I hope you corrected that with *LSD

I may have mentioned this before, but back in the late 80s, my dad made a honest attempt at buying me some music for Christmas, and gave me an album of some weird techno (by 80s standards, of course). He had gone to a music store and asked for something that "sounds like a cargo ship being bolted together."

There was much rejoicing and muffled laughter.

The obvious question: did that techno actually sound anything like the workings of a shipwright?

Not really. There was nothing like that available in the music stores of rural Finland back then. But it was painfully bad.

Fair enough. At least he made an effort. I usually have to give my parents a list of bands I like (a long list indeed) to prevent them from becoming confused and frightened when they enter the metal section 'round Christmas time.

JayJay, on Ildjarn - "It's just like modern art where they make out like its something really artistic but it's just shit"

"I'm fine with your Megadeth, Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath shit, but this is socially unacceptable, why the fuck don't you listen to music that everybody else in this damn world listens to?" My mom as she walked into my room while i was blasting, Sadistic Abductive - Braindrill.

Because your mum sounds like a bitch is why!

Classmate, after hearing Hail of Bullets: "WOW.......wow......so...you're actually supposed to listen to such a thing?"

And then a little later when the subject got brought up again.

"I mean I like the occasional Metallica song and it's just personal taste and all I guess but that sounded like a series of car crashes complete with agonized screaming"

If she was a guy I would have replied with "you sound just like my grandma!" like I usually do.
But she was kinda hot so we talked about other music.

Well, she'd be right! :headbang::headbang:

You traitor! You should have forcibly made her leave the hall... Uh, you were in a hall at the time, weren't you?

Settle Beast, the Manowarian Manly Metal Code prohibits the use of Hall Leaving Shouts in the presence of attractive, able bodied women under the age of thirty.

Ah, but we've yet to be sure she was under thirty! She may have just been a particularly cradle-robbing sort of lady!

Cougars are also allowed under the MMMC.

Perhaps he could seduce her, and then when the deed is done he can lock her in a room and blast Hail of Bullets til she damn well likes it.

"Eww... that song is the bane of my existence."-a friend referring to a song by Emmure.
"Eric, do you listen to anything with... what's it called? Oh yeah, melody!" -my dad referring to Old Man's Child.

Also, another I had forgotten. I was in my seven o'clock economics class blasting some Bloodbath into my headphones. I turn around and the headphones pull out of the computer, blasting the song LOUD. My econ teacher just gives me a horrified look and says, "Well, now we know what Eric listens to."
Similar horrified reactions resonated through the room.

I was listening to Drudkh:s Enstrangement and there was a guitar solo going from Skies at Our Feet or from Where Horizons End. My dad came to ask if it is Buckethead(i had listened it quite much in few days before that). Even if there are some similarities in the solos i still found it kinda funny.

Then there is ofc this "OH PUT THAT HORRIBLE MUSIC OFF!!!" kinda stuff that my older little sister for example used to say a lot when she was temporary living with me. I guess she didnt find Arckanum's Kostogher to be same kind of hypnotising and beautiful nature music as I view it.

Thats like very understandable, but for some reason our musical tastes almost complitely crash, even stuff like Kashiwa Daisuke(very beautiful piano and strings stuff with some electronics) sounds "depressing" to her and i really think thats one of the most beautiful sounds ever created... Ok its bit "sad" but cmon! And Ulver's Kveldssanger is also out of question etc. but her best friend(my friends little sister) totally fell in love into MONO(japanese post rock).


But the most epic thing that comes to mind is when Gallhammer came to Finland about one and half years ago. I asked in one forum if im the only one going there and some dude answered:

"Wouldnt be very surprised. Didnt like it at all even if i listen black metal. Now my little brother is seeing nighmares about "troll girls" as i showed him a video of Gallhammer from youtube.

But is anyone going to see dimmu?"

Oh god i laughed! troll girls FTW!

"Sounds like the Duracell Bunny" -friend on Dragonforce
"Is your cd-player broken?" -another friend on Hellhammer

Worst I've gotten is my mom telling me that Symbolic was too complicated and that Strapping Young Lad gave her a headache.

Oh and there's that time I was branded a satanist by this girl at school because I listened to Metallica.

Hopefully I'll have some great stories this summer when I try to visit my dad. Last time I saw him was when I was in middle school, I wonder how he and his immediate family will react to Vader and Devourment?

Consider it done, if it doesn't work our relation has no future anyway.

I didn´t read the whole thread, but I remembered a funny situation:


Once i was in my room, listening to Exodus´ Tempo of The Damned (the song), when my father comes in and says: "this guy sounds like his balls are getting crushed by pliers or something"

And, once I was listening to Metallica´s 2 x 4 (yes, i DO like Load), and my father (again) says:

- Cool, what is this blues band?
- It´s Metallica, dad.
- Never heard of it.
- Of course, since it is (was, whatever) metal.
- Well, I think they´re playing blues now. *ironic smile*


Too bad...

