Yeah, that's what I'm looking for. Anyone have any such bands?

EDIT: Topic fixed.

Go to the main site and search music genre "extreme gothic".
http://metal-archives.com/search.php?string=extreme+gothic&type=genre

^Ignore that.

Could you be a bit more specific about what you're looking for? Do you want stuff with a strong black metal influences? What about stuff with doom influences?

Anyway, try Tristania's second album, very melodic but also quite aggressive, uses growls, clean male vocals and operatic female vocals.
MA Page: http://www.metal-archives.com/release.php?id=424
Sample: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlvagChFNdA

I could give you some more recs once you specify what kind of sound you want, as gothic metal happens to be my only area of expertise, sadly.

I know I sounded a bit rude, but the OP wasn't quite specific, so I showed him what I did when I was just looking for extreme gothic metal. No offense was meant.

Yeah I get what you were trying to do, it wasn't a bad idea at all, just not the best way to for the OP to find what he's looking for, since it won't turn up extreme gothic metal that hasn't been tagged as such, or stuff like black/gothic, etc. Sorry for my rude reply.

You both provided good advice nonetheless. To answer Hades (I can't rmember the first part of your username), something like Moonspell when they use dual vocals, could be closer to their older days, or to they newest days. Nothing from in the middle though. And something like Cradle of Filths newer works (I'm thinking Nymphetamine).