle customers at work, etc. Although I don't know how obvious it was that I was fucked out of my mind.

Wow, that is two stories about pills in one post, don't look good.
_________________
Passive-aggressive complainee wrote:
Communicating exclusively in gifs makes you the most annoying mod ever

Last.fm


Last edited by Diamhea on Sun Sep 15, 2013 12:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Top
 Profile  
Against Such Things
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 17, 2012 8:16 pm
Posts: 450
Location: Southern Maryland
PostPosted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 12:09 pm 
 

My job basically consists of quickly and quietly delivering fliers at each house in a given neighborhood, with only three real interruptions

1. Really sweet old people
2. People who wonder if I'm a burglar

and my personal favorite,

3. Belligerent dogs whose owners lacked the foresight to restrain them

At least now I know how fast I can draw a knife.
_________________
Wilytank wrote:
I once knew a guy that stole another guy's virginity and sold it on the black market for some FUCKIN' WEED.

Top
 Profile  
SadisticGratification
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Jul 15, 2012 3:00 pm
Posts: 406
Location: Ireland
PostPosted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 12:19 pm 
 

Some epic stories in here :lol: especially the OP.

I work in software so I don't really see these situations and have no amusing anecdotes to tell whatsoever. But in my job I can basically come in at 8am or 10am and anytime in between and take lunch when I want, it's quite flexible. I work for one of those big American multi nationals and we get like a fun fund which is basically 50 dollars a head to go do something fun. In Ireland however fun usually means alcohol and I get the impression that the American teams go do some kayaking or adventure type stuff with their fun fund but we go drinking with it :-D

One night my old team went out on the absolute lash with this fun fund and this included my manager back then(who was the hardest drinker of us all haha) and we ended up at his place at about 3am in the morning and continued drinking at his house. He had a bar and we went to town until about 7am and basically 15 or so software developers from his team stayed at his house that night and one of them woke up in the morning with no pants on :lol: and we all went into work together at about 12:30 absolutely dying from alcohol including the manager. There's nothing funnier than seeing a room full of software engineers doing fucking nothing on a Friday afternoon absolutely dying sick from drink and your manager having to go to technical meetings with other teams with a sickly pale drained pace and still stinking from drink the night before :lol:

Top
 Profile  
Desperta_Ferro
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Jun 13, 2010 6:45 am
Posts: 608
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 12:24 pm 
 

Yeah, I was in a call center and it was exactly like what Terri23 described. Fuck that, quit my job one morning, said forever gonna hold my head up high, cause I need metal in my life, just like and eagle needs to fly.

Now, seriously, it's a soul-sucking and stressful work to do, and was getting on the way of my studies, and those give me no stress at all.

Top
 Profile  
Ecliptik
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jul 29, 2006 4:58 pm
Posts: 505
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 5:16 pm 
 

On the weekends I work as a stagecoach driver (these things), and last weekend I was given a bus to drive up to Moab, UT; about a 450 miles away. I was supposed to give this bus to another driver and bring his back to Las Vegas, as the clients he was driving for were quite picky and didn't like the one he was using (they said it was "dated" and "out of class"). So fair enough, a six hour drive to and from Moab through the mountains and countryside by myself is always fun. So I get up there around 6 in the morning and check into my hotel and get some shut-eye. The driver came and picked up the bus I brought and left his for me to take back. A couple hours later I get a call from him telling me that he's bringing my bus back and because it's filling up with fucking exhaust fumes. So he takes his bus back and I'm left with a 6+ hour drive back home in a bus that's slowly filling up with exhaust. What's worse is in those stage coaches, there aren't any windows to open for ventilation except for a TINY one near the driver (see if you can spot it in that picture).
So long story short, after several stops to vent out that piece of crap and a long drive back home, it's a miracle I even got back alive.

Top
 Profile  
Scorntyrant
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Nov 15, 2004 5:55 am
Posts: 1117
PostPosted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 9:55 pm 
 

nekuomanteia wrote:
Yeah call centers suck ass. I worked at one to make up for funds between lifeguarding season. This one day I went to work with a major Vodka hangover, not good. Before I logged on a friend came up to me and handed me a Xanax bar, so I ingested it, not good at all. I couldn't read the script, it was so damn blurry and I kept losing my place. Even a customer once interrupted to tell me I was reading the same paragraph twice. Women called in to order sex toys and would sometimes flirt with you and attempt to have phone sex or they'd ask you to read a big long paragraph while they fingered themselves as they made all kinds of moaning and groaning noises, albeit while your monitor is potentionally listening in. If it was a boner-pill call we were encouraged to lie to the customer by giving our fake testimonials that they worked and how many inches my dick had grown, how many hoes I had fucked and pleasured, all to get the sale.

