Anyone knowledgeable on the whole garage rock thing that might be able to point me in the right direction? I don't really have any bands to base this request from, as I'm sort of just working on fantasy here. I guess what I'm after would be a garage rock (or garage punk, whatever) band who has seen it fit to push the levels of abrasiveness to the absolute maximum, while still being able to clearly define the music as "rock and roll".

Bonus points if the band is Japanese. For some reason in my head there is this seething movement bubbling under the surface of psychotic Japanese kids dressed like greasers who play unbelievably aggressive garage rock. Something like Guitar Wolf crossed with Disclose (the Jap d-beat, distortion-worship group).

there's plenty of raw bm that fits that bill. try bone awl.

Yeah, I've heard a bit of Bone Awl and although I do enjoy their stuff to a point its not really what I'm after here. The only thing I want to even remotely resemble metal is the distortion drenched guitar tone. I've been looking around for this kind of stuff all day and it just doesn't look like I'm going to have much luck. Guess I need to learn how to play a fucking instrument and fill the gap...

Perhaps try some Crust punk? Amebix, Disrupt, Extreme Noise Terror, and Wolfbrigade could be places to look. There are varying degrees of punk, metal, and grind influences on those, but it might be close to what you're looking for.

Fuck, I can't think of anything that can top Guitar Wolf. I'm sure you already know Boris; if not "Akuma No Uta" is their most MC5-maxed-out-in-the-red record. Maybe just go old school with some Link Wray, The Sonics, Hound Dog Taylor cranked to 11...

I was going to suggest Disclose but then . I would recommend Lebenden Toten's Near Dark and Lotus Fucker's Answer = Bloodwashed Noise demo. Both are nosiy and crazy as fuck. Neither are Japanese bands, though the former is influenced by Japanese groups. No details on their last.fm page but you can probably tell when you hear them.

Both those are bands are rather obscure, so if you can't find 'em on Soulseek, then I can upload those albums for you if you want.

Not Jap, but:
New Bomb Turks
...their early stuff. Especially "Destroy-Oh-Boy!" and secondly "Information Highway Revisited" rule

After '96 they became too polished though

Two recs, maybe a bit more on the grind side, but if everyone is throwing out crust/grind, im pretty surprised that no-one has thrown out:

Unholy Grave (jpn) - http://www.myspace.com/crosia213

Again, going on the crust/punk/grind tangent, I'd also highly reccommend you check out Pathetic Human. Killer band that meshes together punk/crust/grind/powerviolence/rock influences, and come out sounding pretty fresh and original, but sound dirty as hell.
http://www.myspace.com/pathetichuman

Uh, check out also (more-so crust based, but d-beats/punk ethic/garage sounding aplenty!):

Pisschrist - http://www.myspace.com/dbeatholocaust
Cut Sick - http://www.myspace.com/cutsick08
Straightjacket Nation - http://www.myspace.com/straightjacketnation

Overall, nothing that sounds as 'rocky' as Guitar Wolf, but you may find something appealing in there

Thanks for all the input guys. I never quite found what I was looking for but I did get a healthy appreciation for some classics in the process. I appreciate the crust recs as I'm really into crust punk but thats certainly not what I'm looking for. I've heard Unholy Graves a few times on last.fm and I've checked out Pisschrist based on the amazing name. I'll have to check out the others.

Try Teengenerate (jpn) not sure though if it is what you looking for,
been ages since i heard them iirc was some noisy sloppy garage affair

good garage/punk bands that comes to mind are
Devil Dogs
Supersuckers
Man or Astroman
but they have a "cleaner" sound than what you look for.

Zeke its a hardcore punk rock n roll band quite fast and loud but not sure if they are as extreme as whatever is that you have in mind but worth to give them a try if you dont know them already