Doesn't sound like what I would call knowing "too much"about metal...just sounds like the average poser who wants to look they know dick all about the genre by spewing out random facts that are generally common knowledge to all metalheads just to seem like they know something about the genre I agree with The Beast, no such thing as knowing too much about metal, but knowing about the genre doesn't equate "Varg totally killed Euro, dude! He stabbed him like 22 times! hur hur!"

Since they've come up again, I'm going to have to mention another Manowar versus my mum scenario. I was blasting 'Thor (The Powerhead)' and my mother mis-heard the lyrics and went "And asked Odin for a fight? Oh, this is so your sort of music!" I couldn't really respond as I was too amused by the fact that Manowar were a band so mighty that in their 80s heyday they took on Norse gods.

A dumbass kid at my school- "Your taste in metal is just shitty. You like that garbage like Amon Amarth and other black metal shit. You need to find real metal like August Burns Red and Parkway Drive."
I literally almost vomited after this statement.

Mother: "They all sound exactly the same to me." (On me listening to Necrophagist followed by Candlemass.)

Me: "Come on, mom." (I put Unexpect instead.)

Mother: "Hey, was that tango?"

Me: "Uh, yeah."

Another subsequent conversation:
Mother: "They all sound exactly the same to me. Except those Unexpect dudes. They are awesome!"

Me: (laughing histerically, in the floor while speaking gibberish like a mad man)

Did you know Abbath runs a daycare centre as a day job?

pretty much eveyone at my school thinks that all metal = screamo.

but then again, half the school listens to country, and the other half listenes to top 40 shit, so yeah :/

When i was listening to Bloodbath (i think) my cousin walked to the room and said "I bet you get beat up a lot for listening to this stuff" and the worse part was,that he was serious

This is called namedropping, and seems to be spewed forth mostly by people who only discovered metal two years ago or less and suddenly consider themselves veterans of the scene. Odds are, they don't even actually closely listen to very much metal and it's probably all for show (to impress other people with their esoteric knowledge). You have my permission to bitchslap these people.

I know it was a punk beat. My friend had never heard any thrash bands other than Metallica before that. 90s Metallica.

EDITED

Y'now, come to think of it, growing up in the '80s was really quite easy musically 'cause there weren't four thousand genres floating around and emo, screamo, and nu-metal didn't exist. I think the worst we had to deal with was whether something was too hard rock, or too punk, or if anyone really liked funk metal.

Anyway, when I was 16 in the lovely summer of '86, I went on vacation with a friend's family. We went to a semi-local record store at the 'big' mall on Long Beach Island. Mostly commercial stuff, and anything that was any good I already had. After awhile and just 'cause I was bored, I asked the clerk (mid-20s guy) if he had any underground metal, and he actually kinda looked around uneasily as if I asked him if I knew where I could get drugs. He brings out five or six cassettes from the back room and explains the manager was nervous about putting them out.

Around '87, we had a pretty cool art teacher who let us listen to music on Fridays. Every table got a turn, so each person got to choose songs they wanted to hear - usually yer latest Top 40 commercial drivel. Needless to say, the class wasn't looking forward to my day. One kid sat with me and I think he liked The Police and Stray Cats, which I could live with. Well, he was absent that day, and with a collective groan and a smirk on my lips I strode up to the tape player with a mixed tape - got through about half of Destruction's "Total Desaster" (and half of that was the intro) before they'd had enough. If I recall, the most colorful comment was "the singer sounds like a cat being skinned alive". Of course I argued that I had to sit through everyone else's bubble gum garbage. I lost that argument - big surprise.

Wood shop was fun 'cause my music got referenced with every machine in the place - "Dave's music sounds like..." the belt sander, the table saw, band saw, glaive, someone just having a hard time hand-sawing through a piece of wood. One kid drew an upsidedown cross with stain on the band saw and threw up the goat horns while running some wood through it. Some of it you have to laugh at.

And in case you were wondering, some of the tapes at the store were Celtic Frost's Morbid Tales, Slayer's Show No Mercy and Hell Awaits and two others I can't recall. The sixth one was the just-released Kreator - Pleasure to Kill, which I gave a home. It returned the favor by blowing me off my lawnchair when I got it back to the house, a memory that holds a jeweled scepter in my head.

rotfl. sir, you are my hero.

i hate it when people ask what you're listening to and you reply metal, and they say, "oh metal. like metallica." noobs

Well, my friend has gotten this idea that I'm gonna be a serial killer after hearing Slayer or early Bloodbath.