To go to the restroom you have to raise a flag and wait for a floor supervisor to come along and log you off. I was once playing with the flag air-guitarring and some dude from across the isle asked me if I played guitar. I said no but we got to talking of metal. Turned out he was a big death and blackmetal fan and been one since the tape-trading days.

I don't know what it is about call-centers but there's a lot of horny girls working at these places. When i used to work the graveyard shift, instead of taking my half-hour lunch break at the lounge, I'd go outside and fuck a girl in the parking lot or sneak over to the nearby park and smash it as much as I could only to rush back to make it in time. The floor supervisor would rarely make a round if we were receiving few calls so I'd convince this girl I was going out with to give me head between calls. Another girl I knew was taking a call one night when I began to finger her. She started breathing heavy and could barely maintain her composure as she read this long credit-card script; fuckin hilarious. Other than these few crazy people I met call centers are total shit-holes. There's a total kiss-ass atmosphere you have to be a part of if you plan on getting a raise or a promotion, which neither were worth the trouble.


haha, god damn, I never came across any of that shit. I just work with fat nerds. Looking around, there are only 2 females on this part of the floor whatsoever.
_________________
[quote="Mike_Tyson"]

"I think the average person thinks I'm a fucking nut and I deserve whatever happens to me."

"My intentions were not to fascinate the world with my personality."

Top
 Profile  
OneSizeFitzpatrick
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Nov 03, 2011 4:56 pm
Posts: 876
Location: Shrekoslovak Republic
PostPosted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 10:25 pm 
 

Poo in the flashlight bit sounds great, I need to try that myself sometime.
On the subject of poo, I picked up what may have been the world's largest cat turd at work today. It was just chilling out by the cabinets where everyone throws all the xbox and playstation stuff, and had apparently been there for at least an hour beforehand (I remember hearing some customer say something like "that looks like some fuckin' nasty cat shit").We weren't really sure if it was real or fake for a while since it had practically no smell and this was a truly immaculate poop, it even had that little swirly top that you only see from fake dog shit gag gifts.... well, once I went to get a broom and the dust bin thingy that no one EVER touches, I noticed it had begun to leave a stain and it's consistency was definitely on par with a semi-fresh defecate. What makes this incident even stranger is no one noticed any pets in the store at all today, which leads me to believe someone was just walking around the outlet mall with a bag full of cat turds and just decided to set em free in my work, probably because somebody turned down their shitty PS2 or Xbox games... I hate Sundays.
_________________
Smoking_Gnu wrote:
I tend to be pretty skeptical of the sanity of any person who doesn't like Let the Devil In.

Top
 Profile  
Jackoroth
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Apr 24, 2012 11:55 pm
Posts: 346
Location: Roxburgh Park
PostPosted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 10:32 pm 
 

I work at Foxtel in tech support over the phone, it's not the most glorious job but it'll do really.

So customers call me when there's a problem with the set top box and I either fix it over the phone, send out a new one or send out a technician to come out to fix it, I make that call really.

Like any other call centre, you get your crazy and mentally disturbed people.

The strangest call was an account for a church and it was a nun who called who had a very non Christian vocabulary.
It went something like this:

Me: Welcome to Foxtel, this is Jack speaking, may I have your name please?
Nun: I just want this fucking thing fixed!
Me: Okay, I can do that for you today but what is your name?
Nun: Sister (whatever their name was)
Me: Thanks, Sister. So, what's the problem you're facing with it?
Nun: I can't watch the fucking thing, I tried putting it on the Christian channel and the power to the box stopped.
Me: Okay, I'll need to check some details and I'll send you out a new box free of charge.
*Checks details*
Me: Okay, you'll receive that in 1 to 2 business days, hook it up, send back the old box and you're right to go.
Is there anything else I can help you with, Sister?
Nun: This better fucking work! *hangs up call*
_________________
Everything old school death metal.
https://www.facebook.com/thearchiveofoldschooldeathmetal

Top
 Profile  
Sick6Six
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2012 12:01 pm
Posts: 953
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Sep 16, 2013 12:56 pm 
 

Let's see, I play video games all day with a bunch of gamers. We chill and talk about video games and sports and always have some kind of stupid competition going on, like when we all tried to eat as many habanero peppers as possible without drinking anything. Ouch!

Unrelated, but a couple weeks ago a guy was flying a toy helicopter around in the building and I flinged a card at it when it was about 25 feet away and hit it dead on in between the rotor spinny wing things where it got stuck causing the chopper to plummet straight to the ground. It was a 1 in a million shot and probably my greatest achievement in life! Damn I'm smooth
_________________
http://www.last.fm/user/slowgod666 add me if you wish.

Top
 Profile  
Turner
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Aug 23, 2002 2:04 am
Posts: 1252
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Tue Sep 17, 2013 8:01 pm 
 

haha @ the call centre stories. i used to work in the call centre for the relay service (relaying calls between deaf people via an online chat setup and the speaking/hearing world) and hoooo boy was that eventful. the rules were you had to type everything and could not shy away no matter how fucking weird the calls were, or how uncomfortable it made you. you're purely the conduit and nothing else. i used to have a text file filled with my most eventful calls, but without digging it up i'll just recount my favourite story: one day i had to relay a call from a deaf girl to her boyfriend. she typed into the machine, i read out what she said and typed his replies back to her, word for word. they had phone sex. it got hot and steamy. i had phone sex with a man. in my most deadpan bogan accent.

also had to relay a lot of calls to depression hotlines. people rarely kill themselves, although they say they're going to a lot. and the depression line operators are hilarious. "don't type this, but..." was always a great thing to hear.

Top
 Profile  
themicrulah
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Jul 05, 2011 12:00 am
Posts: 1167
PostPosted: Tue Sep 17, 2013 8:15 pm 
 

I had a job over the summer taking out garbage at a local community health center, it's kind of like a hospital. There are two floors; the first floor has cubicles, offices, and dental examination rooms. The second floor has cubicles, offices, and regular medical examination rooms.

I would go into work at around 9:00 P.M. every night except Saturday. There were usually two or three other guys working with me, and it was a clock out once you finish your job type of situation. There were several tasks split up between us. Taking out garbage, vaccuuming, just cleaning things. Stuff like that.

As you all know, nitrous oxide, or "hippie crack", is what is used to put people under during medical procedures. It's also popular among people who think they are hippies but are too high all the time to know what the difference between an apple and an orange is. I'm very familiar with this, living in an area infested with these types of people (think the hippie jam band episode of South Park).

So, one night I'm finishing up the job, noticing that one of my co workers is on his phone in front of the room with the nitrous tanks in it on the first floor. I'm listening to metal on my headphones and trying to ignore him and focus so I can go home and have a beer. I figure he is calling someone to tell him the code for the room, since it has a security lock. Mind you, we go into work after all the doctors and those types are long gone, so it's just us in the building and a security guard until about 9:30 when he leaves. Then, the boss sometimes stops in, but other than that we have the hospital to ourselves.

The next day I found out that he got fired because the boss walked in on him huffing a nitrous tank. The boss had him arrested!
_________________
Treeweaver's new demo EP Aradia is now available!
Official Treeweaver Facebook Page
I SPREAD DISEASE LIKE A DOG, DISCHARGE MY PAYLOOOOAD
A MILE HIGH ROTTEN EGG AIR OF DEATH, ASSAULTS YOUR NOSTRILS!

Top
 Profile  
mayonesa
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2013 10:10 pm
Posts: 104
PostPosted: Wed Sep 18, 2013 10:19 am 
 

Turner wrote:
- snobbish as it sounds, for every idiot that dribbles their way through a degree at my uni, the quality of my own goes down. i worked hard for it, and it's a shitty thought that the uni is determined to lower the worth of something i really tried for and achieved at in the name of mindless expansion.


This is probably a bigger risk than you think. If your university gets tagged as dumbshit fodder, no one's going to look at your degree as anything but a + sign next to your high school diploma.

Top
 Profile  
caspian
Wanderer of the Wastes

Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:29 pm
Posts: 6119
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Wed Sep 18, 2013 10:24 am 
 

Turner wrote:
but without digging it up i'll just recount my favourite story: one day i had to relay a call from a deaf girl to her boyfriend. she typed into the machine, i read out what she said and typed his replies back to her, word for word. they had phone sex. it got hot and steamy. i had phone sex with a man. in my most deadpan bogan accent.
.


brilliant story, I laughed a lot, I'm imagining gay phone sex with two guys with a heavy queenslander accent :) :thumbsup:
_________________
http://www.pozible.com/project/177604 <-- got a crowdfunder thing going for an album I'm doing. Pre-order something!