Or this funny incident with a family dinner: I'm wearing my Slayer t-shirt, and music somehow comes into the discussion (bouth my cousins who were there and my elder brother are big fans of Metallica - I'm the only one I know who likes really heavy stuff such as real thrash and death/black metal). Anyway, so, we talk about music, and my uncle asks what "Slayer" means, then takes a guess at "mass murderer". Me partially a comedian kinda guy and partially not really understanding his question; "uh, no, it's more like... uh, how to say... ah, yeah. No, it's more like... butcher, really". Everyone else, besides my brother, sister and parents, who are used to me listening to it, are in shock.

Or the always funny, never forgotten thing that happened some time ago, here goes the story...

Several people in my school class are more or less christian. I had recently discovered Morbid Angel, and really enjoyed it. So, one morning, I'm the last one in class to enter, even though the teacher isn't there yet. Chapel of Ghouls is on, and there's the more-or-less christian classmates. I come in with my headphones in my ears, and what do I shout?

DEAD! YOUR GOD IS DEAD! FOOLS, YOUR GOD IS DEAD!

That's more a lack of comments and more... shocked, silent faces.

Or this one - listening on Slayer's Necrophobic fairly loud, and dad, who still is rather tolerant to my music, hears the riff, and says: "you know, it's just to take out the disc and clean it, and it'll sound like it should!" (listen to the entire song and you'll find the one, particular riff).

I often talk to my poser metalcore brother about what is real metal and what is not, here are some of his quotes

"Blind guardian is too poppy to be metal"
"underground bands are not popular because they have no talent mainstream bands are popular cause they have talent"
"slipknot is real metal"
"trivium is the text book definition of real metal"
"all the bands you listen to are a rip off of iron maiden and metallica" (i listen to doom, death, thrash, power and black metal)
"all the genres of metal before metalcore where just leading up to the shining achievement that is metalcore"
"i dont see why avenged sevenfold isn't real metal"
"the only real thrash bands are metallica and megadeth

quotes from my poser friend:

while listening to blind guardian "JAMES! u listen to glam?"

after showing him an Extreme Progressive Metal band, theater of the absurd "yea this is good, it sounds like any other new york trash band like biohazard" ( i think he meant new york hardcore but idk, and he always calls thrash, trash)

after asking him what genre Green Carnation is "uh, beautiful sounds of the ocean"

Me, to my Christian roommate whose listening consists mostly of top 40's:
"Hey, you wanna hear some Embryonic Devourment or Rotting Christ?"
Him: I like being able to sleep at night.

Some guy who thought he was clever after he saw on my zune that I was listening to Origin. "Who names their band after (0,0) on the Cartesian-coordinate system?" Which was followed by pig-snorting laughter...

And everyone here seems to have one of these stories, but... I had my dorm door open and was blaring Stormlord's Mare Nostrum. Some random girl walks by and says "eww...screamo." To which I responded by turning the volume up, and juxtaposing Behemoth with the swedish gods of metal (ABBA) on a separate set of speakers.

If anyone wants to know the songs used, they were "Of Sephirotic Transformation and Carnality" + "Knowing me, Knowing you."

I used to love going to parties and wait until the tape ran out and then sneak in one of my tapes. It would usually end ugly after half of a song...there'd be bitching and moaning before it was ejected.

I would get my revenge when people needed a ride. Then they'd be forced to listen to my music.

I left my MP3 on in my room one day and my mum came in to say "Fintan, I think your speakers are broken"

Also with my mother: she once told me she used to dance in discos to Black Sabbath songs. 10 minutes later I put on "Lord of this World" and she tells me to turn the crap down for a few minutes.

Hehe, my friend and I pulled that at a party once, with similar results. The sad thing was, it was only Kamelot and Dragonforce...

And as for the car thing: My 3 friends and I are taking a trip to the Ozarks for spring break, which will involve a ten hour drive. My friend Joe said "Luke, we'll probably have to take your car" (as mine is best equipped to handle that terrain), and I felt slightly compelled to laugh maniacally. (As also in that car will be Ross, who I mentioned earlier, and Joe's girlfriend, who's musical tastes are bluegrass and hippie stuff.)

Still, I'm feeling pretty nice-perhaps I'll relent this time.

(That was meant tongue-in-cheek, by the way, I really don't care that much.)

Here's a good one:
I showed one of my friends The Faceless.
In response he says: "Hey, I listen to death metal too! Have you ever heard of Atreyu?"

I work at a video store, and I use a computer to keep track of all the videos, so I go online on Vibrations of Doom to get some music going, as the store is lucky if it gets more than 5 customers a day. I was checking out Vulcano's first album and Dominions of Death was playing. Keep in mind that the volume was pretty low. A friend of my dads came in, got a dvd, and left.

The next day as my dad dropped me off at work, he said that his friend (the dude mentioned above), left the store the other day in a state of shock, and told my parents that I need to be talked to...

Pretty silly stuff, especially considering I wasn't trying to let him hear the song. Well, what can we expect?