Top
 Profile  
Cinerary
Fuckin' killed a guy

Joined: Thu Aug 22, 2002 10:52 pm
Posts: 1406
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Sep 18, 2013 1:00 pm 
 

OK, so there was this guy who used to come into the porn shop on a daily basis to use the jerk-off booths. The booth were upstairs, the store downstairs. The time of day he came to the shop changed quite a bit, but still, shit was like clockwork. Nice guy. Older white guy, I'd say around 55ish, always wore a T-shirt, always had dried up paint on it. We put 2 and 2 together and guessed he was a painter (a genius lot, we were) and drove a blue minivan.

One day, we get a phone call from a woman.

"Can you do me a favor? Can you check to see if my husband is in your shop?"
"Yeah, no. Sorry, we can't invade our costumers privacy."
"You're a porn shop! All the sudden you have morals?"
"Uh, yeah. Goodbye."

About a week later, different time, different employee. Phone rings.

"Hi, I was wondering if you can check your parking lot and tell me if you see a blue minivan, license plate (blah, blah), I'm looking for my husband."
"Sorry, ma'am but we're not allowed to do that."
"Look, woman to woman, I'm looking for my husband. I'm at home, his newborn daughter won't stop crying, I'm stressed beyond belief and I know he's spending his time there."
"Sorry, we can't help you."

As you can tell, we weren't allowed to say a thing. Privacy is extremely important at that kinda place so we just had to keep telling her the same spiel when we knew the dude was upstairs, in a booth, jackin' it to interracial gay porn (we had a room with a TV that let us see what a specific booth was watching) but again, we couldn't say anything.

About two weeks later, he's in again.

Another phone call.

"Hi, I'm wandering if you can look outside and let me know if you see my husbands blue minivan."
"Oh, you. Again, sorry but we really can't devulge that information."
"I know he's there."
"Ok, well, have a good night."

About 20 minutes later. As I'm sitting by the register helping some women test out a vibrator (nose test. Ladies love the nose test!) I see a car park awkwardly outside the door on the camera. The door flings open. A woman walks through, not paying anyone any mind. This chick is on a mission. She's about late 40's, almost completely gray. Just like life beat the woman with a spiked fuck you stick. She storms passed the counter, giving me a slight look as she storms up the stairs.

Oh, shit. Shits about to go down.

So, I jump up and follow behind her about 20 steps behind, not to stop her or anything but because well, entertainment.

She storms passed the girl perched behind the money register (to give the guys the money to jerk it) and makes her way into the Maze of the Unborn (that's what he we called it) and slams on the first door. "Kevin!" Not there. Next door. "Kevin! Get the fuck out here right now!" Not there. "Kevin! If you and your little dick don't come out here right now, were getting a divorce and I promise you, you'll never see your daughter again!" As she is saying this she's slamming on various doors causing guys to leave. I'm torn. This is fucked up and I'm losing business, but it's also really, really funny. She gets to door number 6 and she goes to slam on it, the door pops open. Voilà, Kevin appears. Not out of thin air mind you, but that was his booth. As she sees him, her eyes widen.

"You piece of fuck!"

I'm trying really hard not to laugh by the point, but...

When he sees his wife, he quickly tries to clean himself up but she reaches out like the chick at the end of The Ring stepping out of the TV and grabs on to his dick. "Baby, please.."

She proceeds to drag this guy, by the dick, pants and underwear still around the ankles, down 2 flights of stairs. About half way down, he struggles a bit, trying to lift up his pants but trips falling down about 4 stairs all the while little Kev is still in the middle of a deathgrip. He finally gets his pants up as she pulls him through the shop (which was quite busy) and into the car.

We never saw him again.

We don't know what ever happened to Kevin or his batshit awesomely crazy wife (or their daughter for that matter) but it still makes for a funny ass story.
_________________
I'm a fluke in the world.

Top
 Profile  
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Reply to topic Go to page 1, 2  Next


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: BarryLamarBonds, HellBlazer, Nochielo, StainedClass95 and 11 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

 
Jump to:  

Back to the Encyclopaedia Metallum


Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group